by waiter | Nov 20, 2014 | Uncategorized
It’s five-thirty and I’ve just finished the lovely sandwich my wife made for me when Hakim sticks his head in the break room. “Can you do me a favor?” the young nurse asks. “Sure.” “You know that new patient in 308?” “He’s been in bed all day.” “He came in...
by waiter | Nov 6, 2014 | Uncategorized
If you’ve ever waited tables, at some point in your nocturnal life, you’ve had a “waiter dream.” These nightmares usually share common thematic elements; you’ve got a hundred customers who all hate you, the restaurant’s layout is bizarrely different, the menu’s a...
by waiter | Nov 2, 2014 | Uncategorized
Having a baby has made 2014 a year of firsts so, when Halloween rolls around, my wife and I get into gear. After dressing Natalie up as Snow White we run over to an arts and crafts store, hit up Target for candy and go home to decorate our front porch. “If you don’t...
by waiter | Oct 31, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’m on the checkout line in the supermarket when a teenaged boy comes up to me with an extra large carton of eggs. “Excuse me, sir.” he says. “Could you buy these eggs for me?” My shopping cart is loaded with stuff. “You have one thing.” I say. “You can go ahead...
by waiter | Oct 28, 2014 | Uncategorized
“Stephen, dear,” Connie says. “Please refill my ice water.” I don’t even look up from my chart. “Connie, the water machine is right over there. You’re perfectly capable of getting it.” “I’m too old. Be a nice young man and get me my water. A cup of tea...
by waiter | Oct 27, 2014 | Uncategorized
It’s 7:00 PM and I’m tired so I go into the staff room and brew a pot of coffee. Within minutes the smell of java fills the nurse’s station. Normally I take it black but, as I’ve gotten older, I like it with milk and sugar in the evenings. After fixing my cup I sit at...
by waiter | Oct 24, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’ve got the baby all to myself and a Nor’Easter is blowing outside. If I don’t take Natalie outside for a walk she won’t take a nap. That means Daddy won’t get a nap. Not good. When there’s a lull in the storm I load my daughter into the car and head over to the...
by waiter | Oct 19, 2014 | Uncategorized
A couple of days ago a friend of mine, an avowed foodie, texted the above picture to my cell phone. “I disagree,” I wrote back. “As do I,” he replied. “Sometimes that’s my only meal!” I like brunch, but brunch done right. Post-waiter-stress trauma makes me leery...
by waiter | Apr 28, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’m in the break room writing my notes while my coworker Jorge fiddles with his iPhone. “Check this shit out,” he says. I look up from my paperwork. My younger colleagues are very enamored with their smartphones. “What?” I say....
by waiter | Apr 26, 2014 | Uncategorized
Waiter Rant is ten years old today. If you told me when I wrote that first post that it would lead to book deals, the NYT Bestseller List, Oprah, The Today Show and hundreds of radio and print interviews I would have said you were suffering from cocaine induced...
