“TIP OR GOD SHALL SMITE THEE MOTHERFUCKER!”

An interesting tidbit of history……..

If you ever read the Bible in the original Greek (Of course you have!) you find something interesting about waiters and the early Christians in Acts 6:1. The gentile members were bitching that the Hebrew members were overlooking them in the daily distribution “diakoni” of food. So they hired some guys to make sure the food was distributed evenly. This job was called in Acts 6:2 “diakone” which translates “to serve tables.” Waiter! Check please!

The anglicized version of “diakone” is deacon. A deacon is a member of Holy Orders in most Christian denominations. The mark of that office, the deacon’s stole, is a sash worn diagonally across the body from left to right. It is believed the stole’s origin descended from the towel the “waiters” used to clean the tables. (Those early Christian’s had no forks so it must have been a real mess!) Later the “towel” was a “liturgical napkin” used during the Eucharistic liturgy.

Now a guy named Stephen was one of these waiters. Like most waiters he had the gift of gab. You know what happened to him? He got stoned to death. Just like that poor schmuck waiter in the Soprano’s! (Well Ritchie stoned him and then Paulie shot him.)

I don’t think the other waiters got tipped well either……..

Now I am not getting all religious on you. Just letting you know that even if a waiter works for the Man Upstairs – he still gets treated like shit!

WWJT? – “What would Jesus Tip?”


Comments

“TIP OR GOD SHALL SMITE THEE MOTHERFUCKER!” — 32 Comments

  1. haha that’s some interesting history there…i started reading your blog archives last night because a customer at the barnes and noble where i work recomended it. so far i l♥ve it!…. May God bless you with patience to deal with all the cheap, arrogant, ignorant customers who eat @ your restaurant!

  2. Wphy should you get tipped for doing your job….in the first place. You don’t serve the food, it doesn’t get on the table does it? I pay for the food…somehow it has to get on the table, right? Do your job motherfucker….do your job. The plate don’t get on the table, there will be no customers….so put the fucking food on the table and stop being a fucking ingrate. Thank your stars you have a job….that brings in a paycheck….some people don’t even have that.
    I don’t tip…for people doing their jobs. You get a paycheck, that should be enough. And no I am not grateful that you do your fucking job.
    You don’t do your job you get canned, right? You don’t do your job, you don’t have clients, right? Do your job and be grateful that some people are stupid enough to give you money for doing your damned job. Reality check for all you fucking moochers.

  3. Hey “cheap bastid(not)”,
    Good thing there’s no picture with your comment or you would likely be eating nothing but foot sandwich in restaurants from now on! If you were not such a bastard, and had ever deigned to have a conversation with anyone who has ever waited tables, you might know that typical pay for a server is somewhere in the neighborhood of $2.13 per hour. Generally the paycheck received by the poor saps “doing their fucking jobs” reads a big fat VOID after the tax man makes a visit. Unless so many cheap bastards like you were to not tip that the tips claimed could not even suck up the meager slave wages allotted to service people without the requisite tips. Maybe if you don’t want to tip you should go to a cafeteria or fast food restaurant…or heaven forbid, cook your own fucking food. I’m guessing if you are a regular customer of any restaurant, you typically receive really shitty service because no one likes to work for free. It is unwise to speak regarding something of which you know nothing. It makes you look like a retarded “bastid”!
    Sarah

  4. Hey Sarah, so your employers are the real cheap bastards by NOT giving you a living wage? and you are stupid enough to work for them? Then expect the clients to pick up the slack of your employers because you are stupid enough to work for such an employer? Now who stupid? Stupid.
    As for taxes. You don’t like how much taxes politicians rob from your paycheck? How about using your brain and joining a tax reform group. There are plenty of them on the blogs.
    But, no that would take too much time, right? You much rather MOOCH off of your clients.
    So you think that you serve the food poor….you gonna have that client come back? Keep giving shitty service and you won’t have clients, the restaurant closes…bye bye cheap employer….as the bastid will let you go.

    I don’t go to restaurants. Restaurants can’t cook as well as I do. Restaurants cut corners…by reheating stale bread. Putting left overs back onto someone elses plate. Reheating and reheating till the food is soggy and stale….and 9/10 restaurants are full of some kid of varmins. None of the food prepares wear gloves or hair nets. Most all restaurant workers behind the scenes are third world people who have NO conception of HYGENE. They live in squalor and are filthy. And, that is what they bring to their jobs. Most to all restaurants HIRE ILLEGALS NOT AMERICANS.

    Unless the restaurant is a mom and pop owned joint…with mom and pop in the kitchen, I don’t go to any other type of restaurant.

    Most resturants are total rip jobs. Reunite cost 12 per bottle….get a glass at a restaurant and that glass cost $7. A bowl of salad at the most cost $1.50 to throw together…restaurants charge $5.50. The markup in restaurants is 100%+….so that begs the question why are waiters not paid a living wage? Well, because RESTAURANTEURS….live in McMansions with four cars and a boat in a boat slip…that cost $4000 a month. The real cheap bastids are YOUR EMPLOYERS. Bitch to them fool.

    In the mean time if you are LUCKY to get clients in your restaurant, treat them with dignity and do your job well without expecting anymore, than PATRONAGE. With your attitutde you won’t have that for long, either. Ingrate.

    You seem to think that getting clients is a priviledge and we should be grateful that you move your ass and put the food on the table. Not only are we not grateful for doing your damn job…but, if you don’t….we ain’t coming back. That’s the clients answer to shitty service. We will not be back.
    AND the minute I see a person that is NOT AMERICAN can barely speak English….I am walking out….keep your damn service.

  5. @ “cheap bastid(not)”, you seem to be missing the point. The idea of a tipped wage is that you get payed the bare minimum to cover your taxes ect, then the rest of your pay comes from tips.

    The idea is that the better service you provide the higher % a customer will tip, this raises standards of service imensely. if waiters were payed a flat wage of say £10 an hour instead of £2/3 then perhaps they wouldn’t provide such high standard service, because paying their bills wouldn’t depend on it.

    get a fucking clue, if you think you can cook better than all chefs then you are greatly mistaken. chefs lucky enough to gain Michelin Stars dedicate their entire life to gastronomy, i’m sure your shitty sub-standard tood matches up perfectly! Fuck off to macdonalds and stay there Asshole

  6. Shouldn’t “high standard of service” depend on your own integrity? So you waiters have to be “bribed” with tips to do your job with integrity? So by your logic if you get a penny tip then the service is shitty….but, if you get $10 then the service is supreme?

    By your logic when the plumber stops your toilet with over flowing shit he should do his job contingent on tipping? one penny gets an overflow of shit. $5 gets a slow leak. $10 gets a complete halt of shit flow.

    And why don’t ALL other jobs get tips?
    If everybody got a tip for doing their jobs….hell we would be spending our earnings on nothing but tipping, considering the myriad of service we get daily. You waiters are self righteous low lives thinking you are “entitled”…just because you do your jobs.

    The reality is 90% of restaurants are filthy behind the scenes….with varmin. A lot of waiters dress like crap with flowing hair…right into the food. Indian restaurants? forget it. Indians in India wipe there asses with their bare hands. No telling if they have totally westernized to toilet paper.

    If you cannot do your job with high integrity of giving it your best. Then you are a piece of shit. No one I would associate with.

    I do my job and many times I have been offered “gratituity” out of appreciation. I would never take it. MY satisfaction comes from setting myself high standards that people appreciate and as a result are happy to see me and think well of me. My satisfaction comes from people looking upon me as a real “professional” at my job. As for low wages…go to fucking school and get a job that pays well. Or face your boss down and tell him to apperciate your worth by paying you more so you can pay your bills. Too coward to do that?
    If you do your job well, you are an asset and you bring more customers in, THAT iS worth a lot to a business owner. You can command your price. But, I guess since waiters are not educated you would know that would you.
    I took a job as an executive assitant, for what I though was going to be for a short time because I didn’t think the salary was high enough, but I needed the companies name on my resume. When I quit, two weeks later the boss called me back. I was irreplacable to her. I came back to DOUBLE my yearly salary. What was my secret? while I was there I was fully committed to the point that my boss never needed to oversee me and I had every thing ready for her when and where she needed it. IT’S CALLED WORK ETHICS of HIGH PERSONAL HIGH STANDARDS. This is an invaluable tool in getting a higher salary from a boss. If they let you go it is their loss, and they know it.

  7. Gailbraith..got news for you some of the best “gastronomy” chefs never went to school for years. You can find them in the hills of Spain in a small village, the plains of Ireland in a small village, the woods of Germany in a small village. Cooking is easy. You have the right herbs, correct timing in cooking. That is it.It is all in the herbs and timing. I ate the best gourmet goulash made in a small village in Hungary, made in a tiny kitchen with ancient utensils.
    Chefs are overrated prima donnas. Quite frankly after two glasses of wine on an empty stomach, anything taste good. THAT is the reason the first thing offered in a restaurant in ALCOHOL….to dull your sense to what is a mediocre prepared food. Let’s get real here.

  8. While I am at it………TIPS ARE NOT TAXED!!!!!!!!!! So all you lazy motherfuckers who won’t do your jobs right UNLESS you get “Tips”……PAY FUCKING TAXES……like every one else!!!!

    You SOBs make a lot more $$$ than you care to share. The fact that you are stupid enough to share it in a pot…with the boss…well you are an idiot.

    • tips are taxed!!!i work 80 hours in a two week period and check is 100 dollars. stay home if u cant tip. dont change the food on the menu. we also tip out on what we make 4% or more a night. stop being so entitled or eat at home . get a servant at your own house

  9. I kind of agree with cheapness here, only a little (however I have never waited tables) gratuity should be for gratitude, but the system is all messed up. That’s why people get offended when they see tip jars at places that pay a living wage, we tip all wrong. However the restaurant industry provides a lot of jobs and no one who has a job right now is quitting. Most people wouldn’t stop eating a restaurants just because they are basically breaking (or circumventing) the laws in place to protect us (except cheapo, which bravo to you for that, at least you practice what you preach) people shouldn’t have to be bribed into doing their job right, but employers should pay living wage at least. So if you are like me and disagree with the system and still eat at restaurants, tip well. Otherwise do what cheapo does and stay home and cook

  10. wow mr. cheap, dont you realize that ALL restaurants in the united states work like this, bare minimum wage to cover taxes, and yes we do pay taxes on ALL the money we make, even cash.

  11. Cheapo, I agree with the concept that one’s employer should pay their employees proper wages, not the customers (at least not directly). But it is what it is. And those of us in the industry know that tip percentages are not just a reflection of our service- its also a reflection of your greed or generosity.. which is a reflection of your attitude on life. The way you justify not tipping sounds like the way slum lords justify overcharging for shitty apartments and the way sweatshop owners justify the wages they pay. I ALMOST feel bad for you- you’ll never know much better it feels to just thank people for their work rather than squabble over every penny. BUT I don’t feel bad for you, because you’re clearly a total dick and proud of it.

    Just one [rheutorical] question: is the real reason you don’t eat at restaurants because nobody will serve your pathetic money-pinching ass anymore?

  12. It’s just so simple: If you don’t want to tip, then you don’t eat out. Buy your food at the grocery store, go home and cook it yourself. If you want to eat out, then the arrangements are, you pay for the food AND you tip the waiter. That’s all there is to it. You don’t ever have to go out to eat, no one is forcing you. But if you walk into a restaurant, you play by the rules or you don’t play. Please, Bastid, don’t play. Nobody wants to interact with you in any way (pity the poor grocery store cashier). Stay home.

  13. PS Bastid, how is spell check working out for you at work these days? Something or someone is covering your dumb ass. I lost count of the spelling and grammatical errors in your multiple posts. Be sure to include “Bastid” in that list.

    Sad.

  14. Tips are taxed in Texas. Not claiming opens one up for auditing. *shiver*

    I firmly believe a special rung of hell is desgined for those who don’t tip, reguardless of whether they are cheapos or ignorants.

  15. Cheap bastid, what an ignorant piece of disgusting shit. Yes, I agree w/ the bardtendress, food courts, to go places, and yes grocery stores.

  16. I believe cheap bastid(not) got a rise out of a few of us. Well, you got a rise out of me too! First of all, I would like to point out the name, I mean he calls himself a cheap bastid and then puts (not) at the end. At least he knows, and calls himself by the correct name. You my friend are the reason this whole website has started, and why people like to buy and read the books. You are the reason waiters spit in peoples’ food. It is more than apparent that your boss pisses on you everyday, and that you like to take it out on the people who you feel are “beneath” you. Well dignity and respect are far more important than what job you have. You are miserable because you make everyone miserable, and hopefully you will feel the effects of everyone around you being hopelessly arragont and demeaning in every way. You don’t have enough common sense to be writing anything, and you don’t make any sense. I bet you are mad because we make more money than you. COMPLETE TOOL.

  17. I call ‘cheap bastid’. I think ‘he’s’ a ‘she’! Sadly (as I HATE admitting females are capable of being as big a ‘prick’ as males, but I’m pretty sure of it. There’s NO WAY I believe she/he has a really good job. Her/his lack of education is apparent in each and every sentence. S/he can’t spell, has no grasp of grammar whatsoever and therefore could NEVER make it as an ‘executive assistant’,(or as s/he writes it, ‘executive assitant’) S/he can’t even spell his/her own job title. However, there are very few male ‘executive assistants’ (a fancy term for ‘secretary, BTW) and thus my gut feeling this person is female. The ‘bastid’ part is simply a smoke screen to make us THINK he/she is a male. Heck, maybe he/she is a she-male (not that there’s anything wrong with that…thanks Jerry!) At any rate, whatEVER ‘it’ is, it is one miserable excuse for a human being. You know, it’s classic. The more miserable a person is, the better it makes him/her feel to (TRY to) bring everyone else down to that level as well. Oh, did anyone else notice that in the first post ‘its’ sig was ‘cheap bastid(not), then in the second ‘it’ signed itself as simply ‘cheap bastid’, and finally it was ‘cheapbastid’. ‘It’ certainly has ‘identification issues’ In the end, he/she/it is an epic fail, as I imagine ‘its’ life must be! Asshole!

  18. The misconception that servers are not educated is just that….a misconception. I have a Bachelor’s degree from a great school, as do all of my friends who are servers/bartenders. Working is a fine dining restaurant, or any restaurant, does not mean that we are uneducated. We know more about food and wine that most of the guests we wait on, and we also were taught more manners than they were.
    The good thing about bad tippers is that they usually only strike once, then they never come back. That’s because they know they are cheap and that their behavior is unacceptable. And, believe this, servers do get even. Maybe not spitting in food, but there are so many ways. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ out of respect to fellow humans and tip well. What goes around comes around.

  19. hey cheap bastid…
    rarely am i angry enough to post, but, wow, you really pissed me off! my favorite term is “uneducated”, since it’s usually used by the “unintelligent” who somehow manage to hold degrees.
    they’ve said it all up above, but allow me to add… if we were to raise wages for servers and do away with tips, then food prices would have to increase to compensate for the extra $8 an hour to each server. and that won’t be optional, even for cheap and pretentious assholes like you.
    enjoy your lonely miserable life.

  20. Life is a test, and the Gods evaluate people based on their performance.
    The Gods test people with the temptation for which they are most weak::::
    Homosexuals desire sodomy, alcoholics crave a drink, junkies jones for dope, etc.
    Addiction theory is a lie; it is Artificial Intelligence creating the desire, punishment for inappropriate behavior. Ironically, it compells people deeper into the behavior, minimizing hope for recovery.
    The Gods chose Christianity for Europeans because it is the temptation to which they are most suseptable:::Entitlement. Something for nothing. A free ride. And the United States/Western civilization with accompanying wealth contributes to this perception.
    Next time you think of Muslims recognize these people are vastly superior to Christians. Whereas many throughout the Christian world no longer attend church and have fallen into Godlessness, the Muslim world worships the Gods for OVER AN HOUR EACH AND EVERY DAY.

  21. The white man STOLE our kente!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP. Clearly you are Muslim, and clearly you are not better than Christians because of the very idea that you SAY you are better than someone. Stop judging other people’s religions, unless it’s a murderous cult, what the FUCK does any other person’s religious beliefs have to do with your life? Does it affect how you live your life on a daily basis? Does it have any bearing at all on anything you ever do? If you have had a bad experience with a Christian, blame it on the person being an asshole, not their religion. And for the record, there are just as many Muslims who are fucked up, especially the psychopaths who believe that women have less rights than them. Shut the fuck up and go suicide bomb yourself into your Koran.

  22. Whew, glad that I no longer have to panhandle to ignorant shits like “Cheap Bastid.” You can argue that waiters job is to take orders and serve food, and that they’re paid to do that- this is true. Verbalizing an order to a kitchen and subsequently schlepping the food to the table is worth about $2.13/hr. The expectation of a customer’s gratitude(tips) is for providing a pleasant dining experience, ergo, if you are planning to enjoy yourself beyond eating, plan on paying for someone to wait on you hand and foot.

    Conversely, if waiters don’t provide the expected level of service, they shouldn’t expect a tip, because again, relaying orders and schlepping plates is a $2.13/hr type of skill set. Providing a superior dining experience is where the living wage is earned.

  23. Hey, Cheap bastid obviously you have never served tables in your life. Why don’t you try it for awhile AND THEN comment, please. Your comments are so ignorant…

  24. As a former server (and current restaurant manager) and former retail manager I can share a little more for you than you realize. As a server, it would be great to make a living wage but as a manager I can tell you that if restaurants paid servers (and support staff-hosts and bussers) a living wage, you would not be able to afford your favorite restaurants anymore. Yes there is a mark up with food and wine (just like there is with clothing, electronics, furniture, shampoo, basically everything!). It is not pure profit. The business has to pay for labor, benefits, taxes, utilities, operating supplies (dishes, silverware, printer paper and ribbons, bags, toilet paper, etc), repairs, maintenance, monthly services such as pest control, rent/lease, etc. There are so many things people don’t think about when they make these uninformed opinions. As to servers, we do pay taxes on our tips (cash included) as the computers won’t even allow you to clock out if you haven’t claimed the right percentage of tips. Servers do tip out to support staff so if they are stiffed, they have actually paid to wait on your table. When I was a server, I ended up owing about $500 in taxes several years in a row because my 2.13/hr was not even enough to cover my taxes (let alone allow me to get a paycheck). The system is by no means perfect but I guarantee you that if America eliminated tipping in restaurants then very few people would be able to afford to eat at a sit down restaurant. Let’s not forget that many other industries have tipping practices as well such as hairdressers (you want a nice hair cut?), cab driver, bellhops, etc. It is just that only the restaurant industry pays their servers and FOH support staff below living wages. If you don’t agree with the practice then don’t eat at sit down restaurants where you have a server taking care of you (who by the way do a lot more for their “guests” than just serve the food onto the table). Simple courtesy and recognition of customs go a long way. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

  25. Wow, that was really interesting. I learn something new everyday. Never learned it in Sunday School (which is a shame, I think!)

    So, my fave part was def this the part about how even the waiter working for the Man Upstairs is getting screwed over in the end.

  26. Went to Chevy’s. Got $17 fajitas.
    Everyplace is generous with the fajita menu items, especially considering the expense. Chevy’s chooses to profiteer instead. And, consistant, they refused to purchase new equiptment and the plate it was served on was enormous compared to the portion. It made the experience just that much more insulting.
    15%. Normslly I start at 20% and go up, but this certainly didn’t deserve it, whether restaurant policy or not.

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