by waiter | Jan 25, 2011 | Uncategorized
I’m smoking a thirteen-dollar Maduro in an expensive cigar store in a rich town. Normally I don’t spend so much on pricey smokes but I like this place. And they have leather chairs you can sink into and forget your troubles until the last ash falls. “I can’t believe...
by waiter | Jan 7, 2011 | Uncategorized
I was surfing the Internet when I came across an article about a guy named Harold Camping who claims the world is coming to an end. According to good ‘ol Harry, May 21, 2011 will be Judgment Day and the rapture (The taking up into heaven of God’s elect people) will...
by waiter | Dec 25, 2010 | Uncategorized
Well, I’m going to bed after a kick ass Italian Christmas Eve party. Now where in the world did I put my Alka-Seltzer? Man, don’t ever let me near anisette and anisette cookies again. Merry Christmas everyone! And to my non-Christain, atheist, and agnostic readers...
by waiter | Dec 20, 2010 | Uncategorized
Over my many years writing about people who depend on gratuities aggrieved people, usually skinflints, have written in to tell me that if tipped workers don’t like the money they’re making they should endeavor to make alternate employment arrangements. But what really...
by waiter | Dec 16, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m sitting in the cigar shop again, basking in my post Today Show glory when Philo comes in to pick up a smoke on his way to work. “I got a six hundred dollar tip today,” he crows. “That’s great I say. “Congrats.” “That shit when right into my pocket.” “Righteous....
by waiter | Dec 16, 2010 | Uncategorized
If you’re like me, you were horrified to watch that video of Clay Duke shooting up a school board meeting in Panama City, Florida. Ranting incoherently, Mr. Duke was shot by a security guard and then took his own life. Luckily no innocent people were killed. Of course...
by waiter | Dec 15, 2010 | Uncategorized
Hey everybody. Sorry I’ve been away so long. Been busy. And I’m going to be talking to Matt Lauer on The Today Show tomorrow morning! Tune in around 8:30. Happy Holidays!
by waiter | Dec 15, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m sitting in my cigar shop puffing on a Maduro when Philo, a doorman who works in an exclusive Upper West Side building, walks in. “Hey Philo,” I say. “How are the Christmas tips going?” “Jesus Christ,” he says. “The tenants are already starting to bitch about it.”...
by waiter | Nov 2, 2010 | Uncategorized
You have two things to do today. 1. Vote 2. Buy Keep the Change And not necessarily in that order! 🙂
by waiter | Oct 29, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m at a McCormick and Schmick’s restaurant with a date. As we peruse the cocktail menu I see a drink that almost gives me an orgasm – a dirty Grey Goose martini with olives stuffed with blue cheese and bacon. “I’m so getting that,” I tell my date. “Vodka,...
