How to Score with a Waitress

This is the first “guest blogger” to be published on Waiter Rant. If all goes well and the submissions are good, I’ll publish one a week. Enjoy!

How to Score with a Waitress – Ella Lawrence

I was asked out by my last table at The Bistro last night, and although I do not plan to have dinner with the gentleman, were I not involved with someone already, I might have considered it. And because this oft-hit-on waitress does not often consider actually taking a tableside flirtation to the next level, I thought I would pass along this gentleman’s method for those of you out there who might ever want to ask your waitress (or waiter) out.

Rule #1: Err on the side of politeness. While it became obvious as soon as the two gentlemen were seated in my section that one of them fancied me, this is only because my woman-senses are very finely tuned to that sort of thing. Being obvious about your attraction to your friendly server will only turn him/her off completely.

Rule #2: Buy whatever your server tells you to. Yes, I am trying to make a buck here, but I’m not going to sell a table some expensive bottle of wine that’s not very good. If you’re willing to drop coin (this man was), *and* you’re listening to everything I say, I’m going to notice both of these things. And you’re going to have a nice dinner because I know what I’m talking about.

Rule #3: Subtlety, subtlety, subtlety. When the gentleman asked me (being emboldened after consuming two bottles of my well-chosen wine with his friend) what nights I worked at The Bistro, I knew what was coming. But I quickly turned the conversation around to the fact that I worked days at The Restaurant, and told him and his friend what a nice Restaurant it was and that they should dine there. The gentleman then turned the conversation back around to me by remarking that it was nice that I have most of my evenings free (I work lunches at The Restaurant), and I realized again what was coming and quickly excused myself from the table.

Rule #4: Leave any sexual overtures at the door. When I’m serving you, it’s my job to talk to you and if you’re overtly hitting on me that makes it hard. We’re not in a club or a bar, you’re out on the town and I’m in my place of employment. Don’t put me in a sticky situation. Once, at a venerable four-star institution in the Wine Country where I come from, a table of two young men (attractive, wealthy, and overall despicable) got drunker and drunker, and more and more forward. It got to the point where they asked me “So, what time are you off?” (Never, ever, ask your server this. This is a terrible line.) and wouldn’t take “no” for an answer when inviting me to join them for a cocktail in a far-away town. A couch was offered as a sleeping place, and then one joshed the other that where I was really wanted was in bed. I responded tartly with, “Oh! Well, if *that’s* the case, why don’t I just give you my phone number and you can come over later and we’ll have sex?” The gentlemen looked at me, astounded, meekly paid their bill (tipping the correct 20%), and left the restaurant. And that one-liner came directly from my manager.

Rule #5: Leave the restaurant before it’s too late. By the time these two gentlemen left The Bistro last night, it was late but I didn’t’ hate them yet. I was having a good old time with my manager and the bartender trying to figure out how he was going to drop the question, and I was right-he’d been spending an overly long time signing his credit card slip, and I figured he was writing me a note.

Rule #6: Tip 20%. This is a good tip amount. Any less and you’re a cheapskate, any more and you’re desperate.

On his way out the door, the gentleman handed me a folded piece of paper, saying, “This is for YOU,” He could’ve left it in the check presenter (because a waiter is the only one who ever touches a check presenter from their table, unless a manager picks it up, in which case he will hand it to the waiter without opening it. Unspoken service rule #435), but I appreciated his boldness (brought on by my exceptionally well-selected wine).

The note read: “His Name” and then his telephone number (he was visiting from Chicago). Next line: 415 (the name of the restaurant I’d recommended). Next line: Tuesday night (my next night off). 8pm. Dinner? Next line: Call me!

This is the perfect way to ask out your server. Put everything completely in his/her hands, leave before you embarrass yourself (because the server will most likely share all details of the interaction with his/her coworkers), and don’t be too disappointed if he/she doesn’t call you back. This man was attractive, nice, well-spoken, and polite. Under other circumstances, I probably would have called him.

You can read more about this waitress’s adventures at www.ellalawrence.com


Comments

How to Score with a Waitress — 12 Comments

  1. Great, love this story and how classy you are. I am looking to ask out a cute server but with an added problem: I don’t know if he is straight or gay!

  2. Great post…but now the question is: is it just totally inappropriate to ask out a customer?
    Because one time when I was hostessing there was this really cute guy who smiled at me every time I walked past his table, and started a conversation with me, asking me all about myself.
    I really wanted to ask him out, but aside from the fact that I’m always too afraid to do that sort of thing, I was also not sure whether it would be at all appropriate.

  3. those are very good rules. on my first night ever working as a server this fellow was eyeing me up, down and all around the pub. finally he came up to me and said he thought i was really pretty. i don’t take compliments too well, but i thought it was kinda sweet.

    what wasn’t sweet was the third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh time he approached me during me shift (i was not his server) and tried to procure a dinner date with me. it became all too desperate. he actually started approaching me and double checking that i would go out with him. the first time he asked me out to dinner, as a naive new server, i thought, “sure, he’s cute.”

    however, when he actually interupted my stupid little 10 minute break i get (over the course of a 9 hour shift) to strike up a conversation i had had enough of this guy. well, that and the time he asked me for my phone number right infront of my manager. embarrassing.

    to a female server there is NOTHING worse than a guy who isn’t smooth. this guy reaked of desperation.

  4. oh and as a side note, i turned this guy down flat at the end because he had pissed me off too much.

    the next week he comes in at the exact same day and time he met me last time…with a girl in tow. oh my god, my co-workers and i had such a good laugh at his expense.

  5. When I owned a big fancy restaurant in Colorado, I had to fight off the cowboys all the time. They were always hitting on me. Because I am Italian, I guess, and even at 50 years old, I still have an hour-glass figure. Of course, my first four husbands didn’t stay around long enough to appreciate it.

  6. I have to agree that “What time do you get off tonight?” is the ULTIMATE worst question and will get you shot down immediately. Is he gonna come back tonight? Or even worse, will he come back everynight? That’s a great way to get yourself a stalker.

    Where I work, I close up the bar and leave by myself, late at night. The last thing I want to worry about is some creeper hanging out waiting for me. I’ve had to ask DJs and promoters to stay late until certain creeps have left the 500ft safety radius around the bar.

  7. Yo bitch, saw your ugly ass picture on your website. You need to amend your rules — this guy was desperate — have you looked in the fucking mirror lately

  8. I thought she looked nice. If your appearance mirrors your mean-spirited post, you must look like a complete cunt.

  9. This one goes to Anonymous. Ella does not deserve to be insulted as you did. She has the RIGHT to accept or deny any sexual advances made to her from anyone. Most women have no idea what manner of man they may be dealing with regardless of how much money, position, job, or clothes they wear. Ella; seen your website, and you are very beautiful and by your postings, most difinitively a very intelligent woman, please do not be irked by individuals like Anonymous, who apparently think of women as slaves.
    Myself; I currently am slowly attempting to let a waitress know that she really interests me. The manner that I am going about it is…
    Being a regular. Giving her excellent tips, not because I want to buy her, but because I know that she lives from the tips. I always have a smile for her. I complement her always; and in as genuine a manner as possible.
    Even when other pretty women come in, she notices that I only look at her and not the others. I would never embarrass her, specially in front of the boss, or other patrons. I always thank her for anything she does for me. And it will take a great deal of time to slowly let her begin to understand that I am not looking to hit on a waitress, but really do want to get to know her in a permanent basis. Good things take time, and I know that she has to get to know just who I am, and how I am before I would just ask her if she wants to take some time to do something with me that she likes. And always with respect and sincerity. You have to mean it. You really have to show a woman that you are going to be around her in a serious manner under all circumstances and that you will be loyal to her always. Take it slow, it you really have really began to love that waitress as a woman that you can get serious with if she decides to give you her time and trust, it is worth to show her you care for her, through the good and the bad and not a mere flirt. That is considering that she is available and willing to give you a chance. Never….Ever…..think that great tips give you the right to deserve her time, trust and hopefully….her attention. Otherwise, stop wasting her time and find someone who just wants a booty call. Remember, this is the waitress’s job and she could loose more than her dignity if you are just out to use her.

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