50 Reasons I Love New Jersey

I’m a New Jerseyan and proud of it. Here’s why!

1. Because we have the most diners in the world, you can always get something to soak up the booze at 3:00 AM.

2. The Jersey accent makes you sound tough, even if you aren’t.

3. You’re usually only three persons removed from knowing a Mafia guy.

4. We have the beautiful Jersey Shore. (And the bad tipping Québécois that go with it.)

5. We have Princeton. Not too shabby. Einstein didn’t seem to mind living in Jersey either.

6. The light bulb, the phonograph and motion pictures were invented here. I’m pretty sure the first porn flick was made here too.

7. Jersey Babes.  If you need to ask why, you’ll never understand.

8. Our governor doesn’t give a shit what you think of him. He doesn’t even give a shit what we think of him!

9. We’ve take wearing leather to an art form. Black leather blazer with green leather pants? Rock on.

10. I enjoy feeling like a shark when I see Zip cars with New York tags on the Turnpike. Blood in the water!

11. Cheese fries. Cheese fries with gravy.

12. I love always being ten minutes from a mall – until it’s Christmas.

13. Gasoline pumped by friendly attendants. How civilized. Only Oregon has a similar sense of class.

14. I can give snobby New Yorkers faulty directions and send them into Newark.

15. Jersey’s a movable olfactory feast.

16. We have the highest property taxes and auto insurance rates. We’re number one! We’re number one!

17. The Statue of Liberty is ours; we just don’t want to make the support payments.

18. We have two New York pro football teams.

19. It’s easy to get Newark Airport. JFK? Fuggedaboutit.

20. Our State Troopers wear scary uniforms modeled after the German Army! Not that Smokey the Bear shit.

21. We all know where Jimmy Hoffa’s buried. We just ain’t telling.

22. We have the second largest waterfall on the East Coast  – in Paterson of all places.

23. One of the first commercial television networks (DuMont) began broadcasting out of Passaic. So, in a weird way, Snooki and the Situation is our fault.

24. We have to love Bruce Springsteen under penalty of death.

25. We have the most guys named Tony. We have the most girls named Tina.

26. We were invaded by Mars.

27. We took down a Nazi dirigible. Yes, that was us.

28. We have the biggest state Napoleon complex in America. Probably because his brother lived here.

29. We had the Lindbergh baby thing long before OJ Simpson was born.

30. George Washington slept just about everywhere here. Guy got around.

31. Samuel Colt made the first revolver here. You feeling lucky, punk?

32. The modern submarine was developed here. And I don’t mean that sandwich deluded out-of-staters insist on calling  a hoagie, grinder or a hero.

33. New Jersey was corrupt before Chicago was a name on a map.

34. The Army tests secret weapons here. Probably because of that Martian thing.

35. A shitload of Nobel Prizes were earned in Jersey. (Princeton has 35 alone) See! We’re smart.

36. We have more municipalities than California and are way cooler.

37. If Manhattanites are suddenly faced with a zombie outbreak, we have plans to blow up those bridges and tunnels they love to make fun of.

38. Batman lives in New Jersey.

39. We are the country’s third largest cranberry producer. Dead mafia guys make great fertilizer.

40. We used to have the Miss America pageant until some jerk took it from us. When we find that guy Tony Soprano will fuck him up real good.

41. We have more vintage IROC-Z cars than any state in America. (You have to be from Bloomfield to get that reference)

42. Frank Sinatra was from Hoboken. He hated the place, sure, but he’s still ours.

43. Watching tourists trying to drive though one of our traffic circles. We should sell tickets.

44. Our sweet corn is the shit.

45. A significant percentage of our male population gets their eyebrows threaded.

46. Sacred Heart Cathedral in Newark is bigger than St. Patrick’s. So there!

47. The first dinosaur bones were found here – next to the bodies of Tony “Cannoli” Zamboni and Frank “The Fink” Careltti.

48. If you want to get rid of your car, leave it in Newark for five minutes.

49. Jersey is musically stuck in the Eighties. Bon Jovi! Bon Jovi!

50. Valium was invented in NJ. You’ll need it on the Turnpike.


Comments

50 Reasons I Love New Jersey — 51 Comments

  1. We also invented the “sloppy joe” and not that crappy sandwich made from ground beef, served on a burger bun. (You have to be from the South Orange/Millburn area to understand this.

  2. This goes with #43: watching tourists try to use a jughandle or dealing with tailgating. New Jerseyans know how to do both properly (yeah, tailgating is illegal, but if you don’t do it, you’re gonna get cut off and the police will confirm, off the record, that it’s sad but true).
    We know from good pizza, bagels, deli and salt water taffy.
    We don’t care that we don’t have nice cities when we have great towns like Summit, Red Bank, Lambertville and Cape May.
    Olympians like Carl Lewis and actors like Bebe Neuwirth are from New Jersey.
    We have the Pine Barrens. And the Jersey Devil. Both are near Ft. Dix and McGuire. It’s not wise to mess with us.
    We invented the boardwalk and we still have the best ones, including AC and Ocean City.
    We have a lot of horse farms.
    We know the Sopranos are fake, but we also know the real names/locations for the fictional places featured and can think of at least person who would’ve fit in on the show.
    We know that the “Jersey Show” and “Real Housewives of New Jersey” don’t represent us at all.
    We’ve got no problem correcting anyone who says “New Joisey” complete with a horrible fake accent or another state insult.
    We have so many historical sites that you could trip on them.
    We take things at face value and are down-to-earth. We will call you on bs.
    Our property taxes are ridiculously high, but at least most of the public schools provide a good education compared with the rest of the country.

  3. For the record, you do NOT have a Jersey accent. You might able to DO a Jersey accent, but it’s not the same thing. :)

    Second… my maternal grandmother was born and spent much of her life wafting between East Orange and Erie, PA, and she loved New Jersey, too — especially after she married a Southerner and was relegated to life in the Jim Crow South.

    Got nuthin’ to say bad about Jersey. In fact — and I say this without a hint of condescension — some of my best friends really are from New Jersey!

    ~A~

  4. #11 – that’s actually called Poutine – and it was around before NJ started with “Disco Fries” You can say Merci aux Québécois pour cela…..

    “In a Talking to Americans segment on the television series This Hour Has 22 Minutes during the 2000 American election, Rick Mercer posed as a commentator and asked several people (including then-Texas governor George W. Bush) what they thought of “Prime Minister Jean Poutine” and his endorsement of Bush for president. (The Prime Minister of Canada at the time was Jean Chrétien). None of the interviewees noticed the insertion of “Poutine.”

    A few years later when Bush made his first official visit to Canada as President, he joked during a speech, “I told [Prime Minister] Paul [Martin] that I really have only one regret about this visit to Canada. There’s a prominent citizen who endorsed me in the 2000 election, and I wanted a chance to finally thank him for that endorsement. I was hoping to meet Jean Poutine.” The remark was met with laughter and applause”
    - Wikipedia entry on Poutin

  5. The television network to which you are referring is not called DuPont. It’s called the DuMont Television Network. It was started by Alan DuMont, who owned a television manufacturer.

    Guru: Thanks Mike. Made the correction.

  6. I’m married to a Jersey Boy — North Haledon, from back in the day. Thought I knew all about his not so sordid past, but you can bet I will be asking about that Paterson waterfall in his old stomping grounds. Thanks for a fun read, Waiter :-)

  7. hey, man, just read your book while on vacation. i thought it was very well written and offered up some interesting insights to the behind the scenes of restaurant b.s….ala tony burdain’s kitchen confidential. as a fellow blogger i feel your blogging pain with regards to getting traffic to your site and tip my hat to your amazing success. good luck and keep up the great work.

    peace,

    mike

    livelife

  8. Jersey Girls, best in the World!
    You could always tell an out of stater on the Parkway(NOT the Gerden State, although that was another clue) because they would STOP at the toll booths before they threw in the $.35(pre E-Z Pass).

  9. Great list, if you’d get your gun laws straightened out it might be a nice place. Friendly attendants that spill gas on my motorcycle tank should be fired.

  10. Sooo glad to see someone reminded you of Jersey tomatoes. After forty years in Southern CA, I still remember and miss that deliciousness.

  11. I miss New Jersey. I have been living in Texas for 16 years and I WANT NEW JERSEY BACK.
    Thank you, sorta, for reminding me of all the things I loved about living there.

    *weeps*

  12. I’d advocate for the Italian food found in local NJ restaurants. Outside this region chain restaurants dominate and all those are mediocre. Never even try pizza outside the NJ region. Those from the Southwest who advocate for their Mexican food should realize there is very, very little difference btwn national chain Mexican restaurant quality and theirs. But with Italian the difference is large.

    • Hahahahaha. Another thing to love about Jersey, we tend to piss EVERYONE off outside our borders, lol. Sorry sir, I tip my hat to you AND all of the NY State police. I give ALL police forces MUCH respect

  13. “I’d advocate for the Italian food found in local NJ restaurants.”

    MartinD, out here in Santa Cruz, CA, the most popular Italian restaurant is a newcomer run by a family from Jersey. Great food, reasonable prices. They have a wonderful meat sauce they call “Sunday gravy.”

  14. Pingback: Quora

  15. NJ is a wonderful place. Diverse and amazing. I grew up on the north NJ shore (between Asbury and Red Bank) and it was really a great place to live. Lots of different kinds of people, great schools, nice beaches- no guidos, though!

    • Hey Caty, I live right in that area along with half of my family. And I have to tell you…………….we’re all Guidos! Lmao. My stepfathers first name WAS Guido, lol.

  16. I have a definite Love/Hate relationship with my state. Born here, and except for a stint in the Air Force, lived here my whole life. Born in AC and grew up on Rt9. Love down Jersey and oddly enough the Northwest.

    Great list by the way…

  17. I think the waiter rant suck. If all the people who tip 10% stop going to restraunts you will have a lot of out of work waiters. I know we go out less after reading this book. My tip does not seem appreciated. In Canada, they get at least min. wage + tips, and some union wages in hotels, pubs, etc +tips. They make more than educated people. I have been a waitress, its not that difficult. Teenagers can do it, golly gee…

  18. I wouldn’t call guys who get their eyebrows threaded something to be proud of. (Of course if the guys are as hairy as my Italian ex-boyfriend they probably need to me manscaped – dude looks like a wookie.)

  19. Jersey is simply the best. We gave all you sukka’s Frankie Valli & the Four seasons. How many women lost their virginity to these guys? Animal and Squidly also came from NJ during the wild 60′s… top that! And we got John Bergman wathcin’ all our wildlife at Popcorn Park Zoo- who could ask for anything more?

  20. i was born and raised on staten island
    the only place in ny where you get raised jersey
    when i was 12 my father tok me to the mainland for the first time in my life
    we took the elizabeth ferry and went to two guys to get a swing set for my sister i’d give any five states for jersey & nyc

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


− 5 = one

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>