by waiter | Mar 24, 2007 | Uncategorized
Turnabout is fair play so here’s that list I promised. I thought it would be hard to think of 50 ways a server could be an asshole. Duh, I was wrong. 1. Waiter smells like he hasn’t bathed in days. 2. Waiter has dirty, unkempt hair. 3. The waiter’s so stoned his...
by waiter | Mar 21, 2007 | Uncategorized
1) You bring your own teabags. 2) You ask for separate checks after you’ve finished your meal. 3) You’re a foreigner who knows the customary tip in the US is 15% but feign ignorance so you can save a few bucks. 4) You bring your own appetizers. (Swear that happened to...
by waiter | Mar 17, 2007 | Uncategorized
Anyone who’s ever waited tables knows how hard it is to transition from one restaurant job to another. To help make the process a little smoother I’ve compiled a list of warning signs to help waiters avoid working in dysfunctional shitholes. 1) They hire you the...
by waiter | Mar 13, 2007 | Uncategorized
“Omigod!” Julie, one of the waitresses shrieks. “A mouse!” “Where?” I ask. “Right there,” Julie says, pointing to the floor. “Stuck in the glue trap!” I look down. Stuck on a piece of adhesive cardboard next to the dishwasher is a small brown and white field mouse....
by waiter | Mar 8, 2007 | Uncategorized
It’s my first Saturday night working at the new restaurant. Since I’m new and the manager’s unsure how many tables I can handle, I’ve been given a small section near the men’s room. The other waiters ensure that cheap tippers with psychological problems constitute the...
by waiter | Mar 5, 2007 | Uncategorized
“Where’s Luis?” I ask Miguel, one of the restaurants many bus boys. “My party’s gonna be here any minute and the tables not set up.” “I don’t know,” Miguel says. “Rolando,” I ask, turning to our...
by waiter | Feb 28, 2007 | Uncategorized
The lunch rush has come and gone. I’m sitting in the back sipping espresso and reading the newspaper when Rolando, our fabulous Chileno busboy, interrupts me. “You got a table up front,” he says, unenthusiastically. “How many?” I ask,...
by waiter | Feb 25, 2007 | Uncategorized
I was a guest on Evan Kleiman’s radio show Good Food, hosted by Southern California’s own 89.9FM KCRW. The link to the show is here. I’m on the later part of the program but please listen to all the guests, it’s a great program. My new restaurant job’s interesting....
by waiter | Feb 23, 2007 | Uncategorized
Rolando, our fabulous Chileno busboy, is so busy acting fabulous that he’s neglecting my tables. I’ve been fetching bread and butter, refilling waters, and clearing my tables all though lunch. I’m not above doing grunt work, but Rolando’s...
by waiter | Feb 20, 2007 | Uncategorized
“Hey maricon,” the sous chef yells. “You gonna pick up your food or what?” “Where”s the food runner?” I reply. “He’s sick.” “Goddammit,” I mutter. “I still don’t know what the food...
