Waiter Rant » Blog Archive » The formula is excellent tonight, sir.

The formula is excellent tonight, sir.

April 30th, 2008 by Waiter

Waiter Nephew! He came at 3:45AM. 8 pounds, 7 ounces and 21 inches long. Mother, baby, and wiped out father are doing well!

Posted in Uncategorized 129 Comments »

129 Responses to “The formula is excellent tonight, sir.”

gnet wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:15 pm :

congratulations!!!
gnet wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:16 pm :

can’t believe i’m first! hurrah! again, congratulations to the whole family!
Amanda wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:21 pm :

You MUST mean “wiped out mother” right? Congrats!! He’s a handsome little munchkin.

P.S. I just started reading your blog about 2 months ago. Finally just caught up on all your archives, spending every stolen minute at work devouring each entry. I think I’m in love with you Waiter. Or, at least, the version of you that I’ve created in my head. De-lish…
Jones wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:32 pm :

Big congratulations Waiter!

I’ve been an uncle for 5 years now, and it’s alot of fun.

Our first baby showed up at Christmas, and my brother-in-law was stoked about being an uncle for the first time, too.

There’s something about the ‘uncle’ thing that means you just get to be fun, without worrying about being a responsible adult. I’ve discovered that you only need to reserve that crap for your own kids.
fran wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:33 pm :

congratulations Uncle Waiter. You have a handsome nephew.
Heather wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:37 pm :

Wiped out mother is more like it! Having given birth twice in less than two years and expecting to do it again in December, I know whereof I speak.

Congrats.
Merry wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:38 pm :

Congratulations!!
Jennifer wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:39 pm :

Congratulations uncle Waiter!
Becky wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:49 pm :

Awww! Beautiful! Congrats!
mp wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:53 pm :

Congrats to the extended Waiter family!!
Miri wrote on 04/30/08 at 12:53 pm :

Congratulations! Great looking kid!
Delilah wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:07 pm :

Congratulations Uncle Waiter! He’s a cute kid.
Fawn wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:08 pm :

What a beautiful baby! Congratulations to you and the parents!
Dr. Electro wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:08 pm :

Congratulations to all. Expecially the baby! Of course at this stage of life he still looks like Winston Churchill but that will change. Hopefully this one won’t run around the tables for a living. (Just kidding!)
Dr. Electro wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:11 pm :

Oops. Forgot to brag about my uncleship. I have been Uncle for 32 years!
Jay wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:15 pm :

Congrats. I will never have a Niece or a Nephew, seeing as my one brother and one sister both decided to remove themselves from the breeding pool.
saucygrrl wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:17 pm :

Ohmygod! What a seriously adorable baby! Congratulations Waiter & family!!
echo wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:29 pm :

Congrats Uncle Waiter ! May today be the first day of a lifetime spent showering your nephew with love, friendship, advice, and all the “fun” presents that cause parents to cringe. Just don’t forget to include batteries if the toys require them – the heavy duty ones, that make toys last a long time. Kids really appreciate it, even if their parents don’t.
Brea in Texas wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:33 pm :

How wonderful! Children are a blessing not just to their parents. Congrats, Uncle Waiter!!

~Brea
Tara wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:35 pm :

Congrats! What a handsome fella.
Sha wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:45 pm :

Gorgeous!
MelC wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:48 pm :

Congrats on a real cutie pie of a nephew!!!
tiarosa wrote on 04/30/08 at 1:59 pm :

The formula is excellent, but May I recommend Mom’s Special Reserve. Always fresh.

Congratulations, Waiter. He’s beautiful.
Pokerwolf wrote on 04/30/08 at 2:00 pm :

Congrats to the Waiter Family!

Great news!
JT wrote on 04/30/08 at 2:01 pm :

Yay, and congrats to the whole wiped out family!
anonanon wrote on 04/30/08 at 2:33 pm :

Congratulations, Waiter!
He’s so beautiful.
I’m so happy for you and your family!
Evonne wrote on 04/30/08 at 2:36 pm :

Aw, cutie pie!
May he go to college.
Ava wrote on 04/30/08 at 2:43 pm :

Le Petit Pois!

Couldn’t you just eat him all up?

Congratulations!
Michelle S. wrote on 04/30/08 at 2:45 pm :

Congratulations, Uncle Waiter! You can teach him that stare thing you do….
Bob Dobbs wrote on 04/30/08 at 2:51 pm :

Congratulations, Uncle Waiter!
Carroll wrote on 04/30/08 at 2:53 pm :

Clearly good genes run in the family. Congratulations, Waiter! Many happy smiles for you all
Charlotte wrote on 04/30/08 at 3:09 pm :

Congrats on the newest member of the family! He’s adorable!
When he gets old enough, teach him that thousand mile stare.
Brett wrote on 04/30/08 at 3:16 pm :

Cool, congratulations!
joyceinohio wrote on 04/30/08 at 3:23 pm :

welcome to the world waiter nephew! we’re so glad you’ve joined us tonight! congrats to the wiped out parents. i’ve been the “fun” aunt for 20 plus years, you’ll love being an uncle, it’s great.
The Restaurant Blogger wrote on 04/30/08 at 3:32 pm :

Congratulations Waiter and to the rest of the family.
Food Service Ninja wrote on 04/30/08 at 3:33 pm :

congrats to the proud parents

you realize anytime your off you are now up BABY SITTER duty
Nikki wrote on 04/30/08 at 3:34 pm :

What a handsome young man…

Congratulations! You will love being an uncle. I have been a proud aunt to a nephew for 5 years now and he is absolutely my pride and joy. And, best of all, he goes home when he gets whiny!
LW wrote on 04/30/08 at 3:52 pm :

I think you mean wiped out mother!
Shanna wrote on 04/30/08 at 4:00 pm :

Awwwww, congratulations!!!!
Erin N wrote on 04/30/08 at 4:06 pm :

What a handsome guy! I love those cheeks!
manuel wrote on 04/30/08 at 4:32 pm :

Congrats…..!
The Waitress wrote on 04/30/08 at 4:38 pm :

Congratulations, Uncle Waiter! He’s an absolute cutie-pie.
Vic wrote on 04/30/08 at 4:41 pm :

Congrats!!! Beautiful baby – and I am positive you meant wiped out mom
Patti wrote on 04/30/08 at 4:58 pm :

Aw, So beautiful. Don’t forget to kiss the back of his sweet little neck.
Waiter wrote on 04/30/08 at 5:26 pm :

No, the dad, my brother, is wiped out! 36 hours with little or no sleep.
Catie wrote on 04/30/08 at 6:17 pm :

Uncle Waiter!!! Congratulations! I have three nephews myself, and I’m pretty sure nephew-hugs are the best things ever.
Beth wrote on 04/30/08 at 6:19 pm :

Congrats, Waiter!

I expect the MOTHER would be the one really wiped out. How many hours of labor (plus the nine months of carrying the baby in the first place), giving birth, etc?
Eccentric wrote on 04/30/08 at 6:26 pm :

Congrats to them–I wish them all the best!
Wende wrote on 04/30/08 at 6:26 pm :

Congratulations, Waiter! I’ll bet he’s the most beautiful baby you’ve ever laid eyes on.

My sister just gave birth to my first nephew this past Saturday, and I am astonished at how much I loved him at first sight.
Stephani wrote on 04/30/08 at 6:47 pm :

Awww…he’s gorgeous! Have a wonderful time bonding with him and spoiling him rotten! Congrats to All of you!!!
Christy wrote on 04/30/08 at 7:10 pm :

The “formula”????

Booo! What about Mama’s milk or are her boobies broken?

Cute kid, he’d be a lot healthier, smarter & happier with human milk.
Wen wrote on 04/30/08 at 7:22 pm :

Welcome to Uncledom, Waiter!!

I have just spent the last few weeks ignoring my work to read every last one of your entries (alllll of them because they were interesting). It was worth it. The book is next on the list of things to do

Train him well
Rusty wrote on 04/30/08 at 7:24 pm :

Awwwwwwwwwwww! Congrats Uncle Waiter. I sure hope he doesn’t grow up to be a spoiled, self-entitled yuppie though.
Anonymous wrote on 04/30/08 at 7:34 pm :

Congratulations, Waiter and family. I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now and it’s been an amazing ride. Kudos to you for your book, as well.

To “Christy” above, please do not turn this happy occasion into a preacher’s pulpit. We all know the benefits of mother’s milk. However, yes, some people’s “boobies are broken”. Or perhaps it is her personal choice. Or perhaps it was simply a witty Waiter-quip (which I find much more likely the case. I doubt he has quizzed the mother on the usage of her breasts.).Regardless, this is neither the place nor time.
Shameless Advertising wrote on 04/30/08 at 7:41 pm :

Seriously Waiter, a post like this is not like you. First time you’ve posted a pic. Shameless Advertising, anyone?

Book release is a comin’!
Megan wrote on 04/30/08 at 7:48 pm :

What a beautiful bundle of joy! Congrats to mommy, daddy and uncle
Christy wrote on 04/30/08 at 7:56 pm :

To “anonymous”…(how’d you come up with that one?)

It is always the place and time to point out that artificial milk is inferior, for I firmly believe that it is every human baby’s right to have human milk.

I’m hopeful that waiter was just trying to come up with a catchy title, but one can never be sure.

I highly doubt that my comment will make this special time any less happy.
thy wrote on 04/30/08 at 8:07 pm :

Congrats.

That’s a superb head of hair.
Leigh Ann wrote on 04/30/08 at 9:07 pm :

That is one beautiful baby!!
Catharine wrote on 04/30/08 at 9:26 pm :

Oh, he’s a big tipper. I can already tell. ~C~
Laura from Fargo wrote on 04/30/08 at 9:32 pm :

Hooray for the Waiter Nephew’s arrival!! You should get your sister a Moby Wrap, man. They’re the coolest baby carrier EVER … http://www.twopeaspod.com. Happy Uncling!
Nichole wrote on 04/30/08 at 10:02 pm :

Congrats waiter! He is beautiful!

And to christy, I agree w/ anonymous, please leave your holier then thou, thoughtless comments to yourself. Some of us mommys can’t breast feed. That doesent make you or your baby any better then mine!
Faithy wrote on 04/30/08 at 10:43 pm :

Congratulations Waiter!! He’s absolutely beautiful!!
Mull Nullordroll wrote on 04/30/08 at 10:50 pm :

I dont get it. Was this baby at your restaurant? What funny thing happened – did it spit up on you?
Dick Burntip wrote on 04/30/08 at 10:52 pm :

Hey Mull – Waiter just had a baby at the restaurant – duh! Cant you see the kitchen and other waiter in the background of the picture?

What the hell kind of name is Mull anyway? Canadian?
Bud Munchlip wrote on 04/30/08 at 10:56 pm :

Hey Dick – cant you and Mull get anything right? This is a picture of somebody’s uncle as a baby, and they probably brought the picture to Waiter’s restaurant. YOu guys sure are dumb. If Mull is Canadium, that explains it, but I am not sure about you.
Dick Burntip wrote on 04/30/08 at 10:57 pm :

Hey Bud – I’m Australian, and dont mess with me or my nationality. And I’m also an unccle to my brother’s wife. You’re probably one of those slow people.
Heather wrote on 04/30/08 at 10:58 pm :

Aww, waiter, You have a very cute nephew on your hands. I am an aunt to 2 beautiful girls myself (10 and 5 yrs), and I wouldn’t trade being an aunt for anything in the world. There is nothing like times when you haven’t seen them in a bit and they tackle you to the floor because they love you more than you knew anyone could. And you love them back just as much Look forward to the day when that little guy can do that . . . in the meantime you can just hold him and cuddle him.
Bud Munchlip wrote on 04/30/08 at 10:58 pm :

Dick: dont you even know what an unccle is? If you’re Australian, that explains everything, you guys having lost the big one (WW2).
Mull Nullordroll wrote on 04/30/08 at 11:02 pm :

Hey Bud, we Austalians didn’t lose WW2 you idiot, it was Austria which merged with Germany. And I dont think other Canadiums appreciate your insults. What would you say if somebody you didn’t like said something about Mexicans? They’re nice people but probably wouldn’t like you.
Molita! wrote on 04/30/08 at 11:08 pm :

THAT is one ADORABLE baby! Congratulations! I’m confident you will be a good uncle!
Elste wrote on 04/30/08 at 11:09 pm :

Bud – don’t you know your history? Australia,along with the other Allies, was on the winning team in WW2. And “uncle” has one “c”. And no, this is not a criticism of the people on the other team – my family are all immigrants from both teams.And no, I don’t think war is a sport…just in case anyone is choosing to be offended.

Cute baby!Make sure you give your brother and his partner a big hug.
thimbelle wrote on 04/30/08 at 11:45 pm :

What a fine, handsome little guy!

Congratulations!
Bud Munchlip wrote on 04/30/08 at 11:55 pm :

Hey Elste – I know my history thank you. I dont agree with you though – war is a team sport. One guy cannot win by himself – that is tennis. The world should know that Australia is a great open country for tennis too, not what guys like Dick and Woolly Fundrip say. And about Mull’s concern about Mexicans in Canada, I think Mexicans are fine people, regardless of if they’re in Canada or not.
Wooly Fundrip wrote on 04/30/08 at 11:57 pm :

Hey Bud, quit talking about me like that. I didn’t say anything about the Australian open. Dont think I’ve forgotten what you said about my Mexican friends either – everybody knows what kind of lunatic you are – Mexicans are race car fans too.
lennysgurl wrote on 05/1/08 at 12:58 am :

he is adorable…congrats…
sooz wrote on 05/1/08 at 1:58 am :

Congratulations!
tom wrote on 05/1/08 at 3:04 am :

such a cutie!!
Amberly wrote on 05/1/08 at 3:30 am :

How beautiful! The birth of a baby is such a joyous occassion. Congrats, waiter! And congrats to the parents. Don’t spoil him too rotten:)
Kim wrote on 05/1/08 at 4:34 am :

Aw Congrats!! He’s going to be spoiled rotten too cute!
Glenn wrote on 05/1/08 at 4:44 am :

Congrats Waiter….I know you will love being a uncle and spoiling the little guy well.
Jennifer wrote on 05/1/08 at 6:02 am :

He’s cute. And he shares my birthday
Patty wrote on 05/1/08 at 7:02 am :

“Wiped out father!” — What about the mother????
erazo wrote on 05/1/08 at 8:10 am :

ooh, how cute! congratulations, Waiter!
sadianne wrote on 05/1/08 at 8:23 am :

Congrats Uncle Waiter! Best wishes to the family.
Dee wrote on 05/1/08 at 8:32 am :

Some of the commenters in this thread are a bit nuts. This is about Waiter’s family and a lovely new arrival, not a chance to lash out at others.

Congratulations to you and your family, Waiter. No need to apologize for the title.

And though I don’t think it’s the right place to hold such a discussion, I do agree with Sharon. It’s great that mothers today, thanks to the technological advances of this day and age, can make choices about how to feed their babies.
Amanda wrote on 05/1/08 at 8:50 am :

Woot, congrats, Waiter!
Jenn wrote on 05/1/08 at 10:23 am :

Congratulations!

Psst… breast is best.
Heather wrote on 05/1/08 at 10:52 am :

I was born severly allergic to milk. The only thing I could have was soy milk, and in 1977, my parents had to pay ungodly prices for it. They would have much preferred to go natural just on the standpoint of cost benefit!
Marc wrote on 05/1/08 at 11:32 am :

I shall clear my throat and pronounce “Mozeltov!”
cw wrote on 05/1/08 at 11:48 am :

‘grats uncle waiter!

its your job to teach him the finer things in dining, drink, and how to worship your server!
Yvonne wrote on 05/1/08 at 12:42 pm :

I bet the Waiter will be entertained reading these comments.

Congrats!
SunSpotBaby wrote on 05/1/08 at 2:11 pm :

AWWWWWWWW!! The sweetest thing….

Does every hospital in the entire world have those same baby blankets in their maternity wards???
girlwiththemask wrote on 05/1/08 at 2:41 pm :

He is all…pink. And stuff.

Congrats!
chichiwawa wrote on 05/1/08 at 3:42 pm :

oh, my aching ovaries. . . .
so cute & precious.
ben wrote on 05/1/08 at 3:56 pm :

Congrats Waiter.
Now if only there were some software to manipulate that baby’s face to form a possible sketch of his uncle’s (the waiter’s) face!

Your cover may be blown waiter!
Anonymous wrote on 05/1/08 at 5:48 pm :

Congratulations to the cool uncle.
Anonymous wrote on 05/1/08 at 6:25 pm :

36 hours of sleeplessness for your brother? too bad so sad.

his partner was awake for just as long (likely longer) as the lower half of her body literally exploded. and five minutes later? she was expected to breastfeed the newcomer (whether she wanted to or not), and shortly thereafter was compelled to welcome visitors and exclaim about how blessed she feels when really her catheter is embarrassing and uncomfortable and she just wants to close her eyes for twelve seconds.

but wait! there’s the baby, crying for another nursing session! where’s daddy? oh right. visiting hours are over.

congrats to your brother, but dude, have some respect for the woman who grew, nurtured, and painfully delievered his baby!
Emery in Maui wrote on 05/1/08 at 6:35 pm :

Hey # 16, Jay; you could become an uncle anyhow, remember, accidents cause people!

and # 67: Uh, Australia vs the rest of us? The Aussie just said he was “unccle to his brother’s wife”. (Doesn’t he mean he’s from the southern part of the U.S of A.???) Or is he his own grandpa? I’m confused.

And Waiter; that baby is adorable; they say babies often look like their aunt or uncle, so that’s probably why he’s so cute. His mother and father should thank you. Er, um, hmmmm. Better let that one alone….
Katy wrote on 05/1/08 at 7:15 pm :

Is he getting an autographed copy of his Uncle’s book for a Welcome to the World present???
Metal Rat wrote on 05/1/08 at 7:41 pm :

Congrats!! He’s precious. I’m an aunt, and it’s a TON of fun! Enjoy.
Rachel wrote on 05/1/08 at 8:27 pm :

Congrats! I’m jealous, due any day now..come on baby! Labor can’t be as bad as 9 months of this!
Lisa wrote on 05/1/08 at 8:30 pm :

Awww! He’s a cutie, Waiter. Do you think he likes older women? I have a 3 week old niece who’s a knockout!
Lisa wrote on 05/1/08 at 8:37 pm :

Sorry – meant to say – Great Niece! Being an aunt to 2 grown nieces has been a blast! So much better than having my own! You get to do all the fun stuff and give ‘em back when you get tired or they get whiney!
Mona wrote on 05/2/08 at 12:46 am :

I’ve been an aunt since 24th Dec last year and I’ve just been to the naming ceremony of her, it’s wonderful – so congrats to all. Life is so wonderfully precious. I hope you enjoyed my easter present
Cassie wrote on 05/2/08 at 2:42 am :

Formula? Surely the waiter nephew deserves something a lot better than that!
KenC wrote on 05/2/08 at 3:30 am :

You will make a great uncle, look at your training.

Demanding,loud and insistent on your attention no matter if you are doing something else and that is just some of your customers so a baby will be a walk in the park.

What a wee sweetie !!!!
pj wrote on 05/2/08 at 7:21 am :

Ah! Children. The meaning of life.

On a paranoid note: hope the birth time and weight are not sufficient to identify waiter nephew from publicly available records.
Irina wrote on 05/2/08 at 8:15 am :

Go forth and Teach him, Waiter!!!
Congratulations
waiter fan wrote on 05/2/08 at 9:07 am :

Understandably father is wiped out, but come on waiter. That baby was carried in mother’s body for 9 months and then she had to birth that sucker! Talk about being wiped out.
BOSSY wrote on 05/2/08 at 9:48 am :

Congratulations. Serve milk at Room Temperature.
Shannon wrote on 05/2/08 at 11:55 am :

Congratulations on becoming a new Uncle!!

I’m sure mom was more wiped out than dad, but let’s not give her credit for her physical feat
Anonymous wrote on 05/2/08 at 1:06 pm :

congradulations !!!But why is the father wiped out the mother did the delivering !!!!
House6 wrote on 05/2/08 at 3:34 pm :

Congrats on the new baby in the family, aren’t they precious? Make sure you spoil the parents just a little, their life just got flipped upside down and Mom’s like presents too. For Dad try finding a copy of Bill Cosby’s “Fatherhood”, I found it one year at a second-hand store and all the Dads I’ve shared it with love the warning.

For Mom… I know you cook so maybe you could whip up some soups and sauces she can defrost easily for quick meals when she’s tired. A nice set of family-size servings of frozen spaghetti sauce is always welcome around here. All you have to do is reheat and eat.

Hugs and loves to the new nephew!
Anonymous wrote on 05/2/08 at 4:18 pm :

awww congrats Uncle Waiter!!! He already looks like a good tipper…
Anonymous wrote on 05/2/08 at 5:27 pm :

They’re all equal to me.
naptownwench wrote on 05/2/08 at 6:05 pm :

Awwww! Good for you guys. He’s storing away some nuts for the winter in those rosy little cheeks!
Doris wrote on 05/2/08 at 6:22 pm :

Right now I wish # 74 had all our Mexicans up in Canada.. I live in Texas . I like your blog. Cute kid too. You need to get married and have one.
kim wrote on 05/2/08 at 6:47 pm :

Congratulations, Uncle Waiter!
Cruella wrote on 05/3/08 at 12:08 pm :

Congratulations Waiter!
sue wrote on 05/3/08 at 8:27 pm :

he’s gorgeous…
Thunder wrote on 05/4/08 at 10:48 am :

He’s a cutie pie.

NOM NOM NOM!
Anonymous wrote on 05/5/08 at 10:34 pm :

Congratulations
Anonymous wrote on 05/8/08 at 7:50 am :

Thank goodness other posters jumped on this early.. I’ll add also:

Boo hoo for the “wiped out father”.

I’m sure mom is perky enough for a marathon.
Ursula wrote on 05/8/08 at 6:25 pm :

Ah, the waiter line continues!!!! Bravo!!! (What a cutie!)

Urs
anon wrote on 05/10/08 at 6:55 am :

Jerk off. I am quite SURE that 36 sleepless hours is FAR preferable to squeezing a baby out of ones body. You are an asswipe. Typical male.
Cali wrote on 05/15/08 at 7:30 am :

That wiped out father thing is really getting on my nerves…I’m sure he’s tired but nowhere near as tired as the mother. You should really fix that thing.
123 wrote on 05/16/08 at 8:10 pm :

you.are.the.man.waiter.
Milander wrote on 10/13/08 at 2:39 pm :

Many sincere congratulations to you and the family. To the people having a go at the “wiped out father” part, get a grip you obviously have never been a father, I have and while the woman is obviously doing all the work the father is the one panicking, running around organising friends and family, keeping on the phone and having to watch the love of his life go through quite a bit of pain and suffering, not a nice experience for the father. I’ve had 2 gorgeous kids and to be quite honest watching the 2nd come through was the worst even though I knew what to expect.

Always love your posts Waiter, keep up the good work.

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129 Responses to “The formula is excellent tonight, sir.”

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