by waiter | Apr 10, 2010 | Uncategorized
It’s a dazzling bright sunny day and I have to drive to the supermarket. Oh goody, I get to wear my sunglasses. But they’re not just any sunglasses, mind you. They’re my thousand-yard stare enhancing Ray-Ban Louisiana State Trooper sunglasses. When I stop at a traffic...
by waiter | Apr 8, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m in a small white building attending a seminar I really don’t want to be at. I think the topic’s religion. When we break for coffee I walk over to the glass wall that makes up the front of the building and look outside. In the distance high atop a hill, a huge...
by waiter | Mar 27, 2010 | Uncategorized
CAFÉ DE LIQUIDATION “We make all your problems disappear – deliciously” Lè Menu Primi * Threatening phone calls delivered with a flavoring of subtle menace. 20 * Threatening phone calls delivered with powerful overtones of menace. 25 * Line caught Chilean...
by waiter | Mar 20, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m at the dog park with Buster enjoying a beautiful day when one of the regulars taps me on the shoulder. “Hey,” he says. “Look. There’s a hawk over there.” I turn around and see a large brown hawk standing fifty yards outside the fence. “Wow,” I say. “There’s...
by waiter | Mar 19, 2010 | Uncategorized
The Internet is a truly wondrous place. Without it I never would’ve started Waiter Rant, gotten noticed and become an author. So I guess I’m indebted to Vinton Cerf and all the people who made this amazing web of communication and ideas possible. And to think the...
by waiter | Mar 19, 2010 | Uncategorized
It’s midnight and I’m in the drive thru lane of a Burger King. I just came back from picking up Buster from his “doggy mama” and I’m famished. “Hello and welcome to Burger King,” a staticy voice says though the drive thru intercom. “What would you like to...
by waiter | Mar 15, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m driving down a hill in Southern California. It’s a warm sunny day and as the sea-scented breeze caresses my face I see a black man standing on a street corner holding an assault rifle. And when I say a black man I don’t mean an African-American. I mean a void, a...
by waiter | Mar 8, 2010 | Uncategorized
A little ditty about servers from CNN. Enjoy!
by waiter | Mar 6, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m sitting in my room typing away on my laptop when suddenly I hear tires screeching outside my house. “I fucking hate niggers!” a male voice screams. “I fucking hate them!” I leap out of my chair and run to the window. My first thought is some black guy walking down...
by waiter | Mar 4, 2010 | Uncategorized
I stumbled across an interesting blog called Becoming Jennie. It’s written by a young woman named Jennifer Ketchum who used to be an adult actress and is now trying to build a brand new life. When I read it I thought of Peter Gabriel’s classic song. Check the site...
