California Dreaming

My wife and I were packing the car and getting ready to leave our rented house off Hollywood Boulevard when a storm of howling profanity suddenly filled the air.  Turning my head towards the noise, I spotted a disheveled man barreling straight towards us.  Black, in...

Girls Can Do Anything

When my wife got home from work yesterday the look on her face said it all. “Tough day with the baby?” I said. “She was a terror all day,” Annie said. “She fought over everything little thing and she screamed all the way home.” I winced. When trapped inside a...

Sidework Scams, Tip Shaving and No Overtime

Over the years, I’ve written extensively about the various machinations restaurant owners employ to pilfer wages and tips from their waitstaff. Whether it’s mom and pop operations or big chain restaurants, many owners seem unable to resist the temptation to steal from...

All the News That’s Fit to Print

My daughter is three, broke and unemployed. Time for her to pull her weight. “You now have a job,” I told my daughter one fine Sunday morning. “Job?’ she said, bewildered. “Go get Daddy’s newspaper. It’s at the end of the driveway.” Natalie’s face lit up in a...

Challenger

The car rental counters at LAX are the busiest in the world. Luckily for me, my wife and I arrived during a slow time. “You go get the car,” my wife said as we got off the shuttle bus. “I’ll get the luggage.” Since my wife was in L.A. for a convention, she had brought...

Always and Forever

“Wake up sleepy head,” I said to my daughter, Natalie. “What? What?” she said, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “It’s time for your special treat,” my wife said. “It’s not my birthday,” Natalie, said. “It doesn’t always have to be your birthday to get a treat,” I...

The Gift of Hollywood Boulevard

My wife and I were walking down Hollywood Boulevard, heading towards Musso & Frank Grill for a drink. In Manhattan, looking up at Gotham’s skyscrapers marks you as a tourist. Here, looking down at the sidewalk is a surefire indicator you’re from out of town....

Good Friday

I was sitting in a McDonald’s with my nephew when he asked me what time it was. “What grade are you in?” I asked. “Third,” he replied. “So, you know how to read a clock, right?” “Uh uh.” I took off my watch and handed it to him. “So, what time is it?” Ethan stared at...

Get Off the Fucking Plane

By now you’ve all probably heard about United Airlines’ public relations/customer service   fiasco. If you didn’t here it is in a nutshell – a plane was overbooked, they had to get a flight crew of four on board, they offered $800 in vouchers for volunteers to...

Blood From a Stone

A while back, a man came into my office to donate some toys. “They’re all kind of rusted and beat up,” he told me. “But you can have them.”  I didn’t want any rusty toys – and neither would any of the children my office helps – so I told him to donate them to an...