“TIP OR GOD SHALL SMITE THEE MOTHERFUCKER!”

An interesting tidbit of history…….. If you ever read the Bible in the original Greek (Of course you have!) you find something interesting about waiters and the early Christians in Acts 6:1. The gentile members were bitching that the Hebrew members were overlooking...

The Hitman tries to make a reservation.

Actual phone call……last year. “Good evening the Bistro. How many I help you?” “Halo, Halo?” (French accent on a cell phone) “I’m here. How may I help you?” “I am Jean Reno.” “Yes?” “I would like to reserve your entire restaurant for a private party tonight.” Its 12:00...

Sick

The Waiter is home sick today. Don’t want to get the Yuppies sick now do I? Maybe more when I feel better.

Tuscan Twit

I work in a Tuscan restaurant. Like salmon that must swim upstream to spawn, middle-aged Yuppies are genetically programmed to visit Tuscany before they die. The sous chef, who is from Lucca, jokes you can always pick the invading Americans out of the crowd; fat,...

Customers are stupid

The dumbest customers on Earth walked into my place tonight. I knew they were trouble right away. Without a reservation, they wanted to survey the bistro to “get a feel” before they “committed” to eating there. Of course they demanded the nicest table. Since it was...