Sit the fuck down!

So you want the best table in the house? You are not alone. Everyone in this entitled culture feels they deserve the best tables. Never been here before? Why right this way to table nirvana. Going to order $10 bucks worth of salad? Let me fall over myself while I kick Christy Turlington out of her table. You asshole.

The best tables are for the best customers. People who spend cash and know how to behave in a restaurant. The couple that spends the cool hundred and tip twenty is going to beat your tap water and garden salad every time. It’s like the real world. Want a pricey address? Better show up with cash in hand.

The worst offenders are women. Usually at lunch

They walk in, often without a reservation, and demand to sit in the nicest spots. Some of these bitches have an anatomical anomaly that allows their heads to spin a full 360 while scanning the floor for a choice spot. If you say that the table is reserved they demand to speak to the manager (which always elicits a smile from me since I am the manager). I have actually had women storm out even though there was a reserved sign on the table they wanted. It’s a lot of fun watching the expressions of anger trying to play out on their faces, but all the botox renders every forty plus woman from Westchester incapable of frowning. Even if I can give them the table they want (Hey if its slow its yours, I am not an ogre,) I know they will order nothing and spend the next four hours talking “about their lives as women.” Prattle drone prattle.

Other assoholic moves are people who want a table for four although there are only two of them. What? If the place fills up what am I supposed to do? Turn people away because your purses are warming two perfectly good chairs? That’s a mismanagement of resources and the owner is entitled to seat people in a way that maximizes the profitably of his establishment. Deal with a small table.

Also people who want to move their table because they feel slighted are fucking everything up. The seating arrangement on a Saturday night is crafted with the same meticulousness as the plans for the Gulf War. Everyone gets a table with an allotted time to eat. Remember that shit about how a butterfly beating his wings creates a tsunami a world away? It’s the same principle. Move one table and the whole war plan falls apart and the hostess becomes a psychotic bitch while she tries to reroute traffic before the whole place turns into traffic accident.


Comments

Sit the fuck down! — 45 Comments

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  2. Ok… so I’ve got 2 comments to this. First off, I haven’t been in the restraunt industry too long and I’ll admit I’ve mainly been BOH, but I’ve definitely heard servers complain that those tables with the $100 check and leave “only” $20. It’s actually gotten me to the point that I tip closer to 30% anymore, not that it actually helps out the people I work with really, but at least then I don’t feel like an ass. And second… the tables for 2 can only go so far depending on how much food you’re eating. Usually when I go out with a friend and get seated at a 2 top we usually end up basically holding plates in our laps. Though I suppose thats what happens when you order appetizers, soup, salad, entrees, and desert. Sometimes you need to look at how much a person is going to order before you damn them to the 2 seater.

  3. That was the most ridiculous thing I have ever read in my life. You could have definately had a full course meal with 4 people seated at a “two top” if you had a server who knew enough to clear away the proper plates at the proper times. In the end when the check is presented the only thing remaining on the table should be the beverages the patrons are still drinking.

  4. I have no problem tipping and usually leave 25% IF THE SERVICE IS GOOD!!!! Waiters who have the attitude that EXPECT 20% piss me off. They are usually the ones never come to the table to fill my iced tea.

  5. THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT ALL! I’ve been a long time fan, your rants make me laugh and groan in sympathy.
    ~Super Hostess

  6. The seating arrangement on a Saturday night is crafted with the same meticulousness as the plans for the Gulf War.

    You might want to rethink that sentence.

  7. I’ve never understood why people care where they sit. Unless there’s a spectacular view or live entertainent, what the fuck does it matter? Aesthetic dickery– people being dicks just for the sake of it.

  8. I was in the food service industry for twenty-five years and over the years did everything there was to do–dishwasher, pantry, line cook, busboy, host, waiter, bartender, and manager (I retired a bartender).

    Once I was waiting tables at an upscale restaurant on Lake Union in Seattle (lovely view of downtown across the water) and, as luck would have it, I found myself in a three week slump of narcissistic customers, bad tippers, and the just-plain clueless. I finally reached the end of my rope with a four-top of two well-to-do couples who ran me ragged. Nothing was good enough for them, or else the food wasn’t hot, or now it was too hot, and could we please get a side of this, and now a side of this, and now a side of this, ad ininitum. During all this I just knew I was going to get “stiffed”, and of course I was.

    As the four-top was leaving, one of the women tripped and dropped her purse and 20 pieces of silverware spilled out all over the floor. I immediately grinned as big as the Cheshire Cat. I gave her husband a simple choice: either we could call the police, or he could purchase the silverware for $5 a piece. He prompty paid $100 for the silverware and then, flustered, quickly left the restaurant without the silverware. Sweet!

    And now the punchline.

    Their tab came to $198, and they paid with two crisp one hundred dollar bills and told me to keep the change. Later, when I was doing my books at the end of the night, I realized one of their benjamins didn’t feel right and discovered it was actually TWO hundred dollar bills stuck together. Talk about karma! Not only did I get a hun for the silverware they never took, but I got another unintentional hun since they did tell me to keep the change.

    I still chuckle about that one and it’s been twenty years.

  9. RE #7 You are right, Waiter should rethink this. The Saturday night seating plan is probably more intricate in terms of planning than the Gulf War . . .

  10. ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ON THE LOOSE AT MCDONALDS

    Recently I made a valid complaint to McDonalds customer services dept. about McDonalds poor standards at thier Harben Parade branch at Swiss Cottage, London NW3. The complaint concerned slow service, abrasive attitudes, and matters about unacceptable hygeine standards.

    The complaint was passed on to the store by customer services, following which the store’s manager, Bakry, promptly banned me from the store. He did not deny that my complaint was valid, but was told that I was banned simply becauseI I had made the complaint in the first place. Their management team consists entirely of immigrants, having come here on dodgy visas and the like, and all of which in favour of my ban, which shows how much we are now under the control of illegal immigrants.

    Perhaps this is consistent with McDonalds training practices. It would appear that you have to accept their adverse practices without question or suffer the consequences, as I myself did.

  11. I’ve been a hostess at moderately upscale restaurant for almost 2 years now and it still kills me when our “guests” are picky about seating arrangements – I mean down to the point where they look at the table I’m about to seat them at with pure disgust as if a dead rat was spralled across said table. What is the big deal with sitting at this booth versus that booth?? Does the food taste magically more delicious at your chosen holy booth? There will be at least three open tables that guests could sit at immediately and they will still insist on waiting 20 minutes or more to sit at one designated table, and then have the nerve to get angry with YOU for the wait. WHAT THE HELL? Like The Waiter says, SIT THE FUCK DOWN!

  12. People who demand ‘the best table’ are entitled assholes.

    Entitled assholes are bad tippers, picky eaters and overall a huge pain in the ass.

  13. Your book did not mention single diners, one-tops? As a business traveller I often eat alone. I am faced with a choice between eating at the bar or eating at the worst table, either next to the bus station or near the bathrooms. I usually choose another restaurant. I understand that better tables are reserved for parties of two or more, but why are single diners treated with such contempt at many fine restaurants?

  14. IRT #15. Try getting a seat anywhere besides next to the bus station or bathroom, even with a reservation, if two women are trying to have dinner. Why is that?

  15. I just love when those same enitled table pickers come in on a busy saturday night and have no choice but to sit at the worst table in the restaurant, the one right by the pass out line where the can hear servers say classy things like, “Who’s the son-of-a-cock-sucker who left an empty glass rack!”

  16. I was working this saturday and at the 8pm seating, I had a 2-top sat in my 5-top booth. upon my greeting, the man had the nerve to ask if the could hace a “booth-for-2″. Dumbstruck why you would ask to move on a saturday night at the peak of the rush, I replied, “Sir, this is the only booth curently available. To be quite honest, you’re lucky to have been sat as quickly as you were. now…what may I bring you to drink?” Calmly putting my guests in their place is something I consider a specialty, but I am still always surprised!

  17. I’ve been working at my parents’ restaurant since I was 12. And since then I’ve always had people that bypass clean tables to sit at dirty ones. I could be incredibly busy, the busboy is already cleaning off one table and is close to done, but they want the dirty table we haven’t gotten to yet. One time, I was feeling adventurous and said: Oh, you don’t have to wait for that table, this one here is ready for you. And got a lovely: Oh no, it’s okay. We’ll wait. I almost freaked. Apparently the table a little further away from the grill was RIDICULOUSLY better. Seriously, our little greasy spoon gets folks like this too, it’s not just the high-rollers.

  18. I have worked a satarday night where an unexperianced hostess happily obliged in changing peoples tables, when it hit 9 o clock our lounge was full of people who were waiting for tables they had booked because of idiot customers.

    be happy where you are seated, or request the table you like well in advance.

    We had a sweet elderly couple come in every week, their spend wasn’t huge, starters, mains and a bottle of moderatley priced wine, but they ALWAYS tipped well, they were the kind of customers that knew if their food was taking a while we were busy, and didnt mind! they kicked ass, and can have any damn table they like in my opinion!

  19. I know your pain, how a table full of dirty dishes and water glops is more appealing than a perfectly set one is beyond me. Oh and don’t you just love the four-tops who snap, “um, we’re four!” at you when you seat them at a six-top table, as if you’re a fucking idiot for putting them at a larger table. Well.. I left four roll-ups and four menus and walked four people to the table, OH! MY BAD! I didn’t REALIZE you were a party of FOUR, thank you so much for bringing that to my attention, now was that your way of asking for a smaller table? So sorry for thinking you would appreciate the extra room. And on the same note, what is with the two-tops who insist on sitting (CAMPING) at large-top tables when the average large party wait is an hour! And to all the large parties who don’t want to wait, NO you CAN’T add a chair to a smaller table, and NO you CAN’T push tables together, and NO you CAN’T ask the current party to leave, and NO you CAN’T get me to either, and you should have thought about your 90 year old diabetic grandmother’s birthday arrangements ahead of time, you could have at least brought some saltine crackers and magazine for the woman!

    • Haha. That one kills me. I am a diabetic. Can you rush my order. Or. I am diabetic. Don’t feel well can you see what I taking so long? These both being said ten or fifteen minutes after ordering when chaos if a full restaurant in full turnover mode ensues while our kitchen also feeds two other areas in the building as well.
      Of course I smile worriedly and say if course. And asking my poor overworked back of house staff how much longer even though I know it is likely well at the back of the line and probably not started yet. Returning to the table with a juice and an apology all the while wondering why people don’t plan ahead better. Especially those who Are sick.

  20. I’m starting at the beginning and working forward like I’ve meant to do for so long. I must say I LOVE what you said about not moving the tables. I may just be the bus boy but I’m so blasted tired of having to shift a table back to where it was because someone wanted to set their baby carrier in the seats or they felt like it was too close. What I hate the most are the parents who let their kids take the provided crayons and rather than draw on the provided piece of paper draw all over our tables. I spent a good half hour with a bottle of degreaser, sanitizer, and a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to get it off. The worst part, is the parents drew on the table too. I have pictures.

  21. First off just finished your book, what a joy. We even joke at our little restaurant that we need to teach a class at the community center in restaurant etiquette. So many things come to mind after reading just a few of your blogs. 1.) Kim – as to why two women having dinner always seem to get a crappy table. The top 10 longest squatters at our restaurants (on a busy Fri or Sat evening) all held by women. After cashing out (and I don’t care if you haven’t seen each other in 30yrs.) Leave the table, go directly to the bar, go sit in your car. Do not ruin my evening for sitting at my table that holds 4 for five and a half hours. You want more water, dream the fuck on.
    We have an older couple who comes in to our restaurant, very wealthy. They generally sit at the worst table. We have two side rails that face our food line. They get a birds eye view of our methods, our rants, and they keep us on our toes. They love it, we love them too. Not exceptional tippers, but good people, who really enjoy watching us work our butts off to please them. They are a joy to wait on, and completely understand the word “busy”.
    Last rant, I swear…moving tables. Our restaurant happens to have an outdoor seating area (covered and uncovered). During the summer months (and it doesn’t last long in this godforsaken state) the most common words are “Can we sit outside?” then immediately followed up with “Can we sit in the shade?” Lady it is cloudy here 85% of the time enjoy the sun. If you are fair skinned, then sit inside! Do not move the umbrellas a.) they are heavy and you will throw your back out and then you will sue us b.) do not move the tables! See above.
    I do love my job. People I don’t.

  22. A fellow server refered your site to me and I must say, I am quite taken! I have been in the food industry for the better part of six years. for two and a half years I hosted at an upscale place in north Houston and had the pleasure of observing upper-middle class snobbery at it’s best. I learned that the best way to manipulate a table into my carefully arranged seating rotation was to smile big and talk fast.

    “Hello, welcome to ________! And how are you today? My that is a lovely purse you have. Where did you find it? Have you heard are specials for the day?”

    My incessant prattle would usually take people off guard and I had a 90% sucess rate with placeing people where I expected them to go. Only the truely nasty would interrupt my chatter to request a different table.

  23. Women at lunch time are the worst. They alwaaaaaays have to split the check, and god forbid any of them pay one fucking dollar more than their meal cost. I love when there is 8 of them, they ask you to split the checks, then complain that the check is taking so long!

  24. ive been comparing your earliest posts and your most recent post and i must say your writing has matured through the years. everything is still worth reading though. a lot better than what you usually find in the internet.

    On to the next post!

  25. I recently found this website and I LOVE IT! Makes me feels better about my serving experiences. I worked as a hostess, manager, cook, and server at a college town pizza place and the people there never seemed to amaze me. There was a fireplace in the back and on the coldest nights, people would ask to sit there and when I would nicely refuse them the tables, they would become PISSED! People, there is a rotation for servers. The common sense or the courtesy for the working people just kills me! So many people have lost their mannors.

  26. How about instead of Sit down and shut the fuck up, you “serve the fuck up”? Seriously, you are in the SERVICE industry! Business are shuttering their doors at rates never heard of before, and 95% of all restaurants won’t survive 5 years…you have a customer who wants to sit in a particular seat, and you have that seat open, fucking let them–you sanctimonious piece of shit. I worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years and I never got ticked off at a customer for requesting a particular table. I was just thrilled they were coming in to spend money. Yes, I’ve been stiffed by jerks, but that was rare. More often I received 30%, mostly because (I can only surmise) I hustled and provided excellent service without attitude. (Try it, you’ll find your income goes up dramatically.) Today, when I go out to restaurants I find there are 2 kinds of staff…ones who “get it” and provide top notch service (regardless if the establishment is high-end or quick service) and those that don’t get it…the guy who wrote this blog and all the douche-tards who wrote into support him fall into the latter.

  27. I totally agree with Diane. Service people who can’t provide good service should be terminated and replaced immediately. If you don’t love coming into work every shift and love your customers, get a different job. (Like the post-office.)

  28. I am a server and hostess, I agree with the sit down and shut up policy, its my job to seat guests, maintain the flow on the floor and on a busy night its hard on servers to be double-, triple sat, if you want a certain table or area, booth, window, fireplace, etc. make a reservation. If you are unable to make a reservation to request such consideration, don’t get upset when you have to wait longer for said table. It’s our job to make your dinner as enjoyable as possible, but I am no magician.

  29. RE: 28 and 29 – 28 your name says it all. Mrs. Diner, do you not get the idea of being fair to other servers. Thats the point. Rotation of sections allows the servers to earn about the same amount of money so there is no soarness between the crew. Usually sections are made with the same amount of seats so everything is fair. The host even keeps track of the amount of people seated in each station so every server is treated the same. Some sections are always going to be better than others due to location (by a window,ect.), therefore the need for rotation. You seem like a know it all bitch who certainly does not get it. I think the writer is simply trying to educate the public on what it is like to woork in the restaurant industry. I am confident that he provides excellent service and treats his staff and guests with top-notch respect. You on the other hand sound like the type that thinks your perfect and everyone else has a problem. I don’t beleive for a second that you don’t love all the guests you wait on and nothing they do drive you crazy. You are a bitch to work with and probably think your better than all the servers you work with. So in short – fuck you and your shitty comment. In fact I think I detect some jealousy, maybe you failed at what this author succeeded in.

  30. Diner Diane (#28) and Carly (#29) are way off base. They forget that a restaurant is private property and that when you are a customer in the restaurant you have to follow the restaurant’s rules. That includes: behaving yourself; being courteous to all employees of the restaurant; controlling snotty, spoiled brats; following the staff’s instructions (including where to sit)and tipping what the restaurant feels is appropriate. It’s true that you’re a customer and paying your money but it’s still private property and you have to follow the rules. If you don’t want to follow the rules the solution is simple: eat somewhere else. Sorry if that gets your nose out of joint but that’s how it is.

    Here’s a non-restaurant anology I’d like to make: I like to park underground in a certain building near my office. Due to security concerns, the security guards sometimes ask people (including me) to open the trunk of their car in order to take a look inside before letting them proceed to the parking area. Some people will exclaim “That’s unreasonable! It’s an invasion of privacy! How could you let them do this?” Maybe it is unreasonable, but the parking garage is private property and since I really want to park there, I let them look in my trunk when they ask. If I don’t want them to look in my trunk I’m free to find somewhere else to park.

  31. Wrt (#32): “That includes: behaving yourself; being courteous to all employees of the restaurant; controlling snotty, spoiled brats; following the staff’s instructions (including where to sit)and tipping what the restaurant feels is appropriate.”

    I agree with you except on the last one. I don’t agree with a specified tip. Tips are for people who do an amazing job. You want a tip? EARN IT. You get paid to do your job. It is NOT the consumer’s fault you get paid so badly. I believe those a**holes you get is karma telling you to be nice to people, or otherwise, it helps you develop patience and tolerance.

  32. I’m going to agree and agree to disagree with everything that has been said here. I also work in costumer service, so I do understand that with every job comes your own pet peeves. It happens no matter where you work. As a costumer that comes into a restaurant to have a nice dinner, I feel as I am just as entitled as the next joe blow to have a good table. I don’t make a big fuss, but I would not like to sit near the doorway and feel the cold breeze every 2 minutes. I don’t like traffic and I don’t like people watching me eat. I do not want to sit near the registers, or the bathrooms. I’m a paying costumer, I would like to enjoy my night. Most often when your sitting in those places you are not seen and often ignored. As for tips, well….give me good service then. TA DAA! That being said…
    I work on the phones, which I am sure I have spoken to many of you servers out there…and I have had to deal with YOU treating ME poorly. Simply by giving me attitude simply because you cannot see my face, demanding discounts and thinking “customers are always right”. The list can go and on and on. So I guess it all works out in the end. When it’s my job to be a paying costumer I expect great service. Work sucks, plain and simple. Costumers can be a pain in the ass, thats the way it is. I always treat people with respect, I am always polite…even if the waiter/waitress is pissing me off. I’ll let you know the way I feel with my tip. Feels great. If I want a better table, rather then the one next to the bathroom I’m entitled to it. The tables turn for my one hour dinner, I’m paying good money for my meal and I am going to give you a nice tip. Just do it. I do!

  33. Why do people ask…”Is it ok if we sit outside?” Well I didn’t drag out all the heavy planters and 25 pound umbrellas for the fuck of it, did I? As for 28 and 29 you are probably the dumb bitches that all servers hate. And it wouldn’t suprise me in the least if your food has been dropped on the kitchen floor and your coffee spit in. Why do people feel that it is ok to be rude to the person handling your meal? Oh and you people that ask for extra lemon so you can pour splenda into your water and make lemonade with it are cheap assholes!

  34. There are many layers to this issue. I liked one commenter’s tip to chat in a friendly manner with the guest as you guide them to their table. Decency begets decency, hopefully. If they do request a different table, it (can be) a hassle that will detract from everyone else’s dining experience, or from their own. Change tables, change servers. I have watched multiple parties turn down my 2 top table and go to some other server’s section when I have NO TABLES and that server is SLAMMED. I smile, because I don’t particularly want to server someone who isn’t gracious anyway, and accepting the table that you have been invited to sit at IS the gracious thing to do. Then, when a nice person accepts my table, I reward them with excellent service and they leave happy.
    I can’t tell you how many times the patio has been closed on an extremely hot day and somebody asks for the patio. Now a server who is working inside needs to come out especially for you. No big deal, right? As long as your server can handle being indoors and outdoors at the same time. Then, you must sit at the table in THE MIDDLE of the patio, FAR from all the doors. Now your server has a harder time seeing you and getting to you. Your server is awesome, though, so she gets to you speedily and fulfills all of your requests. Then, you decide it’s too hot and want to move inside. REALLY? That’s why the patio was CLOSED. This happens ALL THE TIME. Now, we find you an available table inside and you’re in another server’s section. That person who bent over backwards for you transfers the check to another server and goes back to her (now neglected) section to take care of everyone else. Her tips go down because everyone thinks that she was in the back goofing off (people are so cynical towards waiters sometimes)when she was really catering to YOUR needs outside, then escorting you to your new table.
    I understand wanting to sit where you are comfortable, but you don’t get to sprawl out in 4 seats on an airplane unless you pay for 4 tickets.
    I try to spend very little time complaining about people who suck. When other servers complain to me, my response is usually, “people suck”. Which they do, but people are also really great. No, I don’t adore every person who I wait upon, but I especially enjoy waiting on great people. That is why this blog speaks to me.
    To the person who said “If you don’t love coming into work every shift and love your customers, get a different job” Do you love going in to work EVERY shift? You wouldn’t rather go to the Beach some days? Do you even have a job? I am not going to “love” somebody who treats me like crap (been there with exes), but I am going to keep my job, because I am REALLY GOOD at being nice to people for a living, even when they don’t seem to deserve it. I want to believe that ALL people (including a**holes) deserve to be treated well, and that if you treat people nicely, they will be better for it.

  35. Table Nirvana! xD I like that phrase. I’ve hostessed a few times recently at a restaurant that does reservations and people ALWAYS stop at the tables clearly marked reserved wanting to know if they can sit there.
    Of course, I’m polite when I explain that the table is reserved. Even though, there’s an obvious plaque RIGHT THERE and is the table NEXT to it really not that great? I mean, I could understand if they wanted to sit in a different area altogether, but seriously? One table away?

    Also, server rotation can be such a pain especially if there’s an unpopular area that a server or two gets stuck in.

  36. I have only been serving for about 2 years but damn this all just makes me think of my nights…Some people are awesome customers who are a pleasure to serve but then you will get the demon spawn who grow out of your sections chairs/booths like weeds! I dont want to rant since im a noob but really, automatically your table is going to be 3 levels level 1= nice fun people level 2 =somewhat ass-hats but tolerable and then level 3 = It seems that someone sent them to test your patience and urge to attack customers!!!! <3 this f***** insane line of work!!!

  37. Hmmm – as an ex-server and now a diner at restaurants from McDonald’s to The French Laundry, I can see both sides of this issue. Sure there are unreasonable customers, but if I walk into a mid-level chain restaurant and it’s peak of dinner time or after, and I see booths aplenty empty, and the host/ess attempts to seat us in the middle of the empty floor right up against the family with the screaming child, I am certainly going to ask if a booth might be available, and 9 times out of ten, it is. I wouldn’t ask for this if it’s slammed and there’s no booths available, etc. But in instances like the one I mention, I think the host/ess could care less where I sit – she was perhaps trying to make it easier for the server who will be handling the screaming baby and us, but I’d rather have slower service than sit up against the screaming child or crammed against another couple where all I can here is their conversation, when many other empty tables or booths exist a few steps away. (Yes, I know those may be reserved for others, but I am usualy arriving at peak or after of dinner, not before when it appears tables are empty but that’s just because the diners haven’t shown up yet.)

  38. As a server for 6 years and a graduate of one of the top Hospitality programs in the country, i’ll tell you what my professors told me. Think of it like this, when you sit down to a table at a restaurant, you are renting that table for the duration of your stay. If you stay longer, you pay more. So for all of you women who lunch for 6 hours with your girlfriends, that’s fine, but pay your server for it. The longer you stay, the more you should tip. What a lot of people who have never waited tables before don’t realize, is for every extra hour you sit at a table, that’s money out of your servers pocket. Especially on the weekends when it’s impossible to pick up extra tables.

  39. Honestly, #28 and #29 obviously have a stick up their ass but they have a point. I’m currently a waitress/tg server/hostess in a small chain restaurant. I’ve worked in restaurants now for almost six years virtually non-stop doing almost every job possible from BOH to FOH. I completely agree with the sit the fuck down policy. I also believe that customers are to be valued in an economy that’s borderline struggling. There are paying customers that deserve your time and respect EVERY TIME and then there are the people running around trying to give you the best meal that they can. Both compliment each other; the customers pay money, the money makes the servers happy, happy servers give good service, good service brings back paying customers. Catch my drift?

  40. #40… Yes!!! I completely agree. I’ve definitely “camped” here and there, either because I’m exhausted or catching up with a friend or both. I might ask for an extra water after I’ve paid my bill too. But I tip accordingly. Even if my bill is $10 and I only sat there for 20min, I still tip $5. Why? Because I took up their table in their section for 20min and they should be making $10-$12 an hour at least, so I pay for the time I spent there. If I spent an hour they’re getting at least $10 from me, or at least 20%, whatever is higher. I do the same for the hairstylist that spends 3 hours highlighting, cutting and styling my hair. He cuts me a deal but he still gets $35 because he spent 3 hours doing a great job instead of rushing through my job so he can squeeze in another client. Especially if you ever plan on coming back to the establishment again, you need to be courteous to the people who are serving you. And you need to pay for the service you are getting because let’s be honest, you are going out because you want someone else to cook and deliver your meal.

  41. This was hilarious. I actually read The Hook and he mentioned your name and if The Hook gives you a rec, then most definitely I’m stopping by.

    “Assoholic moves…the hostess becomes a psychotic bitch” that was hilarious. And even though I’m a chick, not all of us are crazy during lunch but in truth we do hang out in booths for four even though we’re just two. But if it makes you feel better I don’t have a purse, but I eat a lot and I’m a good tipper. A good friend of mine use to be a waitress and she told me massive stories. I always think of her when I’m out eating.

    The Guat

  42. That part about the women at lunch perfectly sums up my position at my restaurant! I died reading that! I work in Westchester county too so I may have had those same ladies in the restaurant I serve haha

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