1) You bring your own teabags.
2) You ask for separate checks after you’ve finished your meal.
3) You’re a foreigner who knows the customary tip in the US is 15% but feign ignorance so you can save a few bucks.
4) You bring your own appetizers. (Swear that happened to me once.)
5) You ask “What are the specials?” before your ass hits the chair.
6) After you’ve eaten all of your food you decide you don’t like it and demand a full refund.
7) You ask the waiter for ice, sugar, and lemon and make your own lemonade. (I’ve seen people make their own ice tea too!)
You request a list of the CD’s we’re playing on the house stereo.
9) You bring your dog or cat into the restaurant. (This isn’t France!)
10) You arrive on time but your friends are an hour late. You insist on being sat in the dining room but refuse to order anything more complicated than water with lemon and five baskets of bread.
11) You tell the waiter you’re allergic to something when you’re not.
12) You bring your cup of Starbucks coffee into the restaurant.
13) You have a $50 dollar gift certificate and a hundred dollar check. The waiter deducts the gift certificate from your total and you only tip the waiter on the remaining $50.
14) You tell the waiter you’re “in the business.”
15) You demand the best table on Saturday night even though you don’t have a reservation.
16) The check’s $100.01 and you split the check between two credit cards. You get the credit card slip for $50.01 and your friend gets the one for $50. He leaves a $7.50 tip and you leave one for $7.49.
17) You’re late for your reservation and don’t bother to call.
18) You make five reservations at five restaurants, pick one, and don’t bother to tell the others you’re canceling.
19) You’ve paid the check, you have your coats on, but you still won’t leave.
20) You get sat five minutes before closing and say “We don’t want to be rushed.”
21) You have sex in the restroom and don’t clean up after yourselves.
22) You let your sweet little children run rampant throughout the restaurant and think it’s “cute.”
23) You just walk in and sit down, ignoring the hostess.
24) You don’t tip the coat check girl.
25) You claim you’re “a friend of the owner.” So what? 5000 people are operating under a similar delusion.
26) You ask if we’ll open on Christmas just for you.
27) You say “Do you know who I am?”
28) You say “Do you know who I work for?”
29) You drunkenly ask the waiter if the Bangladeshi busboy is a terrorist.
30) You praise the waiter to high heaven but leave him 7%. (The Dreaded Verbal Tip!)
31) Even worse, you leave religious tracts instead of a tip.
32) You ask the waiter to fetch you a prostitute.
33) You take twenty minutes to complete the wine tasting ritual.
34) You ask for the “big glasses” when drinking house wine by the glass.
35) You tell the waiter “you’ll take care of him” and then leave him less than 15%.
36) You ask the waiter his or her name only so you can shout it when your martini’s running low.
37) You ask your waitress if her breasts are real.
38) You grab the waiter by the elbow when he or she walks by to get their attention.
39) You make the waiter recite the specials five times.
40) You get so drunk you vomit all over the table.
41) You hand the waiter a dirty diaper.
42) You want to haggle over the prices.
43) You ask the waiter “How old do I look?”
44) You get mad that there’s a split charge and refuse to pay it.
45) You leave a penny on the table. Go fuck yourself. It’s been done.
46) You ask for sushi at an Italian restaurant.
47) You ask for unreasonable substitutions. (Can I have au gratin potatoes instead of pasta?)
48) You’re so drunk you walk out with both credit card slips.
49) You lost your cell phone but insist the bus boys stole it.
50) You never say “please” or “thank you.”
Just like last time – if you have any other “asshole signs” leave them in the comments section.
donkeymon wrote on 04/12/08 at 2:44 am :
You spill something and don’t even make an effort to act like you want to clean it up, or even worse, just leave it like that for someone to slip and fall in.
narcalexi wrote on 04/12/08 at 7:19 am :
You snap your fingers to get server attention.
Anonymous wrote on 04/12/08 at 1:02 pm :
you call someone chief, or boss
Jono wrote on 04/13/08 at 8:29 am :
Thank you so much! That was great! The food was great, and the service was even better! (Not good enough to leave a tip, but just great none the less!) Don’t tell me show me! My Landlord doesn’t accept great as a form of payment you tight arse mother f@#$%r!
Rudy wrote on 04/13/08 at 3:14 pm :
When rude costumers 13 year old snaps fingers at you for a refill. Just makes me want to say your a load your mother sould have swallowed
Justin wrote on 04/15/08 at 1:01 am :
When customers refer to you, or something you have done, and you’re standing right there at their table. For example, Rude Woman would say to her husband, “well, the waiter said so and so and the waiter this and that”, when you are standing right there at their table. That is so rude.
Jamie wrote on 04/19/08 at 12:24 pm :
You take the menu and look at it. I check on you and you say come back in a bit. We repeat this process a couple of times. I give up and wait for the menus to hit the table. You don’t put down the menu or even look up but still expect me to telepathically know that you’re ready to order thirty minutes later.
Will wrote on 04/21/08 at 6:52 am :
When you say you’re ready to order (YES YOU ARE READY TO ORDER) but still not sure what you want. . . time is money lady, you’re not the only table i’m waiting on. . .
exmortisfangirl wrote on 05/9/08 at 8:55 pm :
You assume your waiter is like a greek slave and treat him like one….that including a bullwip and chains.
Kempeth wrote on 05/15/08 at 12:43 am :
16) The check’s $100.01 and you split the check between two credit cards. You get the credit card slip for $50.01 and your friend gets the one for $50. He leaves a $7.50 tip and you leave one for $7.49.
So you call someone an asshole over 0.15 cents? How nice…
Sara wrote on 05/15/08 at 11:02 pm :
You order something for carryout, then sit at a table to eat it, leaving your mess for the wait staff to clean up.
blondie wrote on 05/19/08 at 7:30 pm :
you have a table of ten and when your food you brought you ask for something and tell them thats all but when they bring it to you ask for something else…and continue until they came back and forth five times or more…and then only leave them $10 on a $80 check!!1
Punk'n wrote on 05/20/08 at 12:19 pm :
I ask you how you’re doing this evening and your reply is “Iced Tea”. REALLY?! Well, that’s an interesting mood, asshole!
You joke that “this will effect your tip!”. That’s not funny. EVER.
You argue with me about how much you drank when you see your tab. “I didn’t have 12 Long Island Iced Teas!” Really, Drunkie Drunk? I am sober and I don’t have the time or energy to figure out why it would be at all beneficial for me to add extra drinks to your tab.
You ask me what my mother says about my tiny nose stud. It’s 2008 and I’m 25 years old. She lives with it.
Darling Nikki wrote on 05/21/08 at 11:09 am :
@Kempeth
It’s not about the money–It’s the spirit of the whole thing.
You are going to be that fucking cheap? You are an asshole.
steph wrote on 05/23/08 at 1:58 pm :
You let your infant child, who has no nappy change, poop in our pot plant. I’m serious. The restaurant smelt like an open sewer for days.
I HATE PEOPLE.
JTS wrote on 06/2/08 at 1:14 pm :
You verbally dissect the wait staff as the only table in the place and with the entire staff no more than 10 feet away in any direction. (What can I say, it was a small place.)
Person wrote on 06/19/08 at 12:48 am :
You’re a bitchy server who makes a list of 50 things.
MTechnik wrote on 06/19/08 at 1:15 am :
Anyone that uses “garcon” needs to have a pitcher of ice tea spilled on them.
Chamale wrote on 06/27/08 at 6:36 pm :
A friend of mine is a waiter, and speaks fluent German. Some German tourists tried the “No English when it’s tipping time” trick. When he revealed that he spoke German, suddenly they didn’t speak that language either.
Chamale wrote on 06/27/08 at 6:40 pm :
Oh, post 18 reminds me of another. I saw a guy in a restaurant trying to impress his date by calling a waitress “Garcon”. I had to discreetly explain that it means “boy”. Not really an asshole thing to do, but still funny.
Jimmy Osbourne wrote on 06/29/08 at 11:15 am :
This is not bad when people make their own iced tea
jo wrote on 07/14/08 at 4:05 am :
Pretty sure every single one of these has happened to me! Always loved the religious tracts. If these are the kind of cheap bastards in heaven, I’ll be happier in hell.
Anonymous wrote on 07/21/08 at 3:51 am :
I once had a party of 30 (90% of them were over the age of 50) and they all wanted separate checks, but to top it off, at the end of their meal all of them were in a hurry to leave and wanted their checks immediately. Oh yeah!! The tips were an average of $2.50 each.
Anonymous wrote on 07/22/08 at 1:08 am :
You come to a tapas restaurant and want one of each dish to cover all 10 of you when the dishes are designed for four max!
George wrote on 07/28/08 at 11:02 am :
You cross examine the waiter on every item of the menu, dissecting its nutritional content with particular emphasis on the dairy content of each item before ordering a green salad. Then, for dessert, a nice banana split and a latte. Why waste my time?
M wrote on 07/29/08 at 10:50 pm :
You stab the waitress with a fork to get her attention when she is taking an order from another table.
Dee wrote on 07/30/08 at 12:21 am :
When I go out to one of the diners near my house, I bring my own ketchup. Does that make me an asshole? I will not eat that poison Heinz Ketchup, but for some reason, it’s the only freakin’ brand in every restaurant!
morgan wrote on 08/1/08 at 5:38 am :
when people’s stuff is all over the table (keys, purse, phone, wallet, elbows, entwined hands) and there’s no where to put their drinks or food. and then give ME a disgusting look like i’m in THEIR way. do you want your drinks on the table or in your purse? your choice.
cristina wrote on 08/2/08 at 12:37 am :
most of those have happened to me. however, another asshole trait would be the customer gets mad at you when their credit card is declined…and you’ve already checked that it isn’t an error with your system.
dude, it’s not my fault you’re spending beyond your means.
Super Hostess wrote on 08/15/08 at 12:11 am :
When the restaurant is packed, there is only 1 of you, and the hostess gives you a slightly less than choice two top and then you DEMAND to be moved to the only four top open on the floor
YARGH!
Yummy wrote on 08/17/08 at 1:04 am :
LOL. I want bitch slap the customer when I heard:
1) “Oh, tea and water all around” says one person when there are 20 people in the group. (knowing tea and water is free in Japanese restaurant) yeah, you think you are being considerate and ask me to bring everything that is free? those people are often cheap and leave me 8% tip. assholes…
2) “I don’t need any drinks, just a cup of tea, water, and hot water” 3 of them are called “drinks”! moron..
3) “you don’t serve lunch?” at 6pm, and get all mad, rude, no tip…burn in hell..
Yummy wrote on 08/17/08 at 1:10 am :
oh, one more thing.
Ask for “grade-up substitution” like chicken to beef, vegetable to shrimp etc…and refuse to pay extra, saying “I’m the customer, I get what I want!!” yeah.. when you pay, you are the customer, but if you are not paying….can you please get the hell out of the restaurant?
Waitress wrote on 08/18/08 at 12:05 pm :
1. leaving your dirty dishes on another clean table before the server has a chance to remove them from yours.
2. coming up to a server and asking them a question or verbally demanding his or her attention while mid-sentence at another table. infuriating, and rude to all parties present.
3. getting angry because we don’t have your specific brand of tequila/vodka/gin.
Waitress wrote on 08/20/08 at 2:34 am :
1.When you completely ignore your waiter/waitress when they walk up to the table to do the whole introduction/”can i get you something to drink?” ritual. It’s rude.
2. Tapping your waiter on the arm while they’re in the middle of talking with another table. I mean, really??
3. After running to fetch you more napkins, I come back and you now want more sauce. I fetch that, come back and now you want another plate….and so on. THEN at the end of this whole ordeal you stiff me. I don’t know if you realize this, but slavery was outlawed in this country years ago! So please pay me for running to and from the kitchen to appease you.
Anonymous wrote on 08/25/08 at 6:41 am :
my favorite-is when the restaurant is packed, and there are younger children at the table, and the parents insist on letting the kid order. then it’s a whole back and forth-”no mom-you know what I want”…”no, you order from the waitress” …”no you mom, just tell her”…ugh- work out your parenting issues at home
Anonymous wrote on 08/25/08 at 6:44 am :
i love the creepy guys who think its original to hit on the waitress-bartender…ok buddy-it’s been done 5,000 times today…relax. like my job doesn’t suck enough, I gotta feign interest and humility just because joe blow has no social skills. AND, when they don’t tip on top-or very little. way to impress.
Amanda wrote on 09/6/08 at 3:36 pm :
41 has happened to me. Horrifying, really. I work on a dinner cruise that does a lot of events, but it’s still a high-class restaurant, you know? Some lady had changed her son’s diaper and walked over to me with a present–”Hi. This is… well, I don’t mean to be vulgar, but this has got poop in it. Can you throw it out for me?” And I did.
We’ve also got a chocolate fountain and there is always a bowl of marshmallows right next to it. Sometimes, the marshmallows fall on the ground and get stuck to our patrons’ shoes. A woman walked up to me–”WHAT IS THIS!! WHITE STUFF ON MY SHOE!!! GET IT OFF!!” “Ma’am, I think you might’ve just stepped in something.” “BUT IT’S TRACKING WHITE STUFF ALL ACROSS THE FLOOR!! Can I have a napkin please?!?” I hand her a napkin, and she just looks at me. “Do you think you could help me out?” she asks. I proceed to peel marshmallow off a lady’s shoe. In front of customers.
et wrote on 09/6/08 at 6:00 pm :
To Post 31, Yummy: Tea is what many, many Japanese people drink when they eat. Same with a lot of Chinese people. Some restaurants charge for tea, some don’t. Hell, some Chinese restaurants don’t charge for rice. It’s unfortunate that your restaurant doesn’t charge for what your patrons may want to drink most, and not necessarily a sign of cheapness.
et wrote on 09/6/08 at 6:02 pm :
On the other hand…8% typically is…
another waitress wrote on 09/6/08 at 6:53 pm :
order more mixed drinks then food and while chowing down on the free bread and tip me a measly 10%. Do you not realize that the Bar tender, the busser and I are all sharing this tip? Fuck you. Don’t come back.
klg19 wrote on 09/7/08 at 9:12 am :
Leave your long coat on a chair back, or your bag strap or your briefcase, sticking out into the walkway so that waitstaff can potentially trip over it. Damn that even drives me crazy as a customer, when I have to risk life and limb just to get to my table.
As a former bartender, I can tell you that I’ve experienced a ton of these, but number 13 was my absolute bugbear. You don’t tip on what you pay, you tip on what you ordered, dumbass. I worked for Hyatt Hotels back in the ’80s, when Gold Passport customers got 2 free drink tickets on check-in. Maybe 20% of them tipped when using them, however. We managed to get a policy instated that forced management to tip us out on 15% of the tickets’ worth. Of course, Reagan had just passed that bill that caused all of us to have to pay taxes on a porton of our sales AND we were a union shop, so we had a powerful argument that we might end up paying taxes on supposed income we hadn’t actually earned. But that was a great victory.
Besides 13, I’ve lived through 3, 5, 19, 25, 27, 28, 30, 35, 42, 48 and 50. Those people will burn in hell. But, especially, #13.
Barista wrote on 09/17/08 at 10:51 am :
Demand that you be “comp’d” for a portion of your meal…
It is one thing if the house decides to compensate you for a restaurant error. It is something entirely different when you eat your *entire* HOT fudge brownie and then demand to have it removed from your bill because it was too HOT for your all consuming mouth.
And please, don’t tell me you’re a regular and that I should be aware of your every whim. You become a regular when *I* recognize you as a regular. Not when you tell me you are.
Cheers!
Chefspammy wrote on 09/24/08 at 9:39 pm :
when you bring an outdated coupon for buy one get one free entree and fail to read the fine print where it says you must present coupon before ordering food or it will not be honored and when confronted about the situation walk out on your tab stiffing your dining partners and the establishment for the bill
aj wrote on 10/2/08 at 2:00 am :
Similar to the gift certificate – I hate when someone give you some cash towards the bill and pays the rest on credit card but only tips on the credit card amount. Also – when you close the patio because its pouring with rain but people insist on sitting under an umbrella and have you serve them standing in the rain. The best – when someone tells you they used to “waitress” too – generally means you are getting 10%. 10years in the industry I could type all night. This list gave me many laughs!
Gloria wrote on 10/2/08 at 7:44 pm :
It really bugs the crap out of me when we’re getting ready to close and one table of customers (usually the ladies who lunch types) who have been sitting there for an hour and a half and haven’t paid their bill proceed get bent out of shape when they’re asked if they’re ready to pay. Look, you can sit there all day and have infinite refills of soda and tea but just pay your damn bill first!
bweikie wrote on 10/10/08 at 2:20 pm :
How about telling your server that you made your girlfriend orgasm 35 times last night while she’s using the restroom….gross and I don’t think so!
Being unhappy with our many choices of vegetable, order one anyway, only to take it off your dish and not eat it.
Complain that I didn’t bring enough bread, ask for more and don’t eat it. 95% of customers that ask for more bread after their dinner has arrived never touch it.
Use bad language/swear casually. I don’t know you – it’s rude.
Ask where you should sign on your bill before you even hand me the credit card? I haven’t run in through yet….Have you never been out before?
Oh – how about walking right into the dining room and seating yourself!!!!
Involve me in an argument as to who will be paying the bill and really get angry with ME if you don’t get to pay.
Cannot control your bowels!!! I have seen grown adults shit their pants and women completely destroy the bathroom without apology or any attempt to clean it up. Seriosly – stay home!
Anonymous wrote on 10/15/08 at 7:25 pm :
Wow……after reading all of the above blogs I am shocked that this isn’t everybodies number 1 issue….walked tabs….I don’t want to pay for you to eat and I sure don’t want to work for free…so you better believe I will remember your face…and be glad I don’t post ur name assholes.
bobevans waitress wrote on 10/20/08 at 1:02 am :
I’m so glad to know the penny thing happens to you. That means I don’t need to feel as bad when it happens to me.
Holly wrote on 10/22/08 at 5:13 am :
Touching your waitress (or waiter) in any way is NEVER ok!!! I have been tapped, poked, groped, grabbed, hugged, and shoved by customers. Once I was even whacked in the face as I was walking by a high-top table (causing me to drop an entire tray of drinks) although the man claimed he meant to hit my shoulder to get my attention (ya like that’s a LEGITIMATE place to hit me!) I don’t know you, give me my space… Period!
burned out wrote on 10/27/08 at 6:35 pm :
ask for bread as soon as you are handed a menu. bread comes with your dinner not your menu! Then when I ask you how your meal is you totally ignore me, then decide to complain when I bring you the bill. I think that we should still have public hangings.
Matt wrote on 10/28/08 at 1:20 am :
1) The server comes to ask you how everything is, and you don’t even acknowledge him with a glance up.
2) You let your children dump out the sugars from the sugar caddies and don’t bother to put it back.
3) Even worse, you apologize to the server that your children have made a mess, and yet don’t clean it up or tip well to compensate.
4) You complain about your meal, yet refuse to let the server fix your meal or get you something new.
5) Rather than leaving a tip on the credit card slip, you leave a list of criticisms about the service and food.
6) You use a tip calculator and tip accordingly, down to the cent.
7) You complain about the price a menu item. Particularly rude in chain restaurants (where the prices are dictated by a board of directors from a different state).
9) You find your server in the kitchen to ask for a lemon for your water.
10) You ask your bartender to give you free drinks.
Micros wrote on 11/3/08 at 9:21 am :
If you want to use my table as a private executive meeting room. Order once course meals and take up 4 hours.
keie wrote on 11/3/08 at 2:54 pm :
When the check comes to the table you respond with either, “We’re not staying for the drawing” or “I didn’t order that”.
You are the 10 thousand’th person to say this. It was not funny the first time and it’s not funny now.
Also waiting until you pay the bill, after the server has asked you over and over again if everything is all right and you said that it is, to complain.
I actually had a customer complain the other day when I was cashing him out, that he paid for the salad bar and there wasn’t any mac salad or coleslaw out. Before I could respond, He said, “oh she brought us some anyway. But we’ll never be back”.
Good riddance buddy!!!!!!!
Blitzen wrote on 11/7/08 at 2:21 pm :
You refuse to tip at a buffet-style restaurant because your waiter didn’t actually bring you your food.
No, but they did bring your beverages, bus your table, ask you if you needed anything, and clean up after your bratty kids spilled their drinks all over the place.
dave wrote on 11/14/08 at 3:40 pm :
Have waiters really become so self-entitled since I last waited a table? Most of these are legit but some, geez …
“I don’t know if you realize this, but slavery was outlawed in this country years ago! So please pay me for running to and from the kitchen to appease you.”
That’s one of the more offensive things that I’ve seen on this site and I’m the most un-PC person you’ll ever meet nor am I a minority. But to compare waiting tables to slavery is just ignorant. I’m pretty sure you have the option of walking off the plantation whenever your pay isn’t what you would like.
“You use a tip calculator and tip accordingly, down to the cent.”
It may make the customer look like a douchebag but at least he’s making an effort to get you your 15% whether you deserved it or not. Maybe the guy is just really bad at math.
“You refuse to tip at a buffet-style restaurant because your waiter didn’t actually bring you your food.”
And are you expecting a 20% tip for bringing me my Dr Pepper? I haven’t heard of employees in a buffet-style restaurant only earning a couple of bucks an hour plus tips. I’ll leave you a buck or two if you did a bit more than dropping off my napkins. If you want a nice tip, go work somewhere that will require you to have a little more interaction. Customers don’t tip because they got excellent bus service.
Kris wrote on 11/16/08 at 2:16 am :
The number one way of telling your server is insane:
1) Two minutes after asking “How is your night going?” you have a full recount of their life, to include the current problem with her family disowning her after they met her boyfriend. ‘Maybe she’s having an off night’, you say. The busboy confirms she has done that to all of her customers since getting the job in ’04.
Pizza Hut Server wrote on 11/19/08 at 5:28 am :
I HATE serving the buffet. no money at all.
Minx wrote on 11/25/08 at 1:53 pm :
I had a person complain about the food she ordered – while she was ordering it
she didnt want to order anything else
wtf?
J wrote on 12/8/08 at 8:28 pm :
@ 31 – I always order hot (green) tea when I go out for Japanese food. I think it compliments the flavor of the food and there is usually a teapot pitcher already made up.
Do I expect to be charged for it? Yes.
So please do not judge all of us tea drinkers poorly. I tip upwards of 15%.
J wrote on 12/8/08 at 8:39 pm :
And for that matter, my mother uses the tip calculator on her phone. And trust me, you want her to. If it is up to her (very bad) math, you’ll get less of a tip because she cannot mentally differentiate between 10% and 15%.
At least that way, you’ll get 15%.
(I’ve tried to train her off of the calculator but after four years, I gave up.)
Holly wrote on 12/9/08 at 1:08 pm :
I can relate to the calculator. I’m lousy at Math and I want to make sure I don’t gip a great waiter.
tom wrote on 12/10/08 at 6:44 pm :
I am guilty of at least 2 12 and 45 off the top of my head.
2)Happens more than I like to admit.
12)Usually happens at lunch when I need that extra boost of Caffeine
45)I try to be good to my servers, 15%-20% at the minimum and don’t take out issues with the food on the people who just bring it out. I have on occasion gone to extremes on both ends of the scale. I have left a 50% tip and asked for a manager so I could thank them personally for the service, (one new kid was shaking in his boots until he found out I was not going to complain about him.)
On the other side of all this are the occasions that I have been so unhappy with the service that I left not a penny but the torn half of a dollar bill for a tip. In my entire life I have done that one twice and if that makes me an asshole then so be it.
keie wrote on 12/10/08 at 9:49 pm :
Where I work In TN, a server earns between 2.40 and 2.80 and hour. Yes I work in a buffet style resteraunt. Do I have to more often then not, wait on you, bus the table when you leave, cash you out help with the bar if needed and seat people, YES. Am I asking for one person to compensate everything I have to do, NO! But for the love of all that is holy…if you get decent service which I try to give beyond what I’m asked to because I do know my tip depends on it, TIP ME. Don’t tell me everything was wonderful, you enjoyed everything and then walk out and not tip!
Rachel wrote on 12/11/08 at 6:20 pm :
You sit the server down at your table after your meal (when they’ve got three other 6 tops) and tell them everything they did wrong because you’ve been a server for “over a year” at another restaurant, but it was all because you didn’t like the salad dressing. And you say this all with your arm around her! I’m still trying to figure out if that was a sick joke. Yes, I was that waitress! It makes my skin crawl to this day.
And honeslty, I didn’t mind people bringing in their coffee. More often than not, they still order a drink, and if they don’t, then it’s less work for me.
mesero wrote on 01/20/09 at 5:27 am :
To add to the last comment, i hate it when regulars pull you aside and expect you to have a five minute conversation with them during a dinner rush. Just because you know my name doesn’t mean i want talk to you all night long. I have no idea why, but people always expect me to tell them my lifes story during one meal or expect me to hear theres. Its gotten to the point where i don’t introduce myself by name anymore. Small talk is fine, but like the name implies, keep it small.
Heres a hint, don’t consider your waiter a friend, if you have never socialized with them outside of the restaurant, theyre probably just feigning interest, its our JOB to act like were fucking interested in what you have to say.
Granted the more you tip, the more interested ill act.
Raunnie wrote on 01/25/09 at 10:03 pm :
These posts are AWESOME! I am new to this restaurant industry and these comments give a deep insight into the business. I had 2 families come in today-one family let their little baby spill rice all over the table and floor-and the guy said he used to work in a restaurant. How cute. The other family stayed for about an hour and a half, and, while the mother and child spent alot of time in the washroom, the father played videogames-the volume was loud- on his whatchamacallit. How classy.
Sphinxter wrote on 02/9/09 at 4:39 pm :
Or how about you get a waiter who thinks that they are the coolest when actually they are paid to bring me my food and shut the f**k up. I mean seriously, you have the mental capacity to write down my order, give it to the chef who cooks it and plates it, then you bring my plate to me and you expect me to do a f**king back flip because you did it so well? Give me a break. I remember when you had to EARN a 10% tip. Now servers expect 20% no matter how big of a burned out idiot they are.
You will understand one day when you don’t carry other people’s food for a living. If that day ever comes.
FOB wrote on 02/14/09 at 12:56 am :
Thank you Sphinxter.
To everyone complaining about having to seat people or take order an hour before closing time…..umm, some of us don’t have a closing time. If I define my closing time as the time I shut down my laptop and head out of the office, I can safely say that at least twice a week I’m called or emailed AFTER closing time to work on something that has to be ready by 8am tomorrow morning. Some of us have to work weekends to meet unrealistic deadlines….do we get overtime for that? No. Do we get a bonus for that? “Well bonus is for top performers and since the whole team was busting their asses off, the TOP performers are people who hardly went home at all.”
The argument that your landlord doesn’t take verbal praise for rent is a weak one. Neither does mine. But a lot of times I have to make do with it because expecting monetary compensation every time you WALK THE LENGTH OF YOUR RESTAURANT is insane!!! That’s like asking my peers they should all get offices on the same floor as mine because even I walk plenty of times to and from the elevators….easily an hour everyday is spent on all the walking around and traversing floors when that’s NOT MY JOB; my real work is sitting around not-getting-done. That hour’s worth of work I do in the evening is on my own time and nobody pays me for it…nor do I think I’m entitled to complain about things like these. Jeez.
I get that you’re taxed on the expected tip and FWIW, I always try to tip 20%….15% if the service was poor (in case the kind of tipper I am decides how flawed my logic is). But to EXPECT something on top of it EVERY TIME you do a tiny bit more than the bare minimum is crazy.
Christina Chu wrote on 02/15/09 at 2:20 am :
Someone demands you take a coupon that has expired and gets nasty about it, but you are the bad guy
Christina Chu wrote on 02/15/09 at 2:21 am :
No matter if your treated like shit or some customer is nasty and aggressive with you, its always your fault
Mary wrote on 02/15/09 at 5:12 am :
- You come into a restaurant after leaving a bar and your friend throws up on the table. You don’t pay your bill b/c the food’s not edible anymore and you tip two dollars.
- You try to make your waiter try to serve you something that’s not on the menu and has never been on the menu.
- You can’t stop making out long enough to tell your waiter your drink order.
- You talk on your cell the whole meal and act like I’m interrupting you if I ask if everything’s ok.
- You put empty sugar packets back in the container.
- You try to preach at your waiter about your political views and expect them to agree.
Mary wrote on 02/15/09 at 5:31 am :
also…
- You bang on the door and make gestures at the staff to let you in after we’ve already closed.
- You let your kid stand up in the booth and mess with the people in the booth behind you.
- You ask to borrow some cash.
- You make fun of the uniform.
- You yell at me if your credit card doesn’t go through.
- You bring in McDonald’s to eat at a booth.
- Just because there isn’t a sign on the door, you think it’s acceptable to come in not wearing a shirt or shoes.
- You complain b/c there’s no smoking allowed in the restaurant even though there hasn’t been for years in any restaurant and you know that.
- You tell other tables how much the service sucks when they sit down.
- You steal a handful of mints that cost money.
karen z wrote on 02/16/09 at 1:23 am :
you leave me a jesus card on a sunday lunch thinking thats gonna make it all better for leaving me a shitty tip!
karen z wrote on 02/16/09 at 1:24 am :
you complain that the fish tastes fishy….are you fucking serious!
karen z wrote on 02/16/09 at 1:29 am :
you ask 30 people for bread when i just got done telling you i would be right back with it and im not even out of eyesight yet………when you sit down the 1st words out of your mouth is “do you have that all you can eat” or ” are the drinks free refills”?
karen z wrote on 02/16/09 at 1:30 am :
you get pissed off when there is a small but reasonable up charge for something….its not my fault there is a charge and maybe if you werent such a dick i would try to bypass the charge.
Tony Bologna wrote on 02/17/09 at 6:26 pm :
Sphinxter: I would not just spit, but I would shit in your food. I think that this blog was entitled 50 reasons you might be an asshole customer, so if you don’t like the feedback asshole find the one entitled 50 reasons you might be an asshole server. Maybe you’re having trouble wrapping your mind around the requisite mental capacity it would take to do that.
FOB: For someone who feels as though they’re not entitled to complain about your hard-knock life, you sure do an awful lot of it. Boo-hoo-hoo. Go get your diaper changed.
Sammy wrote on 02/18/09 at 11:11 pm :
Ok, one that really pisses me off is when the patron tells you they’re alergic to something and they really arn’t. LOOK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. IF YOU DON’T WANT SOMETHING IN YOUR ENTREE THEN JUST TELL US. WE ARE NOT RETARTED. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL US “Oh remember I don’t want the tomatos..because I’m alergic and I’ll break out if I eat it and you’ll get in trouble”. What the fuck is wrong with you people. How fucking insulting do you have to be. Oh and let me let you in on a little secret…YOU.ARE.NOT.CLEVER. Every fucking old white person pulls the whole “I’m alergic” bullshit. Go home and die you old sacks of shit.
–Pissed off Server
SmallTownDiner wrote on 03/4/09 at 5:17 pm :
Okay… So, here’s the thing about tips that gets me… If you have a huge party, you should really leave a tip, especially if it’s upwards of like 6. That’s a lot of stuff to be carrying around in a busy, crowded, hectic environment, and it’s obligatory to tip in that situation.
HOWEVER! Usually the tip should depend on the QUALITY of the service provided, not just the fact that there is service. If I have to wait half a fucking hour for a refill on water when the restaurant is not that crowded, i.e. early dinnertime, and the food is undercooked or not well prepared, you’re not getting a 15% tip. Maybe 10% if the food comes out well. Maybe 8 if the dinner just sucks.
People go out to restaurants to have a good meal, cooked to certain specifications, and be serviced. It’s a luxury. We don’t go out to eat to get shitty service and poorly cooked food. We could go to a fast food place for that kind of thing. People want to be pampered in restaurants where we leave tips. Most of the things in the list are pretty asshole-ish things to do, but just complaining about the tip is ridiculous.
For good rules of thumb, the standard tips as I’ve been taught are as follows:
Buffet: 10% for standard, 15% for exceptional service
Sit Down Restaurant: 15% standard, 20% if good service, 25% possibly if with a big party and with good service.
Restaurants where you have to have a reservation, or with some kind of extra services provided: 20% standard.
Good servers deserve good tips. That’s why tip is synonymous with gratuity. if the patrons feel grateful for the services, they leave gratuity, right?
SmallTownDiner wrote on 03/4/09 at 5:23 pm :
A special note on Korean BBQ and Korean cuisine in general (which is dear to my heart, honestly):
Sometimes waiters will cook your food for you, right in front of you. This is, in my opinion, exceptional service. They cook it for you often to make sure that the dishes are entirely cooked. This is a safety precaution. However, if you can cook your own Korean BBQ, good for you. You should still tip the server 15% standard. There are so many little side dishes in Korean cuisine (fried tofu, kimchi, various pickled or seasoned vegetables, etc… not to mention free rice most of the time) that it’s like carrying out twice the meal, as opposed to various European cuisines that may come with free bread.
Hooray for cultural lessons!
ex-server wrote on 03/8/09 at 11:10 pm :
I once had a large table about an hour before closing time(not a big deal) come in with about 4 kids who they let run all over the resturant, I was bringing them pitchers of drinks, when one of the kids popped up from underneath the table knocking the cups of ice off my tray and all over the floor and table. THe lady then tells me I need to slow down. Seriouslt? Control your children, and please don’t blame the server for their misbehaving. I even said “sorry” to the kid before the mother repremanded me. But you just have to smile and suck it up becuase you chose this job, and thats what a good server does.
jj wrote on 03/12/09 at 2:44 am :
you ask to move to another table after your kids have played around with table and completely messed up the setting.
you just move of your own accord, regardless of whether there is a reserved sign on the table or not.
you walk in on a friday or staurday night at 7 or later and expect us to have a “table for 10?”
you signal me over to order, and THEN decide to take a look at the menu while i stand there…meanwhile 5 other tables are going unserviced.
you make up your own meal and get pissy when i say we cant make it for you.
i ask you if you want the rest of your meal “to go”, you say yes, i package it up and you decide you changed your mind when i bring it to your table.
you let your kids not only run riot through the restaurant, but behind the bar and even let them get into the kitchen.
you’ve been sitting at a table for a grand total of 2 minutes, and come up to me while im taking another tables order to ask me to come over when i’ m done.
you give me a look like ive just sprouted a second head when i ask if you’re ready to order
GAWD people annoy me!
i get 17, 18, 19 and 22 on a regular basis too.
Stelliesboy wrote on 03/13/09 at 1:04 pm :
What really grinds my gears is when there is a whole bunch of stuff all over the table, like when people have moved their cutlery and side plates from their original positions and have their wine glasses infront of them. Then when you come with the food (usually a plate in each hand) then they just sit there, don’t even acknowledge you and when you ask them if they could please move their things out of the way they give you this indignant look as if they have been inconvenienced.
Gwen wrote on 03/18/09 at 12:20 pm :
I’m a server, and for all you people who complained about having to tip servers, and think it’s incredibly easy to do our job, well fuck you. I’ve been serving for two years now (not nearly as long as Waiter, but it’s already driving me bonkers) and since I started I always leave good tips. When I and my husband go out we, typically, spend 20-30 dollars. My STANDARD tip, for an average server, is 4-5 bucks. I’ve tipped a server ten bucks on a 20 dollar tab because he took pretty good care of us on a busy Saturday morning. But I also tipped $2 for shitty service. Which is still a decent tip for a $20 tab(the woman asked if I wanted a fork to eat my FRUIT covered pancakes!)
Good service deserves a good tip. Shitty service deserves a shitty tip.
There have been times where I have worked my ass off for a table, and they leave me a shitty tip. But there are quite a few girls I work with who spend their whole night texting then wonder why they don’t make money…
bev wrote on 03/24/09 at 4:23 am :
you see your waitress walking toward you with a coffee pot in her hand. There are no other customers around you, she is looking directly at you. You start waving at her and pointing to your coffee cups. What did you think she was doing, taking the coffee point for a stroll? This happened to me.
Your waitress approaches you immediately to take your drink order. You continue your conversation, and ignore her. 5 minutes later she tries again, still you ignore her. She retreats to the bar, where she is close enough to see you and respond but far enough away to give you the privacy your “important” conversation demands. About 10 minutes later you call her over and complain in a condescending tone that she hasn’t taken a drink order! GRRRRR.
Waitress wrote on 04/19/09 at 2:48 am :
Asshole things my customers have done:
-There are only two of you, but you insist on being seated at a 6-top and insult the hostess for hesitating.
-You bring in a sick baby and leave the server to clean up a vomit-covered table.
-Your special party of fifteen had their meals provided on the house, and you leave a total of $3 as a tip.
-Your husband changes his order three times, so you scream at the waitress until she’s almost crying because his food didn’t come out with yours. You then tell the entire restaurant that her bad service ruined your meal.
-You order off the lunch menu at 8pm on a Friday.
-You dig around in your purse in front of the waitress so you can pull out a single quarter to leave as the tip.
-You call the waitress “girl.”
-You order the King Cut, you eat all of the King Cut, then say you ordered the Petite Cut once you get the bill.
Colin wrote on 04/28/09 at 5:19 am :
You only order dessert. Fuck you, assholes, go to Ben and Jerry’s.
Colin wrote on 04/28/09 at 5:28 am :
#2 happens to me regularly, but my restaurant’s POS is actually set up specifically to account for this.
I’ve had to deal with #20 and #23 before. #30 is the single most demoralizing thing I think I’ve had to deal with as a waiter. #31 just makes me hate religion.
Oddly enough, #35 doesn’t apply where I work. On the very few occasions a customer has said something along those lines, I’ve been well looked-after. One table a woman said I’d get a big tip if I made sure her burger was well done. Well, evidently I did a damn good job of that, because I walked with a $35 tip on a $65 check.
Oh, here’s another one: When the waiter informs you that the kitchen is running behind tonight, and repeatedly checks in with you to let you know he’s keeping an eye on you, and you STILL won’t shut up and stop asking where your food is. Didn’t we go over this, you jackasses? New Yorkers are the WORST about this.
Colin wrote on 04/28/09 at 5:46 am :
Oh, one thing I’d like certain…less-classically educated restaurant patrons to consider: waiters don’t give a shit about whether you leave the tip on the table or hand it to them. These people seem to universally come from one ethnic group, JUST one, and I cannot for the life of me fathom why. Regardless, this is only a problem when the person who insists on handing you the goddamned checkbook also tipped you 7%. Why don’t you just kick me in the balls, asshole? It’d be less painful. If you’re going to be a shitty tipper, don’t add insult to injury by throwing it in my face.
KD wrote on 04/28/09 at 8:24 pm :
Hate when customers don’t move their glasses when the food comes and they also have their arms and hands in the way too, then they look at you when the hot plates are burning a hole right through your arm like you’ve inconvienced them cause they have to move. People think if everything is not perfect and say you bring the check one minute late then you deserve to be stiffed, it’s like some look for something wrong so they don’t have to tip. I’ve given tables absolute perfect service and gotten stiffed. What tip haters don’t understand is that if things changed and restaurants outlawed tipping and decided to pay an hourly wage then service would go down the tubes cause servers would not care, dump your food off not go back to the table till it’s check time. How would you assholes like that? So tip well. I’m telling you if the previous table before you left a good tip the service will be 10 times better for you cause that will be motivation to keep giving good service.
ExPastaSlinger wrote on 05/1/09 at 4:44 pm :
Sphinxter, I used to “carry other people’s food for a living” while working toward getting an education to get what you would probably condescendingly call a “real job.” I’ve learned several things:
1. Waiting tables is a hell of a lot harder, psychologically, physically than any white-collar job.
2. You and FOB clearly get paid a SALARY to carry out whatever marching orders your superiors in upper management have given you. It goes with the territory. When your territory involves $2.75/hour and an endless parade of people with severe entitlement complexes, tips are your only chance of making rent. So pardon us all to hell if we get pissed about wasting our skills and time for a 16-hour double shift to only make 12% of our total sales (pre-tax and pre-tipout).
3. Yes, it is a skill. Since you’ve clearly never picked up a tray or order pad in your life, I would love to see you plopped down in the following scenario: it’s 7:30 p.m. on a Friday, table 25 is watching your every move because their apps haven’t come out yet, drinks for table 18 have been sitting on the bar for 5 minutes now, you’re taking down complicated and substitution-intensive orders for table 22 while the sous chef is trying to beckon you to the kitchen to tell you that entrees for table 21 are up and that two different specials have been 86ed, one of which specials the fifth person at 22 is right now trying to order, and the hostess just double-sat you. Good luck.
4. More than anything, even though I no longer work in a restaurant, I hope with all my heart that I act nothing like you when I eat out.
pepper wrote on 05/6/09 at 12:03 pm :
Oh, the humanity! It’s been years, but the wounds have reopened like fresh stigmata. I have hundreds, but I’ll offer just one I didn’t see here.
It’s 8pm on Friday night, the restaurant is packed with the crowd of people who will be patronizing the 3 cineplexes within walking distance.
Your party of six walks in, is surprised that there is a 20 minute wait but you decide to wait 30 because you want to sit in a front booth by the window.
Your special table finally opens and you sit down at 8:45pm and proceed to order burgers and steak, extra well, apps, and endless substitutions. As I prepare to walk away, you inform me that you’re in a hurry because your movie starts at 9:20.
You can get as angry as you want,but I still won’t be able to twitch my nose and have your food cooked Bewitched style. There are 5 different McDonalds in the area and this isn’t one of them.
No, I’m not kidding. You cannot be out of here and at the movie in 30 minutes.
blank stares, sputtering, exchange of dumbfounded looks across the table.
You clearly believe that English is my 2nd or even 3rd language and that I must have learned some obscure Canadian or Australian dialect where no means yes.
The clock is ticking, sir. Now you don’t even have time to get jujubes in the lobby. But, please, by all means let’s proceed because you’re obviously much smarter and better edu-ma-cated than I, and I’m sure your calculations are correct.
And finally the denoument-
I’m soooooo sorry that I ruined your entire weekend with my terrible service. Yes, I did do it on purpose because I hate you. If you scream at my manager loud enough and long enough, you will certainly be vindicated by my immediate public humiliation and subsequent firing. You are not bat-shit crazy to think that not only should your meals be comped, but the restaurant should reimburse you for the tickets you wasted and the parking fees. What could be more reasonable?
You’re never coming back?? What? But…but…I want to go through this with you again and again. Who will abuse me next week if you don’t come back?
Whew!! I didn’t realize I was still harboring that. Thank you for the forum and the chance to rant.
Luke wrote on 05/11/09 at 1:28 am :
One thing that kills me is when a server gets off work shortly before closing to have a drink with a regular who was just about to leave and keep them there for an hour and a half after the time we close. Have some common courtesy I really don’t want to be there any longer than I have to be it’s a job not my idea of a social life
Jay Waiter/bartender wrote on 05/13/09 at 3:25 pm :
When a customer automatically assumes that he will get more in his drink, just because he comes often. No no sir. I, and only I, decide if I want to add you half an ounce in your scotch. You don’t get to tell me that I should, and just because you asked me, I sure as hell won’t. In fact, you’re getting a quarter ounce less in each of your following drinks.
Pretentious bastard.
Oh, also when a customer (let’s call him Claude. Drunk, non-tipping complaining bastard i hate to call a regular) Comes every week, orders the same thing he did last week, and complains about (like he did last week) to get half-off. Yes, we’re a chain-restaurant so we avoid doing anything to our reputation, but obviously my manager got fed up. He never came back ever since he had to pay full price for his steak.
FakeHairDay wrote on 05/14/09 at 9:39 pm :
When you come to the counter and order 2 cups of coffee to go, then all while standing at the counter, holding up other customers, you proceed to pour the coffee into your own cups, add a bunch of sugar & creamer, then leave the empty cups, lids, sugar and creamer on the counter. Some asshole from Maine (I saw his plates) did this to me on Monday.
shawnarae wrote on 05/27/09 at 1:31 am :
What I just love is when a customer has to show just how much smarter he is than you are…like I don’t have a brain or something? I have a degree… Unlike Sphinxter boy and FOB…I like my freedom and that is why I am still a server. What I don’t like are customers that feel like we are put in front of them to serve them and only them…get over yourself…really. I will do pretty much anything to help my customers have a great experience but I can’t change their mental attitudes…well maybe:>
Metalhaid wrote on 07/2/09 at 1:20 am :
OUCH. You people really scare me, because I am a weak American weenie who expects good service for the cost of my meal plus around 25% tip. So if I very nicely ask you to correct my meal because you were so busy trying to hook up with the wait-person next to you that you brought me a steak when I ordered a salad (or vice-versa) you’ll go back and spooge (OR WORSE!) in my food? EW. You have just ruined the expensive restaurant experience for me. I will, as God is my witness, NEVER set foot in a restaurant where the food is more than $20 per plate (highest price.) I am a fairly decent cook (at least my hubby, family and friends like it) and at $100 for a few bags of groceries, I can produce a meal that is spooge- and booger-free and have the recipients rave about it. HURRRRR. The dining-out experience is not so precious that I will hazard eating pubic hairs and God knows what else. Good job, whiners. Oh yes–and I *have* worked as a server. And I dealt with the whiniest and nastiest. Thank GAWD I don’t do this anymore (but I totally honor those who still do!)
ex-waitress wrote on 07/18/09 at 1:55 am :
Your website is awesome. I can’t stop reading. It would be interesting a post like “50 signs your costumer will not give you a decent tip”
ex-waitress wrote on 07/18/09 at 1:57 am :
and one of my favorites is this: when the costumer finishes and says “thank you, thank you, thank you so much!” forget about the tip.
Kiddo wrote on 07/23/09 at 1:51 am :
The 8-10% tips from a two-top on fifteen soda refills, ten baskets of free bread, and a split salad is hilarious. Also is the demand for extra napkins that are rarely used. If I said to someone, ‘I will make you wait on me hand and foot for the next two hours and will then give you four dollars and fifty cents for your trouble” you would laugh right in my face! And yet, servers do the same thing for customers every day….. !? Gotta love it.
Kirki waitress/bartender wrote on 07/30/09 at 2:56 am :
My fave is when a guest ordered “iced Tea” and returned it because it was “too cold”. Really? ice is in the name dumbass.
I was bartending in St. Paul and a regular saw me counting out the split.He asked”where’s my share?” I replied”You’ll get it when I get a cut of your pension and heatlth benes”. He was shocked until I explained that this was the money that I planned on using to buy grocerys for my family and didn’t have enough to share it with someone that has enough money to spend every night dirnking in a bar. People are so thoughtless and rude.
while working in a nice winebar that opened at 5pm (opening work began at 4) people constantly would bang on the window to be let in long before I was ready. I would love to show up at their classroom or office an hour early and demand they drop what they are doing and attend to my needs.
I choose to be a service person and really love the job but you have to understand that there are alot of people who think that they are the only ones on the planet and those same people are generally the ones who do not tip accordingly. I say that if I have been knowladgeable, friendly, efficent and helpful please tip the standard 20% anything less from me go down from there.You must see that there are alot of people that try to mess you up just to make the tip go down and that just means they are cruel people who will probably go to hell.
As for FOB and Shpinkter what are you even doing reading something like this site,you both are obviously far too busy at your real jobs and can’t connect with what us simpletons actually do for our good guests to provide great service on everything from an average dinner to special occations. Also don’t eat out we are alone with your food, you need to get this thru your thick skulls. DON”T MESS WITH YOUR SERVER, especially if you plan on going back WE REMEMBER the assholes.
Anonymous wrote on 08/16/09 at 6:44 am :
This is crazy. I’ve gone out to eat with people who serve food for a living — and they’re even more demanding customers than those who don’t wait tables. If you choose to wait tables you are going to encounter a variety of people with a variety of manners; that comes with the job. It is unrealistic to demand everyone to behave the same way. In the confusion of a restaurant atmosphere, people are not always going to catch on what a waiter is doing, saying or feeling. The whole point of going to a restaurant is not to concentrate on cooking the food, preparing it, carrying it and bringing it on the table, so why would a customer even think about these things when relating to a server? Also, tips are customary, not mandatory — so it will depend on what is customary for the individual customer; if you want a guaranteed percentage, find a different job, or own a part of the restaurant. A lot of people deal with ‘assholes’ in their job — unfortunately ‘assholes’ in the restaurant business will more likely be among those you serve, than among your co-workers, so there will always be a fresh and unpredictable supply. Get another job if you can make a list like this.
deleted wrote on 08/16/09 at 7:04 am :
On number 10 – it’s not the customer’s fault if his friends are late. He should not force himself to order if he does not enjoy eating alone. To demand that this of a customer is outright wrong. On number 5 — sometimes hostesses and servers tell people at the door what the specials are, so some customers find nothing wrong with enthusiastically asking about them before they are even seated. Sometimes they do so because they are regular customers and know the menu by heart. Be glad that some customers look forward to ordering the expensive items and stop judging. On number 1 — some customer have special needs with regard to their tea. It may be a tacky thing to do, but not ‘ass-holey’. And as for ordering just desserts — geez, if that is the only item a customer finds worth eating in your restaurant or at that time of the day — be grateful that they are giving you any business at all and even thought of having dessert rather than skipping it. If your restaurant is worth anything, even just the desserts would feel like an event for a customer.
DaniGirl wrote on 08/24/09 at 3:07 pm :
when the restaurant is full and your server is running around her section trying to take care of every individuals needs i.e. refill drinks, take orders, ask if you would care for another beer and you act like you’re the only person in the restaurant and that that one server is there only to take care of you proceed to make her run back and forth countless times and then leave a crap tip. As for FOB, Sphinxter, deleted, and all other asshole customers FUCK YOU!!!
fohchef wrote on 08/27/09 at 5:11 am :
1. Service is not an entitlement. Pay for it, or stay the fuck home.
2. Be nice. Acknowledge your server when they say hello. Say please and thank you, because that’s what civilized people do.
3. You do not get to touch, goad or verbally abuse me. People are nasty to service personnel because they like to pick on someone that can’t defend themselves. If you talked this way to me on the street you’d have a mouthful of my fist pussyman.
4. Women are nastier then men.
5. You don’t know the owner, because I’M the owner and I’ve never met you before in my life.
Stephanie wrote on 10/8/09 at 2:04 am :
47) You ask for unreasonable substitutions. (Can I have au gratin potatoes instead of pasta?)
like substitutions are ok (rice/bread/potatoes, different veggies/fruit if it’s offered). it’s the people who ask if they can have an extra portion of steak instead of their 5 oz of veggies. or “instead of fries can i just have some extra chicken?” no. you can have another vegetable or side dish instead of the side dish included with your meal. you may NOT substitute the toast for an order of bacon. thats not how it works, people!
MrDiablo wrote on 10/29/09 at 9:31 pm :
I’ve left a single penny as an anti-tip, but man it was earned.
Mark wrote on 11/9/09 at 8:01 pm :
You put your toddler in a high chair and ask for a basket of crackers, which you allow said toddler to mangle and throw all over the floor, seats, and table. We all know that you would *NEVER* let your kid do that at home, allowing it in public just because you don’t have to clean it up means you’re an asshole.
Sizzler wrote on 11/10/09 at 4:25 am :
“WE DIDNT GET OUR BREAD?!” “Actually ma’am, the bread has always been upon request, so if you want bread, you can ask me to get you some.”
Ahh gotta love the multiple trips to people who are too stupid to just see what they need while your at the table THE FIRST TIME.
“I just wanted to let you know the steak sucked and the broccolli was cold.” “Terribly sorry sir, can i offer you something else, a refund, or perhaps a coupon to come back and try us again?” “No, i just wanted to tell you” Well thanks a lot asshole, since i really needed to know about something you wouldnt even let me try to fix anyways.
When the customer freaks out about water spots on their silverware and demands you bring them a new roll, you do, and big surprise, a water spot, you proceed to get them ANOTHER piece of silverware, and upon recieving it with their greasy fingers, they mark up the *CLEAN* piece of silverware, thus continuing this downward spiral.
when a customer asks you to fill their drink up HALF WAY, while busy you forget and fill it to the tippy top, the customer then procedes to get angry with you. Sorry for giving you too good of service sir!
when customers think its acceptable to spend $40 dollars for 2 people at lunch, and then proceed to leave a 2 dollar tip.
The hot tea, after sitting on the warmer, and being heated in the microwave for 2 plus minutes, is still not hot enough.
you bring the customer 3 creamers, they wanted 4. instead of bringing 1 bare creamer, you bring a few more, only to have the customer upset because they only wanted one more.
A customer thinks a 15% gratuity added to their 10 person party with a $150 dollar bill is “OUTRAGEOUS!”
Stitch wrote on 11/20/09 at 7:54 am :
To quote –
” What tip haters don’t understand is that if things changed and restaurants outlawed tipping and decided to pay an hourly wage then service would go down the tubes cause servers would not care, dump your food off not go back to the table till it’s check time. How would you assholes like that?”
We don’t have tipping here in Australia, and our hospitality staff get paid a minimum of $14.38 per hour. Hospitality staff here are highly appreciated, and due to the years of formal training, both on the job and at school (hospitality is so valued here that training can begin in high school and continue through 2-3 years of tertiary training.)
Elizabeth wrote on 11/29/09 at 6:31 am :
You’re French and you ask me for French mustard in a Houlihan’s. That’s cool with me. I ask if you want Dijon mustard. You’re French so you sneer at me and lecture me for 3 minutes that I should never tell a French person that Dijon mustard is French mustard and what the difference is.
I.don’t.fucking.care. I was trying to be nice and specific.
I go and find your snooty ass some FRENCH mustard. I glob some of it out of the jar and into a ceramic ramekin because I’d just HATE for you to find out that your FRENCH mustard was made in FUCKING OHIO.
At least they tipped 20%. I didn’t care at that point. I just wanted them gone.
Jim wrote on 12/18/09 at 5:18 am :
How about you learn how to serve people and then you won’t have so many problems.
Anonymous wrote on 12/26/09 at 1:26 am :
Sorry, I’m not responsible for your food taking 35 minutes on a Friday night when all you ordered was a burger and fries. Don’t take it out on me, please only ask me ONCE where it is and know that if all you really wanted was burger and fries, McDonalds is down the street and you can get one there in two minutes. I’ll bring your food out the second it comes up.
Also, I can’t call off work just because I have the sniffles. I go to college and need to pay things on my own. Sorry I’m sniffing every 30 seconds at your table, but if people didn’t tip 10 dollars on a 60 dollar check I might have been able to call off today. And don’t worry, I won’t wash my hands after I blow my nose, SORRY.
Anonymous wrote on 12/26/09 at 1:28 am :
I don’t care how old your “new born” 73 month old baby is. I’m telling you it’s cute so you tip me. I smile because I want you to tip me. The last thing I wanted to do with my life was be your servant. I’m a person just like you. I’m nice to you because I don’t know what kind of day you’re having, I expect you to do that same.
Anonymous wrote on 12/26/09 at 1:29 am :
If you don’t have the money to tip. Don’t go out. Period.
pegsy wrote on 02/11/10 at 12:35 am :
i had to work the day shift at a bar. place was dead all day. about 45 minutes before the next person came in i had a total of 5 people at the bar. when it’s time for me to go, i ask everyone at the bar if it’s okay with them to go ahead and close out with me. sure, it may be a pain in the ass to pay twice, but the tips are what i live on and most people understand that and usually have no problem closing out with me and starting a new tab with someone else. anyways, this ASSHOLE (who i’ve actually tried to get banned bc he is notorious for walking out on checks, refuses to give his credit card to start a tab, is a rude asshole to the rest of the staff, and doesn’t tip when he actually does pay) goes off on a rant of how rude i am and how dare i interrupt his conversation and he comes in often and goes on about how rude i am for not apologizing for MY rudeness…SUCK A BAG OF DICKS YOU ASSHOLE!!!!
there.
i’ve experienced this so many times where people will pay part of their bill with cash or a gift certificate, the rest on their cc, and only tip on the cc. and that’s just one of many of the assholish things people do. i am an excellent server/bartender, always polite and patient with the douchiest of douches, and take great care of my customers. yes there are shitty servers, and yes even for the best of us out there, shit happens. to all you assholes justifying douchbaggery customer actions like we should just bend over and take it….FUCK YOU!!!!
ell wrote on 03/3/10 at 2:56 am :
I hate secret shoppers!
MNwaiter wrote on 03/3/10 at 5:19 am :
#31 religious pamphlet left behind. The tip was decent but you stole my pen. Trying to save my soul while breaking one of the big 10 makes you out to be an asshole.
MNwaiter wrote on 03/3/10 at 5:22 am :
If you order your rum and coke tall don’t complain that it is weak. the tall has more mix in it not more alcohol. If you want it stringer order a double not a tall ASSHOLE!
Erik wrote on 03/3/10 at 2:39 pm :
You leave dirty kleenex at the table.
MNwaiter wrote on 03/4/10 at 1:14 am :
You stick your gum to the underside of the table or chair. Put it in a napkin and put it in the garbage or didn’t your parents teach you any manners? ASSHOLE!
John wrote on 03/5/10 at 3:36 am :
Black people.
Black people are the worst tippers if they bother to leave one.
I mess with your food for that.
Kate wrote on 03/25/10 at 9:10 pm :
Ask me if i can set up a table of 8 for you, then after ive moved all the spare tables into an 8 top, i turn around to find you’ve “changed your mind”
david wrote on 03/28/10 at 2:13 pm :
I used to get upset when people didn’t tip me, especially when you went out of your way to keep them from bitching. But you didn’t complain when that guy left you 200%? did you?
it all evens out, it doesn’t make it right though. My major thing is people that have absolutely no substance. They have nothing to talk about except the expressions on your face or what’s in your hand at the time.
FIND SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE TO LOOK AT!
most bars and restaurants are not strip clubs, so why have you been staring at me for 10 straight hours? how would you feel if I came to your work and stared at you all day?
ask you stupid questions like “is that a copy machine”? or “what’s new?”? or “what’s wrong” wouldn’t feel too comfortable would you? and if you say anything about it i’ll complain and you’re fired.
what a wonderful field we work in.
I couldn’t imagine going somewhere after not tipping or being an asshole, man these people have consumed quite a bit of piss, spit, and shit in their lifetime. This is why everything is done behind closed doors or a swinging one anyway.
Amanda wrote on 04/15/10 at 11:48 am :
You ask me what my mother thinks about my multiple ear piercings. She doesn’t give a fuck.
You get annoyed when you realize I actually have other tables to wait on besides you. Yes, it is true… the world actually does not revolve around you
When a table in my 3-table section on a busy day comes in armed with briefcases and laptops and camps out in my section. This is a RESTAURANT, not an office!
If I’m polite enough to go to the trouble of introducing myself to you and reciting our specials, DON’T be rude and interrupt me. You can wait for 15 seconds
If I ask you “How are you doing today?” the correct answer is not “Coffee” or some other beverage or a single finger and “Not right now” Rude assholes.
If I bring your STEAMING food out immediately, do not tell me it is cold. When you do, and I take it back so it can be reheated so its practically flaming, do not continue to complain that its cold. You are either old, retarded, or looking for a free meal
Do not act shocked and offended when you discover that your coffee, which I got for you fifteen minutes ago, is now cold. If you had actually drank it instead of jabbering the entire time, guess what- you would have drunk it when it was HOT. Shocker.
Momo wrote on 05/27/10 at 6:34 am :
Mark: I ALWAYS offer to bring crackers to a table with a young child. It’s often worth the mess for the child not to be screaming while they wait for their food.(I’m not leaving the mess for the busboy either, at my restaurant we host, serve, and bus).
This page is hilarious, and mostly accurate. I often think of items I could use to add to silly lists like this throughout the day, then forget all my ideas when I get around to it!
odiscordia wrote on 05/31/10 at 12:38 pm :
“If I have to wait half a fucking hour for a refill on water when the restaurant is not that crowded, i.e. early dinnertime, and the food is undercooked or not well prepared, you’re not getting a 15% tip”-smalltowndiner
smalltowndiner, its retard assholes like you that make this job so much more draining than it should have to be. saying you would lower the tip because the food is not cooked to your standard is like saying you would dock the cook’s check because the server took 10 minutes to greet you. how does your tiny mind make that connection?
Tracy wrote on 06/3/10 at 8:44 pm :
” You request a list of the CD’s we’re playing on the house stereo.”
What’s wrong with this? I can see if it’s really busy and you’re understaffed, but perhaps the customer really enjoys the music and would like to purchase it themselves? Is that such an imposition? It’s not like they asked for a recipe or something. I just don’t get where this gets lumped in with bad tipping, no tipping, asking for a prostitute and general rudeness.
Lisa Manzie wrote on 06/6/10 at 12:22 am :
As a bartender, i certainly have my fair share of asshole customers:
1. Start a tab with the bartender, and then move to a table, or start a tab with a waiter/waitress and then move to the bar.
2. Tell me that you have worked in the industry, but what you actually mean is that you served icecream when you were 14.
3. Ask me if i know how to make a “screwdriver”.
4. You order a Cape Cod instead of just asking for a vodka and cranberry with a lime.
5. You ask me to change what’s on TV, only to leave 5 minutes later.
6. You ask me, “What should i tip you?”
7. You say, “You would be much prettier if you smiled more often.”
8. You say while im wiping down the bar, “You missed a spot.” It’s old and not funny!
9. You bitch to me about prices-I DON’T MAKE THEM!
10. When i ask you what you would like to drink, you immediately ask for a menu; better yet, you start barking out your food order.
11. You get angry because the Superbowl is on TV instead of Nascar!
12. When i give you your change, don’t bother being discreet when you put your money back in your pocket. I know what you are doing!
13. If a waiter/waitress cuts you off, don’t come to me and try to get a drink.
14. Ladies, when i ask you what you want to drink, don’t look at your husband/boyfriend for suggestions.
15. Definately DO NOT STAND ON THE BAR STOOL AND WAVE YOUR MONEY IN MY FACE. You certainly will not get served that way!
16. If i am slammed, please don’t strike up a conversation with me.
17. When i am standing at my station and making drinks, don’t start yelling out your orders unless i make direct eye contact with you for longer than a nanosecond.
18. You think bartenders are stupid and incapable of a “real job”.
19. You whip out your tip calculator on your cell phone.
20. Lastly, don’t demand great service if you are known to be a shitty tipper.
Lisa Manzie wrote on 06/6/10 at 12:26 am :
Oh, and two more things!
21. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT, order a drink by saying, light on the cranberry, or light on the coke. What you really mean is, heavy on the alchohol.
22. If you ask for less ice, that doesn’t mean you are getting more alcohol.
Anonymous wrote on 07/15/10 at 3:25 am :
when you order things like mango tea and send it back because it doesn’t taste good. We don’t have flavored teas to begin with. Asking for a puree to be added to your tea is a gamble. Mango? Really!?
sacred buffalo wrote on 07/23/10 at 9:45 am :
You come in a breakfast restaurant pull out your laptop,papers waiting for someone to join you .Get the breakfast special give the waitress $2.00 while you take up her table for 2 to 3 hours while conducting business. Makes me crazy!!
Mary wrote on 07/26/10 at 3:33 pm :
I’m a server at a bar and grill that’s more of a bar (a ton of beers on tap, seat yourself, kitchen closes three hours before the bar closes, no uniforms, have to surrender a credit card to start a tab after 8pm, etc.), so comment 130 speaks to me. Here are some more:
1. You pay cash per drink but say “I’ll tip you at the end”. No you won’t.
2. Your server has tattoos and you want a long complicated story with all the details about what they all mean when it’s obviously very busy.
3. You use “Diet Coke” or “Bud Light” as a response to “Hi, how are you tonight?”
4. You order a drink and say you want to pay cash as you go, rather than start a tab. Then disappear into the crowd or go out to the patio before your drink is delivered- forcing the server top search for you or eat the cost of the drink.
5. You seat yourself directly under the speaker and then want the music turned down rather than switch tables.
6. You want the music turned down at 11pm on a Saturday night.
7. You order double Grey Goose and Red Bull.
8. You send back your Long Island Iced Tea because it’s too strong.
9. You order a round of 6 shots and want each shot to be put on 6 separate tabs. Especially bad if you didn’t discuss the purchase with the other 5 people.
10. You order a round of 10 jagerbombs (70 bucks at my bar) and tip a dollar.
11. You ask when the kitchen closes. Then two hours later- and five minutes before it closes- you finally want to order food.
12. Once the kitchen is closed you insist “There must be something back there. You don’t have to cook chips and salsa, right?”
13. You ask your obviously past normal college aged server “so, where are you going to school?” like that must be the reason you work in a bar.
14. You order your drink and say “and make sure *enter bartender’s name here* makes it.”
15. You order backwards, i.e. “Can I get a soda water and lime… and vodka?”
16. You seat yourself at the only dirty table that is situated between two identical, unoccupied clean tables.
17. You order a blueberry vodka and lemonade, single, in a pint glass. Then say you can’t taste the alcohol.
18. You ask to see the wine list in a sports bar.
19. You stand in front of the sever drink section of the bar and refuse to move. There’s a reason that piece of bar was unoccupied. Did the large bar mat/ lined up server drink tickets, bar towels/ empty glasses/ sign that says “service only” not tip you off?
20. You sit your food/ drink/ self on the pool table.
21. You spit your chewing tobacco into a pint glass.
22. You spit your chewing tobacco into a plastic cup and leave it on the table. Why don’t you just leave a urine sample along with it?
23. You say you want to start a tab, but refuse to surrender your credit card.
24. Your drunk ass knocks over a full tray of drinks the server is holding, and you don’t apologize. Accidents happen, but just say sorry!
25. You leave your phone number on the credit card slip- along with a ten percent tip.
And this is one of my favorites: A customer wanted to know what our cheapest tequila was. I said the well was $4.25. He asked what else we had. I told him Cuervo Gold was $5, and Patron and Don Julio were $7. He asked for Don Julio. I, just to make sure he knew, said “ok, but it is $7, sir. Is that ok?” He said that I obviously didn’t know what I was talking about and didn’t have time to listen to me try to figure out my job. He went to the bar. He came back with Don Julio and informed me that I should have told him we carried it.