by waiter | Nov 6, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s Thursday night and I’m annoyed. I’m annoyed that a pharmaceutical company reserved a back table for twelve people at seven o’clock. I’m annoyed because the pharmacy rep is a snooty power-pantsuited bitch. I’m annoyed that...
by waiter | Nov 2, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m at the dog park with Buster, my joint custody pooch, trying to explain what joint custody poochdom means to the cute brunette with the words “Juicy” stenciled across her ass, when a black Mercedes suddenly comes screeching into the parking lot. A...
by waiter | Oct 27, 2006 | Uncategorized
The man on table 23 raises his hand and performs the scribble signal for the check. I nod in acknowledgment and head to the POS computer to print it up. All in all 23 wasn’t a bad table – man, wife, mother-in-law – the usual kind of late Sunday...
by waiter | Oct 23, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s Sunday evening and I’m exhausted. I feel like the previous Friday and Saturday nights excised more than their usual pound of psychic flesh. “You look tired,” Monique, our Sunday hostess observes. “I’m feeling wiped out...
by waiter | Oct 20, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s seven o’clock on Saturday night. Every seat in the Bistro has someone’s name on it. But that doesn’t stop people without reservations from trying to get in. “Where’s Fluvio?” an impatient customers huffs, nervously waving...
by waiter | Oct 16, 2006 | Uncategorized
Its Saturday night. Beth and I are drinking dirty martinis at Istanbul, a Turkish restaurant with a great bar and live music. I’m keen on seeing some belly dancers. “Did you ever smoke a hookah?” Beth asks me, motioning to the ornate water pipes...
by waiter | Oct 11, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m drinking coffee in the kitchen watching Louis hyperventilate. It’s a pastime of mine. “Can I get my halibut for table three?” Louis yells. “Like today?” “Relax Louis,” I say. “The food’ll be out in a...
by waiter | Oct 9, 2006 | Uncategorized
“And you sir,” I say, turning to the last customer on my four top, “What will you have this evening?” “I’ll have the Fellatio please,” the man says with a smirk. I glance up from my pad. This guy better be talking about the...
by waiter | Oct 4, 2006 | Uncategorized
My brother and his wife just bought their first house. It’s what real estate agents euphemistically call a fixer upper. The three bedroom Cape’s previous owner had been a heavy smoking cat lover. We discovered nicotine stains in the closets. And the smell...
by waiter | Oct 2, 2006 | Uncategorized
In restaurant parlance a “void” is when management removes an item from a customer’s check. In medical parlance it means urinating or evacuating one’s bowels. I’m in management so it’s all the same to me – taking shit and...
