The Rules (to be amended at will!)

Since most dining patrons are social misfits I have decided to publish some guidelines to make your dining experience run smoothly.

1 Reserve early. You want to eat out on Saturday night? Well if the place is any good it will be mobbed so plan ahead. Book a table by Tuesday. Saturday night is rife with countless self-centered yuppies that stand open mouthed at the hostess stand when they are told the place is booked. Don’t be like those people. Make the call.

2. Turn off your cell phone. Unless you are a doctor on standby waiting for a donor organ to arrive, turn your phone off. (Such a doctor would be eating in the hospital cafeteria anyway!)

3. Sit where you are seated. It’s nothing personal. There are only so many primo tables and unless you are a heavy spender or tipper your chances of getting a good table is nil.

4. Order off the menu. If I went to your house would I tell you how to cook the food? I don’t think so. Substitutions are a pain in the ass and are really for those people with MEDICAL problems. Allergic to pesto, it’s gone. Vegetarian? Get the fuck out.

5. Say please and thank you. I can’t tell you how many times people forget this simple courtesy. You want your kids to turn into well-mannered adults? Set an example. If you don’t and your kids turn into little shits, well you know why.

6. Tip the coat check person. Yes you! You cheap fuck! A quarter is not a tip. It’s a dollar a coat. Too much? Eat at Burger King.

7. Tip the waiter at least 15%! Preferably 20%! The waiter has got to eat too. Tip pretax if you want but you have to tip on the booze! You probably will forget you stiffed the waiter ten minutes after you leave. He, I assure you, won’t forget you.

8. Give the waiter the whole order. Don’t order appetizers and say you will order entrees later. He will probably fuck it up and ruin the rhythm in the kitchen. Your food will come out late and cold. Make a decision!

9. Don’t stay forever. The waiter and establishment are here to make a living. Real estate is valuable. When you dawdle you are taking money out of people’s pockets. The rule is the bigger the bill and the tip the longer you stay! Caesar salad and water split for two? You got twenty minutes.

10. Never touch the wait staff. This is a rule strip club patrons abide by why can’t you? You grab my arm and ask for water you are going to be dining al fresco on your ass real quick.


Comments

The Rules (to be amended at will!) — 126 Comments

  1. You know, some of us vegetarians are polite — a lot more so than this post. Maybe we’ve found ourselves at your restaurant because a client wanted to go there on a business lunch. Maybe a group of friends wanted to go there and we didn’t want to be a pain in the ass. Maybe our non-vegetarian husband made a reservation there without realizing there wouldn’t be anything for us. The list goes on.

    I’m a polite customer, a good tipper, and I’ll be nice and smile at you when I ask for my linguini with no shrimp. Find something else to bitch about.

  2. A few years ago I had a gentleman who was seated while on his cell phone. I was grumpy, I was busy, I refused to approach him.

    I approached the table that was seated next to him. Took their orders, brought their drinks…

    Finally he motioned to me and whispered that he was ready to order in a tone that basically said “Why the fuck haven’t you taken it yet?”

    I put on my best apologetic smile and said sweetly “I’m sorry, my mother taught me it was rude to interrupt people on the phone.”

    He put his phone away and didn’t pick it up once during his meal.

  3. I saw a man on a cell phone in an airport pub last week chatting away as the waiter repeatedly walked by his table. 15 minutes go by. Finally Mr. Gabbymouth puts away his phone and says he’s ready to order. The waiter informs the man that the kitchen is now closed. The man has a fit. I start to say something because I was SSOOOOOOO on the waiter’s side. The waiter REFUSED to crumble and offered the man a few options. Eventually he stopped acting like a jackass.
    (I am determined to read these old posts having just found this blog. I waited tables for 10 years, mostly through my twenties. Everyone should have to do it to gain accurate perspective of human behavior and our culture in general.)

  4. This is plain stupidity.

    You dont want vegetarian customers? All you need to do is display a sign that says vegetarians not welcome. Or something like “No substitutions”. How do you expect them to know your whatever is not interested in substitutions when there are umpteen places that are happy to do so?

    And whats the deal with “please” and “thank you”?. Using them without context defeats the whole purpose. You say “please” to ask for a favor. Not to ask for something that you are paying for. Ditto with “thank you”.

    Tipping the waiter? I have never tipped anyone in my life. You want me to pay for something? Then include it in the check. If serving costs 15% or 20%, include the effing amount in the total amount. Like you include the tax. Is that so difficult?

  5. Wow, Padmanabhan, you’re a piece of shit. It’s fun to think of all the people who’ve spit in your food over the years though.

  6. You’re so fucking smug, you don’t tip, and your women are the bitchiest people I’ve ever met in my life. I don’t care if you’re the chief resident of oncology or radiology or fuck-you-ology of john’s hopkins … fuck Indians.

  7. holy crap i hate indians too! and to post it 3 minutes apart – how random. anyway this city is crawling with indian IT guys (we gained 40000 in 3 years! thanks corporate america) so like 1/4 of tables around here are now indians. water, no ice. no dessert. no drinks. no tip. makes me want to sit behind a desk like a schmuck for the next 25 years. you stupid fuck. do you know how little we’re paid? because you HAVE to tip. we even get taxed on what you DONT tip. so tip you smelly bastard. oh here’s an idea, go home. seriously – not to be xenophobic in general, but didn’t you grow up with a dirt floor? and you’re supposed to be in charge of all the computers for one of the biggest insurance companies in the world? if you are so smart, why dont you just go home, lay a little concrete, maybe some stone tiles if you dont have any trees nearby, and build a computer out of curry and start doing something for your community, instead of just taking from ours. when 14 of you dumb fucks barge in a restaurant at 6:30 on a friday night – or even worse – 9:45 on a monday – bitch about how long the wait is for a table, or for the food, or, gasp! that someone put ice in your water, but you want your whiskey on the rocks cause you take it like a pussy (and their are other fucking drinks than johnny walker BLACK fuckface) remember that you have just FUCKED someone’s night up. and you should just go home and die. dont worry – you live 3 to a bedroom, someone will find your body (not by smell, the fucking masala will hide that!)

  8. So it’s all about the money and those of us who might want the occasional nice meal out instead of staying home have to put up with a table in a corner or near the back entrance just because we don’t spend big or tip enough? We’re not all millionaires you know.

  9. Jesus Christ. Let’s break it down:

    1) Fuck vegetariens. No, I don’t care– vegetarian? FUCK YOU, ORDER A SALAD, BITCH.

    2) Can’t afford to tip? Don’t eat at a fancy restaurant. If you can only afford IHOP guess where you should eat?

    3) Tipping, while technically optional IS considered part of the bill, it’s simply subjective relevant to the quality of service. If you don’t want to tip, get a frozen dinner at Safeway.

    4)While certain foreign customers can seem vexing, MOST people are assholes in restaurants, they just don’t stand out because they’re natives. DON’T BE A RACIST.

    5)Regardless of what service you’re receiving, where you’re receiving it or who you are, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ is a basic courtesy and demonstrates something essential to a functioning society: RESPECT. Give it and earn it, bitch.

  10. WoW!.. this is so funny.. to hear those words of anger and hate and frustration.

    Someone called Albert Einstein once said anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.. lol

    //do you know how little we’re paid? because you HAVE to tip.

    Oh! So sorry to hear that! I didnt know it was illegal not to tip. lol

    Dont bark up the wrong tree.. If you get paid peanuts, ask your employer. Thats the way it has always worked and thats the way it works everywhere else.

    Employers pay employees, and send the bill to consumers. Thats the way it works anywhere and everywhere, say banks, retail stores, schools, corporations.. everywhere..

    students dont tip their professors or teachers for serving them. passengers dont tip the bus or train drivers for serving them, I am not expedted to tip anyone in Walmart or Bestbuy for telling me about their products and why should restaurants be special.

  11. “Regardless of what service you’re receiving, where you’re receiving it or who you are, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ is a basic courtesy and demonstrates something essential to a functioning society: RESPECT. Give it and earn it, bitch.”

    Wow.. Not saying “thank you” or “please” is a sign of disrespect and lacks courtesy, but words like ‘bitch’ ‘fuckface’ etc etc is perfectly fine.

    Some people amaze me!

  12. im far from a racist but when the evidence appears over and over again its hard not to think that way about indians. The day will eventually come where an indian person tips me well and is polite but until that day i maintain that they are lousy tippers and rude customers

  13. Padmanabhan- you are scum. Sorry to break it to you, but you are. You are selfish, uncharitable, rude, difficult scum. When I call up my IT person, or my phone carrier to deal with a problem with my service or my bill, which I am paying OUT THE NOSE for, I always finish requests with ‘please’ and thank them for their time or work. Do I have to? No. SHOULD I, because I’m a decent human being with respect for other human beings? Yes.

    When I go to a restaurant in the United States, where NO WHERE on the menu will it state the tip is included in the price, and NO WHERE on the bill will the tip be included (though some places cleverly suggest, at the bottom, that 15 percent is the standard minimum for satisfactory service), I know- because I live here, and am not an idiot- that the tip is expected, but the amount is left to my discretion. You know this as well, you’ve just decided to be total, irredeemable scum, and not tip. Do you know?

    Because you’re a bad person. It doesn’t matter what age, race, gender, creed, political party you. Because it simply boils down to the fact that you’re a lousy human being who has no problem spending all the money you want on yourself, but is unwilling to spend it on others- like your server. You’re scum.

    You expect the restaurant to happily divert from their recipes and menu, do an extra service for you by making something vegetarian, but you refuse to tip? You REFUSE to tip your server, who has to alter what they put into the computer, go back to the line, tell the expo head and the sous chef that you just put through THIS order but need it THIS way because it has to be vegetarian- And you won’t tip them?

    Scum. I really hope you get food poisoning and die. I just… I really, really do.

  14. When someone merely did his job, you say ‘thanks’.

    and when someone goes out of his way to help you, you still say ‘thanks’?

    That can only mean you lack the judgment to see the difference between the two.

  15. Padmanabhan,
    Do society a favor and go home, crawl under your bed and never come out. If you are this much of an asshole to your servers (who by the way work their asses off for their guest even scum like you) I can only imagine how you treat other people. Let’s just hope you had the good sense not to reproduce.

    Oh, and could you do me a favor? Go screw yourself. Please and thank you!

  16. Given these racist rants, is it possible that many of you translate these feelings into your treatment of your customers? Most people do sense when someone is being even slightly rude to them. Would you actually pay someone to treated you badly? On the other side of the debate, it really shouldn’t be called “common” courtesy, since these days it’s quite uncommon. You say please and thank you to EVERYONE, whether you’re paying or not. If you don’t know that, you really are too stupid to breathe.

  17. On the point about tipping, it’s not just leaving money for the server, where I work we pool tips and divide them at the end of the night so every extra cent really helps. Also, I can’t tell you the number of times that people don’t say please or thank you. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but when I was a kid my parents always told me to say please and thank you to everyone. Now parents are too busy on their cell phones at the table to to care what their children do. Watching hungry people is really watching society at its truest.

  18. It is very true for some reason people from India tip between 5 to 10 percent and are usually rude to the server. I have been a waiter for 12 years now starting back when I was 16 and I have seen it happen many times. For someone to not tip is just outrageous even if the server gives someone bad service, hell at least give them a buck. I never tip less then five dollars no matter what and usually 30 percent. I’m not made of money by any means but I know what all a server deals with day in and day out and if the server is having a shitty night I would hope that I would put a glimmer of light back into thier eyes.

    By the way for those of you that dont know servers are treated like an independant contractor by restaurants. While they are still on the actual payroll they are still paid below minimum wage. For example, $2.13 is the base pay for servers in my state. We get no health care, no paid vacations, lets pray we dont get sick because then we would be living on the streets. I dont understand why people dont realized that all we really make is from the tips that they leave at the table. All the hourly wage does is pay our taxes and social sercurity, I never see a pay check. Leaving a tip is not manadatory; however, it should be, but next time you go into a restaurant and leave someone a shit tip you probably shouldn’t return there for at least a year.

  19. Saying “Please” and “Thank You” are basic terms of human compassion, character, and dignity. Refusing to offer these mere words because you think you are better than the potential receiver, which is the truth behind your hesitation to be polite, only shows how worthless of a person you actually are. I have news for you, you ARE NOT better than your waiter, nor are you better than any other person you come into contact with sir, whether they be working at Wal-Mart, Best Buy, or the Pentagon. And maybe, just maybe, a lack of basic manners, compassion to others, and social dignity is the reason why, alhtough your country has existed for thousands of years, it is still at the bottom, still struggling, and still behind. You think you are so much better than another human because of your job of your caste? I have news for you, you are upper caste all right: of one of the poorest countries in the world. GET OVER YOURSELF

  20. “..And whats the deal with “please” and “thank you”?. Using them without context defeats the whole purpose. You say “please” to ask for a favor. Not to ask for something that you are paying for. Ditto with “thank you”…”

    I wasn’t aware good manners had to have a ‘context’! I was brought up to say please and thankyou and to be polite to everyone I interact with. As my grannie used to say ‘you get more with honey than a switch..’

    Don’t be so damn arrogant and learn more about how things work in the country you have chosen to live in.

  21. @ Padmanabhan

    there is not enough foul language to describe you. More vile words is needed to be created to justify your existence. I hope for your sake we don’t cross path because i will do the noble thing and even if all reasons rise up against it. I will beat you up.

  22. I’ve only been a recent reader of this blog and my last experience working in a restaurant was over 20 yrs ago, in a BBQ joint in my hometown. Having said that…..I judge everyone (friends, potential spouses, family, coworkers, EVERYONE) by how they treat the waitstaff in restaurants. How you treat someone who serves you is emblematic of who you are at your core. For those of you who have “never” tipped and don’t know the proper uses of “please” and “thank you” I won’t bother calling you out. You know who you are. And you know what you are. And your karma will be coming back to visit you 1000 times over.

  23. Padmanabhan. you motherfucking asshole. servers get paid a legal minimum of 2.13 per hour in most states with the expectation of being paid cash tips or gratuities based upon the level of service. that’s it. very simple. fuck off and don’t go out to eat.

  24. Wow. I stumbled upon this blog a few hours ago, & have been busy going blind since. Im a waitress in South Africa, and can totally relate to ur posts. While its true that some customers are real jerks, i dnt think its right 2 generalise about ALL Indians.

  25. Not all indians are First-class retarded fuckers like Padmanabhan. Im indian, and i serve many indian customers in SA. I find most of them to be good natured, and generous. Maybe South African indians are different from the immigrants in America.

  26. I will agree tho, they can be really annoying when they freak out at the sight of ice in their drinks! And always ask for water. That, it seems, is a global “indian” phenomenon. About the “please & thank u” thing – any DECENT human being practices this.

  27. Love this site. Great points!

    Please do not forget to tip your pizza guy! We get robbed,murdered, use our own gas, use our own cars, pay for gas and insurance and receive very little of the delivery fee. We bring dinner to your door! TIPTHEPIZZAGUY.COM

  28. Wow I am a waitress currently and if u want me to be honest with what I make… I make 2.83 an hour if i don’t get tipped I can’t pay my bills. Simple as that… and as to the Please and Thank You issue i was taught as a child that saying those are common courtesy. Why shouldn’t you say them to someone providing you a service??? You don’t have to get off your ass and cook your food and then plate it and then clean up after yourself so you should expect to have to do things like tipping the person who just did everything on your whim. The people who don’t tip actually do make me sick because honestly i don’t make enough money to deal with the shit of people who don’t tip. I just dont

  29. When people come in as a big party (say a class reunion of about 35 people) with their kids and keep you running for over 2 hours, don’t keep their kids in their seats (actually let them run throughout the friggen place!), and upon leaving tell the manager, the head server, and you how great of a server you are and then don’t tip even one tiny penny… You better believe I’m gonna do something nasty the next time I have to serve ANY of you idiots you will receive your just deserts.

    That being said, if you noticed, I didn’t need to use any vulgar words. Because as my English prof. once said, “The only people who use such language are too stupid to choose a better word.”

  30. This is so sad. In the United States service type industries (wait-staff included) can be paid below minimum wage because the employers can state the tips make up the rest of the amount to bring them to minimum wage standards. I have never worked in a restaurant, but know this from my law studies.

    Tipping is typically 10%-20% depending on service. Yes I have had times where I have left less than 10%, usually when the waiter(ress) was rude and would not check on us. Normally I leave 20% or more. I know that the people waiting on me depend on this money to make ends meet. No I am not rich, but I plan on this when I plan on eating out.

    My 9 year old always gets many comments because of his manners. Since he was a baby I have demonstrated and insisted on please, thank you, bless you and other niceties. We always thank the staff for everything, we always say please when ordering substitutions.

    I firmly believe that Padmanabhan needs a serious re-education program in proper ettiquette in the country they are residing in. Perhaps manners and tipping aren’t required, expected or even appreciated where you come from, but in the U.S. it is.

    Thank you for reading.

  31. When my family eats out, all servers start at 20% for the expected tip. If the service is below par due to the server being rude or inattentive, that 20% starts to drop. This doesn’t apply when it is obvious the server is doing their best. You may never know what is slowing down your food or server, so it isn’t always their fault. The lowest we go though is 10%. Even bad servers need something for working a hard and unappreciated job.

    I say “Thank you” and “Please” to everyone with whom I interact. It is common courtesy, not something brought out only on special occasions.

    It stuns me at times when I see people who have no idea how to treat their servers or behave in any public setting.

  32. My philosophy has and always will be…respect your waiters. It’s tough work, and most of the time you’re unappreciated. Unless you’re willing to do their job, be nice, courteous, and tip. It won’t kill you. And no one likes to be ignored.

  33. Padmanabhan..What a world class piece of garbage you are
    When I lived in Europe I tried to learn the Language,Customs and anything that might make my
    stay in their country a better experience.Now If you don’t like my Country come to the restaurant I work in on long Island Italian style look for a tall Blonde hair blue eyed waiter and please describe why you don’t like our way of life the way we eat and drink
    our lack of a caste system and lets see how long I let you breath the air which people like me let you exhale..I would love to pour a garbage can of PIGS Blood all over you and super glue the picture of it all over your chest and send you ass back to your Gandhi loving country,than you can try and talk all the Dirt you want about how bad all of Americans are.I would love to give you a physical challenge of your life,but ILL let carma take care of you but if your feeling brave I’m on the south shore.Thank ya..Thank Ya very Much

  34. I am sorry that actions of some people are giving my country a bad name. :( I hope though that you won’t let some people’s lack of judgement and pettiness distort your views on all of us.

  35. I am really new to this blog (only the second one I’ve read), but I’m beginning to get the feeling that some servers come on here after a long day and/or night of serving, pocketing little to no tips for their shift(s), and use this blog as forum to voice thier grievances. This is not a judgement call, just an initial observation. However, I will suspend my judgement until I read many more blogs and responses.

    First I wanted to discuss the issue of racism. I have been serving for about 12 years, and in my experience I have discovered that there are some people of particular demographics (whether race, age, obvious income level) who just don’t tip as well as others. What is dangerous is to confuse the feelings of racism and prejudice. Racism is the habit of coming to conclusions (usually negative, but often times innocent & humorous-a lot of material that’s used in comedy routines) based on an individual’s race, regardless of whether or not you have experienced the said conclusions. These are usually perpetuated by the media and rumors…and even blogs. Yes, this could include how well this person tips, but its racism only if you have heard from someone else that a particular race doesn’t tip well. Prejudice, on the other hand, is a more felt experience. It is, literally, the pre-judgement of a particular person’s behaviour based on his or her gender, race, income-level, age, etc. If I consistently get terrible tips from teenagers (say, after 10 experiences) then the next teenager or group of teenagers that I serve I will expect to get tipped little if any. This is a natural instinct, and in our American, hopelessly egalitarian society’s focus on being so PC (at the risk of being labeled a bigot or racist—the modern equivalent of being labeled a witch during the Salem witch trials), it is WRONG for me to conclude that teenagers don’t tip well.

    Look, as a server it is important to be efficient with ones time. This is the case in most, if not all, levels of employment, especially if your level of income is based solely on your level of performance. If I am serving 2 tables, one whom I can reasonably assume is a good tipper and the other a table of teenagers (this is just to continue with my example…this is not to say ANYTHING about how well teenagers tip), then it would only make sense to expend my better efforts on the table where I expect to make a better tip. Experience is an asset when it comes to waiting tables. I’m not just speaking of how many plates or cups one can carry, or even modes of behaviour. I have found that my prejudice is often as valuable a tool as a wine key or general knowledge of the menu. Do not let societal shame cloud your conscious with guilt for making a sound decision. This translates into often less money in your pocket. Prejudice is based on experience and a simple assumption of probabilities. If I turn the key in my ignition 100 times, then I assume that my car will crank on the 101st turn.

    Ok, this is getting long. Having said all of this, one must be careful that one’s prejudice is not premature or exagerrated. Furthermore, as a server I try to do my best to be positive and to give every person (regardless of race, gender, age, etc) an opportunity to assert their individuality. If I don’t do that, then my assumptions will only turn out to be self-fulfilling. So, its a difficult balance, but when I am in the weeds, my assumptions take precedence.

    Ok, one more note and I’m done for now. The whole discussion over please and thank you has me thinking. We are servers, first and foremost, and as a result, we serve. We are servants. True, we aren’t slaves, but to EXPECT a “please” & “thank you” from everyone of our guests is not only unrealistic, but will usually put us, as servers, in an awful, underappreciated mood. On that note, we need to adjust our expectations. In addition, there are some people who literally don’t know how to be grateful. Its not always a reflection of their disrespect for you. Often its just because they are miserable. Has nothing to do with you.

    Oh, and cell phone talk??? I’m with everyone on that. In fact I REFUSE to talk to my girlfriend (or anyone for that matter) on my cell when I’m in public. It’s plain rude, pure & simple.

    Ok, that’s it for now. I’ll be back soon.

  36. Good lord, people. The racist screeds on here against Indian people are pretty horrific. You should all be ashamed of yourselves–everyone in this country is an immigrant, and it took time for every immigrant group to assimilate. But I think words like assimilate and immigrant may be a little long for morons like “Another Waiter” to puzzle out.

    So let’s make it simple: I’m Indian American, and I tip between 15-25% based on service. I’m first generation, so my parents and their siblings are all Indian–and they tip between 15-25% based on service. Does this buck your simple little trend about all Indian people being horrific shits? Oh–and for whatever it matters, we’re upper-caste (who cares), well-educated in the American college system, been here for 40 years, etc etc–and we’re apparently more classy than some of the ignorant redneck fucks on this board who probably boast about coming over on the Mayflower and being the first “Americans”.

    And lastly–for people who work in the restaurant business, who routinely laud the Hispanic community for being hard-working contributors to our economy because you’ve SEEN THEM WORK and know that they are escaping poverty in their own countries… think about that the next time you bitch about your IT guy being Indian. Think about the work they do, the low salaries they’re willing to be paid, and the fact that they are trying to make a better life for themselves just like you.

    I really, really hope you ignorant bastards get food poisoning and die. Wait, no, actually strike that, because I’m not a douchebag like you fools–I hope you think about what I said rationally and don’t generalize about an entire race of people again.

  37. Padmanabhan – You were rude.. too rude for a fellow Indian like me. If you dont want to tip, go to a place that doesnt expect one. See for yourself what you have created! the butterfly effect – provoking the seething anger does no good to anyone. If you eke out a living in the US of A, behave like an american. Dont confuse Indianism with Americanism. Havent you heard of the adage “be a roman in rome?”. If you want to be an Indian, take the next flight out to Chennai or whereever and live life happily not tipping your indian waiters.. But you never know what you get mixed in your masala dosa, filter coffee if you are rude with your Indian waiters.. They dont crib on your face, but they act and act do they – definitely..

    so, shut the fuck up and live an american life.. Else get the fuck out of the place..

  38. Assimilation is the process by which individuals from one cultural group merge, or “blend,” into a second group..
    Hey Ct I know what the Fuck it means..
    And if you want to educate Padmanabhan on the customs of the USA be my guest..And NO I’m not PC..I call a spade a spade..I’ve lived in other country’s sat back and watched how the locals conduct themselves..what I didn’t understand I learned..What I didn’t know I asked.And one more thing Education doesn’t mean
    you have class..And what does A native American
    have in common with Padmanabhan???
    Be very Polite with your waiter..they are the last too handle your food before you.Thank ya..Thank Ya Very Much

  39. All those who expect present day immigrants to respect the American way of life should try to remember how much the Americans respected the native Indian culture when they were immigrants.

    You people were practicing slavery for heavens sake.

    I have nothing against American way of life whatsoever. my only argument was – include the tip with the check. nothing more, nothing less.

    and regarding ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, I say them when I want to plead or when I want to thank.When someone goes out of his way to help, I thank him. When someone just does his job, I just pay for it.In other words, I know the difference between the two, unlike others, who treat them both the same.

  40. Padmanabhan,
    First off, that was SOME of our ancestors that treated the Native Americans the way they were treated. You can’t blame every American for the mistreatment of Native Americans, because first off, if our ancestors WERE involved….WE, sir, were not, so you cannot lay blame to us.
    Second off, it is customary in THIS COUNTRY to tip the server. They make less than the federal minimum wage, and rely on tips. You are either to ignorant or just plain blind to figure this out. If I were to visit or move to your country, I would do research on common courtesy. If it was customary in your country, as it is in others, to wipe your bum with one hand, and use the other “clean” hand to greet others, I would adhere to that. You get back what you give, sir, and being ignorant is no better than being in middle-America being pissed off that we elected a “terrorist” as president, who has the middle name “Hussein”.
    My personal opinion is that we SHOULD have tips included in the bill, but so far that will not happen, and until it does, sir, you must travel outside your means and leave an extra few dollars. This country was founded on manual labor, and I cannot think of another profession other than a “waiter/waitress” that has higher demands for professionalism and above-average customer relations skills.
    Until we change the law and just MAKE you tip your server, you should just be polite, follow the general rules and be a good person…TIP YOUR SERVER. One server who gets tipped like shit trickles their attitude all the way down to the dishwasher, which impacts service on everybody. Don’t be ignorant, just tip.

  41. WHY TIPS ARE NOT INCLUDED INTO THE BILL:
    Servers have to deal with ALOT of assholes all day, everyday. whats stopping them from being a shitty server to these people? the tip.
    the reasons why tips arent included is so, no matter how much of an ignorant selfish dick you are, you’ll get good service from your server. cause that is what the server is relying on.

    Padmanabhan, kill yourself. seriously.
    not tipping a server is the same as having a plumber totally fix something wrong with your sink and, at the end of his fine services, not paying him. its not fair.

    I’m only going to give your opinion a second thought because, maybe you’re from some european or other country thats not the US, where you don’t tip at restaurants. but if you are in the US now, you tip now. 15-20%. thats how it goes buddy.
    we also don’t have public marijuana smoking facilities here, and you cant beat or burn your wife with acid or you’ll be jailed for life, woman are allowed to walk around with their legs showing, and you can eat with knives here. also, servers only get paid around 2.50/hr, not more like other countries.
    so abide by our rules and culture, or GTFO!!! (or you’re gonna have alot of spit/piss/semen in your food, and some anonymous person from the restruant you go to everytuesday will be slowly scratching and bumping your car until it’s noticeable.)

  42. A-fucking-men.

    I suggested to my boss that we print this and place it at the front door, he didnt find me funny. Alas, these are some amazing rules, I wish people would have these common courtesies in their brains already.

  43. I gotta be honest, Padmanabhan – I really want to defend you against the the incredibly racist comments above, but to be fair, you really do just sound like an asshole.

    In Italy, you pay with proper change as often as possible. You don’t just wave a 20 euro bill in everyone’s face. Why? Because that’s just the way they do it.

    In Japan, it is often offensive to offer tips for any sort of service. So even as a loudmouthed, tip-happy American, I don’t do it. Even though I feel guilty, because it is the way I was raised.

    In the USA, we say please and thank you even if it isn’t necessary. And most importantly, we tip people. Waiters, cabbies, pizza guys. It is part of our culture, and it is a significant portion of their salaries.

    I sincerely hope that one day you find yourself working as a waiter, or a cabbie, or some other tip-dependent job. Maybe then you’ll realize how incredibly selfish and horrid you’ve been.

  44. if you dont like the job, what are you doing? Its not my fault you cant or want to do something else..

    You seem appauled by the lack of please and thank you, yet you rant endlessly about the fucks bitches and stinky retardeds that you have to serve for a living.. i am sorry for you all because we are in america and THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT..

    so pretty much, bend over so we can stick our quarters up your ass without a thank you note sent to your mother!

    waiters remember: SERVERS u are. I dont tip my maid when she lays the table for me so why should I tip you for doing your joB? why should i say thank you wen you are supposed to be there to SERVE me? I pay enough for the meal, so go find yourself a night job, cut grass, milk cows, whatever you need to make ends meet. Get real people: if you are a responsible adult you wouldnt be depending on tips alone to make a living. And if you do, well shit, dont give us hell about it.

    consumers remember: never eat twice at these upper class joints because these bitches WILL spit in your food.. worry not though, there are plenty of these places and chances are you will never run into one of these brats again!

    and everybody happY!

  45. I’m just reading the book now & wanted to check out the site. This is the first post I’ve read & read the comments. Wow! The language starts with the author… the book is written with foul language & so is the blog, so what. Everyone swears at some point… I do think less educated people openly swear, even in anonymous forums. (I would never write a post with “bad” words… it looks un-educated… sarcasm goes a lot farther than swearing, geniuses.).

    Yeah, you may not tip your maid, teacher, Wal-Mart employee, but THEY ARE PAID, usually more than $10/ hour (with the maid, probably under the table??? or is she legal? uh-huh… yeah… right), which is $7 more an hour than I make in my paycheck, which is taxed. It’s just the way it is in AMERICA. Ask my employer for more money, whatever. I’ve grown up in America, I know it will do no good… they are not required by law to give me more money, so obviously they will not. Done.

    Maybe I’m not far enough in to the blog, but how do some ppl know each other’s race??? I re-read above and couldn’t see where P______h was Indian, maybe I missed the memo. Crazy, but yeah, generalizations are made, foriegn people IN GENERAL tip less. Period. Not the rule, not always, not forever, just in general. You just get used to it. Not tipping at all is just plain ignorance & arrogance. Stop telling me to include it in the bill… I don’t own the restaurant, it’s not policy, it’s not the way it’s done, DEAL. Cook your own food if you think you’re paying too much to be able to tip, but crazy, if the tip were included you’d be ok with it??? Or maybe you wouldn’t eat out as much… now there’s a thought. And yeah, if the tip were always included, service would be worse all around.

    I teach my kids to say please and thank you all the time. If they can do it, so can you. It’s not about only being polite if someone goes over and above; the lack of your social graces about please and thank you leads me to believe you don’t hear the words very often, big surprise there, therefore have never learned the correct way to use them. (When asking for salt at our dinner table we say “Would you please pass the salt?” When asking my kids if they want salad they will either answer “No, thank you.” Or “Yes, please.” Done, easy, not gonna kill ‘em to be nice, nor will it kill “you all.”)

    No matter who is waiting on you, they are paying bills and need to live. Anyone waiting tables is there to make money. I can do something else, I have a degree (yea me!) I choose to wait tables right now so I can stay at home with my kids… get them on the bus, be there when they get off the bus, etc. Go figure, I want to raise well-adjusted, polite children who grow up knowing how to act in a civilized American society, respecting everyone right down to the people who serve them food when they feel too lazy to cook it themselves. I know, I am the minority. Ha!

  46. I am a waitress, been in the indusrty for seven years. I can go on for hours about this blog but would just like to make one simple point. for all the dinins patrons, I’m sure your unaware of something called “tip share” aka “tip pool” . this means that servers tip out a percentage of what they make every night to various other employees(non severs). so every time you tip your server( if you even tip), they don’t get to keep the whole tip. and when you don’t tip them they are still taxed on it. please keep that in mind.

  47. It’s amazing someone hasn’t found this DUMBSHIT and murdered him already! How would you like it if you only got paid $4.oo./ hr and had to make ends meet? I have worked in this industry for about ten years and let me tell you I have seen some shit over the years. This Indian piece of shit is the worst! But I have had my share of bad tables, I in fact had a horrible table the other night. It was on Sunday and we had let everyone go home for the night. It was just me and on other server on. Well, about ten tables walk in, in a bout a fifteen minute period, we were switching off on the tables. Well, a party of eight walks in, they are annoyed that they can’t be seated right away. We had to get some tables together. Then when they are seated they seem fine so I get their drinks. Well, just then a party of sixteen teenagers walks in and get sat, now I have to take care of two big parties. well, I get the drinks for the sixteen top, I go back the take the eight tops order, the lady says “it’s about time.” It’s about time!! Can’t you see that you are not my only table in the resturant!!! Well now things go from bad to worse. I just finish taking the teenagers order, when my eight top decides they need boxes. I must not have got there fast enough, because they had to ask the mixo for them. I dropped off the bill and went to check on the teens. By the time I got back to the other table they were getting up to leave, I assumed that they had left money on the table. When I went up to them, the lady said “I got tirred of waitin’ on you, darlin’!” The manager got their credit card and took care of it. To add insult to injury, they left me $3.00 on an $89.00 bill!!! WTF!!! I wasn’t trying to ignore them I was just busy with my other table. Why can’t people just have some compassion for us. This is why I fully believe that EVERYONE should be required to work in a restraunt for at least a week or two after they get out of college, or high school. This business has it’s ups and downs. In the word of Norm on Cheers “it’s a dog eat dog world out there and I ‘m wearing milkbone underwear.”

  48. i stumbeled on this site and love it!!!!!! some people are complete idiots, they expect to get good service but they are rude and needy. If you go out to eat and order a steak ask for steak sauce when you order, if you want a certain type of jelly (ie: strawberry, or grape) ask when you order. DON’T EVER just ask for jelly and get mad if your server brings you the wrong one. you didn’t specify that’s your fault not the servers!!!! And don’t get mad if you have to ask for something or more of something (unless it’s your drink) because a lot of restaraunts dont allow servers to bring things unless they are requested. just because you dont get what you want doesnt mean its the servers fault. You want fresh food dont bitch when your server says its gonna be a minute for your fresh food. if you want your food fast go to a fast food place, thats why they have them!!!! servers dont get paid enough to put up with your shit just be nice and polite and your server will be too. I’m not saying all servers are great or even good but it’s not all of our faults you had a bad experience before. get over yourselves and realize you are NOT the only people we have to take care of. you get mad cause you hae to wait for a table but you dont k now what you want when you get one, why are you mad then? cause your too lazy to stand for a little while? you had to sit on your fat asses just to make other people wait while you talk about your dog’s hair cut or what ever? sit down give your order and eat and get the fuck out! stop bitching!!!! and dont get mad when you walk into a restaraunt 10 minutes before they close and want a well done steak, get over it people are gonna be pissed. you want to leave your job on time and so do we. get a life, grow up and realize our jobs are just as hard as yours probably worse cause we have to deal with people like you. you want good service? find one place to eat one server you want to serve you and tip them good. even if you are a pain they will be nice to you cause they know you will tip them good. if you don’t like it eat at home where you will get everything you want when you want it!!!!

  49. The only thing worse than people tipping badly on good service is teh verbal tippers, i can’t stand when someone praises the food and service to you/your manager/supervisor yet leaves no tip, like they think it makes up for you not being able to pay your bills!

  50. Tipping creates a culture of outrageously demanding customers. They know they can speak rudely and condescendingly to a waiter because he will ( usually ) suck it up to get the tip. Countries that don’t have a tipping culture or that have a gratuity worked into the bill, will give good service but they will not tolerate douchebaggery. (case in point, Paris).
    I have served many Europeans, and although they didn’t always tip because they hadn’t done their homework on tipping customs in North America, they NEVER pulled some of the crap that locals did. Yeah, it sucks to not get a tip, but I would rather have a nice tourist couple respectfully not tip me than have an arrogant local act like Kevin Spacey in “Swimming with Sharks” and “reward” me with a 12% tip!
    I’m sure some tourists are not tipping because they are trying to save money, but I think most really don’t know. Because even if I don’t get a tip, I will almost certainly be bought a drink, or often given a souvenir. Don’t get me wrong, I still want the cash, but this shows that they are well meaning people.
    I have worked in many jobs and professions over the years ( I am currently a physiotherapist) and in no other job have I experienced the breathtaking rudeness and meanness that I have as a waitress. In essence, the restaurant customer is in charge of your paycheck, and they know this, and hold it over your head, making you jump through ever higher hoops for the implied promise of 15%.
    Customers who don’t believe in tipping take advantage of this. They know that waiters are anticipating a tip, and they knowingly enjoy all the benefits of “above and beyond” service that a waiter does to ensure said tip. If you don’t tip, then why don’t you say so upfront? Because you want the “extras” but you don’t want to pay for them.
    Customers complain that they shouldn’t have to tip us for “doing our jobs”. You’re not! The ( paltry) paycheck is for doing our jobs. Our job is to show up, stock and clean, and take orders and bring you what you ordered. That’s it. The tip is for not just being polite, but reading the tone of your table and acting accordingly. The tip is for being “fun” and joking around, or being discreet and giving you space and privacy. The tip is for anticipating that you want another drink/more bread/extra napkins/more butter before you know you want it yourself. The tip is for rushing out your children’s meal before yours and cleaning up their mess and bringing them crayons and joking around with them so they won’t be fussy and you can enjoy your meal. The tip is for making you look good in front of your date, making a fuss of your mother on Mother’s Day, giving directions, suggesting bars/or shows you might like to see, singing Happy Birthday, replacing a meal, or drink, or glass of wine that you “just didn’t really like” without a fuss….and the list goes on.
    Because tipping is so ingrained in the culture of eating at restaurants by not tipping you are essentially breaking a contract. It is understood that good service is rewarded with a tip. By accepting said good service, and not leaving a tip you are breaking an unwritten rule.
    I am a nice person..I am nice to everyone in my ( untipped) jobs. I will still be nice when the tip is finally included in the bill. However, I will not have to feel my soul eaten away by smiling at someone who is doing their best to make me cry.
    One last thing….it distresses me that so many on this forum are calling out certain racial groups. There are cheapskates and douchebags in every culture. Unfortunately some waiters only remember the ones who aren’t white. I have seen waiters serve 20 white assholes and get stiffed 20 times, but the one Indian(or Black, or Chinese, or whatever) customer who does it is the one who get remembered!

  51. I must call BS on Rule 1, especially in Manhattan. I called a “hot restaurant” two weeks in advance to make a Friday reservation for 2 at 7:30pm.. this was for my wife’s birthday. I simply asked for the reservation and was told, “sorry, we have only 5:30 and 10pm.” I said no thanks and hung up. Not TEN MINUTES later I called the same restaurant, got the same person on the phone and said “Hi this is so and so from Virgin Records. I will have a VIP in from LA and I would really like to have dinner for two at 7:30 two Fridays from now.” The reply was “absolutely, no problem! See you then!.” The part that drove me nuts was that when we went for dinner, THE FUCKING PLACE WAS HALF EMPTY UNTIL 9:30PM!!! So, calling for a reservation like a good little patron wasn’t enough, although they are turning away paying (and good tipping, wine ordering) customers!

  52. Wow, you’re used to working in WAY more upscale places than I am. A couple of these rules really don’t apply to the restaurants where I’ve worked (#1, #4, #6, and #8).

    I would also like to amend #5. It’s not specifically ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’ that I need to hear in order to be ok as a waiter; I just need my tables to actually be nice to me. If I haven’t screwed up or been rude (and I know I will never have done the second, because my pay depends on not being rude), don’t be an asshole to me. I can put up with just about anything in terms of special orders, re-cooks, anything like that, as long as a table tips me well and is actually nice to me. Your kid wants the four-cheese pizza with no cheese? You know what, no problem, because you asked nicely and were appreciative when I went out of my way for you.

    Certain posters in this thread are the reason I feel every table should have an automatic 20% grat, rather than just tables of 8 or more (like my restaurant). They’re also the reason I agree with one bartender friend of mine in that everyone should have to spend six months working in a restaurant. It’d be an eye-opening experience for a lot of people.

  53. oh btw we also have to tip out at the end of the night on a percentage of our sales, so if you dont tip we still have to pay for a percentage of what you consumed, therefore people like P are making us lose money, THANKS!

  54. 48. jonases wrote on 01/25/09 at 12:23 am :

    if you dont like the job, what are you doing? Its not my fault you cant or want to do something else..

    jonases, who says people in the restaurant industry don’t like their jobs. Most of us do it because we do love the job, the food, atmosphere and culture in general. What people don’t like are disrespectful, and uninformed customers.
    I have always lived by the rule that, as you say, “the customer is always right.” I would ammend that though to say, “except when they’re not.”
    Customers often have no formal culinary education, and no “eating out often” isn’t the same thing. They don’t know temps (color isn’t temp), they don’t know wine, and they know even less about etiquette, and yet we are the ones that need “real jobs.”
    I hate it when tables ask “what else do you do?” or “what do you really want to be?” This is the only country that treats the service industry as something less than a profession, and unfortunately that is true even on the pay scale, but that doesn’t mean that people in the industry treat it with the same disdain as everyone they serve.

  55. Padmanabhan – Maybe taxi drivers should include their tips in their rates, then? Would that seem fair? I didn’t think so.

  56. Padmanabhan,

    Do you allow the people in line in front of you to go ahead ? If you do that, then why ? It’s not illegal to break into a line, is it ? Just like it’s not illegal to not say “thank you” ?

  57. Padmanabhan – Truly it’s your mom’s fault she did not teach you manners. I pity her. ‘Coz you are nothing but a product of filth.

  58. Padmanabhan -

    “You dont want vegetarian customers? All you need to do is display a sign that says vegetarians not welcome.”

    I guess you mean something similar to the sign – “Dogs and Indians not welcome.” that the British used to put outside restaurants when they ruled your country, right ?

    I would like to propose a better sign – “Vegetarians and especially smelly and rude Indians not welcome.”

    Like it ?

  59. Padmanabhan -

    “Or something like “No substitutions”. How do you expect them to know your whatever is not interested in substitutions when there are umpteen places that are happy to do so?”

    Oh yeah, how do we expect you to know that we are not interested in having you here ?

    So, we are going to put up signs like “No Indians” in Immigration offices.

    Because we don’t want you here. And you don’t seem to understand this. You want us to put up a sign that says it, right ?

    I am sure there are umpteen places that would be happy to have you sell pretzels on their streets or run motels on their land.

  60. Padmanabhan – if you ever come to my restaurant in NYC, I’ll make sure I have 3 servers spit, piss and jizz in your food and drinks. That’s my promise to you, you filthy piece of shit.

  61. I have never seen such angry people in my entire life. What happened to being able to have your own opinians and not getting penalized for it? Being a waiter/waitress is a talent indeed, but I think that from what I’m reading here a lot of you sound like arrogant jerks. If you don’t like the way something works there is always another choice.

  62. I agree with you, Disapointed. A waiter/waitress serves a very important purpose. Tipping them is showing your appreciation for the work they do; remember the service is tailored for you. And they are not paid that well.

    Whom I totally *HATE* is disgusting people like Padmanabhan. Guys like him are the scum of this earth. F’king immigrants who want to live in this country but do not want to adopt the culture.

    Just have a look at some of his comments:

    “Tipping the waiter? I have never tipped anyone in my life. You want me to pay for something? Then include it in the check.”

    This is typical “I-do-only-when-told-to” mentality. Guys like Padmanabhan have been told to do something by their peers and thus have that “herd-mentality”.

    “… If serving costs 15% or 20%, include the effing amount in the total amount. Like you include the tax. Is that so difficult?”

    He doesn’t understand the difference between a mandatory thing and an appreciation. Paying for your food bill is mandatory. Tipping is appreciation. Looks like he hasn’t been taught the meaning of “appreciation” in his f’king country or culture. Or maybe it’s just his parents who never taught him basic etiquette.

    • //He doesn’t understand the difference between a mandatory thing and an appreciation. Paying for your food bill is mandatory. Tipping is appreciation. Looks like he hasn’t been taught the meaning of “appreciation” in his f’king country or culture

      Not really. I just don’t equate appreciation and tipping. Students may appreciate their teachers. They don’t tip them. Patients may appreciate their doctors. I doubt they ask the insurance companies to include tips. Same with so many other professions. Tipping is not appreciation. May be they mistaught the meaning of “appreciation” in your f’king country or culture?

  63. “P” I am speechless. Had to read the whole thing from top to bottom. Congratulations , you took the cake. I waitress because I honestly really do enjoy it. I am a social person, love to jabber, love food, and it’s fun. I do usually make decent money. I would never ever spit or put any other offensive thing in your food, but I’m pretty sure I would get even somehow. I have plenty of Indians who visit our restaurant and they are all wonderful, kind people. What the hell happened to you?

  64. Ha! I find it funny that someone is crying “You can’t blame ALL Americans for what happened in the past” Yet no one has ANY problem with smearing ALL Indians based on one poster. Talking about how they used to live in houses with dirt floors. That is so typical ignorant American. Their are Indians that are richer than your a** working in a restaurant. If Padmanabhan was white would you guys be talking about his race? Probably not. So attack him on the basis of his views and don’t be racist and attack him on your stereotypical notions of his culture.

    As for Pitzl, Americans cannot complain about not assimilating or not adopting another person’s culture because they sure as hell didn’t assimilate into the Native American culture and they hardly do it when they move abroad. (They say they do, but in reality they don’t.) They usually keep themselves separate from the native population. So many Americans are just plain embarassing abroad.

    As for tipping. I always try to give the waiter a good tip unless the service is really bad. To be honest I think I have only met a bad waiter ONCE or TWICE in my life. If you are friendly to them first most likely they’ll return the favor. Be considerate of the job they have to do and always say your please and thank you’s!

  65. I think the last time I went out, I left a 30% tip for our waitress because she was spectacular. I gave a 50% tip to a waitress who I overheard talking about her shitty day to another waiter. If service is absolutely terrible, I still tip 20%, because I know that the waiter has probably had a shitty day, and is probably pretty damn tired. One of my best friends waits tables, so I know how much this job can wear you out.

    I was born and raised in this country though, but my parents were raised in India, and they’ve always tipped very well, depending on how good the service is. The point is that not all Indian people are shitty tippers, customers, or human beings. In my visits to India, I’ve discovered that the “tipping culture”, if you will, dictates that a tip of around 10% is considered very good.

    I’m not making excuses for the dude who doesn’t tip. He’s like the asshole in Reservoir Dogs. When you immigrate to another country, you ASSIMILATE! You aren’t in India anymore, and you are now seen as an American, and in this great country, we recognize good service and tip accordingly.

    I’m now addressing the two guys: “I hate Upper Caste Indians (oh well all Indians)” and Bobby

    - Okay, so you hate us. That’s too bad, seeing as how we’ve, in a very short amount of time, become the new standard of success in America, and it funny how success breeds contempt. Yeah, most of us came from dirt floors (my family did), but now we live in million dollar homes and bring in 6-figure salaries. And now I can afford to tip service people like you 30% (if they serve me well.) Why? Because we worked hard to get to where we are today. Just because you are white doesn’t guarantee success. I’ll bet it really ticks you off to see brown people having a good time with each other, enjoying their success, and moving up in the corporate world while you’re stuck waiting tables. If you are so smart, why are you waiting tables, with the only threat of revenge being that you’ll spit or jizz in our food? We are, by your own admission, doctors, or heads of Oncology. If we threaten to not save your life, or treat you for cancer, that would be a little more important. Plus, we know how to cook, so your service is not really necessary, it is a luxury.

    This isn’t to say that I think Indians are the only people in the world who are successful, and all the other races suck (as you suggest, but in your argument, Indians suck). Success is colorblind man. Anyone working hard enough can do great things. Don’t assume that all of us are low tipping ingrates. I certainly don’t assume that all white people are racist xenophobes who can’t use the English language, as you two seem to be. I’m very thankful that I don’t have to interact with people like you on a regular basis, and I’m sorry you have to interact with a group of people who don’t tip well, but don’t lump us all into one group. You shouldn’t have brought race into this anyway. I’m sure that there are a bunch of low tipping Italian, Irish, Scot – Americans our there too. It all depends on how you were raised. I was raised right. It seems, sadly, that you two were raised in a very poor manner, based on your obvious racism.

  66. Just wanted to clear something here given the considerable expression of disgust against the Indian habit of asking for water without ice…the reason we don’t like water with ice (this is my reason and am thinking applies to most people) is that India is a very hot country and we drink cold water and not chilled water or our throats would get sore pretty quick. I still can’t drink chilled water/drinks and keep my water/soda out of the fridge and sometimes microwave it in winters (yes I know, crazy!). Just the way my throat functions, no cultural issues involved. A lot of people believe the reason we don’t take ice is to save money…well guess what, water IS free. Rest, I guess racism will always live, be it Americans versus Indians or vice versa. Entertaining and enlightening comments though.

  67. Why didn’t I know about this site years ago?! *ugh!* I waited tables for a few years right after college, and boy do I wish these rules were posted by the door of every establishment I’ve ever worked for! *thumbs up*

    And, for those who don’t tip. Stay home and cook, then you don’t have to ever worry about paying anyone for anything, assholes!


  68. As for Pitzl, Americans cannot complain about not assimilating or not adopting another person’s culture because they sure as hell didn’t assimilate into the Native American culture and they hardly do it when they move abroad. (They say they do, but in reality they don’t.) They usually keep themselves separate from the native population. So many Americans are just plain embarassing abroad.

    Oh yeah ? Do you see any American over here posting comments like this -


    "When someone merely did his job, you say ‘thanks’.
    and when someone goes out of his way to help you, you still say ‘thanks’?
    That can only mean you lack the judgment to see the difference between the two.

    Or this ?

    I have nothing against American way of life whatsoever. my only argument was - include the tip with the check. nothing more, nothing less.
    and regarding ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, I say them when I want to plead or when I want to thank.When someone goes out of his way to help, I thank him. When someone just does his job, I just pay for it.In other words, I know the difference between the two, unlike others, who treat them both the same.

    So, Kammi, don’t come up with the assimilation garbage when you cannot substantiate your claims. Okay, douchebag ?

    And Padmanabhan, you filthiest piece of shit:


    You people were practicing slavery for heavens sake.

    And you people were eating rats and monkey brains and drinking cow pee for heaven’s sake.

  69. As a female and as a minority, I don’t tolerate racism in any form. Let’s be nice, everyone! Don’t perpetuate the stereotypes people have about either culture OR occupation. I’ve been serving for 5 years, and its been the most fulfilling career of my life. What did I do before this?

    I was a mortician.

    Close to 6 figures, great safety conditions, and most of the time (MOST), no one bothered me in my little work room. But it wasn’t satisfying! I needed real human interaction. And to see the look on someone’s face when their steak is perfectly prepared, or how happy they get when you bring them dessert, as if they’d been waiting all day for this tiny, insubstantial sugary confection… it makes me feel a lot better than hearing someone say “That’s exactly what Herb would have wanted, why can’t I get the silk lining for free?”.

    As far as tipping goes, I understand how shitty it is to not be tipped. If you have to tip out a bartender, the front desk, busser, and expo, that money goes really fast. And then you get taxed on it. And if you’re really lucky and make enough hours for insurance, that eats the last of that tiny pay check up. People aren’t forced to tip us. It’s something they do when they feel like it. And if they don’t feel like it, or forget to do it, sucks! But they do it, anyway. Servers- be greatful for what little you get. Guest/Customer/Patron- tip me please! Not because you’re forced to, or because I had a hard day (but I do accept pity tips), but because you feel I deserve it. If I gave it all I had and you left well-fed, and with a smile on your face, a gratuity is very appreciated. If not… I leave it entirely in your hands.

    I will continue to serve to the best of my ability, not because I want your money (although I do!) but because I want you to be happy, too. I know that sounds like a load of crap, but a lot of us really feel this way.

  70. May I point out that servers usally make no more than $2.13 per hour. The whole reason a server serves is to be tipped. Not tipping your waiter/waitress forces them to pay out of pocket 1% of your bill to the bartender and 1.5% of your bill to the busser. Essentially you are forceing a person who handled your food to pay for it as well serve it to you.

  71. I am a bar person/Waitress in Australia and while we get paid a much better wage and dont need to rely on our tips, I do belive that tipping is important. Customer expect us to grovel at their feet in reverent slavery, gratful to lick their shoes all with out being polite or tipping. And as for not tipping in a country where that is the waiters wage is just disgraceful.
    We are not paid to grovel we are paid to serve food and/or drink. the manner in which we serve that is up to us. If you want to be treated like a VIP with prombt service and manners and information (no i do not know every single fucken ingrediant in the penne or which beer will taste better) Than you be polite and tip.
    Its that simple.

    And HawaiiServer/Slave Wow, you must get paid a really good wage, to not care if you get tipped, I wish you luck. but come back on here in 5 years and see if you still think a smile is enough to cover the bills.

  72. Wow, I am amazed by the number of people wishing death on someone just because they stated their opinion. I’ve worked in the retail industry for several years and have had my share of lousy customers but never wished them death, no matter how awful they were to me. These are opinions, folks, and we’re all entitled to them.

  73. Frankly, I think anyone who is offended by this, is just another of the snobs who are mentioned.
    We don’t care about your shame!
    We think this is hilarious ahha
    Well, personally, I do.
    This waiter is just as much welcome to say what he thinks as the rest of us.
    And if that offends you, go about your restaurant being the reason he’s written this and ignore this post.
    Simple as that.

    Great tips, Waiter! xo

  74. It still amazes me that anyone can be paid below minimum wage in the US. In Europe servers get a proper paycheck and tips are extra for friendly/helpful service. Not only are you getting shafted by rude customers, but also by the restaurant you work for. I think a restaurant should pay you all a minimum wage at least, for all the shit you have to go through, just like with any other job. Why should servers be treated any different?

    Although I’m not happy with the racist comments that were made and generalizing a whole nation/race, I am disgusted by Padmanabhan’s comments and feel sad for his lack of humanity:

    “You people were practicing slavery for heavens sake.”

    May I point out that India STILL practices slavery, by insisting on your caste-system? That, as a higher caste, you feel you have the right to look down on the lower castes–where the lowest castes will not EVER have the opportunity to get out of the slums/often literally shovelling your shit, because of this system? Please…that’s probably how you treat and see your ‘servers’!!

  75. “Allergic to pesto, it’s gone. Vegetarian? Get the fuck out.”

    Uhhh, this is pretty unfair.

    I will usually look for something that is naturally vegetarian, like pasta napolitana or something. If I do ask for a substitution, I ask politely, eg “is it possible to have this without bacon?” And seriously, how difficult is it to just not add bacon in the cooking process. Asking you to add something different, sure. But just leaving an ingredient out won’t take you extra time.

  76. Uh Oh!

    Joe just opened up a new Pandora’s Box

    Canadians, or canoes as we like to call them because they don’t tip, are far more demanding than any other group that I wait on. I’ve been in the restaurant biz for 10 yrs in both BOH and FOH and have felt the brunt of their demanding ways since day one. I don’t know which poster said it, but please ask me for extras when you order. If you know you are going to need 1 gallon of Ranch for your tiny side salad then ask me for it. I don’t really care. Don’t wait until I bring out the salad or wings or pizza or fries or whatever else you douse in basically seasoned mayo to decide you need it. Please also do not ask me for a mixed drink with light ice unless you just want it chilled less than normal. If I make you a drink with less ice guess what I’m adding to make it look like a full drink? More mixer, not more alcohol. If you want a strong drink order a double.

    What I would like to ask Padmanabhan is if I include the tip on his bill but not on any other, will he simply smile and say “Hey it’s included, oh well” or will he get my manager and ask him about it because he has eaten here before and the tip wasn’t included.

    I also love how any recent immigrant to America (I say recent because yes,I KNOW WE ARE ALL IMMIGRANTS) brings up events that happended almost 400 years ago. What was your country of origin doing 400 years ago? I bet it was a lot less PC back then for everyone.

    Fellow servers and bartenders all I can say to you is be strong. None of us ever got into this business for our mental health. You know there are still a lot of good customers out there of all races that will treat you with respect and tip well

    • //What I would like to ask Padmanabhan is if I include the tip on his bill but not on any other, will he simply smile and say “Hey it’s included, oh well” or will he get my manager and ask him about it because he has eaten here before and the tip wasn’t included.

      Of course, by include in the bill, I meant for everyone, uniformly.

  77. I’ve never noticed that Canadians, at home or abroad, are a particularly horrid set of tippers. Personally, if the service is good, I’ll dish out an extra XX% on top of the 20 I planned on giving when I walked in the door.

    What I have noticed is that American customers are so dependant on the fact that their server needs their tips (I was paid 7.50/hour, compared to 2.13, and therefore a little more free to not cowtail to Massa’s demands) that they take advantage of servers. A group of visiting Americans not only asked for extra everything, refusing to pay for it, but I was touched inappropriately (regardless of who you are, what the situation is, you should not touch people you don’t know). When I commented on it, and asked the man to stop, he became worse, more vulgar. I finally resorted to my own physical contact, I smacked his hand with my tray when he tried to cop a feel on my ass, only to have him try to complain to the owner. When the owner found out what happened, the party was kicked out, and forced to pay a 50% grat.

    As for Pada-what-ever: You don’t say please or thank you when you’re paying for something? So, you’ll be okay next time I call tech support and say “NOW!” rather than “Please”? Okay, good.

    Veggies aren’t bad, and they can be great tippers, but please, don’t comment loudly about the plight of veal in an Italian resturant. You aren’t going to win anyone over.

    • //As for Pada-what-ever: You don’t say please or thank you when you’re paying for something? So, you’ll be okay next time I call tech support and say “NOW!” rather than “Please”? Okay, good.

      Why will I care what you say in tech support calls?

  78. I’m sure there are cultural differences between Europe and America – but my rule stays the same regardless of the continent I’m in.

    The only ‘default’ tip you get is my change – if I spend £45, I’ll leave you the £5.

    If you’re really really shitty to me (note that means you as the waiter – I do not blame you for kitchen screwups) then I’ll collect my change just to spite you.

    Beyond that – any extra tip has to be earned – If my group sits around talking whilst not eating when the restaurant is busy, or if you’re particularly nice, or even both. Then sure, I’ll drop you some extra money.

    As for how you feel about the tip? Ultimately I don’t care. I’ve worked in jobs both more stressful and more physically demanding, and if I ever got tipped for it then I’d take that as a bonus.

    I’m not going to shit in the customer’s next purchase if they didn’t leave a tip last time because I’m smart enough to know that not only is that incredibly unprofessional, but also that that customer is probably not going to give me their custom ever again.

    So, if you feel slighted by the small tip I left which could be because any one of many unknown reasons ranging from I don’t like you to I don’t have any money (Yes, I am allowed to treat myself even when I’m tight on money, and no, that does not oblige me to treat you) then I suggest you shrug it off and forget about it, because I’m not going to feel guilty about it. Nor should I be expected to.

  79. Forgot to add – yes, if I ask you to deviate from what it says on the menu in any way then that gets you a bigger tip.

  80. But when people say, “If you hate your job, why do you do it?” I tend to think, “Huh, if waiters didn’t exist, how would the eating out process work?” All restaurants would probably be like McDonald’s; you pick up your tray at the counter. It’s kinda funny then, cuz then you’d have no one to blame when you burn yourself on a hot plate and drop it.
    When I see a waiter who’s treated like shit by another patron shake off his frustration and is able to greet me with a smile, or at least without exploding, I feel instant respect; I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it. +tip for him.

  81. This is fun. There have been so many valid and terrible points. I hope that a reference to a religion doesn’t offend: “Do unto other as you would have them do unto you.”
    Or, “If something would piss you off, stop think, and don’t do it to someone else.”

  82. Oh, and others includes all forms of life to me. I don’t care what you do, who you know, or how much money you make. In fact, I practice this with most living things, so I am sure I will soon be berated for my view, but I accept it.

  83. As a server who doesn’t get tips (as I work for a flat wage), my biggest pet peeve is people who stay forever. If the restaurant closes at 11 don’t wait until 10:45 to come in. The faster you assholes leave, the faster I can bus your table, and get the hell out of there and continue with my life.

  84. I recall serving a large group at a bar/grill in NYC awhile back. I got them their many pitchers and drinks and a few apps. They stayed for a couple of hours and racked up a large bill. They all left happy and stumbled into the street, not leaving me any tip!!! I chased after them into the street and asked what I did wrong…Was my service that bad? (It wasn’t.) The comical part is they were so sloshed the men in the party started reaching into their pockets and showering me with twenties, in order to make up for it and to look good in front of their women. I made a bundle that day. I’m still sure to this day that they were cheap but once I cornered them on the street in front of their ladies they made up for it and gave me more than my share. Sometimes you gotta speak up!

  85. College-4yrs. Degree-yes, in education. 4 hour server shift tonight=$325.00. Don’t assume we’re stupid, and don’t assume our job isn’t difficult. Thank you to my patrons who appreciate the job I do, and apparently do well.

  86. As a former waiter, I tip around 20% for mediocre service, and up to 40% for great service. However, a few of you have mentioned tipping even if the service is bad. If the service is bad, you’re not getting a tip. By “bad”, I don’t mean “failed to refill my water glass within 10 minutes.”

    Bad is when someone spills something on you, looks at the growing stains and PRETENDS IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. Or disappears for 25 minutes, leaving you to ask another staff member to fetch a knife to cut your now-cold steak. Yeah, I didn’t tip those people. That’s bad service.

  87. Trust me stupid people cannot be servers…and the Canadians reference was hilarious…there is a difference between stereotyping and being a racist, and 8 out of 10 times stereotypes are very accurate. Ninety percent of people are rude and ignorant and we in the service industry just get to see it more often than most. So we should be allowed to rant like this so we may continue to do our jobs because most of us cannot afford mental health care. I still would like to know what possesses people to be hateful to the person handling your food!!!!

  88. I hate the people who show up with a cell phone and won’t get off of it. So annoying. Actually, this annoyed me the most in the fast food industry when I was carhopping at Sonic. Uhm, yes, I have you on speaker and I’m ready to take your order. What the fuck? What about getting together for dinner tonight at so-and-so’s? WAIT? You’re NOT ready to order after all?? Then WHY did you say you were?! Why did you keep insistently pressing the big, red button if you were just gonna chatter on your cell phone, ANYWAY?! Get off the freakin’ phone!!! JEEZE, I’m already on SKATES, trying to dodge cars, take orders, and make deliveries and you can’t even get off your phone to place a simple order?!?!
    This was really annoying as a carhop because, HEY, I have five other cars that need to place an order, okay?!

  89. Padmanabhan,

    Do you realize that we have to tip out people.. we have to give a certain percentage of what we make in tips to the other staff (hostess,kitchen,bussers etc) so when you dont tip… it costs ME to serve YOU.. so yeah maybe you should say thank you.

    Oh and by the way go fuck yourself.

    • //we have to give a certain percentage of what we make in tips to the other staff

      certain percentage of zero is still zero if I am not mistaken? So, giving out zero costs you?

  90. I am Canadian, and in my province waitstaff get minimum wage(9.65 an hour)or maybe more, I don’t know.In this case, the employees are making the same wages,or higher if they make more than minimum wage. I tip waitstaff, but I disagree with the concept of tipping. Why should someone pay an exployee extra (in the form of a tip) for just doing their job? Employees at other types of jobs do their best because of their own integrity, not to get a tip. Management should be behind their employees if their are any rude customers, reward good customer service with raises and fire the employees that are rude to customers without any type of provocation.

  91. ***The employees are making the same wages as other individuals on minimum wage,or higher if they make more than minimum wage.

  92. i live in europe,specifically scandinavia and here it is not a standard practice to tip. in other countries there is 15% service charge on top of everything ordered so you hardly need to think of how much you have to give. but you still do depending on how much you needed service that night and how pleasant and efficient the waiter was.

    my question is this. the waiters get tipped in the us. what about the kitchen staff if the tips are not shared with them?

    when it is icluded n the bill, it gets shared by both dining area and kitchen staff. fairer for all.

  93. Here’s a list for servers to know who the bad tippers are according to stereotypes:

    1. Women
    For the most part women are bad tippers compared to their counterparts (men) and are more demanding (i.e. put that on the side, substitute that for this, I’ll have the light/fat free sour cream, I’d like to create my own menu).

    2. School Teachers
    Don’t understand why (both men and women) but they are very cheap and always looking to split plates, free refills, and hundred split checks just to run the server crazy.

    3. Non-Lipstick Lesbians
    Talk about a chip on your shoulder. Don’t get pissed at me because God gave you the wrong body, believe me we’re all sorry!

    4. Black Americans
    I know this may sound racist but believe me ask any server and they’ll tell you the same thing. Not rude very polite just not more than 10%. Black women cut that in half and twice as much work.

    5.Foreigners
    See Padmanabhan

    So according to this list the worst tipper would be a black lesbian teacher from India.

    And the best tippers by far and will always be:

    1.Industry people

    2. Blue collar workers
    Carpenters, electricians, telephone guys, etc.

    3.Families

    4. Drunks

  94. Pingback: The Rules « My Adventures in Waiterland

  95. Padmanabhan and all your ilk,

    This is why I don’t tell you people when things that seem vegetarian aren’t vegetarian. You know why you people don’t get ice in your water? Because ice is free and you hate freedom you terrorist. Enjoy when global warming really kicks in and your mud huts all melt and you people are eating one another during mass migrations while escaping coastal flooding to survive in that hellish region of the world from which you came. Please die like your buddy Osama.

    P.S.
    I know you aren’t an Arab you fucking twit. But you all look the same to me.

  96. @Padmanabhan:
    Actually, not tipping is theft of services. I’ve heard of cases where restaurants have actually called the police on people for not tipping their server. Which, to me seems a bit extreme and petty. The point is that it IS wrong to not tip. (Unless of course the server was absolute rubbish). If you don’t want to tip, or can’t afford it, please go to McDonalds or something.
    & Most places (in the US) only pay their servers $2.13 an hour. That is not a lot. At all.

    • //Actually, not tipping is theft of services. I’ve heard of cases where restaurants have actually called the police on people for not tipping their server

      May be they should.

  97. Look, I don’t think you ment any offense but..
    I’m a waitress and having been a vegetarian for three years now. When I go in a restaurent and the only vegetarian option they have is a side garden salad I am GOING to order the pasta without chicken or whatever! I know how it sucks ass when customers are bitchy and have a thousand variations (then don’t eat out), but for gods sakes don’t get all pissy about vegies ordering without meat.

  98. To the waiter lot : What happened to all the fun at work guys? you
    guys seem to have an awful life, especially when work is so much about
    tips.. time to think of a better paying profession guys, if that’ll
    solve all the grumpiness…, or strike for better wages, your Govt
    ought to take care of you lot!

    But I don’t blame the Indians, it’s difficult for us to see the tip
    hungry person behind the well spoken and well dressed persona you guys
    put up, little can we see the spitting and the swearing.

    Anyway, lesson learnt.Tip I always shall.

  99. if u think u r thaaaat good and deserve a huge tip, then why dont u find urself a job in one of the big fancy 5 or 7 star restaurants where only the richest and elite people dine and who can afford a big tip, why work in some middle class restaurant where middle class people dine and then crib about tips – obviously u r not as good as u think u r

  100. I wish someone would write a book from a chain resturants point of view I work at a shitty mom and pop shop and deal with snobby assholes on the daily -__-

  101. Okay I’m finding the Indian stuff on here a little excessive. I’m annoyed by foreigners who think it is their right to live here and enjoy all the perks of being an American but refuse to learn/speak English or adopt any of our cultural expectations. I deal with smelly, cheap, rude Indians who complain about the smell of my shoe store but want to stand thisclose to me as I resist the urge to vomit from their BO, and insist that I give them a free pair of shoes because their 10 year old pair that they have completely worn to the ground are “defective.” My hiring manager at the shoe store also happens to be an upper caste Indian. His daughter is a corporate lawyer. My fabulous doctor who speaks great English and has an excellent bedside manner is also an upper caste Indian. My boss also happens to be Muslim and makes up excuses to corporate as to why he cannot work Friday afternoons because he doesn’t want to be discriminated against. When we caught Osama my boss came in with a huge grin on his face and high fived everyone, and my assistant at the time said right to his face that Osama was probably his best bud and that he was surprised that he even showed up to work. Okay so I know I’m rambling now but I’m just saying that we shouldn’t let guys like P and other shitty customers decide how we feel about literally millions of other people of the same race.

    I also want to say that regardless of who you are speaking to, you are speaking to a human being. Just something to keep in mind. Yes a waiter is there to serve you but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to treat them with respect. You catch more bees with honey than vinegar.

  102. These rules are great. I serve at a breakfast place. We rely on turning tables as fast as we can. Had someone sitting at a table for 3 hours..oh wait they took up 2 four tops for 5 people. But still, then you tip like 4 bucks. Really? Sad part is they were regulars. Plus we literally make like 3 bucks an hour.

    I do hate when people modify food. I also do kitchen time. But I also hate when people make big deals about their food. Sometimes, I want to say, why didn’t you just stay at home and cook? I had some lady make this big deal about what she could eat, because she was on a really special diet. Then orders things that aren’t on the menu. Good thing we were slow is all I can say.

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