If you ever worked for gratuities you’ve felt the compulsion to seek revenge against bad tippers, I know I did. Sometimes I crossed the line. While I never enhanced a patron’s entree with my DNA I lost reservations, told customers that their credit cards had been declined, stuck patrons at horrible tables and slipped into my arrogant John Cleese “waiter from hell” mode. Sometimes it was fun. But sometimes it was all I could do to stay sane
But I’ve told my story. Today I’m interested in what you, my fellow tipped workers of America, have done to wreak vengeance on customers. Are you a waiter who ever spit in a customer’s soup? Added a pubic garnish to a drink? Are you a hotel maid you left something other than a mint on a pillow? A sky cap who sent someone’s luggage to Minsk instead of Miami Beach? Are you a car valet who pulled a “Ferris Bueller” with someone’s Maserati? A taxi driver who took the long route or a limo driver who just refused to pick someone up? Maybe you’re a furniture delivery guy who “accidentally” scratched someone’s new couch or a Starbucks barista who substituted heavy cream for soy milk in some socialite’s chai latte? A hairstylist who gave someone a new bald spot? Tell us in the comments section! Let ‘er rip! As I learned in my seminary days, confession is good for the soul. (And entertaining.)
And If you’re a tipped worker who’d like to be interviewed for my book just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Just like the confessional, confidentiality is assured. Just don’t tell me you murdered someone.
Let the badness out!