Gay Mac

It’s Saturday afternoon and I’m sitting inside a Starbucks waiting for my friend Alan. I just bought a new MacBook and Alan, who’s a real Appletista, has offered to show me around the unfamiliar operating system. The old laptop I wrote Waiter Rant on was obsolete and experiencing a terminal case of Windows entropy so I retired it. Alan’s owned a MacBook for three years and its working just as fast as the day he got it. That impressed me so, after years of using PCs, I bought my first Mac.

As I’m sipping my grande coffee and playing with my new toy, a shadow falls across my table. I look up. It’s Alan, holding a large frothy looking caffeinated confection. “So I’ve converted you,” he proclaims.

“My sexual orientation’s the same,” I reply “Sorry.”

“You straight guys always say that,” Alan replies. “But there’s hope for you yet, gorgeous.”

“How so?”

“You bought a Mac.”

“Huh?”

“Macs are very popular with us gay people,” Alan says.

“Owning a Mac means does not mean you’re gay,” I reply. “Gimme a break.”

“They say ten percent of all people are gay,” Alan says, sitting down. “Well, ten percent of all computer users are Mac users. Coincidence?”

“I think I’d like to see some numbers to back that claim up.”

“Windows machines are like potbellied men in their forties with back hair,” Alan says. “Macs are sleek, elegant, and beautiful – like Anderson Cooper.”

“Not that bullshit theory again,” I groan. My friends subscribes to the belief that any man over forty who’s trim and good looking is gay.

“Oh, it’s so true,” my friend says. “You know it is.”

“Barack Obama’s trim, good looking, and in his forties,” I reply. “That doesn’t make him gay.”

“One can only hope,” Alan says dreamily.

“You’re being stereotypical,” I said. “You hate when I’m stereotypical.”

“Yeah,” Alan says, “Like when you describe everyone from Mexico to Peru as Spanish.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I say, throwing up my hands. “The proper term is Latino. I get it. Forgive my Jersey upbringing. But just because you wish someone’s playing on your team doesn’t mean that they actually are.”

“Well you’re potbellied and forty,” Alan says. “So you probably are straight.”

“Hey,” I snap. “Enough with the potbelly remarks. I’ve lost six pounds.”

“Not in your ass,” Alan shoots back

“You would notice if my ass is fat.”

“When you finally do get your gallbladder taken out,” Alan says. “Ask the surgeon to perform a little liposuction. You need it.”

“My you’re bitchy today.”

“He’ll already be in there, babe.”

“I’ll stick to diet and exercise. Thank you.”

“You bought a Mac and you’re slimming down. I don’t know…….”

“Just show me how to use this computer,” I reply. “That’s why you’re here.”

“Okay Mr. Sensitive,” Alan says. “Just let me check my email first.”

“Be my guest,” I say, sliding the laptop towards him.

“You figured out the wireless Internet in this place?” Alan asks.

“Yep.”

“I’m impressed you could set it up.”

“I’m full of surprises,” I reply.

“Well,” Alan says, starting to type on the keyboard. “I have a date this evening with a beautiful Asian boy. I want to make sure it’s still on.”

“Where’d you meet this one?” I ask.

“Gay.com.”

“Have you met this fellow in person yet?”

“Tonight’s the first time. We’ve been chatting for a week.”

“So you just get together and hook up?”

“Basically.”

“Why isn’t there a straight version of this site?” I ask.

“There is honey,” Alan replies, “You’re just too square to use it.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Don’t feel bad,” Alan replies. “That square and lost look of yours is adorable.”

I sip my coffee and wait while Alan checks his email. I don’t know if it’s politically correct to think that gay men are more promiscuous than their heterosexual counterparts – but Alan is that stereotype incarnate, Maybe it’s always been that way. I remember walking through Greenwich Village when I was a young college student back in the 1980′s. A pay phone on Houston Street rang and I, being eighteen, innocent, very drunk, picked it up. The male voice at the other end of the line told me I was very attractive and that I should hustle my “cute ass” up to his apartment, pronto. I politely declined, but handed the phone to one of my companions who was gay. A few words were exchanged and my friend disappeared for two hours. Back then it was phone. Now we have the Internet. What a crazy world we live in. But in the intervening twenty-two years I’ve come to a conclusion. Gay men probably do have more sex than straight men. And that fact occasionally pisses straight men off. Or am I being stereotypical again? Who the fuck knows.

“It’s on,” Alan says giddily. “We’re meeting at eight.”

“Cool.”

“I have such a weakness for Asian men.”

“What was the term you told me about guys who like Asian men?” I ask.

“Rice queen,” Alan replies. “And I am most certainly one of those.”

“Whatever works for you amigo.”

“Damn straight.”

Alan and I spend an hour going through the ins and outs of my new Mac. Contrary to all the slick commercials Apple puts out, acquiring such a device doesn’t make you any younger or more hip. As if to prove my point, the quartet of cute college girls sitting at the table next to us haven’t so much as glanced at me. I wouldn’t go out with any of them mind you, but it’s nice to be noticed. Maybe it’s because Alan’s sitting next to me. He is a bit flamboyant. Or maybe it is the Mac.

Oh boy.


Comments

Gay Mac — 118 Comments

  1. I’ve had a Mac for two years and am still not a gay man. Of course, I’m a female college student, but whatever it takes to break the theory for you.

    And glad to see you came over to the smart technology side. Macs rock.

  2. I was wondering what mac-using girls are stereotyped as? hmm….

    Welcome to the light–the macbook is a beautiful thing. You’ll never go back to the dark side. :-)

  3. As others have said before me, welcome to the MacSide. :)

    Isn’t the MacBook aesthetically and functionally beautiful? I’ve been a PC user and Mac lover for my entire life – they can have the PC back whenever they no longer require it. But my Mac is going into the ground with me. ;)

    Oh, and while I’m not quite 40, I’m not gay, either.

  4. I’m bisexual and have a macbook. Oh, dear, maybe your friend is on to something.

    As to the gay=promiscuous thing…well, come to the dark side, waiter, we have cookies.

  5. I bought a Mac once the Intel chips came out, and figured it would be nice to be able to dual boot both operating systems. I eventually deleted the Windows partition because I never once used it. I still use my work PC because there are a couple of programs that require it, but other than that I’ve never missed Windows.

    Of course, I’m still paying off the damn thing. Really wish they’d come down in price a bit.

    My favorite program for the Mac is DVDpedia by Bruji. They have several different media cataloging programs that are ten kinds of nifty.

  6. Speaking of who gets more sex, gay men or straight men, just spend a minute looking at the differences in the craigslist postings for men seeking men and men seeking women. The gay men get right to the point, they usually start out with their statistics…height, weight, and penis size for example. The straight men have to play a bit more of the game, usually talking themselves up as handsome, successful, and nice. Then they can get to the kinky stuff. I guess women take a bit more warming up than the gay men. I like your writing, just heard about you from a bar customer at the restaurant where I work and can’t wait to read your book. I’ve just started blogging and would love for you to read some of my posts if you have time: http://www.swirledmystery.blogspot.com.

  7. Oh no! The guy I like owns a Mac!

    Though actually most of the guys I know own Macs…

    How could you do this to a long time reader?
    D:

  8. Is it politically incorrect to point out that gay men are more promiscuous than straight men? As a (former) waiter, I’m surprised you have to ask. Stereotypes come from someplace. You’ve seen enough behavior on the dining room floor that qualifies as empirical evidence for certain stereotypes. One may not be able to mention in polite company that black patrons are horrible tippers or that Indians (dot not feather) are enormous pains in the ass, but that doesn’t mean that more often than not, they’re true. Gay men *are* more promiscuous than straight men. It’s a fact.

  9. Hi Steve,
    I asked a friend Lisa (who translates in many languages) to check out your blog.
    About the Mac-welcome to Mac world!
    I got me one for my birthday back in March.
    I always have loved Macs. I had two desktops for my first computers years ago (I worked for an Attorney and he used one) and boy have they changed. Yes, on Mac!!!
    Aerin, thanks for the tip.

  10. I’m gay and at least half of my gay friends are Mac users, a few converted by me. Um, into becoming Mac people; not the other thing.

    So welcome aboard!

  11. Somehow, I get the distinct feeling that someone’s having a jolly time fooling around with Waiter’s comments page. Hope you got a laugh out of it, you idiots. Seriously. Grow up. (Petey Pullme? Joey Downbelowme? Are you kidding?)

    Waiter, with as many posts as I see from you complimenting the opposite of your gender, I highly doubt you’re gay. Both my (biological) aunts are, as well as several others in my family (both immediate, and in my significant other’s).

    Also, it appears you have started a Windows-bad, Mac-good debate here. I love my Windows Vista. Apple hasn’t gotten any of my cash for an I-Pod (overrated, if you ask me), and they won’t for a Mac, either. Maybe when the price drops below the current rediculous amount, I might think about it. Anywho. I don’t want to sound gripey..lol. Congrats on the new puter…hopefully it’ll help you get that new book onto screen, into print, and onto the arm of many chairs to accompany cofee very soon.

  12. Welcome to the best computing experience you will ever have. Been using Macs since 1984. The best thing about them is that they don’t get in your way. They just let you work. I have owned more than 20 and currently have 6 running in my house today (and that doesn’t count my dreaded Dell laptop I have to have for work) and you are going to be very happy.

    PS: Sorry, not gay either. And my wife is a Macuser and she isn’t either.

  13. See I am gay, and I and all my gay friends use PCs. The only friend I know who has a Mac is straight. And it’s a second hand circa 1998 one covered in dog saliva. Now that’s one straight Mac…

  14. I just got my first Mac too! It was a riduculous expense, I wouldn’t have gotten it for myself but it’s a graduation present, kind of like “this is the last think i’m paying for” from my dad. But its so easy to use and I’ll be able to use it long past the standard 2 year laptop mark. I haven’t spent more than 4 hours away from it since I got it! It even sleeps near me at night.

    Is that a little creepy?

  15. I was reading a statistics site yesterday actually. It said that women are evolutionarily predisposed to be against “one night stands”. Apparently, most of us deep down still feel we need a co-provider for any offspring we have. My conclusion: Straight guys and Gay guys are equally promiscuous, it’s just easier for the gay guys to indulge, because their hormones/emotions/whatever, aren’t trying to convince them that they need someone who will stick around and be a co-provider for a family.

    As for Macs? I have never liked them…but them, I’m kind of a girl gamer geek, and you can’t game on a mac.

  16. Macs are for those who don’t know how to handle a PC.
    Also I’m disappointed to see zero linux love on these comments. If I didn’t have to use my PC to game, I’d be 100% Ubuntu.

  17. Huh…My very straight boyfriend has a MacBook, and he’s insistent I *don’t* have one (he just bought me a Dell.)

    What does THAT mean?

    I think that there’s probably a formula that could be applied here, based on the division of straight and gay Mac Users, factoring in the social awkwardness of straight male mac users – the gay boys tend to use Macs for fun/design, the straight men sometimes border on preachy which can be a turnoff when all you want to do is update your Facebook profile.

  18. Appletista zeal sometimes borders on the verge of self-immolating fanaticism! They won’t be happy until they convert everyone! That can get tedious at times.

  19. Been a lurker for these past six months or so … Welcome back Waiter! Your marvellous articles have been missed. These past few blogs have been reminscent of the Waiter of old!! :)

  20. Ya I’m not gettin a mac anytime soon either. I bought a toshiba laptop for 1150, and it had better specs than the 17″ macbook pro which even with my roommate’s special deal from the mac stone (at cost) went for 2300, and retails at about 2700. I’m also a pure gamer, so having a mac and not being able to use steam or use most of my basic programs without running it thru wine would be a pain in the ass. Also dual-booting ubuntu and xp pro, so I have the ease of linux but the gaming side with xp pro, which covers all my bases.

    With a laptop it sure helps to have the free ram that ubuntu linux provides, as xp and especially vista hog a ton of the free ram you would have with linux or Tiger OS, you can get that back with dual booting, one for gaming and one for everything else. Of course getting just my video card and sound card drivers working on ubuntu was a pain in the ass.

    So it’s generally better if you don’t game to get a mac, and if you do to get a pc. But the price is almost always going to favor a pc just because of the competition. Plus I build my own desktops so I get hardware for about half what apple charges in theirs because they have their own damn “specialists” configure it for you, which I could do in less than an hour.

    Best case for us who want to stay with pc’s is to dual boot and get a backup drive to mirror the boot drive (usually 80 gb 7200 RPM drives or even 16-32 GB SSD’s if you can afford them). This way you can build a pc that is safe, functions just as quickly as the newest mac desktop out there, and costs less in total. My gaming desktop costs about 2/3rds what it would cost as a mac equivalent (including cost of the video card, which mac retailed at 650 and I got for 500), and it’s faster than my roommate’s mac pro 3.2ghz.

    Last bit of info, the mac pro 3.2ghz only has a radeon hd2800xt while mine has the 4850×2, dual gpu’s but they listed that 2800 as a 400 dollar card…give me a break, mine has two gpu’s instead of their one, and just under 4x the spread gpu ram and it costs only 100 more than their price for the 2800.

  21. I suspect it’s more a matter of left-brained vs. right-brained, rather than straight vs. gay. Years ago, when the ad agency where i worked started acquiring computers, the suits and accounting people got PCs, and the creative department got Macs, which are better suited to graphic applications and desktop publishing.

  22. Oh, the places you will go — with your Mac! We are a total Mac household – between my husband and I we have an iMac, a PowerBook, an iBook and two iPhones. Your life just became 18 million times easier! It doesn’t take very long at all to catch on to how to use a Mac; it’s very intuitive. Have fun!

  23. hi waiter,
    no one has asked what is the color of your new mac. what color did you buy?

    i’ve done some film work and can tell you all in the film world are not gay, but all in the film world have macs…or want to have macs.:)

    speaking of films…have you seen australia? loved it. and if you go it does not mean your gay. yeah jackman is a stone cold fox, but the men like that kidman…and not just the gay ones like tom cruise.:)
    mary
    http://marycuevas.blogspot.com

  24. Hope you love your new Mac! Infinitely better than PC.

    I think you’re right, gay men seem a bit more promiscuous. At least, the few I’ve been friends with were that way. But whatever floats their boat.

  25. Obama good looking? LMAO

    ==

    Now being serious, glad to see you made it to the other side [Mac]. I grew tired of waiting for Vista and once it came out I saw what a complete JOKE it was and immediately switched to Mac and haven’t looked back ;) Leopard is AWESOME. Have you found Expose yet? Enjoy. Oh and if you want an EXCELLENT read on Leopard pick up a copy of Robin Williams’ “Mac OS X 10.5 Leopard [Peachpit Learning Series] ISBN 13: 978-0-321-50263-6 ISBN 10: 0321-50263-9

  26. congrats on your first mac! my first was an imac and now I’m on a macbook. my favorite part is the magnetic connection to the power cord. when someone trips over it, it just pops off instead of dragging the computer to the ground or tearing off inside.
    enjoy!

  27. What kind of kinky stuff do you Mac users do with your power chords? I’ve never had anybody make my IBM or Dell laptops go flying across the room.

    Now that unhappy Mac icon on bootup? How is that user friendly exactly? Would it kill them to include the secret key combination to make the machine go into repair mode rather than just staring blankly back at you like a putz?

  28. Hmm…gay= Mac? Nah not true. My married cousin has a Mac while my gay friend has a PC. I agree Mac is more condusive to work and such . My honey and i use our PCs for gaming as Macs are no good for that.
    Your other question is a good one; why does it seem gay men get more sex? Probably because they ARE men and that is what men want. (just a guess)

  29. I’d like to add a bit to what I said earlier, especially in regards to people thinking mac is better than pc. It’s true if you don’t know what you’re doing a pc can be a very dangerous place, mainly viri and malware as potential problems out there. However, if you do know how to use a computer somewhat proficiently, either works well. If I didn’t know as much as I do about computers, I would definitely go mac, cause viri do NOT exist in the linux environment, at least none that can be transferred to the best of my knowledge.

    But the environments on both systems can pose challenges. Leopard OS has just as many commands and shortcuts to remember, if not more, than a PC, but both offer easy shortcuts to common items. Using them in different ways is what seperates them, and mac is certainly making up for the fallout between the two. Where mac couldn’t play games before, they are coming out with crossover platforms to easily play games that before could only be played on a PC. When the day comes in which I can play any PC game on a mac, I may get the 8 core mac, but until then, I’m goin with my trusty custom built PC for the price and performance.

  30. Macs vs PCs

    Gay men vs Straight men

    These are two very simple equations. Let me dispel the mystery for you.

    Macs look a lot nicer, are a lot more user-friendly, and are ‘cool’. Gay men (and women) pay, on average, more attention to looking good and following the latest trends than straight men do (apologies for stereotyping, but it’s true). Hence gay men are more likely to have a Mac than straight men. Add on top of this those typically hetero-male activities of geeking out and playing games. Those are both PC dominated.

    Gay men and straight men have exactly the same sex drive – they want instant physical gratification. Women have, on average, a more emotional approach to sex and are less keen on the whole instant sexual gratification with a stranger thing.

    Gay man + gay man = double high sex drive = lots of instant sex.
    Straight man + woman = needs work = less instant sex, but perhaps just as much once you’re in a stable relationship.

    Simple really!

  31. Windows ‘entropy’ has a well-known cause: repeated installation of all sorts of crapware that never gets uninstalled or, if uninstalled, does not get removed completely. Just simple components like Adobe Reader, Sun Java, Flash Player, iTunes/QuickTime install a ton of ‘optimization’ services and updater programs. Just say no to all of the above, if you can.

    Maybe Mac users are less inclined to install every piece of junk they come across. Maybe Mac developers are less inclined to afflict their malware on every part of the system. Maybe there’s just less junk out there.

    The system I’m writing this on has not been reinstalled since it was bought, in early January 2005. It’s still working fine and pretty fast, because I’ve largely eliminated every piece of autostarting crap from the few plug-ins I need. As a developer I have a lot of software installed, and there’s no escaping that – some of it does slow down start-up (Microsoft SQL Server 2000 auto-starts, for example).

    Oh, and if you receive Windows pre-installed on a computer, wipe the system and reinstall it. The OEMs don’t know what the hell they’re doing. Apple can control exactly what arrives on every Mac sold. The OEMs screw Windows up.

  32. I think that human sexuality and computer loyalty are infinitely complex psychological affairs! There’s a PhD dissertation in here somewhere!

  33. I am a straight female mac user. I would never go back to a PC. mac is easy to use and fun.

    Before you write that dissertation, take a poll. That should give you some fodder.

  34. I am a lesbian Mac user for one BIG reason. Not only are Mac’s more functional and aestethically pleasing but Apple is an amazing company. Apple publicly supported the ‘No’ campaign (the organization that fought against Proposition 8 in California) by donating $100,000 to the cause. Apple was also one of the first companies to offer benefits to same-sex couples.

    Also, the stereotype of promiscuity among gay men makes some sense. When you think about it, men are more inclined to engage in sexual behavior. Multiply this desire by two (gay men) rather than one (straight men) and the result is a lot more sex overall! :)

    Happy Mac-Booking!

  35. Actually the real percentage of gay people in the population is more like 1 or 2%. The 10% figure was a error corrected right after the masters and johnson study but no one paid attention to that, just the 10% figure

  36. Mac is one of the operating systems that are used on Personal Computers, a.k.a. PC. It also refers to a subcategory of PC’s. In other words, Mac is PC.

    Mac vs. PC == Chevy vs. Cars

    What most of you really want to say is “Mac vs. Windows”.

    And…if Mac is gay and Windows is straight, then what’re Linux and VMware?

  37. Through the years the things I have heard favoured by the homosexual community:
    a) leather gloves ( 1970s )
    b) narrow pink striped tie ( 1980s )
    How people find these things out I will never know.

    Regards sexual promiscuity of gay males I would refer to the showing of the Channel 4 series “Queer as Folk” here in the UK which caused a shit storm here when first shown in the late 90s.

    The writer Russell T Davies defended the series that it was a reflection on the male sex drive rather than comment on the life style of gay men, he could easily have written a series about straight late twenty somethings on the pull in any city centre in the UK on any given night.

    Probably falls into line with earlier comment by Richard B above.

  38. Does it mean that we have to worry because teachers are more likely to use an Apple than a PC? Remember when they (and they still do) agressively sold Apples to teachers by giving them a major discount.

  39. While you’re on the subject of Latinos and gays, I found an article relating supposed hazing rituals performed by the kitchen staff at a chain restaurant that manufactures cheesecakes. Do the events in the article sound plausible from what you know of kitchen shenanigans?

  40. I’m gay and i dont even have a computer.What does that tell you.I know.”What a loser.”I really didn’t need one till now.I went back to school.And I have a paper that’s due wed.It’s one of my culninary arts class.I read it to my dad.And he’s all “Wow you wrote that?”"yes dad!” I guess he didn’t know I was that smart.So I’m here in the library typing this comment.In case you were wondering.But I’m going to my job and use the typwriter there.How wierd.People still use typwriters.Well,it’s a sr.ctr.There not into the whole “Web thing.”
    So anyways.Congrats I guess in getting a MAC.Dont worry about what people say about you.If your secure with your self.That’s all that matter.

  41. LOL – your friend is not just a “rice queen”, it sounds like he fetishizes Asians, which generally carries some pretty damn unpleasant racist connotations. (Especially when non-Asians go on about our “beautiful almond shaped eyes” and how “exotic” we are. Give me a fucking break.)

    Also, assuming Alan is white: white privilege. He should look it up.

  42. “Once you try a Mac you’ll never go back?” Uh, no.

    My partner (who used to design computers) had a Mac and a PC running at our home on the left coast for a few years. The Mac died, and we never replaced it.

    Of course, the fact that most of the work he does is data oriented, and the Mac is better at graphics than data, had a lot to do with that decision.

    Call us two happy gay men who are also PC men.

    (Which doesn’t necessarily mean Politically Correct.)

    (And I’ve a hunch Alan wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone who is gay who doesn’t match his own stereotypes of what that means. Which we definately would not. Poor Alan.)

  43. Allie, I’m not writing this in a spirit of meanness or trying to prove you wrong. However, I have had many computers in my life since 1968 including Macs. I’m back to the very reliable PC in a screaming fast configuration.

    Maybe it’s due to the fact that I have worked on everything from analog computers through mainframes to PCs and Macs with a stop or two for Sun stations and a whole lifetime of networking. During that lifetime I found Macintoshes the most difficult of all computers to integrate into a standing network.

    In a world fo hard line oilmen and West Texas educators the network of choice is Novell. Novell and Mac never have seen eye to eye.

    I find PCs easier to sork on than Macs. I can make a PC sing the national anthem in key and on perfect rhythm. I’m not branching into robotics and to my well-trained eye, the graphics on the PC are now equal to anything you can get on a Mac.

    So, I did go Mac and I came back. I am typing this on a Dell. I think it’s swell. :)

  44. Well, I remember reading in a Sociology of Deviance class last year that the reason gay men typically have more partners has to do with something being hardwired into the male brain to copulate with as many things as possible (for reproductive purposes). With gay men this may seem counterintuitive, but they are still men, and evolved just the same as heterosexual men. So you have a pool of men who have been programmed with the notion that sex is essential, and they are all having sex with men who have that same goal. That being said, I have a gay uncle who has been with his partner for 27 years.

    Lesbians have less partners because it’s more about companionship and security, so once a solid partnership is formed there is generally less motivation to want to screw the next thing that walks in the door.

    Also, I know a lot of slutty college girls who would really put most gay men to shame. I’m talking bathroom hookups and people whose first name was “Ron” or “Rob” or “something with an R” that they’ve had sex with. Lovely, right?

  45. Your friend is absolutely right, there are sites like the ones he uses, only for straight people. You just have to be ballsy enough to try them! (I’ll be happy to point you in the right direction, if you’d like) ;)

    Congrats on the Mac. I am seriously considering one myself.

  46. There is a better OS out there that could have run perfectly well with your obsolete windows laptop, only without windows,Its called Linux and there are open source applications that will do just about anything macs and pc’s do and much more.If you havent gotten rid of it you could send it to me I would definitely have a use for it I would pay the shipping of course .

  47. “…white privilege. He should look it up.”

    White privilege=no White “deserves” to be where they are-brains and hard work didn’t get them where they are–whatever they have was just “handed to them on a silver platter because they’re “white”.

    What a load of PC Bullshit–pretty soon these PC/LibIdiots will expect Whites to “apologize” for being White/for being successful–my response?
    STFU and bring me some more fries bitch ;)

    ===

    Ideological hatred of Whites is now a growth industry

  48. MACS look good, last a long time, are well designed, are user friendly, and have expensive tastes. Of course they are gay.

    As for whether gay guys are more promiscuous, well, guys of all sorts are promiscuously inclined. We want to spread our seed. Straight guys have the problem that most straight women aren’t so inclined. But gay guys, well, you take two promiscuously inclined guys, and,there just isn’t the hesitation.

    Enjoy your MAC. You will love it. Whether you come to love other things, is less of a sure bet.

  49. Ahh yes. Windows Entropy… Most of my windows machines are reinstalled about 3-5 times over their livespan. My friends linux installation has recently moved into it’s 6th computer.

    Why buy mac if you can install linux…

  50. Matsumi,

    What’s wrong with “beautiful almond shaped eyes” and “exotic”? I’d take those as a complement. People love those Brazilian girls precisely because they are beautiful and exotic.

    When a non-Asian likes the appearance of an Asian, that’s racist. What’s it called when an Asian drools over a white girl?

    Either way, it’s called sexual attraction, which has little to do with race as liking sashimi or Italian furniture.

    You should drink some more sake, chill and like yourself a bit more.

  51. Almost scary hearing all the near-cultish “welcome to the world of Mac” accolades….does special Kool Aid come with that?
    And, seriously, there are those who didn’t know Anderson Cooper is gay? We’re very happy to have him ;-)

  52. Soshite, sorry, but Asian men rarely drool over white gals. They drool over Asian gals. Nothing wrong with white girls: it’s just a fact.

  53. “Almost scary hearing all the near-cultish “welcome to the world of Mac” accolades….does special Kool Aid come with that?”

    Sounds like the Obama NaziBots I mean campaigners ;) lol

  54. I bought a Mac 2.5 years ago and I love it. While I still have the desktop PC it replaced, I never ever use it or turn it on…and dream of the day I drop it off a ten-storey building to make it pay for the years of hell it put me through.

    For the Mac vs PC vs Gay vs Straight Record – I’m a straight female in my 40s.

  55. Soshite,
    Whites are socialized to fetishize Asians, blacks, Latinos, etc because of a concept called Orientalism. Basically, it’s a stereotype that has its roots in colonialism. When colonists first went over to Asia, they were encouraged to have sexual relations and pick up concubines because it reduced the supposed diseases that went along with loneliness and not having sex for a long time. (it’s not true, btw, so don’t use that excuse if you want to have sex) Then Europe sent white wives back to their husbands in the colonies and the native women were disposed of, but still sexualized. European women were supposed to uphold the moral laws and codes of society, while native women were used for “comfort”.

    Orientalizing is about sexualizing the “other” because you don’t know who they are. If all you’re taught is that Asians are docile, cute, and have some kind of freaky side to them, then that’s all you’re going to know about them. If all you’re taught is that black men have giant penises and all carry guns, that’s all you’ll know about them. An updated version of Orientalism could be called ethnocentrism or, in some cases, white privilege.

    Whites are privileged in that there really are no all-encompassing stereotypes about them that have pervaded for more than a generation. Asians still have to fight against the docile, exotic sex slave image, blacks still have to fight against the hyper-sexualized and hyper-masculine stereotype, and gay men are still seen as promiscuous. Is there some truth to these stereotypes? Well, yeah, they have to start somewhere. But they’re still stereotypes. Think about whites in general for a second. Are there really any stereotypes that you know of that cover the entire race? Sure there are the skanky college girls, but I mean ALL whites. Not Southerners, or Californians, or New Yorkers. All whites. That’s white privilege.

    Waiter, I suggest you read more sociology books. They’ll do wonders for you.

  56. When it comes to Mac vs non-Mac..

    (Macs ARE PCs: Personal Computer. Back in the days when Macs had significantly different hardware and actually were impressive, people actually had a reason to call a certain subset of computers PCs, they were lazy and the name for the dominant hardware on the market actually ended in PC. Nowadays people have no excuse and are idiots.)

    ..the difference would be between people who want a zero learning curve along the line of a fancy multimedia typewriter/drawing pad and people who like to mod and expand. If people are using computers just because they have to, and not because they want to, a mac isn’t a bad choice: you don’t have to know anything, and as soon as something weird happens to it you can take it to be repaired by official people who aren’t helpless when the machine fails.

    In the old days when the average Joe could build a car by himself with a tiny bit of education about cars, far from all car owners fixed all their problems by themselves. A lot preferred to take it to a mechanic, even though it wouldn’t have taken much elbow grease or learning to fix most issues.

    Some people prefer things that function as if by magic, others prefer things they comprehend and can satisfactorily alter. Neither is wrong in their ways (nor is one group exclusively bound to one type of hardware/OS) as different people have different needs in their lives, and it’s dangerous if people forget that. I do lament that so many decide being completely ignorant (as opposed to being only partially ignorant) works for them. Non-Mac modders are not the only ones, the few mac modders I’ve met are usually quite impressive.

    I also lament the fact that Macs no longer are as desirable as they used to be. The significant differences between Macs and most other computers are gone, they’re more or less the same hardware as the mainstream computers now.

    (So… Remember, kids: Don’t be jerks; Macs are Personal Computers, and anyone who says otherwise needs to be forced to take computer and electronics classes until they’ve ceased to be ignorant asshats. The “Macs vs PC” is a coward’s way of saying the Mac OS vs Microsoft OS. Use fact and reason, proudly state that Mac OS version whatever is better than MS Windows version whatever at the points q, p, and t and why that is better, instead of being an insecure jerk hiding behind a disgustingly vague definition that even includes your own item as if it were a safety snuggle blanket.)

  57. I apologize, the sentence “Non-Mac modders are not the only ones, the few mac modders I’ve met are usually quite impressive.” was incomplete… I meant Non-Mac modders are not the only modders that exist, the few mac modders I’ve met are usually quite impressive. A bit random statement, feel free to ignore it in the original post.

  58. D2,

    You lost me right after “Soshite,”.

    I don’t know who’s privileged, people who are stereotypical, or people who are the subjects of the stereotypes.

    If you are strong and beautiful in your own eyes, why should other folks’ opinion matter to you? You don’t give other people power until you count on them, yes?

    The problem with many people is that they don’t like themselves. They don’t see their own strength and beauty, and totally rely on other people’s eyes. That’s when the so-called privilege becomes a privilege.

    None of us lives forever. Lighten up! Laugh with them who laugh at you. You will find power in it and maybe have a good time too.

  59. “Contrary to all the slick commercials Apple puts out, acquiring such a device doesn’t make you any younger or more hip. As if to prove my point, the quartet of cute college girls sitting at the table next to us haven’t so much as glanced at me.”

    That’s because they were all checking their mail on their Alienware laptops.

  60. Soshite,
    Basically…white privilege and fetishizing Asians began with colonialism. Does that work for you?

    I have nothing against personal attraction to certain types of groups and I don’t hate myself. I was just giving a slightly more scholarly approach to what everyone was talking about, and would like to suggest some new reading material to our Waiter.

    It’s not really about what you perceive of yourself, but also how others perceive you. If you think you’re strong and beautiful, that’s great! But it won’t get you a promotion. See what I’m saying? That’s the difference I was trying to get at.

  61. The Facts: The average man thinks about sex way more times in a day than the average woman. The average man is more willing to be more promiscuous than the average woman. And finally, the average man is more likely to go out looking for sex than the average woman. Conclusion: When two guys (keeping in mind that sexual orientation has nothing to do with sexual drive) are playing on the same side, then they’d be much more successful than a man playing on the opposite side of a woman. This way, gay men, are not more promiscusous than straight men, they’re simply more successful at carrying out their promiscous desires. Simply put, it’s easier to get a man in the sack than a woman therefore gay men will always get laid more often than straight men.

  62. I agree with your take on gay promiscuity. I am an attractive single straight male, and when my friends and I go out our goal is pretty simple: GET LAID! Only thing that stops us: women (and the work required to get in their pants) LOL. If women were as promiscuous as us, we would get laid every night – but unfortunately, that is not the case. I am lucky to average two new attractive partners a month (not counting the occasional “land monster” when my hand is forced by the power of alcohol or desperation), while I suspect that number would be MUCH higher if I was gay, and my partners had the same attitude as me.

  63. PS. I think Mac’s are the Mazda Miatas of computers: they look great on the outside, but are lacking substance on the inside. My large 4-door “grandpa” sedan could smoke a Miata, just as my ugly PC could smoke a mac of comparable price. They try to make everything so simple, that it becomes super frustrating to use. I love my Iphone (jailbroken) as a gadget, but my HTC Windows Mobile (cooked rom) phone is vastly superior if I need to get actual work done.

    Besides, if you are hellbent on mac, buy a PC notebook, put a Hakintosh partition on, and save yourself $1000 in the process.

  64. Thanks, D2, for all that academic fatuity.

    What are you — 19 years old and trolling the ‘net instead of studying for finals?

    Knock it off with that crap. Your arguments are completely without evidence — please show how white people are raised to think anything whatsoever about people of other races.

    Absent any evidence, you’re just BSing like some dopey college kid.

  65. Macs are scary. And expensive. :( But yay for you! It’s always good to find something new and exciting (that doesn’t involve getting nailed in the ass).
    As a straight woman, I would do Obama and Anderson Cooper in a heartbeat, I don’t even care that the latter is a ‘mo.
    And a few people said it, but I agree– gay guys are total whores. All men are whores. Straight men just can’t get away with it because (most) women aren’t nasty like that.
    Just like with gay women–their relationships tend to be emotionally intense, long-lasting and very monogamous. Just the nature of the genders.
    God, men are disgusting… :S

  66. “I was taught to see racism only in individual acts of meanness, not in invisible systems conferring dominance on my group” (Peggy McIntosh)

    You’re the ignorant one here, Cash, not D2. Even 5 minutes research will demonstrate evidence of what you are carelessly disparaging.

  67. I started on a Mac twenty years ago. I only bought my first PC about three years ago when there was a really cheap laptop on sale at Circuit City. I only use it for wireless internet at home (so I can websurf from bed) and the games that are only developed for PCs.

    For any real work, I use my Mac. And you’re right. It still runs as fast as the day I bought it. Can’t say that for my laptop. It slo-o-ows down after about 30 minutes to a ridiculous crawl, even with a cooling pad underneath.

    I have two other older Macs in storage. Too bad they are so obsolete for other reasons, because they never stopped working.

  68. I’m amazed at the payphone sex story. You would never get a woman to agree to that, not because of a female dislike of no strings attached sex, but because of a very strong aversion to the possibility of getting chopped up and shoved in the freezer.

  69. Hey bro, I have just finished reading Waiter Rant and enjoyed it immensely. I also was a waiter through college and while auditioning and doing intermittent shows in NYC.
    You really touched on a lot of good points and had me thinking back to the ‘good ole days’ and all that cash I went through.
    Now I’m a full-time singer and Vlog on youtube.com/robertantonnyc.

    Just wanted to shout you out and say ‘Congrats’ on finishing and publishing your first book. I look forward to the next.

    I may do a Vlog about your book or mention you in one of my blogs. Ever been to Ellen’s Stardust Diner in NYC? That was my last waiter gig. Singing waiter.

    Be Blessed.

  70. First off, Jo (and D2), a fetish, by definition, refers to objects, not people.

    Deriving sexual pleasure from, say, high heels, is a fetish. It’s not a fetish to find this or that category of people more sexually attractive than some other category.

    So when D2 starts out by announcing that white people are socialized to fetishize Asians, I know the fog of academic fatuity is rolling in.
    The bungled reference to Edward Said was especially pompous.

    His post went downhill from there.

    Yours, Jo, was not much better.

  71. Just a minor point, but the proper term is Hispanic, thank you very much ;-) . Latino is a thoroughly meaningless and artificial term. I understand that some people feel Hispanic is somewhat of an oppressive terms since it recalls colonial times etc, but the reality is that it also reflects the language, religious and socio-cultural expressions which we have adopted.
    By the way, haven’t been on your blog in awhile, nice to see you’re still at it.

  72. I love that your have a Mac, and I love it more that you wrote about it! And the fact that you are in fourbucks!

    This just made my day! I am bookmarking this entry because it ROCKS

  73. Congratulations on your mac!

    It took me a couple of years to be converted since I didn’t want to have to deal with learning a new OS – now though… sigh! I’d sooner give up computers than I would go back to my PC. *Laughs*

    In fact I gave my PC to my grandmother but then ended up getting her a mac too. Now it’s just a very large dust collector that hasn’t been turned on in over two years… at least!

    And MobileMe makes my life so much easier! Being able to have my stuff backed up, check my calendar, and have all my other important information without having to go to twenty different sites rocks!

    I’m glad to see that you’re still posting here, it’s been awhile with the holidays and all since I’ve been on – and I’m sorry to tell Alan that my husband and brother are the ones who converted me and neither one of them are gay.

  74. “Amanda- You can get a white Macbook for $999 at the Mac store near me. Under a grand for the best computer you’ll ever own.”

    Are you retarded? $999 isn’t “under a grand”.
    And what difference does it make that it’s white? Are the black ones more expensive?

    I never could understand the pompous jackassery of mac fanboys. “Not only are Mac’s more functional” There really is nothing that you can do on a mac that can’t be done on a real computer. If anything they’re less functional. The people I see fawning over the fact that macs “just work” are the same people that never bother taking their cars in for basic maintenance or an oil change until the engine seizes up and the brakes fall off.

    Most people I’ve known who used Macs used them because they had no basic understanding of how a computer works. I don’t care for people who embrace ignorance.

    Ever wonder why you don’t see Windows fanboys? Cause our computers are useful for other things than sitting around coffee shops blogging about how cool we think we are because we just bought an overpriced computer. You know the old saying: “A fool and his gold are soon parted.”

  75. For all of you Mac preachers, your statements are sentimental and misinformed at best.

    Mac is different, but is it really better?

    True knowledge doesn’t come from TV ads. And it shouldn’t be based on a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Try the following test if you really want to know.

    1) Benchmark the performance of a Mac, a Windows computer, and a Linux computer of the SAME PRICE.

    2) Find 10 FREE software applications for these three machines that you can use on a daily basis.

    3) Find 10 hardware peripheral devices that you can add to your computer.

    Windows and Linux will kick Mac’s ass any day of the week.

    Believe me, you aren’t thinking outside the box like you think you are. You are just in another box. A cute one, maybe. But a box nonetheless.

    If you think you are really tech savvy and have balls, try a Linux laptop.

    If you think Mac’s interface is cute, I’m sure you haven’t seen KDE.

  76. Nice to read that you’ve gone mac… I’ve owned macs for 15 years (been a computer user for about 25 years total). I also have plenty of PC experience from using one at work (and being network administrator and tech support for my company) for 11 years, plus helping family and friends with their PC problems, and one thing I’ve learned is that nearly every PC user has problems that make their computer slow or unreliable. One big cause of PC sluggishness is virus software which bogs down the whole system and has to be constantly updated. You don’t really need it on a mac. I’m still using the same G4 that I got in 2000 and while it’s a little pokey at times when playing flash-based games, it works great, and I’ve NEVER used virus protection and never had a virus. Any PC from 2000 wouldn’t be able to work with adequate virus protection. My newest mac is an ipod touch, which may look like an mp3 player but it’s really a mini-mac that runs programs, wirelessly gets e-mail and surfs the web.

  77. These comments are chock full of ignorant, ridiculously (and predictably) defensive people who all likely enjoy white privilege every day of their lives. D2 only covered the rather archaic form of it, where it got its start. Protip to the rest of you assholes: fetishization does, in fact, extend to people and their ethnicities. And the wankstain who thinks it’s a compliment having people fetishize you for your “almond shaped eyes” and for how “exotic” you are is so unbelievably ignorant I don’t even know where to begin. (Do you know what “othering” is, by chance?) And those saying to “chill out” and being generally dismissive about it all can just shut the hell up. It’s pretty telling that you’re most likely white. Also, you’re piss poor human beings. But do feel free to pretend not to understand anything about my post and tell me how wrong I am while at the same time flaunting your own ignorance, which is all I’ve been seeing here.

    Cash – I can only assume you’re a troll, because otherwise, you are simply an idiot.

    In the future, for the sake of my blood pressure, I’m going to avoid comments on Waiter’s posts altogether if this is the usual ilk he drags in. I’m quite frankly astounded by the obstinate stupidity of some of you.

  78. What? You never gave Puppy, TinyMe, or Damn Small Linux a try? Any one of them could have greatly extended the life of your old laptop. Reports of how difficult Linux to use are dated; I installed Puppy w/o any effort whatsoever in about 20 minutes (not including the 100MB download and burning it to CD-ROM).

    I’ve used SuSE, Red Hat (before there ever was Fedora Core), Ubuntu (also installed KDE & XFCE), but for me, PCLinuxOS was “The Distro Hopper Stopper.”

    D@106:

    way to show respect for the values of others. I do know what “othering” is; depersonalizing people is a prerequisite for nearly every type of sin against man. Are you sure you’re not “othering” those who disagree with you?

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