Lunching Ladies

It’s one o’clock and I’m covering a lunch shift for a sick waiter. The Bistro’s empty. As I’m gazing out the front window, carefully evaluating the spandex covered derriere of a passing jogger babe, the front door chimes. Damn, always when I’m busy. I walk over to the...

Newspaper Interview

This piece about Waiter Rant was in today’s Chicago Tribune. Enjoy! What your waiter is saying about you By Jessica Berthold Tribune Newspapers: The Morning Call Published March 29, 2006 Waiter Rant (waiterrant.net) reads like a sitcom script about life in a busy New...

More Romantic Drivel

Table 26 finishes their meal and signals for the check. “I’ll pay for dinner,” the man says, taking the checkbook out of my hand. “No, ” his date protests, “Let’s split it.” “I’ve got it.”...

Bride & Groom

The phone rings. “The Bistro,” I answer, “How may I help you?” “Hello, Waiter?” a familiar voice says. “Yes?” “This is Rafael, the Maitre’D at Cafe Really Expensive.” “Hey Rafael,” I reply, “How’s things?” “Slow.” “I hear ya.” “Listen,” Rafael says, “You’ve got a...

Soy People

I’m waiting in line at the health food store as the Hippie Matron in front of me tortures the guy behind the counter. “Can I have a sample of the wheat grass juice with ginger?” she asks “I’m sorry,” the counterman replies, “But I can’t give out samples right now.”...