50 Signs You Might Be An Asshole Customer

1) You bring your own teabags.

2) You ask for separate checks after you’ve finished your meal.

3) You’re a foreigner who knows the customary tip in the US is 15% but feign ignorance so you can save a few bucks.

4) You bring your own appetizers. (Swear that happened to me once.)

5) You ask “What are the specials?” before your ass hits the chair.

6) After you’ve eaten all of your food you decide you don’t like it and demand a full refund.

7) You ask the waiter for ice, sugar, and lemon and make your own lemonade. (I’ve seen people make their own ice tea too!)

8) You request a list of the CD’s we’re playing on the house stereo.

9) You bring your dog or cat into the restaurant. (This isn’t France!)

10) You arrive on time but your friends are an hour late. You insist on being sat in the dining room but refuse to order anything more complicated than water with lemon and five baskets of bread.

11) You tell the waiter you’re allergic to something when you’re not.

12) You bring your cup of Starbucks coffee into the restaurant.

13) You have a $50 dollar gift certificate and a hundred dollar check. The waiter deducts the gift certificate from your total and you only tip the waiter on the remaining $50.

14) You tell the waiter you’re “in the business.”

15) You demand the best table on Saturday night even though you don’t have a reservation.

16) The check’s $100.01 and you split the check between two credit cards. You get the credit card slip for $50.01 and your friend gets the one for $50. He leaves a $7.50 tip and you leave one for $7.49.

17) You’re late for your reservation and don’t bother to call.

18) You make five reservations at five restaurants, pick one, and don’t bother to tell the others you’re canceling.

19) You’ve paid the check, you have your coats on, but you still won’t leave.

20) You get sat five minutes before closing and say “We don’t want to be rushed.”

21) You have sex in the restroom and don’t clean up after yourselves.

22) You let your sweet little children run rampant throughout the restaurant and think it’s “cute.”

23) You just walk in and sit down, ignoring the hostess.

24) You don’t tip the coat check girl.

25) You claim you’re “a friend of the owner.” So what? 5000 people are operating under a similar delusion.

26) You ask if we’ll open on Christmas just for you.

27) You say “Do you know who I am?”

28) You say “Do you know who I work for?”

29) You drunkenly ask the waiter if the Bangladeshi busboy is a terrorist.

30) You praise the waiter to high heaven but leave him 7%. (The Dreaded Verbal Tip!)

31) Even worse, you leave religious tracts instead of a tip.

32) You ask the waiter to fetch you a prostitute.

33) You take twenty minutes to complete the wine tasting ritual.

34) You ask for the “big glasses” when drinking house wine by the glass.

35) You tell the waiter “you’ll take care of him” and then leave him less than 15%.

36) You ask the waiter his or her name only so you can shout it when your martini’s running low.

37) You ask your waitress if her breasts are real.

38) You grab the waiter by the elbow when he or she walks by to get their attention.

39) You make the waiter recite the specials five times.

40) You get so drunk you vomit all over the table.

41) You hand the waiter a dirty diaper.

42) You want to haggle over the prices.

43) You ask the waiter “How old do I look?”

44) You get mad that there’s a split charge and refuse to pay it.

45) You leave a penny on the table. Go fuck yourself. It’s been done.

46) You ask for sushi at an Italian restaurant.

47) You ask for unreasonable substitutions. (Can I have au gratin potatoes instead of pasta?)

48) You’re so drunk you walk out with both credit card slips.

49) You lost your cell phone but insist the bus boys stole it.

50) You never say “please” or “thank you.”

Just like last time – if you have any other “asshole signs” leave them in the comments section.


50 Signs You Might Be An Asshole Customer — 243 Comments

  1. You spill something and don’t even make an effort to act like you want to clean it up, or even worse, just leave it like that for someone to slip and fall in.

    • 1:you rudely complain to me that your steak isn’t cooked right as if it’s my responsibility to cook the food as well as wait on you arm and limb and you leave a shitty tip.

      2:you tell your son to yell at me across the room “bring me mustard!” And then have a cow when I turn around to get it from the kitchen because you think I didn’t hear you. You continue to yell the same thing at me over and over.

      3: you complain that the table who ordered after you got their food first when you ordered a steak and they ordered a sandwich. By nature your food takes longer to cook but you don’t allow the waitress to explain that to you. Instead you tell her to shut up make her cry and then proceed to complain to the manager about your “BITCHY attitude”

      4:you ask me to adjust the temperature of the entire building when it’s full of other customers who may not feel as hot or as cold as you. Also disregarding the fact that wait staff is running around sweating like crazy and NEED the fans on in order to NOT PASS OUT.

      5: you walk in five minutes till closing, ask if we are about to close (we reply with a yes), then say “well I’ve got time. I don’t have anywhere to be” then proceed to order the meal with the longest cook time, leisurely eating it knowing we can’t go home until you finish.

      6:spray your nasty shit all over the bathroom wall, and leave hand shaped smears of Shit all over the doors, toilet, etc.

      7: throw your used paper towels under the sink where we keep the cleaning supplies, disregarding the trash can directly behind you.

      8: ENTER THE KITCHEN to help yourself to whatever you want!! Fuck you

      9: tear up every paper item you can find into little pieces and shove them into the tops of condiment bottles, behind or in the sugar caddy, or simply throw them on the floor.

      10: ask for gluten free everything at a southern home style restaurant.

      11: tell me how tired your office job sitting at a desk in the ac makes you

      12: ask for a to go box, fill it, then leave it.

      13: complain that the food is not enjoyable for you while rudely rejecting any solution I offer you to fix the issue. And complain more, and some more, and some more…still refusing let me help fix it.

      12: ask me the special and then cut me off mid sentence because you aren’t going to order it and feel I need to shut up now that you’ve decided you’re not interested.

      13:I ask how you are today. You reply “sweet tea”

      14: you say, “bring me..” when your order food.

      15: you bark “M’AM!” Across the room at the same time as twelve other old ladies who are grasping at my clothes to summon me.

      16: you create or support this website.. http://www.bantipping.com

      17: arrive with no reservation and announce there will be thirty of you.

      The list never ends…

  2. Thank you so much! That was great! The food was great, and the service was even better! (Not good enough to leave a tip, but just great none the less!) Don’t tell me show me! My Landlord doesn’t accept great as a form of payment you tight arse mother f@#$%r!

  3. When rude costumers 13 year old snaps fingers at you for a refill. Just makes me want to say your a load your mother sould have swallowed

  4. When customers refer to you, or something you have done, and you’re standing right there at their table. For example, Rude Woman would say to her husband, “well, the waiter said so and so and the waiter this and that”, when you are standing right there at their table. That is so rude.

  5. You take the menu and look at it. I check on you and you say come back in a bit. We repeat this process a couple of times. I give up and wait for the menus to hit the table. You don’t put down the menu or even look up but still expect me to telepathically know that you’re ready to order thirty minutes later.

  6. When you say you’re ready to order (YES YOU ARE READY TO ORDER) but still not sure what you want. . . time is money lady, you’re not the only table i’m waiting on. . .

    • Foreigners love this tactic,..frantically calling you over “we’re ready”. What do you recommend…just fucking die people.

  7. You assume your waiter is like a greek slave and treat him like one….that including a bullwip and chains.

  8. 16) The check’s $100.01 and you split the check between two credit cards. You get the credit card slip for $50.01 and your friend gets the one for $50. He leaves a $7.50 tip and you leave one for $7.49.

    So you call someone an asshole over 0.15 cents? How nice…

  9. You order something for carryout, then sit at a table to eat it, leaving your mess for the wait staff to clean up.

    • Yes.. they say they’re taking out so they don’t have to tip you, then they decide to sit down and have you fetch them everything.

  10. you have a table of ten and when your food you brought you ask for something and tell them thats all but when they bring it to you ask for something else…and continue until they came back and forth five times or more…and then only leave them $10 on a $80 check!!1

  11. I ask you how you’re doing this evening and your reply is “Iced Tea”. REALLY?! Well, that’s an interesting mood, asshole!

    You joke that “this will effect your tip!”. That’s not funny. EVER.

    You argue with me about how much you drank when you see your tab. “I didn’t have 12 Long Island Iced Teas!” Really, Drunkie Drunk? I am sober and I don’t have the time or energy to figure out why it would be at all beneficial for me to add extra drinks to your tab.

    You ask me what my mother says about my tiny nose stud. It’s 2008 and I’m 25 years old. She lives with it.

  12. @Kempeth

    It’s not about the money–It’s the spirit of the whole thing.

    You are going to be that fucking cheap? You are an asshole.

  13. You let your infant child, who has no nappy change, poop in our pot plant. I’m serious. The restaurant smelt like an open sewer for days.


  14. You verbally dissect the wait staff as the only table in the place and with the entire staff no more than 10 feet away in any direction. (What can I say, it was a small place.)

    • You my friend, are obviously an asshole customer. That’s why you got so offended by the list. Stop being a cheap little prick, and you wouldn’t have to worry about it.

    • ANY server has experienced and would be bothered by the majority of these things. You’ve clearly never served before. Not sure why you even read this, but hopefully you learned something. Let’s add that to the list! “You read this list and think “Oh God you’re seriously offended by that?”” Umm people snapping their fingers at you or physically grabbing you for your attention? I’m a person, not a dog. Ignoring the hostess and seating yourself? The host is there for a reason. Taking both credit card slips so you don’t make SHIT off that table? If you can’t see how that’s offensive there’s something very wrong about you.

  15. A friend of mine is a waiter, and speaks fluent German. Some German tourists tried the “No English when it’s tipping time” trick. When he revealed that he spoke German, suddenly they didn’t speak that language either.

  16. Oh, post 18 reminds me of another. I saw a guy in a restaurant trying to impress his date by calling a waitress “Garcon”. I had to discreetly explain that it means “boy”. Not really an asshole thing to do, but still funny.

  17. Pretty sure every single one of these has happened to me! Always loved the religious tracts. If these are the kind of cheap bastards in heaven, I’ll be happier in hell.

  18. I once had a party of 30 (90% of them were over the age of 50) and they all wanted separate checks, but to top it off, at the end of their meal all of them were in a hurry to leave and wanted their checks immediately. Oh yeah!! The tips were an average of $2.50 each.

  19. You come to a tapas restaurant and want one of each dish to cover all 10 of you when the dishes are designed for four max!

  20. You cross examine the waiter on every item of the menu, dissecting its nutritional content with particular emphasis on the dairy content of each item before ordering a green salad. Then, for dessert, a nice banana split and a latte. Why waste my time?

  21. When I go out to one of the diners near my house, I bring my own ketchup. Does that make me an asshole? I will not eat that poison Heinz Ketchup, but for some reason, it’s the only freakin’ brand in every restaurant!

  22. when people’s stuff is all over the table (keys, purse, phone, wallet, elbows, entwined hands) and there’s no where to put their drinks or food. and then give ME a disgusting look like i’m in THEIR way. do you want your drinks on the table or in your purse? your choice.

  23. most of those have happened to me. however, another asshole trait would be the customer gets mad at you when their credit card is declined…and you’ve already checked that it isn’t an error with your system.

    dude, it’s not my fault you’re spending beyond your means.

  24. When the restaurant is packed, there is only 1 of you, and the hostess gives you a slightly less than choice two top and then you DEMAND to be moved to the only four top open on the floor

  25. LOL. I want bitch slap the customer when I heard:
    1) “Oh, tea and water all around” says one person when there are 20 people in the group. (knowing tea and water is free in Japanese restaurant) yeah, you think you are being considerate and ask me to bring everything that is free? those people are often cheap and leave me 8% tip. assholes…
    2) “I don’t need any drinks, just a cup of tea, water, and hot water” 3 of them are called “drinks”! moron..
    3) “you don’t serve lunch?” at 6pm, and get all mad, rude, no tip…burn in hell..

  26. oh, one more thing.
    Ask for “grade-up substitution” like chicken to beef, vegetable to shrimp etc…and refuse to pay extra, saying “I’m the customer, I get what I want!!” yeah.. when you pay, you are the customer, but if you are not paying….can you please get the hell out of the restaurant?

  27. 1. leaving your dirty dishes on another clean table before the server has a chance to remove them from yours.

    2. coming up to a server and asking them a question or verbally demanding his or her attention while mid-sentence at another table. infuriating, and rude to all parties present.

    3. getting angry because we don’t have your specific brand of tequila/vodka/gin.

  28. 1.When you completely ignore your waiter/waitress when they walk up to the table to do the whole introduction/”can i get you something to drink?” ritual. It’s rude.

    2. Tapping your waiter on the arm while they’re in the middle of talking with another table. I mean, really??

    3. After running to fetch you more napkins, I come back and you now want more sauce. I fetch that, come back and now you want another plate….and so on. THEN at the end of this whole ordeal you stiff me. I don’t know if you realize this, but slavery was outlawed in this country years ago! So please pay me for running to and from the kitchen to appease you.

  29. my favorite-is when the restaurant is packed, and there are younger children at the table, and the parents insist on letting the kid order. then it’s a whole back and forth-“no mom-you know what I want”…”no, you order from the waitress” …”no you mom, just tell her”…ugh- work out your parenting issues at home

  30. i love the creepy guys who think its original to hit on the waitress-bartender…ok buddy-it’s been done 5,000 times today…relax. like my job doesn’t suck enough, I gotta feign interest and humility just because joe blow has no social skills. AND, when they don’t tip on top-or very little. way to impress.

  31. 41 has happened to me. Horrifying, really. I work on a dinner cruise that does a lot of events, but it’s still a high-class restaurant, you know? Some lady had changed her son’s diaper and walked over to me with a present–“Hi. This is… well, I don’t mean to be vulgar, but this has got poop in it. Can you throw it out for me?” And I did.

    We’ve also got a chocolate fountain and there is always a bowl of marshmallows right next to it. Sometimes, the marshmallows fall on the ground and get stuck to our patrons’ shoes. A woman walked up to me–“WHAT IS THIS!! WHITE STUFF ON MY SHOE!!! GET IT OFF!!” “Ma’am, I think you might’ve just stepped in something.” “BUT IT’S TRACKING WHITE STUFF ALL ACROSS THE FLOOR!! Can I have a napkin please?!?” I hand her a napkin, and she just looks at me. “Do you think you could help me out?” she asks. I proceed to peel marshmallow off a lady’s shoe. In front of customers.

  32. To Post 31, Yummy: Tea is what many, many Japanese people drink when they eat. Same with a lot of Chinese people. Some restaurants charge for tea, some don’t. Hell, some Chinese restaurants don’t charge for rice. It’s unfortunate that your restaurant doesn’t charge for what your patrons may want to drink most, and not necessarily a sign of cheapness.

  33. order more mixed drinks then food and while chowing down on the free bread and tip me a measly 10%. Do you not realize that the Bar tender, the busser and I are all sharing this tip? Fuck you. Don’t come back.

  34. Leave your long coat on a chair back, or your bag strap or your briefcase, sticking out into the walkway so that waitstaff can potentially trip over it. Damn that even drives me crazy as a customer, when I have to risk life and limb just to get to my table.

    As a former bartender, I can tell you that I’ve experienced a ton of these, but number 13 was my absolute bugbear. You don’t tip on what you pay, you tip on what you ordered, dumbass. I worked for Hyatt Hotels back in the ’80s, when Gold Passport customers got 2 free drink tickets on check-in. Maybe 20% of them tipped when using them, however. We managed to get a policy instated that forced management to tip us out on 15% of the tickets’ worth. Of course, Reagan had just passed that bill that caused all of us to have to pay taxes on a porton of our sales AND we were a union shop, so we had a powerful argument that we might end up paying taxes on supposed income we hadn’t actually earned. But that was a great victory.

    Besides 13, I’ve lived through 3, 5, 19, 25, 27, 28, 30, 35, 42, 48 and 50. Those people will burn in hell. But, especially, #13.

  35. Demand that you be “comp’d” for a portion of your meal…

    It is one thing if the house decides to compensate you for a restaurant error. It is something entirely different when you eat your *entire* HOT fudge brownie and then demand to have it removed from your bill because it was too HOT for your all consuming mouth.

    And please, don’t tell me you’re a regular and that I should be aware of your every whim. You become a regular when *I* recognize you as a regular. Not when you tell me you are.

    Cheers! :)

  36. when you bring an outdated coupon for buy one get one free entree and fail to read the fine print where it says you must present coupon before ordering food or it will not be honored and when confronted about the situation walk out on your tab stiffing your dining partners and the establishment for the bill

  37. Similar to the gift certificate – I hate when someone give you some cash towards the bill and pays the rest on credit card but only tips on the credit card amount. Also – when you close the patio because its pouring with rain but people insist on sitting under an umbrella and have you serve them standing in the rain. The best – when someone tells you they used to “waitress” too – generally means you are getting 10%. 10years in the industry I could type all night. This list gave me many laughs!

  38. It really bugs the crap out of me when we’re getting ready to close and one table of customers (usually the ladies who lunch types) who have been sitting there for an hour and a half and haven’t paid their bill proceed get bent out of shape when they’re asked if they’re ready to pay. Look, you can sit there all day and have infinite refills of soda and tea but just pay your damn bill first!

  39. How about telling your server that you made your girlfriend orgasm 35 times last night while she’s using the restroom….gross and I don’t think so!

    Being unhappy with our many choices of vegetable, order one anyway, only to take it off your dish and not eat it.

    Complain that I didn’t bring enough bread, ask for more and don’t eat it. 95% of customers that ask for more bread after their dinner has arrived never touch it.

    Use bad language/swear casually. I don’t know you – it’s rude.

    Ask where you should sign on your bill before you even hand me the credit card? I haven’t run in through yet….Have you never been out before?

    Oh – how about walking right into the dining room and seating yourself!!!!

    Involve me in an argument as to who will be paying the bill and really get angry with ME if you don’t get to pay.

    Cannot control your bowels!!! I have seen grown adults shit their pants and women completely destroy the bathroom without apology or any attempt to clean it up. Seriosly – stay home!

  40. Wow……after reading all of the above blogs I am shocked that this isn’t everybodies number 1 issue….walked tabs….I don’t want to pay for you to eat and I sure don’t want to work for free…so you better believe I will remember your face…and be glad I don’t post ur name assholes.

  41. I’m so glad to know the penny thing happens to you. That means I don’t need to feel as bad when it happens to me.

  42. Touching your waitress (or waiter) in any way is NEVER ok!!! I have been tapped, poked, groped, grabbed, hugged, and shoved by customers. Once I was even whacked in the face as I was walking by a high-top table (causing me to drop an entire tray of drinks) although the man claimed he meant to hit my shoulder to get my attention (ya like that’s a LEGITIMATE place to hit me!) I don’t know you, give me my space… Period!

  43. ask for bread as soon as you are handed a menu. bread comes with your dinner not your menu! Then when I ask you how your meal is you totally ignore me, then decide to complain when I bring you the bill. I think that we should still have public hangings.

  44. 1) The server comes to ask you how everything is, and you don’t even acknowledge him with a glance up.

    2) You let your children dump out the sugars from the sugar caddies and don’t bother to put it back.

    3) Even worse, you apologize to the server that your children have made a mess, and yet don’t clean it up or tip well to compensate.

    4) You complain about your meal, yet refuse to let the server fix your meal or get you something new.

    5) Rather than leaving a tip on the credit card slip, you leave a list of criticisms about the service and food.

    6) You use a tip calculator and tip accordingly, down to the cent.

    7) You complain about the price a menu item. Particularly rude in chain restaurants (where the prices are dictated by a board of directors from a different state).

    8) You see the your server has more tables than he can handle, but make a big deal of having slower service.

    9) You find your server in the kitchen to ask for a lemon for your water.

    10) You ask your bartender to give you free drinks.

      • Um no and it’s not the servers fault for being busy. Maybe the manager sent people home or its the time between the lunch and dinner shit. If your the only person on and it gets busy, you have to take the tables. You have no choice. Which means you might have to host, expo, serve and run the entire restaurant with a few people. So if you have slow service but it’s because the server is running around and extremely busy. Try and be understanding please

  45. When the check comes to the table you respond with either, “We’re not staying for the drawing” or “I didn’t order that”.

    You are the 10 thousand’th person to say this. It was not funny the first time and it’s not funny now.

    Also waiting until you pay the bill, after the server has asked you over and over again if everything is all right and you said that it is, to complain.

    I actually had a customer complain the other day when I was cashing him out, that he paid for the salad bar and there wasn’t any mac salad or coleslaw out. Before I could respond, He said, “oh she brought us some anyway. But we’ll never be back”.

    Good riddance buddy!!!!!!!

  46. You refuse to tip at a buffet-style restaurant because your waiter didn’t actually bring you your food.

    No, but they did bring your beverages, bus your table, ask you if you needed anything, and clean up after your bratty kids spilled their drinks all over the place.

  47. Have waiters really become so self-entitled since I last waited a table? Most of these are legit but some, geez …

    “I don’t know if you realize this, but slavery was outlawed in this country years ago! So please pay me for running to and from the kitchen to appease you.”

    That’s one of the more offensive things that I’ve seen on this site and I’m the most un-PC person you’ll ever meet nor am I a minority. But to compare waiting tables to slavery is just ignorant. I’m pretty sure you have the option of walking off the plantation whenever your pay isn’t what you would like.

    “You use a tip calculator and tip accordingly, down to the cent.”

    It may make the customer look like a douchebag but at least he’s making an effort to get you your 15% whether you deserved it or not. Maybe the guy is just really bad at math.

    “You refuse to tip at a buffet-style restaurant because your waiter didn’t actually bring you your food.”

    And are you expecting a 20% tip for bringing me my Dr Pepper? I haven’t heard of employees in a buffet-style restaurant only earning a couple of bucks an hour plus tips. I’ll leave you a buck or two if you did a bit more than dropping off my napkins. If you want a nice tip, go work somewhere that will require you to have a little more interaction. Customers don’t tip because they got excellent bus service.

    • You waited tables exactly when….? You once were, but no longer are…a part if waitstaff. Take your references along with the inane “politically correct” part of your post and express it to the ladies who lunch. You sound like one of them.

    • You already sound like one of the “I’m in/was in the industry” people. This is a rant site, get out of here with your was a waiter Attitude and go back to your “career”!

  48. The number one way of telling your server is insane:

    1) Two minutes after asking “How is your night going?” you have a full recount of their life, to include the current problem with her family disowning her after they met her boyfriend. ‘Maybe she’s having an off night’, you say. The busboy confirms she has done that to all of her customers since getting the job in ’04.

  49. @ 31 – I always order hot (green) tea when I go out for Japanese food. I think it compliments the flavor of the food and there is usually a teapot pitcher already made up.

    Do I expect to be charged for it? Yes.

    So please do not judge all of us tea drinkers poorly. I tip upwards of 15%.

  50. And for that matter, my mother uses the tip calculator on her phone. And trust me, you want her to. If it is up to her (very bad) math, you’ll get less of a tip because she cannot mentally differentiate between 10% and 15%.

    At least that way, you’ll get 15%.

    (I’ve tried to train her off of the calculator but after four years, I gave up.)

  51. I am guilty of at least 2 12 and 45 off the top of my head.
    2)Happens more than I like to admit.
    12)Usually happens at lunch when I need that extra boost of Caffeine

    45)I try to be good to my servers, 15%-20% at the minimum and don’t take out issues with the food on the people who just bring it out. I have on occasion gone to extremes on both ends of the scale. I have left a 50% tip and asked for a manager so I could thank them personally for the service, (one new kid was shaking in his boots until he found out I was not going to complain about him.)
    On the other side of all this are the occasions that I have been so unhappy with the service that I left not a penny but the torn half of a dollar bill for a tip. In my entire life I have done that one twice and if that makes me an asshole then so be it.

  52. Where I work In TN, a server earns between 2.40 and 2.80 and hour. Yes I work in a buffet style resteraunt. Do I have to more often then not, wait on you, bus the table when you leave, cash you out help with the bar if needed and seat people, YES. Am I asking for one person to compensate everything I have to do, NO! But for the love of all that is holy…if you get decent service which I try to give beyond what I’m asked to because I do know my tip depends on it, TIP ME. Don’t tell me everything was wonderful, you enjoyed everything and then walk out and not tip!

  53. You sit the server down at your table after your meal (when they’ve got three other 6 tops) and tell them everything they did wrong because you’ve been a server for “over a year” at another restaurant, but it was all because you didn’t like the salad dressing. And you say this all with your arm around her! I’m still trying to figure out if that was a sick joke. Yes, I was that waitress! It makes my skin crawl to this day.

    And honeslty, I didn’t mind people bringing in their coffee. More often than not, they still order a drink, and if they don’t, then it’s less work for me.

  54. To add to the last comment, i hate it when regulars pull you aside and expect you to have a five minute conversation with them during a dinner rush. Just because you know my name doesn’t mean i want talk to you all night long. I have no idea why, but people always expect me to tell them my lifes story during one meal or expect me to hear theres. Its gotten to the point where i don’t introduce myself by name anymore. Small talk is fine, but like the name implies, keep it small.

    Heres a hint, don’t consider your waiter a friend, if you have never socialized with them outside of the restaurant, theyre probably just feigning interest, its our JOB to act like were fucking interested in what you have to say.

    Granted the more you tip, the more interested ill act.

  55. These posts are AWESOME! I am new to this restaurant industry and these comments give a deep insight into the business. I had 2 families come in today-one family let their little baby spill rice all over the table and floor-and the guy said he used to work in a restaurant. How cute. The other family stayed for about an hour and a half, and, while the mother and child spent alot of time in the washroom, the father played videogames-the volume was loud- on his whatchamacallit. How classy.

  56. Or how about you get a waiter who thinks that they are the coolest when actually they are paid to bring me my food and shut the f**k up. I mean seriously, you have the mental capacity to write down my order, give it to the chef who cooks it and plates it, then you bring my plate to me and you expect me to do a f**king back flip because you did it so well? Give me a break. I remember when you had to EARN a 10% tip. Now servers expect 20% no matter how big of a burned out idiot they are.

    You will understand one day when you don’t carry other people’s food for a living. If that day ever comes.

      • Wow, so much negativity! Is someone holding a gun to your head to wait tables? Seriously, do not dine out that often, but always tip at least 20% and often way more than that. I get it. You provide a valuable service, and do deserve to be respected. But, the level of rancor and nastiness here is not productive.

    • Most of the servers I know have at least bachelors degrees. I speak three languages, have taught English in Argentina for 1.5 years, Lived in France and speak French, been to 6 countries specifically to learn about wine and have a Bachelors in Science and Manipulation. I have been an account manager for over 150 AAA restaurants and am personal friends with Emeril Lagossee. I promise I could school you on Obama care, Immigration reform, AB&T Law, Geography, Wine, Art, and Stocks. I would be willing to challenge your small mindedness and pure ignorance to that of any of our staff. You, as well as others think that because we serve we are stupid. If fact because of the flexibility, most servers have traveled, gone on adventures, done lots of creative jobs, gone through college, lived dreams. They have just chosen to not be confined to the guidelines that society has created which require most professionals to work 9-5 and have almost zero freedom or ability to change and grow. Basically SUCKS TO BE YOU MAN YOU ARE MISSING OUT OS SOME INTERESTING WORLDLY PEOPLE. Don’t worry you will probably end up with a waitress mistress or mister because you are bored with your life crave the freedom that is not attached to a cubical.

  57. Thank you Sphinxter.
    To everyone complaining about having to seat people or take order an hour before closing time…..umm, some of us don’t have a closing time. If I define my closing time as the time I shut down my laptop and head out of the office, I can safely say that at least twice a week I’m called or emailed AFTER closing time to work on something that has to be ready by 8am tomorrow morning. Some of us have to work weekends to meet unrealistic deadlines….do we get overtime for that? No. Do we get a bonus for that? “Well bonus is for top performers and since the whole team was busting their asses off, the TOP performers are people who hardly went home at all.”
    The argument that your landlord doesn’t take verbal praise for rent is a weak one. Neither does mine. But a lot of times I have to make do with it because expecting monetary compensation every time you WALK THE LENGTH OF YOUR RESTAURANT is insane!!! That’s like asking my peers they should all get offices on the same floor as mine because even I walk plenty of times to and from the elevators….easily an hour everyday is spent on all the walking around and traversing floors when that’s NOT MY JOB; my real work is sitting around not-getting-done. That hour’s worth of work I do in the evening is on my own time and nobody pays me for it…nor do I think I’m entitled to complain about things like these. Jeez.
    I get that you’re taxed on the expected tip and FWIW, I always try to tip 20%….15% if the service was poor (in case the kind of tipper I am decides how flawed my logic is). But to EXPECT something on top of it EVERY TIME you do a tiny bit more than the bare minimum is crazy.

    • The funniest thing about people like you is that you’ve clearly never had to work in this industry yet feel that you are somehow capable of drawing comparisons. I’ve worked both service jobs and your illustrious laptop job. There is no comparison.

    • You can’t make a comparison like that you ignorant fuck. The difference between your desk job and our serving job is that we servers LIVE OFF OF TIPS!!!!!!! You may have to take your work home with you now and then, but bitch, you’re most likely making a SALARY!!! How can you even begin to understand our struggle? Idiot.

  58. - You come into a restaurant after leaving a bar and your friend throws up on the table. You don’t pay your bill b/c the food’s not edible anymore and you tip two dollars.

    – You try to make your waiter try to serve you something that’s not on the menu and has never been on the menu.

    – You can’t stop making out long enough to tell your waiter your drink order.

    – You talk on your cell the whole meal and act like I’m interrupting you if I ask if everything’s ok.

    – You put empty sugar packets back in the container.

    – You try to preach at your waiter about your political views and expect them to agree.

  59. also…

    – You bang on the door and make gestures at the staff to let you in after we’ve already closed.

    – You let your kid stand up in the booth and mess with the people in the booth behind you.

    – You ask to borrow some cash.

    – You make fun of the uniform.

    – You yell at me if your credit card doesn’t go through.

    – You bring in McDonald’s to eat at a booth.

    – Just because there isn’t a sign on the door, you think it’s acceptable to come in not wearing a shirt or shoes.

    – You complain b/c there’s no smoking allowed in the restaurant even though there hasn’t been for years in any restaurant and you know that.

    – You tell other tables how much the service sucks when they sit down.

    – You steal a handful of mints that cost money.

  60. you ask 30 people for bread when i just got done telling you i would be right back with it and im not even out of eyesight yet………when you sit down the 1st words out of your mouth is “do you have that all you can eat” or ” are the drinks free refills”?

  61. you get pissed off when there is a small but reasonable up charge for something….its not my fault there is a charge and maybe if you werent such a dick i would try to bypass the charge.

  62. Sphinxter: I would not just spit, but I would shit in your food. I think that this blog was entitled 50 reasons you might be an asshole customer, so if you don’t like the feedback asshole find the one entitled 50 reasons you might be an asshole server. Maybe you’re having trouble wrapping your mind around the requisite mental capacity it would take to do that.

    FOB: For someone who feels as though they’re not entitled to complain about your hard-knock life, you sure do an awful lot of it. Boo-hoo-hoo. Go get your diaper changed.

  63. Ok, one that really pisses me off is when the patron tells you they’re alergic to something and they really arn’t. LOOK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. IF YOU DON’T WANT SOMETHING IN YOUR ENTREE THEN JUST TELL US. WE ARE NOT RETARTED. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL US “Oh remember I don’t want the tomatos..because I’m alergic and I’ll break out if I eat it and you’ll get in trouble”. What the fuck is wrong with you people. How fucking insulting do you have to be. Oh and let me let you in on a little secret…YOU.ARE.NOT.CLEVER. Every fucking old white person pulls the whole “I’m alergic” bullshit. Go home and die you old sacks of shit.

    –Pissed off Server

  64. Okay… So, here’s the thing about tips that gets me… If you have a huge party, you should really leave a tip, especially if it’s upwards of like 6. That’s a lot of stuff to be carrying around in a busy, crowded, hectic environment, and it’s obligatory to tip in that situation.

    HOWEVER! Usually the tip should depend on the QUALITY of the service provided, not just the fact that there is service. If I have to wait half a fucking hour for a refill on water when the restaurant is not that crowded, i.e. early dinnertime, and the food is undercooked or not well prepared, you’re not getting a 15% tip. Maybe 10% if the food comes out well. Maybe 8 if the dinner just sucks.

    People go out to restaurants to have a good meal, cooked to certain specifications, and be serviced. It’s a luxury. We don’t go out to eat to get shitty service and poorly cooked food. We could go to a fast food place for that kind of thing. People want to be pampered in restaurants where we leave tips. Most of the things in the list are pretty asshole-ish things to do, but just complaining about the tip is ridiculous.

    For good rules of thumb, the standard tips as I’ve been taught are as follows:

    Buffet: 10% for standard, 15% for exceptional service

    Sit Down Restaurant: 15% standard, 20% if good service, 25% possibly if with a big party and with good service.

    Restaurants where you have to have a reservation, or with some kind of extra services provided: 20% standard.

    Good servers deserve good tips. That’s why tip is synonymous with gratuity. if the patrons feel grateful for the services, they leave gratuity, right?

  65. A special note on Korean BBQ and Korean cuisine in general (which is dear to my heart, honestly):

    Sometimes waiters will cook your food for you, right in front of you. This is, in my opinion, exceptional service. They cook it for you often to make sure that the dishes are entirely cooked. This is a safety precaution. However, if you can cook your own Korean BBQ, good for you. You should still tip the server 15% standard. There are so many little side dishes in Korean cuisine (fried tofu, kimchi, various pickled or seasoned vegetables, etc… not to mention free rice most of the time) that it’s like carrying out twice the meal, as opposed to various European cuisines that may come with free bread.

    Hooray for cultural lessons!

  66. I once had a large table about an hour before closing time(not a big deal) come in with about 4 kids who they let run all over the resturant, I was bringing them pitchers of drinks, when one of the kids popped up from underneath the table knocking the cups of ice off my tray and all over the floor and table. THe lady then tells me I need to slow down. Seriouslt? Control your children, and please don’t blame the server for their misbehaving. I even said “sorry” to the kid before the mother repremanded me. But you just have to smile and suck it up becuase you chose this job, and thats what a good server does.

  67. you ask to move to another table after your kids have played around with table and completely messed up the setting.

    you just move of your own accord, regardless of whether there is a reserved sign on the table or not.

    you walk in on a friday or staurday night at 7 or later and expect us to have a “table for 10?”

    you signal me over to order, and THEN decide to take a look at the menu while i stand there…meanwhile 5 other tables are going unserviced.

    you make up your own meal and get pissy when i say we cant make it for you.

    i ask you if you want the rest of your meal “to go”, you say yes, i package it up and you decide you changed your mind when i bring it to your table.

    you let your kids not only run riot through the restaurant, but behind the bar and even let them get into the kitchen.

    you’ve been sitting at a table for a grand total of 2 minutes, and come up to me while im taking another tables order to ask me to come over when i’ m done.

    you give me a look like ive just sprouted a second head when i ask if you’re ready to order

    GAWD people annoy me!
    i get 17, 18, 19 and 22 on a regular basis too.

  68. What really grinds my gears is when there is a whole bunch of stuff all over the table, like when people have moved their cutlery and side plates from their original positions and have their wine glasses infront of them. Then when you come with the food (usually a plate in each hand) then they just sit there, don’t even acknowledge you and when you ask them if they could please move their things out of the way they give you this indignant look as if they have been inconvenienced.

  69. I’m a server, and for all you people who complained about having to tip servers, and think it’s incredibly easy to do our job, well fuck you. I’ve been serving for two years now (not nearly as long as Waiter, but it’s already driving me bonkers) and since I started I always leave good tips. When I and my husband go out we, typically, spend 20-30 dollars. My STANDARD tip, for an average server, is 4-5 bucks. I’ve tipped a server ten bucks on a 20 dollar tab because he took pretty good care of us on a busy Saturday morning. But I also tipped $2 for shitty service. Which is still a decent tip for a $20 tab(the woman asked if I wanted a fork to eat my FRUIT covered pancakes!)
    Good service deserves a good tip. Shitty service deserves a shitty tip.
    There have been times where I have worked my ass off for a table, and they leave me a shitty tip. But there are quite a few girls I work with who spend their whole night texting then wonder why they don’t make money…

  70. you see your waitress walking toward you with a coffee pot in her hand. There are no other customers around you, she is looking directly at you. You start waving at her and pointing to your coffee cups. What did you think she was doing, taking the coffee point for a stroll? This happened to me.

    Your waitress approaches you immediately to take your drink order. You continue your conversation, and ignore her. 5 minutes later she tries again, still you ignore her. She retreats to the bar, where she is close enough to see you and respond but far enough away to give you the privacy your “important” conversation demands. About 10 minutes later you call her over and complain in a condescending tone that she hasn’t taken a drink order! GRRRRR.

  71. Asshole things my customers have done:
    -There are only two of you, but you insist on being seated at a 6-top and insult the hostess for hesitating.
    -You bring in a sick baby and leave the server to clean up a vomit-covered table.
    -Your special party of fifteen had their meals provided on the house, and you leave a total of $3 as a tip.
    -Your husband changes his order three times, so you scream at the waitress until she’s almost crying because his food didn’t come out with yours. You then tell the entire restaurant that her bad service ruined your meal.
    -You order off the lunch menu at 8pm on a Friday.
    -You dig around in your purse in front of the waitress so you can pull out a single quarter to leave as the tip.
    -You call the waitress “girl.”
    -You order the King Cut, you eat all of the King Cut, then say you ordered the Petite Cut once you get the bill.

  72. #2 happens to me regularly, but my restaurant’s POS is actually set up specifically to account for this.

    I’ve had to deal with #20 and #23 before. #30 is the single most demoralizing thing I think I’ve had to deal with as a waiter. #31 just makes me hate religion.

    Oddly enough, #35 doesn’t apply where I work. On the very few occasions a customer has said something along those lines, I’ve been well looked-after. One table a woman said I’d get a big tip if I made sure her burger was well done. Well, evidently I did a damn good job of that, because I walked with a $35 tip on a $65 check.

    Oh, here’s another one: When the waiter informs you that the kitchen is running behind tonight, and repeatedly checks in with you to let you know he’s keeping an eye on you, and you STILL won’t shut up and stop asking where your food is. Didn’t we go over this, you jackasses? New Yorkers are the WORST about this.

  73. Oh, one thing I’d like certain…less-classically educated restaurant patrons to consider: waiters don’t give a shit about whether you leave the tip on the table or hand it to them. These people seem to universally come from one ethnic group, JUST one, and I cannot for the life of me fathom why. Regardless, this is only a problem when the person who insists on handing you the goddamned checkbook also tipped you 7%. Why don’t you just kick me in the balls, asshole? It’d be less painful. If you’re going to be a shitty tipper, don’t add insult to injury by throwing it in my face.

  74. Hate when customers don’t move their glasses when the food comes and they also have their arms and hands in the way too, then they look at you when the hot plates are burning a hole right through your arm like you’ve inconvienced them cause they have to move. People think if everything is not perfect and say you bring the check one minute late then you deserve to be stiffed, it’s like some look for something wrong so they don’t have to tip. I’ve given tables absolute perfect service and gotten stiffed. What tip haters don’t understand is that if things changed and restaurants outlawed tipping and decided to pay an hourly wage then service would go down the tubes cause servers would not care, dump your food off not go back to the table till it’s check time. How would you assholes like that? So tip well. I’m telling you if the previous table before you left a good tip the service will be 10 times better for you cause that will be motivation to keep giving good service.

  75. Sphinxter, I used to “carry other people’s food for a living” while working toward getting an education to get what you would probably condescendingly call a “real job.” I’ve learned several things:

    1. Waiting tables is a hell of a lot harder, psychologically, physically than any white-collar job.

    2. You and FOB clearly get paid a SALARY to carry out whatever marching orders your superiors in upper management have given you. It goes with the territory. When your territory involves $2.75/hour and an endless parade of people with severe entitlement complexes, tips are your only chance of making rent. So pardon us all to hell if we get pissed about wasting our skills and time for a 16-hour double shift to only make 12% of our total sales (pre-tax and pre-tipout).

    3. Yes, it is a skill. Since you’ve clearly never picked up a tray or order pad in your life, I would love to see you plopped down in the following scenario: it’s 7:30 p.m. on a Friday, table 25 is watching your every move because their apps haven’t come out yet, drinks for table 18 have been sitting on the bar for 5 minutes now, you’re taking down complicated and substitution-intensive orders for table 22 while the sous chef is trying to beckon you to the kitchen to tell you that entrees for table 21 are up and that two different specials have been 86ed, one of which specials the fifth person at 22 is right now trying to order, and the hostess just double-sat you. Good luck.

    4. More than anything, even though I no longer work in a restaurant, I hope with all my heart that I act nothing like you when I eat out.

    • Have lots of friends/ relatives that are servers, and always tip 20% or more likely, 25% plus, even for mediocre service. The sense of entitlement is disturbing. Really. You do not HAVE to do this job. If it’s so nasty/ undeserving, then find something else to do.

  76. Oh, the humanity! It’s been years, but the wounds have reopened like fresh stigmata. I have hundreds, but I’ll offer just one I didn’t see here.
    It’s 8pm on Friday night, the restaurant is packed with the crowd of people who will be patronizing the 3 cineplexes within walking distance.
    Your party of six walks in, is surprised that there is a 20 minute wait but you decide to wait 30 because you want to sit in a front booth by the window.
    Your special table finally opens and you sit down at 8:45pm and proceed to order burgers and steak, extra well, apps, and endless substitutions. As I prepare to walk away, you inform me that you’re in a hurry because your movie starts at 9:20.
    You can get as angry as you want,but I still won’t be able to twitch my nose and have your food cooked Bewitched style. There are 5 different McDonalds in the area and this isn’t one of them.
    No, I’m not kidding. You cannot be out of here and at the movie in 30 minutes.
    blank stares, sputtering, exchange of dumbfounded looks across the table.
    You clearly believe that English is my 2nd or even 3rd language and that I must have learned some obscure Canadian or Australian dialect where no means yes.
    The clock is ticking, sir. Now you don’t even have time to get jujubes in the lobby. But, please, by all means let’s proceed because you’re obviously much smarter and better edu-ma-cated than I, and I’m sure your calculations are correct.
    And finally the denoument-
    I’m soooooo sorry that I ruined your entire weekend with my terrible service. Yes, I did do it on purpose because I hate you. If you scream at my manager loud enough and long enough, you will certainly be vindicated by my immediate public humiliation and subsequent firing. You are not bat-shit crazy to think that not only should your meals be comped, but the restaurant should reimburse you for the tickets you wasted and the parking fees. What could be more reasonable?
    You’re never coming back?? What? But…but…I want to go through this with you again and again. Who will abuse me next week if you don’t come back?
    Whew!! I didn’t realize I was still harboring that. Thank you for the forum and the chance to rant.

  77. One thing that kills me is when a server gets off work shortly before closing to have a drink with a regular who was just about to leave and keep them there for an hour and a half after the time we close. Have some common courtesy I really don’t want to be there any longer than I have to be it’s a job not my idea of a social life

  78. When a customer automatically assumes that he will get more in his drink, just because he comes often. No no sir. I, and only I, decide if I want to add you half an ounce in your scotch. You don’t get to tell me that I should, and just because you asked me, I sure as hell won’t. In fact, you’re getting a quarter ounce less in each of your following drinks.
    Pretentious bastard.

    Oh, also when a customer (let’s call him Claude. Drunk, non-tipping complaining bastard i hate to call a regular) Comes every week, orders the same thing he did last week, and complains about (like he did last week) to get half-off. Yes, we’re a chain-restaurant so we avoid doing anything to our reputation, but obviously my manager got fed up. He never came back ever since he had to pay full price for his steak.

  79. When you come to the counter and order 2 cups of coffee to go, then all while standing at the counter, holding up other customers, you proceed to pour the coffee into your own cups, add a bunch of sugar & creamer, then leave the empty cups, lids, sugar and creamer on the counter. Some asshole from Maine (I saw his plates) did this to me on Monday.

  80. What I just love is when a customer has to show just how much smarter he is than you are…like I don’t have a brain or something? I have a degree… Unlike Sphinxter boy and FOB…I like my freedom and that is why I am still a server. What I don’t like are customers that feel like we are put in front of them to serve them and only them…get over yourself…really. I will do pretty much anything to help my customers have a great experience but I can’t change their mental attitudes…well maybe:>

  81. OUCH. You people really scare me, because I am a weak American weenie who expects good service for the cost of my meal plus around 25% tip. So if I very nicely ask you to correct my meal because you were so busy trying to hook up with the wait-person next to you that you brought me a steak when I ordered a salad (or vice-versa) you’ll go back and spooge (OR WORSE!) in my food? EW. You have just ruined the expensive restaurant experience for me. I will, as God is my witness, NEVER set foot in a restaurant where the food is more than $20 per plate (highest price.) I am a fairly decent cook (at least my hubby, family and friends like it) and at $100 for a few bags of groceries, I can produce a meal that is spooge- and booger-free and have the recipients rave about it. HURRRRR. The dining-out experience is not so precious that I will hazard eating pubic hairs and God knows what else. Good job, whiners. Oh yes–and I *have* worked as a server. And I dealt with the whiniest and nastiest. Thank GAWD I don’t do this anymore (but I totally honor those who still do!)

  82. Your website is awesome. I can’t stop reading. It would be interesting a post like “50 signs your costumer will not give you a decent tip”

  83. and one of my favorites is this: when the costumer finishes and says “thank you, thank you, thank you so much!” forget about the tip.

  84. The 8-10% tips from a two-top on fifteen soda refills, ten baskets of free bread, and a split salad is hilarious. Also is the demand for extra napkins that are rarely used. If I said to someone, ‘I will make you wait on me hand and foot for the next two hours and will then give you four dollars and fifty cents for your trouble” you would laugh right in my face! And yet, servers do the same thing for customers every day….. !? Gotta love it.

  85. My fave is when a guest ordered “iced Tea” and returned it because it was “too cold”. Really? ice is in the name dumbass.
    I was bartending in St. Paul and a regular saw me counting out the split.He asked”where’s my share?” I replied”You’ll get it when I get a cut of your pension and heatlth benes”. He was shocked until I explained that this was the money that I planned on using to buy grocerys for my family and didn’t have enough to share it with someone that has enough money to spend every night dirnking in a bar. People are so thoughtless and rude.
    while working in a nice winebar that opened at 5pm (opening work began at 4) people constantly would bang on the window to be let in long before I was ready. I would love to show up at their classroom or office an hour early and demand they drop what they are doing and attend to my needs.
    I choose to be a service person and really love the job but you have to understand that there are alot of people who think that they are the only ones on the planet and those same people are generally the ones who do not tip accordingly. I say that if I have been knowladgeable, friendly, efficent and helpful please tip the standard 20% anything less from me go down from there.You must see that there are alot of people that try to mess you up just to make the tip go down and that just means they are cruel people who will probably go to hell.
    As for FOB and Shpinkter what are you even doing reading something like this site,you both are obviously far too busy at your real jobs and can’t connect with what us simpletons actually do for our good guests to provide great service on everything from an average dinner to special occations. Also don’t eat out we are alone with your food, you need to get this thru your thick skulls. DON”T MESS WITH YOUR SERVER, especially if you plan on going back WE REMEMBER the assholes.

  86. This is crazy. I’ve gone out to eat with people who serve food for a living — and they’re even more demanding customers than those who don’t wait tables. If you choose to wait tables you are going to encounter a variety of people with a variety of manners; that comes with the job. It is unrealistic to demand everyone to behave the same way. In the confusion of a restaurant atmosphere, people are not always going to catch on what a waiter is doing, saying or feeling. The whole point of going to a restaurant is not to concentrate on cooking the food, preparing it, carrying it and bringing it on the table, so why would a customer even think about these things when relating to a server? Also, tips are customary, not mandatory — so it will depend on what is customary for the individual customer; if you want a guaranteed percentage, find a different job, or own a part of the restaurant. A lot of people deal with ‘assholes’ in their job — unfortunately ‘assholes’ in the restaurant business will more likely be among those you serve, than among your co-workers, so there will always be a fresh and unpredictable supply. Get another job if you can make a list like this.

  87. On number 10 – it’s not the customer’s fault if his friends are late. He should not force himself to order if he does not enjoy eating alone. To demand that this of a customer is outright wrong. On number 5 — sometimes hostesses and servers tell people at the door what the specials are, so some customers find nothing wrong with enthusiastically asking about them before they are even seated. Sometimes they do so because they are regular customers and know the menu by heart. Be glad that some customers look forward to ordering the expensive items and stop judging. On number 1 — some customer have special needs with regard to their tea. It may be a tacky thing to do, but not ‘ass-holey’. And as for ordering just desserts — geez, if that is the only item a customer finds worth eating in your restaurant or at that time of the day — be grateful that they are giving you any business at all and even thought of having dessert rather than skipping it. If your restaurant is worth anything, even just the desserts would feel like an event for a customer.

  88. when the restaurant is full and your server is running around her section trying to take care of every individuals needs i.e. refill drinks, take orders, ask if you would care for another beer and you act like you’re the only person in the restaurant and that that one server is there only to take care of you proceed to make her run back and forth countless times and then leave a crap tip. As for FOB, Sphinxter, deleted, and all other asshole customers FUCK YOU!!!

  89. 1. Service is not an entitlement. Pay for it, or stay the fuck home.
    2. Be nice. Acknowledge your server when they say hello. Say please and thank you, because that’s what civilized people do.
    3. You do not get to touch, goad or verbally abuse me. People are nasty to service personnel because they like to pick on someone that can’t defend themselves. If you talked this way to me on the street you’d have a mouthful of my fist pussyman.
    4. Women are nastier then men.
    5. You don’t know the owner, because I’M the owner and I’ve never met you before in my life.

  90. 47) You ask for unreasonable substitutions. (Can I have au gratin potatoes instead of pasta?)

    like substitutions are ok (rice/bread/potatoes, different veggies/fruit if it’s offered). it’s the people who ask if they can have an extra portion of steak instead of their 5 oz of veggies. or “instead of fries can i just have some extra chicken?” no. you can have another vegetable or side dish instead of the side dish included with your meal. you may NOT substitute the toast for an order of bacon. thats not how it works, people!

  91. You put your toddler in a high chair and ask for a basket of crackers, which you allow said toddler to mangle and throw all over the floor, seats, and table. We all know that you would *NEVER* let your kid do that at home, allowing it in public just because you don’t have to clean it up means you’re an asshole.

  92. “WE DIDNT GET OUR BREAD?!” “Actually ma’am, the bread has always been upon request, so if you want bread, you can ask me to get you some.”

    Ahh gotta love the multiple trips to people who are too stupid to just see what they need while your at the table THE FIRST TIME.

    “I just wanted to let you know the steak sucked and the broccolli was cold.” “Terribly sorry sir, can i offer you something else, a refund, or perhaps a coupon to come back and try us again?” “No, i just wanted to tell you” Well thanks a lot asshole, since i really needed to know about something you wouldnt even let me try to fix anyways.

    When the customer freaks out about water spots on their silverware and demands you bring them a new roll, you do, and big surprise, a water spot, you proceed to get them ANOTHER piece of silverware, and upon recieving it with their greasy fingers, they mark up the *CLEAN* piece of silverware, thus continuing this downward spiral.

    when a customer asks you to fill their drink up HALF WAY, while busy you forget and fill it to the tippy top, the customer then procedes to get angry with you. Sorry for giving you too good of service sir!

    when customers think its acceptable to spend $40 dollars for 2 people at lunch, and then proceed to leave a 2 dollar tip.

    The hot tea, after sitting on the warmer, and being heated in the microwave for 2 plus minutes, is still not hot enough.

    you bring the customer 3 creamers, they wanted 4. instead of bringing 1 bare creamer, you bring a few more, only to have the customer upset because they only wanted one more.

    A customer thinks a 15% gratuity added to their 10 person party with a $150 dollar bill is “OUTRAGEOUS!”

  93. To quote –

    ” What tip haters don’t understand is that if things changed and restaurants outlawed tipping and decided to pay an hourly wage then service would go down the tubes cause servers would not care, dump your food off not go back to the table till it’s check time. How would you assholes like that?”

    We don’t have tipping here in Australia, and our hospitality staff get paid a minimum of $14.38 per hour. Hospitality staff here are highly appreciated, and due to the years of formal training, both on the job and at school (hospitality is so valued here that training can begin in high school and continue through 2-3 years of tertiary training.)

  94. You’re French and you ask me for French mustard in a Houlihan’s. That’s cool with me. I ask if you want Dijon mustard. You’re French so you sneer at me and lecture me for 3 minutes that I should never tell a French person that Dijon mustard is French mustard and what the difference is.

    I.don’t.fucking.care. I was trying to be nice and specific.

    I go and find your snooty ass some FRENCH mustard. I glob some of it out of the jar and into a ceramic ramekin because I’d just HATE for you to find out that your FRENCH mustard was made in FUCKING OHIO.

    At least they tipped 20%. I didn’t care at that point. I just wanted them gone.

  95. Sorry, I’m not responsible for your food taking 35 minutes on a Friday night when all you ordered was a burger and fries. Don’t take it out on me, please only ask me ONCE where it is and know that if all you really wanted was burger and fries, McDonalds is down the street and you can get one there in two minutes. I’ll bring your food out the second it comes up.

    Also, I can’t call off work just because I have the sniffles. I go to college and need to pay things on my own. Sorry I’m sniffing every 30 seconds at your table, but if people didn’t tip 10 dollars on a 60 dollar check I might have been able to call off today. And don’t worry, I won’t wash my hands after I blow my nose, SORRY.

  96. I don’t care how old your “new born” 73 month old baby is. I’m telling you it’s cute so you tip me. I smile because I want you to tip me. The last thing I wanted to do with my life was be your servant. I’m a person just like you. I’m nice to you because I don’t know what kind of day you’re having, I expect you to do that same.

  97. i had to work the day shift at a bar. place was dead all day. about 45 minutes before the next person came in i had a total of 5 people at the bar. when it’s time for me to go, i ask everyone at the bar if it’s okay with them to go ahead and close out with me. sure, it may be a pain in the ass to pay twice, but the tips are what i live on and most people understand that and usually have no problem closing out with me and starting a new tab with someone else. anyways, this ASSHOLE (who i’ve actually tried to get banned bc he is notorious for walking out on checks, refuses to give his credit card to start a tab, is a rude asshole to the rest of the staff, and doesn’t tip when he actually does pay) goes off on a rant of how rude i am and how dare i interrupt his conversation and he comes in often and goes on about how rude i am for not apologizing for MY rudeness…SUCK A BAG OF DICKS YOU ASSHOLE!!!!


    i’ve experienced this so many times where people will pay part of their bill with cash or a gift certificate, the rest on their cc, and only tip on the cc. and that’s just one of many of the assholish things people do. i am an excellent server/bartender, always polite and patient with the douchiest of douches, and take great care of my customers. yes there are shitty servers, and yes even for the best of us out there, shit happens. to all you assholes justifying douchbaggery customer actions like we should just bend over and take it….FUCK YOU!!!!

  98. #31 religious pamphlet left behind. The tip was decent but you stole my pen. Trying to save my soul while breaking one of the big 10 makes you out to be an asshole.

  99. If you order your rum and coke tall don’t complain that it is weak. the tall has more mix in it not more alcohol. If you want it stringer order a double not a tall ASSHOLE!

  100. You stick your gum to the underside of the table or chair. Put it in a napkin and put it in the garbage or didn’t your parents teach you any manners? ASSHOLE!

  101. Ask me if i can set up a table of 8 for you, then after ive moved all the spare tables into an 8 top, i turn around to find you’ve “changed your mind”

  102. I used to get upset when people didn’t tip me, especially when you went out of your way to keep them from bitching. But you didn’t complain when that guy left you 200%? did you?

    it all evens out, it doesn’t make it right though. My major thing is people that have absolutely no substance. They have nothing to talk about except the expressions on your face or what’s in your hand at the time.

    most bars and restaurants are not strip clubs, so why have you been staring at me for 10 straight hours? how would you feel if I came to your work and stared at you all day?

    ask you stupid questions like “is that a copy machine”? or “what’s new?”? or “what’s wrong” wouldn’t feel too comfortable would you? and if you say anything about it i’ll complain and you’re fired.

    what a wonderful field we work in.

    I couldn’t imagine going somewhere after not tipping or being an asshole, man these people have consumed quite a bit of piss, spit, and shit in their lifetime. This is why everything is done behind closed doors or a swinging one anyway.

  103. You ask me what my mother thinks about my multiple ear piercings. She doesn’t give a fuck.

    You get annoyed when you realize I actually have other tables to wait on besides you. Yes, it is true… the world actually does not revolve around you

    When a table in my 3-table section on a busy day comes in armed with briefcases and laptops and camps out in my section. This is a RESTAURANT, not an office!

    If I’m polite enough to go to the trouble of introducing myself to you and reciting our specials, DON’T be rude and interrupt me. You can wait for 15 seconds

    If I ask you “How are you doing today?” the correct answer is not “Coffee” or some other beverage or a single finger and “Not right now” Rude assholes.

    If I bring your STEAMING food out immediately, do not tell me it is cold. When you do, and I take it back so it can be reheated so its practically flaming, do not continue to complain that its cold. You are either old, retarded, or looking for a free meal

    Do not act shocked and offended when you discover that your coffee, which I got for you fifteen minutes ago, is now cold. If you had actually drank it instead of jabbering the entire time, guess what- you would have drunk it when it was HOT. Shocker.

  104. Mark: I ALWAYS offer to bring crackers to a table with a young child. It’s often worth the mess for the child not to be screaming while they wait for their food.(I’m not leaving the mess for the busboy either, at my restaurant we host, serve, and bus).

    This page is hilarious, and mostly accurate. I often think of items I could use to add to silly lists like this throughout the day, then forget all my ideas when I get around to it!

  105. “If I have to wait half a fucking hour for a refill on water when the restaurant is not that crowded, i.e. early dinnertime, and the food is undercooked or not well prepared, you’re not getting a 15% tip”-smalltowndiner

    smalltowndiner, its retard assholes like you that make this job so much more draining than it should have to be. saying you would lower the tip because the food is not cooked to your standard is like saying you would dock the cook’s check because the server took 10 minutes to greet you. how does your tiny mind make that connection?

  106. ” You request a list of the CD’s we’re playing on the house stereo.”

    What’s wrong with this? I can see if it’s really busy and you’re understaffed, but perhaps the customer really enjoys the music and would like to purchase it themselves? Is that such an imposition? It’s not like they asked for a recipe or something. I just don’t get where this gets lumped in with bad tipping, no tipping, asking for a prostitute and general rudeness.

  107. As a bartender, i certainly have my fair share of asshole customers:

    1. Start a tab with the bartender, and then move to a table, or start a tab with a waiter/waitress and then move to the bar.
    2. Tell me that you have worked in the industry, but what you actually mean is that you served icecream when you were 14.
    3. Ask me if i know how to make a “screwdriver”.
    4. You order a Cape Cod instead of just asking for a vodka and cranberry with a lime.
    5. You ask me to change what’s on TV, only to leave 5 minutes later.
    6. You ask me, “What should i tip you?”
    7. You say, “You would be much prettier if you smiled more often.”
    8. You say while im wiping down the bar, “You missed a spot.” It’s old and not funny!
    9. You bitch to me about prices-I DON’T MAKE THEM!
    10. When i ask you what you would like to drink, you immediately ask for a menu; better yet, you start barking out your food order.
    11. You get angry because the Superbowl is on TV instead of Nascar!
    12. When i give you your change, don’t bother being discreet when you put your money back in your pocket. I know what you are doing!
    13. If a waiter/waitress cuts you off, don’t come to me and try to get a drink.
    14. Ladies, when i ask you what you want to drink, don’t look at your husband/boyfriend for suggestions.
    15. Definately DO NOT STAND ON THE BAR STOOL AND WAVE YOUR MONEY IN MY FACE. You certainly will not get served that way!
    16. If i am slammed, please don’t strike up a conversation with me.
    17. When i am standing at my station and making drinks, don’t start yelling out your orders unless i make direct eye contact with you for longer than a nanosecond.
    18. You think bartenders are stupid and incapable of a “real job”.
    19. You whip out your tip calculator on your cell phone.
    20. Lastly, don’t demand great service if you are known to be a shitty tipper.

  108. Oh, and two more things!

    21. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT, order a drink by saying, light on the cranberry, or light on the coke. What you really mean is, heavy on the alchohol.
    22. If you ask for less ice, that doesn’t mean you are getting more alcohol.

  109. when you order things like mango tea and send it back because it doesn’t taste good. We don’t have flavored teas to begin with. Asking for a puree to be added to your tea is a gamble. Mango? Really!?

  110. You come in a breakfast restaurant pull out your laptop,papers waiting for someone to join you .Get the breakfast special give the waitress $2.00 while you take up her table for 2 to 3 hours while conducting business. Makes me crazy!!

  111. I’m a server at a bar and grill that’s more of a bar (a ton of beers on tap, seat yourself, kitchen closes three hours before the bar closes, no uniforms, have to surrender a credit card to start a tab after 8pm, etc.), so comment 130 speaks to me. Here are some more:

    1. You pay cash per drink but say “I’ll tip you at the end”. No you won’t.
    2. Your server has tattoos and you want a long complicated story with all the details about what they all mean when it’s obviously very busy.
    3. You use “Diet Coke” or “Bud Light” as a response to “Hi, how are you tonight?”
    4. You order a drink and say you want to pay cash as you go, rather than start a tab. Then disappear into the crowd or go out to the patio before your drink is delivered- forcing the server top search for you or eat the cost of the drink.
    5. You seat yourself directly under the speaker and then want the music turned down rather than switch tables.
    6. You want the music turned down at 11pm on a Saturday night.
    7. You order double Grey Goose and Red Bull.
    8. You send back your Long Island Iced Tea because it’s too strong.
    9. You order a round of 6 shots and want each shot to be put on 6 separate tabs. Especially bad if you didn’t discuss the purchase with the other 5 people.
    10. You order a round of 10 jagerbombs (70 bucks at my bar) and tip a dollar.
    11. You ask when the kitchen closes. Then two hours later- and five minutes before it closes- you finally want to order food.
    12. Once the kitchen is closed you insist “There must be something back there. You don’t have to cook chips and salsa, right?”
    13. You ask your obviously past normal college aged server “so, where are you going to school?” like that must be the reason you work in a bar.
    14. You order your drink and say “and make sure *enter bartender’s name here* makes it.”
    15. You order backwards, i.e. “Can I get a soda water and lime… and vodka?”
    16. You seat yourself at the only dirty table that is situated between two identical, unoccupied clean tables.
    17. You order a blueberry vodka and lemonade, single, in a pint glass. Then say you can’t taste the alcohol.
    18. You ask to see the wine list in a sports bar.
    19. You stand in front of the sever drink section of the bar and refuse to move. There’s a reason that piece of bar was unoccupied. Did the large bar mat/ lined up server drink tickets, bar towels/ empty glasses/ sign that says “service only” not tip you off?
    20. You sit your food/ drink/ self on the pool table.
    21. You spit your chewing tobacco into a pint glass.
    22. You spit your chewing tobacco into a plastic cup and leave it on the table. Why don’t you just leave a urine sample along with it?
    23. You say you want to start a tab, but refuse to surrender your credit card.
    24. Your drunk ass knocks over a full tray of drinks the server is holding, and you don’t apologize. Accidents happen, but just say sorry!
    25. You leave your phone number on the credit card slip- along with a ten percent tip.

    And this is one of my favorites: A customer wanted to know what our cheapest tequila was. I said the well was $4.25. He asked what else we had. I told him Cuervo Gold was $5, and Patron and Don Julio were $7. He asked for Don Julio. I, just to make sure he knew, said “ok, but it is $7, sir. Is that ok?” He said that I obviously didn’t know what I was talking about and didn’t have time to listen to me try to figure out my job. He went to the bar. He came back with Don Julio and informed me that I should have told him we carried it.

  112. i thought for sure that the “check symbol” in the air from across the room would be on here. most of this stuff sounds minor though compared to the SHIT i deal with as an urban school teacher. you wouldn’t believe it…

  113. A table of 5 guys hitting on me the whole 3 hours they were there, left NO F*** TIP. at the end ” oh could you bring us 2 shots of tequila? and your celll number wouldn’t be bad either… ;)”

  114. I feel like I should stick up for the customers a little here:
    The coolest story I can think of was five guys who put their credit cards in a hat and let me pick one to pay their $300 tab.
    Other good if rare moments with customers:
    -when they share the birthday cake they brought
    -when mom gets on her hands and knees to pick up the cheerios and sugar packets so often left behind
    -when a large group KNOWINGLY tips on top of the gratuity (the best reason not to scam the double tip)

  115. -when a table tips the kitchen
    -when someone takes both credit card slips and actually comes back to fix it
    -40% tippers who don’t ask you for a damn thing


  116. Wow. This really hits home. I’m about to quit my serving job in two weeks, after 10 years serving. I can’t fucking wait! The comment about sitting at a dirty table nestled between two clean tables happens to me almost every shift. Fucking idiots. I hate the general public and I hope in the next two weeks I have someone who is a royal asshole (you know the kind, the one that it would be socially acceptable to tell them to FUCK OFF), so that I can go out with a bang. Watch, the next two weeks will be some of the best shifts with only nice people. Where are the assholes when you are ready to tell them to fuck off?

  117. American customers are the worst i have ever encountered. they love to belittle, humiliate, and keep service people down because they are spending a buck at a place of business. they’re just little pussies who will only confront knowing they’re protected by the possibility to call a manager, or call the cops if it comes to a fight. Sick people on pills who demand to be entertained with fake smiles when they don’t even respond when greeted. i SHIT on this population.

  118. Hi how are you today ?
    Customer responds “good” (bothered tone of voice… and proceeds with a “do me a favor…we need to separate each leaf of lettuce with its own dressing, then i’m gonna need you to call my doctor and check on my food allergies, and oh tell the chef that even though we have never eaten here, the food already sucks, and you’re a bad waiter, oh and the busboy, what’s his name, pedro ? does he speak english ? good….blah blah blah”
    that’s when i spit in their food in the kitchen…the fools don’t even have the brains to KNOW not to belittle waitstaff because the latter is HANDLING their food….don’t fuck with the waiters….

  119. I hate when some customers are verbally nice to you, then tell you to keep the change when they pay their bill. (Only to notice that the tip is only a dollar!!) Cheap pieces of shit!! Or, when you get the idiots that wave their glasses in the air like I’m some slave. Server, not servant!!

  120. Most of them are true but still. It is stressing most of the time on: eating fast, moving fast, not having any freedom and paining 15% tip with calculator. Come on! They are the guests, they’re not coming to the restaurant to be a slave to the customer service.

  121. This is great! too many sites are there for the customers to complain about certain establishments, food, service, etc. It’s really nice for the servers to get theirs in.

    Customers complain all the time and publically and they just got to take it. Going out to a restaurant does not make you king. It’s just a meal! And you life can’t be so bad, your at a restaurant.

  122. I’ve had a guy walk into the kitchen to get silverware because I “forgot” to put silverware on the table. Um, that’s not my job, the hostess does that.

    You walk out with both credit card slips.

    You reach into your wallet with the phrase “let me give you a dollar for your hard work” and then ask if I think I deserve another dollar.. off of a $40 check. go. fuck. yourself. and. never. come. back.

    You tip $1 of of $35 even though everything was fine.

    A four top with separate checks leaves me $1 between the FOUR of them because I didn’t give them more endless bread.

  123. I have to preface this by saying I love my job, I’m about to enter grad school, and I’m so sorry I’ll have to leave my restaurant.
    I’ve been waiting tables for a few years, and I love this list. However, there’s a difference between server’s ranting and actual faults in the general public. For servers, ranting is necessary. We are paid to smile and comply sometimes to the most ridiculous shit. If we didn’t have an outlet, we wouldn’t have our sanity. These are the main things that piss me off:
    1. your server is human. treat them as such. we’re paid to serve you, often times told what we have to tell you. don’t be annoyed if we have to ramble off the specials, and besides, you might find one interesting.
    2. please look us in the eye, please acknowledge us. we are here to help you, we want to, our tip depends on it, and the for the most part, we take pride in giving you a good experience. and hell, we’d love to have a good experience with you.
    3. yes, tips are “customary,” but we’re only paid 3ish (as a national average) an hour. that merely provides for us to be taxed. if you accumulate enough credit card tips, you don’t get paychecks. yes, it’s a terrible system, but only if customers don’t understand it. tip is appropriate. at my restaurant, unless you royally mess things up, anything under 18-20 is a disappointment.
    4. the server does not cook your steak. if it comes out cooked incorrectly, they can fast track a new steak for you, but don’t punish them for the delay or the mistake.
    5. if your server looks busy, they are. as a frequent diner, i know sometimes i’ll forget to ask for hot sauce or sour creme when i order, but please don’t “one-trip” your server when they’re getting their ass handed to them. or at the least, have some understanding if they say it’ll be a minute or two before they bring you your “two sides of ranch, one honey mustard, perhaps some bbq, and dijion mustard…if you have it.”

  124. You’re definitely an asshole customer when you come to eat, feed your newborn with your bottled breast milk and leave the containers on the table for your server to pick up with one half spilled on the table. That’s fuckin’ nasty! Thanks lady, I don’t get paid to touch your bodily fluids…would it have been too much to ask for extra napkins to pick up the spill yourself?!?

  125. You’re a completely self absorbed, egocentric, narcissitic customer when you believe that it is your right to forego the hostess desire to hang your coat up front and, instead, toss your coat and your wife’s coat over the chair of another table in someone else’s section. Believe me, I take great delight in walking up to you and saying, “Sir, you can’t put you’re coat here.” it’s fun to bring people like you back to reality and help you realize there are indeed other people to be considerate of. What I don’t like, is that now I’ve got to take all of your coats back up front an hang them up AND bring you back your numbered card so you can retrieve it when you leave, costing me precious time I could be helping my other customers.

    No matter how nice you are as a customer, if you choose to stay for two hours after you’ve paid and one hour after the restaurant closed, unless you tip well above and beyond, it wasn’t worth it. And both I and the manager officially don’t like you for you inconsiderate behavior. You do realize there are bars open much later that are designed for you to sit in until 2:00am?

  126. 1. I think it’s rude when people dine out and then shove everything into their bag and purse like the sugar packets, creamers, butters, jellys, extra napkins and anything else they can get their hands on. Seriously? I bet if they got charge for it at the front they wouldn’t be doing it.

    2. I hate it when I go out to eat a a buffet (mind you I have three kids) and people let their kids run all over dropping shit and the poor employees are trying to clean all that shit up and do their jobs. Then I see that those people don’t even leave a tip…..how rude.

    3. People who come in and just because they’ve had a bad day, they want to make yours bad too. Hey asshole I am here to make your day a little bit better, I may not solve all your problems and bring world peace but don’t take your shit out on me.

    4. People who over apologize for asking you for stuff, hey that’s what I get paid to do….bring you want you ask for.

    5. I am a server but I hate other servers who get pissed because a customer asks them to get a small item or something….seriously….most shit take one two steps, one two steps back to the table and delivered! Was that so hard? These are usually servers who are obessed with being on thier cell phones or constantly munching on food and then wonder why they got stiffed…..hmmmmm????

    6. And yes the classic pretending not to know how to tip and yet you order like you’ve got a 1,000 bucks cash in your wallet, eat 70.00 worth of food for 4 people pay with a hundred and leave either 2.00 or no tip when service and food was great.

    7. As for people complaining about people who bring their own tea bags….I think a lot servers get frustrated with this because restaurant owners push us to sell drinks and if we bring you a hot water for your own tea bag a lot of the time the owner either gets pissed or thinks we are giving you free tea because they do not see that it was your own tea bag that you brought. Personally I could care less if somebody wants to drink their own tea. I got pissed once at a boss because this lady brought her own tea for medicinal purposes and needed some hot water and he made me charge her for the water….like seriously dude?

    8. People who get pissed because juice and milk are not free refills, they are the more expensive beverages for the restaurant to serve and also remember that servers don’t make up the prices or the rules. Just order a water.

    9. Customers who repeatedly come back order the same stuff everytime and complain about the price until management doesn’t charge them the up charge because they think they are more special than all the other paying customers….they say things like well “I can buy that at the grocery store for x amount of dollars….yeah ding dong but you are paying for the luxary of eating out on someone else’s table and someone else to cook it and serve it and clean up after you.

    10. Excessivly oversized people who bitch that the portions aren’t big enough when there is clearly enough to feed three on the plate and then wanting more without being charged and the whole time breathing through their nose and outta breath while arguing for it and me walking back to the table seeing that thier ass can take up 2-3 chairs!

    11. People who order like 20.00 worth of stuff for themselves (per adult) and make their kids drink water and order the cheapest thing on the kids menu even if it isn’t want the kids wants….then when the kid asks for something like milk or juice….”you ain’t gonna git that” and then orders an expensive dessert for themselves and can’t even let the kid have a bite. I also hate it when people treat their kids like shit period, they are a gift enjoy them while you can because we all only have one life.

    12. People who bring their small kids into a restaurant at 3 am…..wtf? I can understand if we are traveling or just got back for the ER at the hospital but I have seen some do it on a regular basis…..dude put the baby to bed! I wouldn’t want my kids to witness the drunks it the corner fondeling each other.

    13. Customers who stalk the employees…..not cool. Or ask extremly personal questions and they don’t even know you.

    14. Customers want to know how much you earn. Especially the ones who act like they are making a documentary on it.

    15. When like a group of 12 year olds walk in at 1 AM to eat……are obnoxious then don’t even tip and they whole time I’m thinking where in the hell are their parents and what are kids this age doing out alone at 1 am?

    16. When you have checked on a table repeatedly and they wait until the end of the meal to tell how terrible something was but yet they scarfed it down…..well wasn’t too damn bad then.

    17. People who think its okay to have/do things of a sexual nature where people dine out and eat their meals…..or (especially at 24 hour restaurants) people park in the parking lot screw in their car where guests and employees can see them…..get a room!

    18. I hate working with other servers who don’t wash their hands, piss around of their cell phones, are eating when they aren’t supposed to be or needing a smoke break every 20 minutes then I have to take care of their table and then the table tips me instead and the other server gets pissed……well get off your ass and serve your table!

    19. My all time pet peeve is when people think that just because you are waiting tables that you are either dumb, have a criminal record or are unable to find work elsewhere and they treat you like you are some lower form of life….hey some of us just like to wait tables!

  127. ExPastaSlinger I myself wanted to reply on the ignorance of Sphinxter but I cannot top yours. It was so right on. GREAT POST!!!

  128. If you come to this website and tell the servers on it that we don’t know how to do our jobs because we rant, you’re an asshole who has obviously never worked in a restaurant, so stfu….

    People who order their food wrong (“I’d like bleu cheese crumbles on my steak” “No problem”… food comes…. “UMMMM I asked for bleu cheese crumbles!” “Actually, Ma’am, those are crumbles….”…. Idiot…

  129. How about when you’re excited to wait on a party of 20, only come to realize 8 are kids and their parents brought them in happy meals from McDs, and the remaining 12 adults SHARE entrees. Ridiculous that this is allowed in most restaurants.

  130. 1. Asking your waitress to dance on a table. In a family restaurant.
    2. Asking your server his or her ethnic background. You looking for your one “Latin friend”? By the way, douchebags, I’m Italian.
    3. Being touched. If you can’t control your hands, I can’t control my feet. Sorry about that.
    4. Letting your kids run around the place. I bet you’ll also sue if they get hurt or yell at a server/runner if they get hurt.
    5. Letting your kids draw on the wall because they’re “having fun” (can I egg your house? that would be fun).

  131. Ok, I use to be a waitress. When we first moved from north Ohio to north Georgia, I got another waitressing job. I opened every conversation with “hello, my name is…, I’ll be your server today. Please don’t mind my accent, I just moved to Georgia, so please don’t hesitate to ask me to repeat myself!” While most customers found me to be “bubbly and helpful” there was this one terrible old couple who complained that I was “rude” every time they came in (which is why I hated that they always sat in my section, no matter which section I was in that night) I finally got fired because of this “rudeness”. Turns out they didn’t appreciate my “yankee accent” stupid fuckers. Then to top it off, as a senior in high school, my boss (well, I guess we’d call him my ex-boss at this point since he had just fired me) asked why i was crying over it, i was “in high school, not like i had bills to pay, anyway” he felt terrible when I told him that my friend in Ohio had passes away, and I was working up the money to fly back up and visit his grave, since I had missed the funeral. Pretty much every part of serving sucked, and i was at it for three years. Customers can either be amazing, or treat you like shit. Management tends to be either really cool, or they hate their jobs, lives, and resent where they ended up (said ex-boss) who assume that working isn’t as important to you because you are young. (even tho when you 16 or 17, serving is one of the few jobs you can get, thanks for that, btw). And co-workers…..ok,
    My first day on the job at this place (same aforementioned story place) I was taking food out to a table. Anther server came up, in front of everyone, ripped the plates out of my hands, bitching that i had taken her customers food. She put it down in front of them, only to have them complain that it was the incorrect order (let me mention, this was three plates of food….) turns out her order was sitting in the back the whole time…but it was my fault.

  132. I’m currently a straight A college student and work part time as a server, bartender, and cook. So we are not all burnouts. Some of us might be controlling a part of your life someday. Anyway, I have a few issues to add to the pile of asshole customers.

    As a cook:
    1. Someone orders a steak well done and not only complains about the length of time it takes to prepare, but also complains that their steak isn’t juicy. Well done means you have cooked about 90% of the juice out of your steak and because of this fact there is more cooking time needed.

    2. Someone orders a hamburger and complains that it is too done. It is against the health code to undercook processed meat and most restaurants use frozen processed meat patties.

    3. People who order through the cook’s window. Sit the fuck down at a table and wait for a server to take your order. That is why restaurants have servers AND cooks. Don’t distract a cook during a dinner rush.

    As a server:
    1. Customers who decide to sit at a dirty table when there is a clean, fully set table next to them.

    2. Customers who can’t seem to share a salt and pepper shaker and feel the need to take a set from 2 or 3 other tables along with any napkins off the table settings on those tables.

    3. Customers who argue over who is going to pay the bill and go back and forth continuously. I just extend my hand and close my eyes with a smile and usually get a chuckle, but come on…

    As a bartender:
    1. A customer that sits at the farthest table from the bar and expects me to ignore those sitting at the bar in favor of them. Wrong, that is the privilege of sitting at the bar. You get the fastest service because you make it convenient for the bartender.

    2. Complaints about the strength of drinks. I don’t care who you are, you are not paying for a single serving of alcohol and getting two. I always ask if the customer would like a double or pour their single serving into a shot glass and set it beside the glass of desired mixer to prove they got what they ordered.

    3. Pull tabs when its busy. You know who you are. You are the person standing in the well tapping your finger on the counter when I am up to my neck in whiskey cokes and draft beers. You won’t leave. Eventually I feed you your 5 to 10 dollars worth of pull tabs and have to ignore a few customers’ drink request just to get you the fuck out of the way. However, you can’t open them fast enough and are standing right back in the same spot doing exactly the same thing. YOU are the worst customer of all because you take away service from everyone else to feed your gambling addiction. Sometimes you win, that is why you play. Then you tip me $5 after winning $200 and wonder why they are closed sometimes simply because you walked through the door?

    Customers need to realize that when they make a server, bartender, or cook’s job impossible they are not going to be a priority. The server, bartender, or cook, will inform the owner or manager of the customer’s behavior and most owner/managers will be understanding and back the employee up. I know my boss does because he knows how much I bust my ass for him.

    Don’t be surprised when you are asked to never come back.

  133. I can’t believe nobody’s mentioned those people that just grab things off of your tray without any notice. Whoa there buddy! Wait 2 seconds and I won’t spill these 12 other drinks I’m balancing all over you. When you come from left field and start getting all grabby with drinks you THINK are yours (an AMF may look like a Blue Hawaiian, but it certainly doesn’t taste the same, chief!), it makes me want to smack you with my (soon-to-be wet and empty) tray!

    Same goes for those geniuses that just start stacking things all over your tray as you walk by– usually when you’re not even serving their section!!

  134. You GET UP and FIND your server somewhere back of the house to ask for a side of ranch, RIGHT after I dropped your food. YOU COULDN’T WAIT TWO SECONDS?!

    Feed your entire family with one refillable soda and and endless refill lunch special

  135. When a customer picks their nose and trys to shake the waitress/waiters hand. Had sum1 try it but I was very polite with this person n jus please wash ur hands b4 ur seated!

  136. Love the website and the book. One thing I didn’t see mentioned was when you drop a check and it just sits on the table for half an hour while they sit and chat. You come by the table, refill drinks, and the check still sits there. Suddenly the table is ready to leave, and they rudely hand you their card and say “Can you run this, we’re in a hurry”

  137. As a bartender and server at a corporate restaurant, I’ve also had my fair share of “Is this guy for real?” moments.

    1. I just saw you take a picture of me as I took another table’s order. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Who does that?

    2. I haven’t even turned around fully, I CAN STILL HEAR YOU. Please don’t talk about any part on my body or make fun of something I’ve said/done, so what I don’t have the European Lacrosse schedule memorized.

    3. I will not go home with you, I’m being nice to make money. I have no interest in seeing you ever again, let alone outside of the restaurant. Most servers feel this way, the 1% that will leave with you are severely lacking self confidence, or fighting with their BF/GF/wife/husband- good luck with that.


    5. “The last 5 times we were in here we’ve had miserable experiences.” … “WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK?” If its the food, order takeout.

    6. Yes, all of the servers just saw you walk in and thought “Oh shit, please not my section, please not my section.” Once again, why keep coming back if the menu is overpriced and the service is terrible?

    7. When the husband/wife pays the bill, and the spouse, in front of you, says “That is way too much,” and proceeds to cut the tip in half.

    8. DO NOT talk to me like I am stupid, or below you in ANY way. This is my job, would you like me to come into your work and insult your intelligence?

    9. If you’ve had a “bad experience” with me, please ask for another server. I won’t be offended. REALLY!

    10. RESPECT. It goes two ways. I will be polite and courteous to you until you are overly rude or make me uncomfortable. I will not giggle or agree to you putting me over your knee for a spanking, I will probably give you a disgusted look and introduce you to your new male server.

    11. If you feel the need to leave your phone number on the credit card slip (which btw is turned in to my manager, thanks for that awkward conversation), then please tip more than 10%. Nobody is going to call a cheapskate for a date.

    12. Yes, I work in a restaurant, and I am good at it. That does not mean that I am not intelligent, or lack the skills to obtain a so called “real job.” I’m paying my way through law school with this “fake job,” don’t laugh or look at me like I have a third eye why I say this. Are you that shocked to learn servers aren’t complete burnouts?

  138. I have never been one to be a waitress and am very thankful for the pple who are. however i am aware that waitresses work for thier tips. and try my best to show the respect to them in that department. HOWEVER if you are a sh*ty server, rude, take forever with my food, talk to other servers over checking if i need anything, and overal make the expiernce horrible. I will give you a tip deserving your service type. And i do however request to not be with you next time!. Even though i may never have been a server. i have been a hostess, and delt with crude customers and pissed waitresses also have seen retaliation on the pple from the kitchen! DON”T piss your server off and keep sending back food! it may come back how you want it but it may also come back with some extra ingredients.!!
    * this coming from being with a cook for 4 years*

  139. I enjoy, as a bartender, when patrons scope out the bar for a place to sit (and clearly most seats are open), yet sit at the only dirty and unbussed seats there are bc the patron(s) who were just there literally just left and I haven’t been over to clean yet. Dumbasses. And fyi 20% is standard now and min wage for servers is $2.83/hr. So for the cocksu&%ers who think they’re doing u a favor by tipping 10%, ur a douche. That extra $2 in my tip won’t break u. If it will, u shouldn’t be eating out.

  140. Ashley, 6 7 8 10 11 12 u hit the nail on the head….as for #12, for the super douches who actually have nerve to say that shit to me, i respond w, “i make the same salary as a high school physics teacher. What do u make?” then watch their jaws drop. jackoffs.

  141. I will say that after reading most of this list and having been a waiter myself, that it is a harder job than it looks. I will also say that I cannot always afford a 15% tip, since being in the military doesn’t always pay that well. As for all of the complaining, I don’t know why either the waiter or the customer should expect so much out of each other. I wont tip a waiter who gets my order wrong, or is rude; but that doesn’t mean that I will be rude to the waiter. It is inexusible for either party to be rude to the other.

  142. You don’t put a nappy on your not yet potty trained toddler then let him run around the restaurant. When he pees in the middle of the floor, you walk him through the puddle to take him to the toilet, thereby creating a trail of cute little pee footsteps from the pee spot to the bathrooms. You don’t mention it, make no effort to clean it up and then avoid eye contact with me when the table next to you points it out. Seriously, this happened to me a few months ago! I understand accidents happen but would it kill you to ‘fess up?

  143. I am new to this whole serving thing and I have a new-found respect for these warriors. While there are some angelic customers that make me want to cry because they are too good for this world, there are some that make me want to stab myself in the cunt.
    Things that make me feel bad about myself:
    1.) When customers make it a point to be demanding because it makes them feel dominant over you. For example, today this girl made me wait for 15 minutes for her table to decide what to order (I kept having to come back over and over to see if they were ready) and then she asked me for a new drink because there were white specks in it. Next, she asked me to revise her order and add more pancakes. Then, she asked me to take the pancakes off of the bill because they were “too dry”. Then she asked me to remake her eggs because there was no cheese on them. Then, when I brought those back, she asked for me to have her hash browns remade because they weren’t crispy enough, even though in the beginning, she told me she wanted them well-done. Finally, after all this shit, the bitch gives me a 2 dollar tip. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE? I would rather be born deaf, blind, retarded, ugly and deformed than be born missing the empathy part of my brain.
    2. Customers who leave no tip because the server makes a beginner’s mistake, apologizes, and gets it fixed. Hey assholes, I gave you great service, was prompt, efficient, and polite, but when it came to the split check, it took a while because I got confused and had to get the manager to help me fix the checks. I was feeling nervous, apologetic, and anxious about it, but I guess that wasn’t enough. Sorry that I am human you high school sons of bitches. Servers aren’t robots, especially when they are new, like me. Why did you smile to my face, say it was ok, and then when I left, there was no tip? Grow up and get kicked in the balls and cunt a few times you teenage assholes, then maybe you will see what real life is like.
    3. Customers that request a female waitress then act out of the employee customer relationship by asking you weird personal questions because they are fucking perverts. Then when you find them off-putting, they ask if you are unhappy/ do you ever smile?

  144. I work in the customer service industry and get assholes all the time. I love the people (I live in a very small town.) that treat me like I do not even work there, or only do when they need something of signifigance done. I hate working with the public mainly because they all are starting to watch these “pawn” shows and think te price tag means something different.

  145. Sending the food back three diferrent times because its not cooked the exact way you want it. If your that picky, you should probably just stay home.

  146. you go to a small ma n pa place and ask them to make you something off the menu like your in your freakin mother’s kitchen.

  147. Many of the items on this list point more towards asshole waiter than asshole customer. Can’t even bring a coffee from a different place in? Self entitled foolishness. Work a no skills required job and expect to be paid $100.

    • Actually, in many states, it is illegal to bring outside food or drinks into a restaurant. And if you think waiting tables requires no skills, try doing it. I’d LOVE to watch. Unless you have more intelligence than is indicative in your comment, you’d FAIL fast. And probably cry. What do YOU do to pay the bills, O skilled one? I wait tables and I have a masters degree.

    • No skills? I would like to see you try this job on a busy Friday night or Sunday church rush. Try coordinating between five or six different tables, only to be told that a party of 20 (that didn’t call in advance, of course) has walked in and, because you are the most experienced on the floor that night, you have to take them. In addition to the physical demands, such as running around between your tables (taking orders, putting in orders, running plates [believe it or not, it takes some skill to balance multiple plates and walk briskly] and drinks, refilling drinks, grabbing Splenda for this table, extra mustard for that table, taking one of this table’s plates back because their steak wasn’t cooked right, cleaning up another table after someone’s child spilled a drink, etc.), you also have to have math and people skills. Most importantly, you need to have the social skills to be able to gauge each table’s, if not each individual customer’s, mood and preferences as best as you can (as we can see from this thread, customer’s preferences for service can vary wildly). You must try to be friendly at all times and hide, to the best of your ability, how flustered and overwhelmed you are when you’re “in the weeds.”

      I mean, I’m not even one to complain most of the time (most of the complaints listed in the main piece and the comments are legitimate, some are a bit silly), but this “no skills” garbage from ignorant jerks makes me very angry.

  148. @Wow
    You should try waiting tables sometime before you pass such judgment. I live in the state of Washington and it is against code to bring your own beverage unless it is still sealed.

  149. Thank you for pointing these out. I have had pretty much most of them in my life so its a relief to see others do too.

    I think that everyone should attempt to be a server for at least two weeks just to see what we put up with. It is unbelievable how much shit we have to deal with what with customers who feel as if they are entitled to everything.

    To all those people who read this and say that servers are self-entitled for expecting a decent tip for decent services, all i have to say is: be a server for two weeks and then come talk to me.

    Tips are the only way we make our money.

    I work in country where we are not paid minimum wage and the accepted tip is 10%. So for all those servers out there complaining about a tip less than 20% all I think is you have no idea how lucky you are. If you factor in the fact that my country (South Africa) has a low exchange rate compared with yours (almost guaranteed to be true), then you are earning so much more than I am. It actually scares me to think how much I could make as a waitress in the USA.

    But that being said, 20% is fair and I wish my country would change to it. An unlikely wish but still, one can dream.

    Being a server is one of the most demanding jobs you can ever have. Some one said something about it being a no skills job but I think that person is just an uninformed little prick. To be a server during the Friday night dinner rush requires serious skills. You need social skills to handle the customers. You need patience to handle the idiot and perverse customers or the kitchen staff who mess up an order. You need to be able to think on your feet. You need to be able to manage several tables at once ie project management – a skill highly coveted in the business world. You need to be observant and tactful. For me the most challenging skill I learned was being able to balance plates and drinks while navigating a crowded area without spilling but hey,then again, I am naturally clumsy.

    I agree that if a server gives you bad service, don’t tip them but don’t look for ways in which to cause them to give you bad service. Also understand that we just deliver the food. We don’t cook it for you. If something is wrong with the food then call the manager over and let them know so they can talk to he cook, not to me. All I can do is offer to fix it in whichever way I think is best.

    That being said, the worst for me is when some-one tips you based on your looks. Yeah, I make an effort to look good because I feel better about myself and I know it tends to result in higher tips but don’t tip me because you think I’m hot. I’ve even had the instance when I have given great service to a couple but the tip was non-existant because the girl felt I was prettier than her. I know this because I walked past their table on the way to deliver food to another table and heard her say she wasn’t tipping because I made her feel ugly. Thats just wrong.

    Along with that come the men (or rather BOYS) who say they will tip well if I give them my number. I don’t give them my number for personal reasons so they don’t tip me. That is so inconsiderate. I gave you great service but because I don’t want to give you my number, you refuse to tip? Bullshit.

    Any way, great blog :)

    • A very sound. reasonable response. Overall though, I just cannot understand the nastiness of the posts. Seriously, find another job. I have done everything from clean toilets to bag groceries, and lots in between. I am not “above” doing any job, but have never ragged on how people treated me in any of these jobs. At some point, you make a choice. Ragging on people publically is just not okay.

  150. Once a guest changed her baby’s diaper between the main course and desserts.. On the friggin’ table! She just left it there like it was the most natural thing in the world. Now, it was a private party with 20 other guests around the table. No one seemed to care the slightest. I was left speechless, standing over this diaper wondering what on earth this woman was thinking. Does she do this at home? ‘Don’t shit were you eat’ was obviously a proverb she’d never heard about. Either that or she mistook me and my waitress for her personal maids.

    In general, people who act worse than they would in their own homes, with zero respect for the people waiting on them, can all go suck a tailpipe.

    Luckily, its far between these people.

  151. 1. People who order everything in seperate orders. I can remember more than one thing at the time. Making a new order as I deliver your previous one is annoying, doing it 4-5 times in a row because you think Im retarded is gonna put me and everyone else who’s waiting to be served in a pissy mood.

    2. People who tries to help. I know you only try to help, but those four plates that are stacked on my arm has to be put down on the table in the right order. Snatch the wrong plate and your entire family’s dinner is gonna land in your lap. Physics, baby.

    3. Ordering stuff at the bar, then walking away to chat with someone else. “HEY! YES YOU. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RETURN TO THE BAR SO THAT I MIGHT COLLECT YOUR PAYMENT? I have 20 other waiting guests who are thirsty.” Annoying as a motherfucker.

  152. You walk into a french restaurant, ask for something french that’s not on the menu, sneer at the waiter saying “oh you probably don’t even know what that is”. Then proceed to talk about the time you spent in Provence, and how good the thing that’s not on the menu is.

    Just order off the goddamn menu, and no, I don’t give a shit about your time in France.

  153. You gesture with your finger to call your waitress from across the dining room.
    You hold your cup in the air until someone comes to refill it.
    You keep flirting with your waitress.
    ^You ask about her personal life.
    You hold a conversation with your waiter when clearly, he has other tables to get to.
    You ask every waiter that walks by to get you the same thing.
    You say “Oh I don’t want that. You don’t cook it right.”
    You spit out food into your cloth napkin.
    You get pissed off when your waiter forgets that container of tartar sauce you asked for. Suddenly, it’s the end of the world. How could they?
    You think it’s cute when you’re the last one to leave.
    You complain about your food every time you come in.
    You expect the waiter to already know what you want because you’re a regular.
    You don’t eat over the table.
    Your kid is crying the whole time.
    You play loud music on your cell phone at the table.
    You talk about the waitress in Spanish so she doesn’t know what you’re saying.
    You leave used tissues at the table.
    You ask your waiter to do something when his hands are full.

  154. I’m a server/bartender in the great white north and its customary to tip here as well, although our wages are higher than our southern counter parts. But let me tell you crossing a border does not cross out ignorance.

    Just a few of my favorites are:
    1. pointing at my breasts to order the beer brand emblazened on my work shirt. (FYI those are NOT on the menu and if they were your shitty tip couldnt afford them)
    2. People who order a shot or drink that no one outside their sorority has ever heard of and then upon being asked what’s in it have no idea (if you dont know whats in it why the F are you drinking it )
    3. When you’re in a restaraunt near a main event centre and after watching all patrons come in around the same time ask “umm we really need to get to (insert show or game thats starts in over half an hour)” Yep so does everyone else here, you all came in at the same time, youll all leave around the same time… trust me these people arent just out to slow down your night
    4. Complaining to the server and when asked if you would please speak to a manager (because if we say it we’re just whining) and you decline… please speak to them or NOTHING CHANGES! trust me
    5. Being a day/night regular and expecting a server that has NEVER SERVED YOU to magically know your order….. sorry you’re not important enough for me to stalk…
    6. Comming in and demanding your table that you reserved…. for an hour ago… on a saturday night
    7. Asking if we have : Cosmopolitans’, Long Island Iced Teas, Tom Collins’, Ceasars (or Bloody Marry’s), Tequila Sunrise’s etc…. i have a bar…. yes i can make one, yes i know whats in it … PLEASE READ THE MENU
    8. Large parties that are waiting on some one that “may or may not come”… now don’t get me wrong we all have flakey friends, but if this is the case please let your server know if you plan on waiting for everyone before drinks and or dinner… we can usually add to your order once the kitchen has it but if you sit and wait to order dont wonder where your food is
    9. Probably my most recent bitch fit comes from a customer whom had made a reservation at 6, less than a block away is a VERY busy event center hosting a sporting event, after arriving at 6:25 and having moved tables 3 times (a table of 11 by the way…. ya i was BEYOND accomidating) because it was “loud” (sports fans are loud.. you dont say)these people were NOT going to this event and HAD been told when placing the reservation that it would be quite busy untill about 7:30 when the event started and the restaraunt cleared they made the reso anyways. I digress. The vast majority or her party didnt arrive untill past 7, wine was already at the table and water and other drink orders were taken and filled. At 7:45 they ordered their mains (a round of apps was ordered when the first patrons arrived) at just past 7:50 this woman stormed past me with plates in my hand(intended for a different table mind you) to the kitchen to have a shit fit about how their food had taken over 2 hours and they were leaving and not paying for anything………i cant even explaine how annoyed and how much i wanted to ask not why are you so stupid and entitled but HOW are you so stupid and old…. you have made it this far in life with VERY LITTLE awareness and common sense.
    10. This is quick and all of us have had to explaine how a kitchen works because of it… the person who comes in for a quick bite just before something starts or before dinner somewhere else or just in general when the place is being rocked…. ” so i know your busy but were just gonna get a quick appetizer” , sorry but we make everything from scratch not from frozen(feel free to go to moxies or the olive garden)AND it doesnt matter how small a thing you order, over 100 people ordered before you … just cause its 1 thing doesnt bump you to the front of the line sorry it just doesnt work that way

    Haaaaa i feel better

  155. Little old ladies that nurse a cup of tea for 2 hours and complain that its too cold.in here, manager turns off the AC, now everyone else is uncomfortable – the customers that are ordering meals and tipping.

  156. Ever been with someone who immediately (and I mean immediately after you’re seated) begins to give you their theories of what reduces the tip they are [not!] going to give? The behavior of the waitstaff, the quality of the food? And they comment on each point to you throughout the meal as they observe all this? They are simply priming you for them leaving next to nothing after the check arrives. These people are simple cheap–nothing more, nothing less–and obviously embarrassed enough to provide cover for it.

  157. Pingback: bad service from the ones beneath you, & why deserve’s got nothing to do with it | the executive monkey goes to work.

  158. I once had a guy leave a business card advertising for body wraps to “lose inches instantly” in lieu of a tip. I’m 5’7″ and weigh 140 lbs. Yes, I could lose weight but I am in no way overweight. And I run four times a week and lift weights. Not only did you rip me off, but you offended me

  159. you go on and on about how awful it is that servers are paid next to nothing and then leave a 10% tip. Not only did your talking get in the way of me helping other tables, but your tip contributed to my poor wages. If it bothers you so much, maybe you should leave a decent tip.

  160. I’m a barista currently working my way through university.

    1) Customer places their order:

    ”Great, that comes to $8.50.”
    ”I’ve got $6.45.’
    ”Great, that comes to $8.50.”

    I’m not here to barter with you asshole. If you can’t afford to pay for what you want, don’t order it.

    2) People who toss their money at you-especially coins- as they pay, then get offended when you toss their change right back at them. I’m not your bitch. Go back to your mom and let her know you need a remedial course in social skills.

    3) Same goes for people on their cell phones. It’s incredibly rude. I’m not going to compete for your attention. When you’re done your conversation you let me know and I’ll be happy to help you. I’m sure your friend will understand.

    4) Ignoring the person at the till who is waiting patiently to take your order while you catch up with your friends. There are 10 people in line behind you who have equally important lives and commitments. Order your shit and catch up on your own time.

    5) If you’re having a bad day, don’t take it out on the poor son-of-a-bitch who’s been awake since 4a.m. We’re here to provide a service. That service is not psycho-therapy and we are not your personal punching bags. Deal with your anxieties elsewhere.

    6) People who don’t listen/fail to recognize their own names when waiting for drinks. If you’re unsure if a drink is yours, ask. Taking a drink that doesn’t belong to you just fucks up everyone else’s order. You’re a pain in the ass to the barista and the other dude whose drink you just stole.

    7) These same people who come back to complain that you fucked up their order. No, you took the wrong drink you fool.

    8) There is one barista making drinks for 10 people. You ordered 2 minutes ago and are getting huffy that they’re taking too long. You coming up to ask if we received your order does not speed up the process, and we’re entirely aware that this is your way of reminding us that you’re simply getting impatient. You’ll get your drink as fast as we can make it, after the people who ordered ahead of you. If you don’t have the time to wait, go somewhere else with shittier coffee and no line-up.

    9) Spilling an entire coffee on the counter and floor, then walking away without attempting to clean it up or notify a staff member. Grow the fuck up.


    11) Take someone’s entire order, only to have them turn around and walk out without a word because you don’t have walnuts to put on the free salad that comes with their snack #youneedmoreinyourlife.

    12) People who talk down to you as if you have an IQ of 65. I may be taking your order, but I’m likely better educated than you. Don’t assume that because someone is working in a service industry job that they aren’t working toward something else in the interim. It’s rarely someone’s dream to serve entitled douchebags for a living. The job is a means to an end.

      • I wouldn’t be responding at all if this post wasn’t so recent. But since you’re ragging on service workers YEARS after the discussion began…

        While I have met the extremely rude and entitled waiter in the past, they are exceedingly rare.

        I only worked briefly in this kind of environment and it was both the most fun I’ve had in a job and the most demanding and soul sucking way to make money I’ve ever tried (and I did cold sales for a while, yech!). The vast majority of the complaints here are perfectly reasonable, save maybe the calculator but I suck at math and want to be sure I pay 20% minimum.

        My mom worked tables because as a HS dropout, that’s all she was qualified for. My dad died in Vietnam, so she worked her ASS off raising two kids on tips. I have nothing but respect for someone who tries so hard to please customers while being put in a position to have to deal with terrible attitudes.

        I loved the stuff here about hitting on a waitress, though. I’m a year out from a divorce and was trying to decide to give my # to a waitress who gives me better service than I deserve (Never had anyone waiting on me give lingering touches or rub my back so I was a bit perplexed). Now I know for certain I won’t be putting her in an awkward position. This thread saved me from being (more of?) an asshole. :)

  161. Hmm. I seem to be kinda a mixed bag as a customer. I’m certainly aware (and have taught to various youngsters I know) that servers are incredibly underpaid, overworked, and deserve to be both respected and decently tipped. I tip for anything even close to decent service; I cheerfully forgive at least one complete braino per meal (and two or three during busy times) because we all forget something sometime; and if I come in for just an appetizer or a dessert, I pay 25%-50% tip for the service and for holding up the table.

    But I have been known to briefly wave a glass at a server, just so they can see from across the room that I’m only asking for a refill and they don’t need to make an extra trip to ask me what I want. Is that always bad?

    But the one thing that really frustrates me–and I *do* understand this is a mutual problem, not just “bad” service–are servers who want to make extended conversation when I and/or other people at my table are clearly busy.

    I mean, if I’m sitting alone and reading, I’m fine with a server being friendly by saying, for example, “What are you reading? Is that any good?”, but if I give an equally friendly sentence or two in answer and then look back down at my book, I’d rather the server not spend 10 minutes explaining in an artificially jolly voice that he doesn’t really like to read, and prefers TV show like XYZ, etc., and do *I* happen to like XYZ, etc., when his voice that makes it clear he’s not even slightly interested in the conversation either. And no, I’m not talking about being hit on; I’m fat, 55, and plain as a boot.

    I mean, I know it’s a balance on both sides; the server wants to be friendly and helpful, and so do I, but eventually I *would* like to be allowed to read my book; I’m not a lonely old maid who should be talked down to endlessly in hopes of a better tip.

    Similarly, this July my sister and her husband came through town for the first time in years, and we went to a restaurant together. We gave the waiter our attention, our orders, and our general friendly respect, but at about 5-minute intervals he’d stop through and interrupt our excited conversation to talk about nothing in particular.

    We hadn’t delayed ordering; we hadn’t finished our course or lingered over it unduly; we weren’t tying up a table for hours; we were just having a great and talkative dinner together because we all love each other and can’t often get together.

    Look, I can’t prove to you in this post that we weren’t problem customers and that the waiter was overdoing it, and since this is mostly a waiters’ blog, you’re probably inclined to assume we’re bozos. And it’s possible we are, but in this case I really don’t think so.

    I know 80-90% of problems are caused by bad or thoughtless customers, and I assume I’ve occasionally been one of them despite my best efforts. I also know servers are both supposed to act friendly and mostly ARE friendly. But once in a very great while, I wish they were also taught (or allowed) to know when to stop overdoing it.

    With apologies for sounding like, and possibly even being, an a-hole,


    • The conversation, and exchange does need to go both ways. Servers choose to be in the industry, and customers choose to be served and pay to do so. It’s not the servers fault that restaurants / bars get away with underpaying their employees. I’d rather pay 25% more and know that all the people at the restaurant were being paid fairly, but that’s not the reality. So, if I choose to eat out/ go to a bar and be served, I assume I will leave / pay a 20-25% tip or even much more for great, even just good service. It’s sad that so many servers despise their customers. “Food for thought” before choosing to spend hard earned dollars on an an evening out.

  162. I’m Sonya from U.K, i have been married for 13years without a child birth,i have visited different homes in search on how i could get pregnant,it seems like i have wasted all my time visiting those homes…In short,I m very happy to day i now have kids i can now call my own and i want to say a very big thanks to Dr adamuku, of adamukusolutiontemple@live.com the spellcaster i meet online who help me to cast a pregnancy spell that make me got pregnant,All he required from me was MY NAME AND MY HUSBAND NAME:- DATE OF MARRIAGE:- OUR COUNTRY AND OUR PICTURE:- He is a man who enjoy helping people he have help me and most of my friends and today we are happy we have kids we can call our own,email adamukusolutiontemple@livecom for all kind of problems and you will be happy at last.

  163. -you think your always right
    -your a famous singer named justin bieber
    -you honk at someone less then a second after the light changes to green
    -you don’t bother to look at things from the other person’s point of view
    -you tell someone to kill them self
    -your racist
    -your prejudice
    -you think the world revolves around you
    -you can justify killing people
    -you honk at someone who is waiting for predestines to cross the street
    -you blow cigarette smoke in the direction of other people

  164. Don’t ask me for my name and then use it like you know me. I’m your server, not your friend. You think you’re being friendly but you’re being creepy and intrusive. I’m a competent, confident adult; I’m not seeking validation from you. AND to the assholes who assume waiters are stupid….I have a masters degree, many of us do. I just happen to make more waiting tables 3 nights a week than I would working in my field full time. I’m also a member of MENSA. So suck it, assholes. Your crappy tip won’t make or break me.

  165. When you put your arms around the waitresses waist as you give your drink order or listen to the specials.

    You grab and hug the waitress and/or female bartender after the dinner to ‘say goodbyr’, as if you were long-time friends (you never do this with male waiters or bartenders).

    Oh, and you do both of these in front of your wife and children even though they have continually asked you not to do this.

  166. ANY offense is exponentially worse if you are a ‘regular’ who comes in more than twice a week.

    – Paid for the bill of $88.25 on his credit card, didn’t put anything on the line for tip, however, writes in the total – $90.00 . Brought the guy the $1.75, nicely put it on the table, and said, “It looks like you are strapped for cash, you keep this.”

    – Tell me repeatedly how you are going to tip me fat. I remember meeting you when I was younger, and not wise to the games men play. Back then you were telling me how huge your cock was, Tiny.

    – Spit gum on the carpet, hawk loogies on the bathroom wall, commemorate your visit via the table/wall, put your wet beer bottle label on anything to dry. On top of this you talk about what a dive the place is (there is gum in the carpet, graffiti in the bathroom, and beer labels stuck to the overhead storage at the bar). Can I come visit your house. I will bring my gum and my sharpie!

    – Steal the tip your tablemate left for ME. Bitch. I showed complete respect towards you. If you have a problem, or don’t agree with what was left, say something to them, don’t wait til they have left the table and be all underhanded.

    – Steal my tip to buy your next cocktail. Peckerhead.

    – Buy a couple rounds for the bar during the five hours you are here, you big spender, then give me a three dollar tip when you pay your sixty dollar tab.

    – Expect me to run a tab without giving me a hostage. I accept credit cards and car keys. No children, no id’s. Any tab you open with me is essentially a personal loan, offered as a courtesy. My employer is not in the credit business, and will not give me an extension on the payment for the goods provided. If you don’t pay it, I have to. Period. So yeah, I want some collateral.

    – Don’t expect me to add your drinks to your friend’s tab and not verify that they are approved. And I will ask EVERY TIME. I do not care if you ARE the best of friends. That does not justify you ordering shots for yourself and the two skanks at the next table while your friend (who was nice enough to buy your broke ass a couple beers)is outside having a smoke. You mean so you can leave with one of the skanks before they ask to close out, and I look like an ass when they get their ginormous tab. Sure, pal.

  167. I once got suspended at work cause i said “oh jeez” when a little kid was sceaming and crying. The lady was hung over from partying the night before and then woke up and remembered she was a adult and pissed when she remebered that she had a kid. I was so nice to her and that made it even worse, the fact that my day was so good and her’s sucked drove her nuts. She said, “You must not have kids”,then wrote a yelp review, called the owner, called my manager and had 3 days off cause of this. I loved every minute of it and still laugh about it. I’m sure her kid still sucks. Awesome.

  168. Your server thinks their job is work and thinks you should thank them for being lazy jerks . you do receive a wage you agreed on a tip is for exceptional service your all ghost most the meal until its time to pay then it like fly’s on shit dishwasher busier chef host all have hands out. Get a real job

    • “Your server thinks their job is work”

      The gall! Well, yes, jobs and work tend to go hand in hand most of the time – though I can see how someone who types like you would have trouble with simple definitions.

      FYI, I have two jobs right now: one part-time job as a server to supplement my income and one that I suppose you would call a “real job.” The server position is FAR more demanding, physically and mentally.

  169. We always leave a good tip whether we like the service or not. I remember the days of getting pennies for working my butt off as a waitress.

    BUT, I have to say that my elder parents are very well meaning, but they don’t understand that the tips they give are really not that great. They think they are great, but no matter how much we tell them that its offensive, they still tip the same. I apologize to every waiter or waitress that has to deal with their tip. They just don’t get it.

  170. 45) The reason a penny gets left on the table is because the service is so unbelievably bad that you want to send a clear signal to the server that you did not just forget to tip, but that their service was worth exactly $0.01. I have only had to do this once in 49 years, but the time I did do it, it was fully justified. To paraphrase the description of #45, “Go fuck yourself, waitress, for totally ruining our meal.”

  171. HATE waiters, waitresses, that constantly ask you while your eatting how everything is, and then in the middle of the meal, put the check on the table. Learn your job.

    • May come as a shock to learn that not everyone has the same preferences as you, but customers are even more likely to complain if they feel the server is not checking on them enough. Point is you can’t please everyone and I can’t see how ignoring your tables is preferable to being attentive. I check on all my tables the same amount, and the ones that act annoyed about being “bothered” are a very tiny minority.

  172. I’ve seen much worse shit than some of these.

    I personally don’t complain about low tips cause A. people are poor as shit sometimes even if they don’t look it so sometimes they actually feel like shit for tipping low but have to. not always though.

    What gets under my skin is when people are obnoxiously inconsiderate or have a higher than thou attitude and will try to do anything to make your life just a little more miserable. There are people out there where if they saw you get you leg chopped off, the first thing they’d do is complain to your boss about your bleeding everywhere. Now those are the types of people who should just do the world a favour and drop dead!

  173. I am a veteran, so I feel okay posting this remark: people in the military are terrible tippers. TERRIBLE. I’ll admit that I was a bad tipper when I was in the Army; I have since learned better. A previous poster said that he doesn’t make that much in his military job. Sorry, dude, but that’s no excuse. If you can’t afford the service, you can’t afford to eat somewhere you are waited on. Repeat: I am a veteran myself, so save the “oh you hate the troops” kind of comments, haters.

  174. We have cameras in my place. You grab my arm and I’m fucking you up. Your assualt will be documented as will my self defense.

    Even if it’s not meant to be ‘aggressive’ it’s still considered as assualt. I’m going to throw a haymaker into your jaw and calling the cops to press charges. When my boss fires me I’ll collect my unemployment and lawsuit money for being fired over defending myself from a customer who assualted me and then I’m coming after your ass for civil damages over lost wages and that I’m now afraid to return to a my main source of income of being attacked again.

    The customer alwats thinks they’re right but this is America….where your defense attorney will cost you more per hour where my plaintiff attorney won’t so get ready to settle.

  175. The funny thing….most customers would immediately apologize or shit themselves and ask for the cops if a server,bartender or whatever quit on the spot during their abuse and said “I’ll see you outside mother fucker”

    It takes a real coward bitch to talk shit to someone at their job knowing they’ll lose it if they don’t take your bullshit.

    That’s why i loved being a bouncer. The customer gets shitty, the customer eats a wall…..and before you say “then you get sued” but here’s the thing, one of the worker’s is calling the cops telling them you’re a drunk who took a swing at me after you were getting tossed for grabbing her ass. Your lawsuit never gets taken, you take an assualt charge and if you make enough noise about it the bartender/waitress goes after you for sexual assualt.

  176. I love being consider asshole customer.If my kids make a mess,it’s your job to clean it up. I don’t work there as such why would I be cleaning?

  177. You come in with a party of 2o people during dinner rush with no reservation, get upset that you have to wait a half hour to be sat, then get to your table and refuse to sit in that area because, “you prefer not to sit near the bathroom doors”.

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