WAITRONINATOR

The waitress fucked up. She told the customer the salad special is $10.95. When he gets the bill it says $12.95. He’s screaming for the manager. Tonight that’s me.

“That salad has buffalo mozzarella in it. It came from Italy. Fluvio picked it up at Kennedy Airport. Do you know how much that shit costs us?” I tell the Maria the waitress.

“Oh please take care of it please!” she pleads.

I go over to the table.

“Hi sir I’m sorry for the misunderstanding but the salad special is $12.95. The prices vary day to day and the waitress just made a mistake,” I say apologetically.

Staring at me with his beady little eyes the man yells “CHANGE THE PRICE TO THE ONE SHE QUOTED!”

Like the cyborg killer in Terminator, a menu of options flickers up in the view screen of my eyes

WAITRON TARGETING SYSTEM – ACTIVATED.

TARGET ACQUIRED

SPECIES: Yuppie Boomeranus Maximus

STRENGHTS: Money, Political Power

WEAKNESSES: Greed, Vanity, Inflated self importance, Viagra addiction, Fifty year sense of entitlement.

TACTICAL OPTIONS:

a. Say sorry and run away like little bitch. CAUTION! Will cause Waitron Unit to self destruct

b. Tell target to lower voice. Remind him he’s on private property.

c. Yell back

d. Sucker punch target in larynx

e. Use thousand yard waiter stare.

None of these options are satisfactory. The man’s wife looks at me like I’ve strangled her kittens. Saying nothing I reach out, gently take the checkbook out of the man’s hand, and walk over to the register.

I reduce the salad to $10.95, run the credit card, note the name, and return the slip for his signature.

“Have a nice evening sir.” I say politely. They say nothing.

While the couple is getting their coats I remember a previous incident we had with this guy. He bought a steak, ate it, and refused to pay for it – saying it was too expensive. Fluvio lowered the price. This cheapskate uses the threat of making a scene to bully himself into a cheaper meal.

As he walks out he give me a shit eating “I got over on you,” smile.

Tonight I decide discretion is the better part of valor. I just wish them a nice evening.

After they leave I go over to the reservation computer and look up his name. Oh, he has a reservation for New Year’s Eve. How nice. He requested a window seat. Too bad.

I juggle the reservations around. I place a large party in Beady’s coveted window perch. The party is coming earlier so there is no way he can snag that piece of property.

Beady is now sitting next to the men’s room this New Years Eve. He will flip. His wife will cry. It will be glorious.

SUBJECT TERMINATED……………………………………………………………

SEARCHING FOR NEW TARGET…………………………………………………..


Comments

WAITRONINATOR — 9 Comments

  1. You’re just a little too power hungry for me. Sounds to me like you’re just trying to feel better about the fact that you are JUST a waiter.

    If the waitress quoted him a price, then he had EVERY right to expect that to be the price. You really don’t get that?

    Grow up man.

  2. Chris- It’s not that the man didn’t have a right to request a price change (because he did)… It’s the manner in how he does it. Waiter didn’t price the salad, and he didn’t make the mistake. There was no need for him to get that upset about it instead of just asking nicely.

    As for just a waiter… You need to grow up and realize that if he, like others, weren’t “just a waiter”, then you would be sitting in a restaurant, never getting fed. Be grateful that people like him are willing to put up with people like you. You certainly dont’ make it easy for them, with that attitude. You should “grow up” and maybe learn a little respect.

  3. So weird for me talking about 2 dollars only…

    In Spain there is a high possibility the waiters will make a mistake, mis calculate etc because they are like working spirits or seaweeds coming and going with the movement waves. Just pay it / have it taken off your bill, smile regarding it as a mistake and go.

    Joselina…

  4. TO CHRIS… No one is “JUST” anything, your job isn’t what defines you as a person your actions do. I’ve been working retail for 7 years to help pay the bills and go to school. I’m not “JUST” some girl working a Customer Service Desk, I’m a friend, I’m student, a daughter, a girlfriend, and a generally respected decent person. If you think you have a right to belittle someone because they’re job doesn’t meet your standards you’re obviously a fool. I feel sorry for you that you need to see yourself as better than others to make yourself feel good, you’re pathetic.

    Waiter you rock.

    And to all the customers out there just remember no matter where you are please, thank you, and an ounce of respect will get you almost anything everytime… a bad attitude may get you what you want once or twice but trust me we don’t forget and we will get even.

  5. Chris, if his customer hadn’t been an asshole, he wouldn’t have fucked with his reservation.

    “Excuse me, sir? The waitress quoted the wrong price, on my salad, is there any way you could change it to what she originally said it was?”

    “Of course sir.”

    Bam, done, nobody gets angry, nobody gets screwed over.

  6. Oh my God, don’t DO that!!! Halfway through the post I thought you weren’t going to mess with this guy at ALL. NOT cool, dude!!!

  7. I would’ve canceled his reservation totally and told him there’s no proof of it’s existance. Since it has to be made in advance I’m sure his wife would see him for his charm and make his life hell.

  8. Ten or twelve dollars for a salad at a posh restaurant is NOT expensive, especially if stars are eating there every so often. Why did he have to make such a fuss? He could have just deducted it from the tip, and let her politely know if she asked about it. There’s no reason to cause such a scene, especially since the world is a small place and there’s a chance he might return there.

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