by waiter | Jan 30, 2006 | Uncategorized
Customers are always leaving business cards, religious tracts, and other sundry items in the checkbook or on the hostess stand. Usually too poor or desperate to afford a decent advertising budget, they resort to foisting their shit on me. Here are some of my...
by waiter | Jan 25, 2006 | Uncategorized
Are stories about waiters suddenly hip? I must’ve not gotten the memo. Imagine my surprise when I opened up the New York Times this morning to read that their vaunted food critic, Frank Bruni, stepped down from his critical perch, strapped on an apron, and indulged in...
by waiter | Jan 23, 2006 | Uncategorized
A female patron, who’s very drunk, is staring at her menu in the deluded expectation that it will divine her gustatory predilections and pick out something for her. I’ve never seen a menu do that. Perhaps if she was tripping on acid….. “Madam?” I prod gently. “Mmmm....
by waiter | Jan 19, 2006 | Uncategorized
The customer pushes his plate away, dabs his mouth with a linen napkin, and waves me over. “All done sir?” I ask. “Yes,” he replies, “That was great, as always.” “Glad you enjoyed it sir.” “Just bring me an espresso and the check,” the man says, “I can tell you guys...
by waiter | Jan 18, 2006 | Uncategorized
The woman on table 23 lost her child a few months ago. Cancer. I haven’t seen her in months. She’s eating with friends. They’re talking about nothing which is supposed to distract her from thinking about everything. They finish and pay the bill. The mother walks out....
