A few months ago I’m telling a table of six hotties the specials when I hear a woman shriek, “Murray! Oh my God!”
I look up from the store bought titties and see an older man, half standing at his table, clutching his throat and turning bright red.
“OH MY GOD HE”S CHOKING! HELP!”
Everyone freezes. I, however, the professional waiter, spring into action!
I go to the man and ask him if he’s choking. When all I get is a bug eyed stare I yank him upright and apply the good old Heimlich maneuver. The offending bolus of food pops out of his throat and smacks on the floor with a satisfying splat. Coughing the man crashes back down into his seat. In a minute he is breathing normally. The busgirl swoops in to clean up the mess. Soon it is as if nothing had ever happened.
The man’s wife thanks me profusely. He is too embarrassed to talk.
“All part of the friendly service madam.” I say and walk back to my bevy of beauties whose eyes are filled with temporary “you’re my hero” lust.
Later as the man and wife are leaving I walk over to the table and look inside the check pad to see what kind of tip they left me. Jokingly I say to the busgirl “I wonder what his life is worth?”
I look up stunned as the fucker whose ass I saves car pulls away from the curb. One look at the vanity plate and I understand…….
It says MD.
Jerk was a doctor. 10%! Next time I let him die!
(Dear Visitors from kottke.org, please be sure to peruse the other stories in this blog. You might enjoy them! Thanks to Jason for the link. You the man!)