1. He’s what all women want and what all yuppie males fear.
2. Any establishment that hires him is automatically awarded an extra Michelin Star – even if it’s a high school cafeteria.
3. Chefs beg him for recipes.
4. The ugliest girl who ever slipped him a phone number was the runner up in the Miss Universe Pageant.
5. He can remember what you ordered on April 27, 1993.
6. Obstreperous children explode into flame when he approaches the table.
7. On the nights he’s not working the food tastes half as good.
8. Cell phones stop working in his presence
9. He knows what Frank Bruni looks like – and he doesn’t care.
10. Customers order whatever he wants them to order.
11. For the honor of working in his section – bus boys fight to the death
12. He doesn’t write down orders – he communicates with the kitchen telepathically.
13. His platinum wine opener was a gift from the Sultan of Brunei.
14. He gargles with Bollinger Grand Année at the start of every shift.
15. His ego can be seen from space.
16. People become smarter breathing the same air he does.
17. He’s never handled a bottle of wine that costs less than $300.
18. After he corrects customers mispronouncing the entrées – they kill themselves out of shame.
19. His apron was custom made by Giorgio Armani himself.
20. No one has tipped him less than 20% and lived to tell about it.
Who is this man? He’s the most interesting waiter in the world.
Tip heavy my friends……………………