by waiter | May 22, 2006 | Uncategorized
“Do you hear that?” Melinda, our hostess asks me. “Hear what?” I reply tiredly. Its Sunday brunch and I’m exhausted from the night before. “There’s a bird in the restaurant!” “You’re kidding me.” “No, listen.” I strain my ears. Over the din of our busy restaurant I...
by waiter | May 19, 2006 | Uncategorized
“A man cannot break his penis,” Kylie, my twenty two year old waitress, exclaims. “Sure he can,” I reply. Don’t ask me how we got on this subject because I forgot. Waitstaff conversations are free associative exercises that usually culminate in sex talk one way or the...
by waiter | May 18, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m standing outside the Bistro, enjoying the cool of the early evening breeze, when a beautiful woman clad only in a towel walks past me. “Good evening,” I say nonchalantly, as if nearly naked women pass my restaurant everyday. “Good evening,” the woman replies with...
by waiter | May 17, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s Saturday night and the Bistro’s jamming. I’m heading to the men’s room when Beth, a fellow waiter, intercepts me. “I need help,” she squeaks, “I’m going into the weeds.” “Whatcha need?” I offer gallantly. My piss can wait a minute. “Do you know how to make a...
by waiter | May 16, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m at the dog park watching Buster, my joint custody pooch, sniff some Pekinese ass. “That your dog?” a big burly guy asks, pointing to Buster. “Yeah,” I reply, “The Pekinese yours?” “Yeah,” the big guy says smiling, walking towards me, “They seem to get along.”...
