1. You pay cash per drink but say “I’ll tip you at the end”. No you won’t.
2. Your server has tattoos and you want a long complicated story with all the details about what they all mean when it’s obviously very busy.
3. You use “Diet Coke” or “Bud Light” as a response to “Hi, how are you tonight?”
4. You order a drink and say you want to pay cash as you go, rather than start a tab. Then disappear into the crowd or go out to the patio before your drink is delivered- forcing the server top search for you or eat the cost of the drink.
5. You seat yourself directly under the speaker and then want the music turned down rather than switch tables.
6. You want the music turned down at 11pm on a Saturday night.
7. You order double Grey Goose and Red Bull.
8. You send back your Long Island Iced Tea because it’s too strong.
9. You order a round of 6 shots and want each shot to be put on 6 separate tabs. Especially bad if you didn’t discuss the purchase with the other 5 people.
10. You order a round of 10 jagerbombs (70 bucks at my bar) and tip a dollar.
11. You ask when the kitchen closes. Then two hours later- and five minutes before it closes- you finally want to order food.
12. Once the kitchen is closed you insist “There must be something back there. You don’t have to cook chips and salsa, right?”
13. You ask your obviously past normal college aged server “so, where are you going to school?” like that must be the reason you work in a bar.
14. You order your drink and say “and make sure *enter bartender’s name here* makes it.”
15. You order backwards, i.e. “Can I get a soda water and lime… and vodka?”
16. You seat yourself at the only dirty table that is situated between two identical, unoccupied clean tables.
17. You order a blueberry vodka and lemonade, single, in a pint glass. Then say you can’t taste the alcohol.
18. You ask to see the wine list in a sports bar.
19. You stand in front of the sever drink section of the bar and refuse to move. There’s a reason that piece of bar was unoccupied. Did the large bar mat/ lined up server drink tickets, bar towels/ empty glasses/ sign that says “service only” not tip you off?
20. You sit your food/ drink/ self on the pool table.
21. You spit your chewing tobacco into a pint glass.
22. You spit your chewing tobacco into a plastic cup and leave it on the table. Why don’t you just leave a urine sample along with it?
23. You say you want to start a tab, but refuse to surrender your credit card.
24. Your drunk ass knocks over a full tray of drinks the server is holding, and you don’t apologize. Accidents happen, but just say sorry!
25. You leave your phone number on the credit card slip- along with a ten percent tip.

And this is one of my favorites: A customer wanted to know what our cheapest tequila was. I said the well was $4.25. He asked what else we had. I told him Cuervo Gold was $5, and Patron and Don Julio were $7. He asked for Don Julio. I, just to make sure he knew, said “ok, but it is $7, sir. Is that ok?” He said that I obviously didn’t know what I was talking about and didn’t have time to listen to me try to figure out my job. He went to the bar. He came back with Don Julio and informed me that I should have told him we carried it.