by waiter | Jul 17, 2023 | Uncategorized
We were driving home from Pennsylvania when the low gas indicator on my dashboard began flashing. “We need gas,” I told my wife. “How many miles are left in the tank?” she asked. Using a switch on the steering wheel, I called up the diagnostics on my car’s...
by waiter | Jul 14, 2023 | Uncategorized
My daughter and I were watching a James Bond flick when she said, “Why do all the girls want to kiss this guy?” “Why do you think?” I said. “Cause he’s handsome?” “Maybe.” “But then he goes and murders people.” Shaking my head at...
by waiter | Jul 12, 2023 | Uncategorized
“Hi,” the man said, extending his hand. “My name is Robert. But you can call me Bob.” “Hi Bob,” I said, taking the man’s hand. “My name’s Stephen.” “You’re the new couple’s son.” “That’s right.” “How are they fitting in?” “So far, so...
by waiter | Jun 30, 2023 | Uncategorized
A while back, the 50’s themed restaurant in my town sponsored a contest – be the best dressed child in Eisenhower era fashions and win a free ice cream sundae for a month. My wife was all over it. “We’re gonna win,” she said. “Just watch.” I’m sure you...
by waiter | Jun 28, 2023 | Uncategorized
“Why did grandma and grandpa have to move here?” my daughter asked as we drove out of the parking lot of my parents’ new assisted living facility. “Mom and dad can no longer live by themselves,” I said. “Why not?” “They’re old and need lots of help....
by waiter | Jun 22, 2023 | Uncategorized
A couple of days ago, my wife texted me an article about a restaurant in California that hired a fake “priest” to hear the confessions of their waitstaff in order to uncover suspected wrongdoings by their workers. They got busted and were fined $140,000 to punish them...
by waiter | Jun 3, 2023 | Uncategorized
My cart loaded with eggs for the food pantry, I made my way to the checkout area where, to my dismay, I found only two flesh and blood cashiers while the rest of my fellow shoppers were using the self-checkout gizmos. I hate those things. The lines for the...
by waiter | Jun 2, 2023 | Uncategorized
“My chicken tastes weird,” my wife said. “Could it be the marinade?” I asked. “No. Taste it and see.” So, I did. The chicken was bad. Sighing, I looked for waitress, but she was nowhere to be found. Another waitress happened to be walking down the...
by waiter | May 11, 2023 | Uncategorized
I was working out in my old college gym with my friend Eliza, surreptitiously glancing at the shapely backside she’d honed from running five miles a day. Hey, I’m only human. “Want to go for a jog after this?” she said while powering through some bicep...
by waiter | Mar 27, 2023 | Uncategorized
“Daddy,” Natalie said from the back of the car – which seems to be the place all our deep conversations start – “How do you make a baby?” “How do you think it gets there?” I countered. So much for a quiet ride home. “Kissing? Through your...
