Dead Waiter Doppelganger

A couple of years ago we hired a waiter, whom I will call Carl, who arrived with impeccable references. A Swiss citizen, Carl had worked in some of the finest establishments all over the world. An older man, in his fifties, he knew everything there was to know about...

Decaf

One of my pet peeves is decaf coffee. I don’t mind making it but it really irks me how some people order it. People have actually ordered coffee with declarations like, “I want decaf double espresso and if it isn’t decaf I will get your phone number and call you at...

Sit the fuck down!

So you want the best table in the house? You are not alone. Everyone in this entitled culture feels they deserve the best tables. Never been here before? Why right this way to table nirvana. Going to order $10 bucks worth of salad? Let me fall over myself while I kick...

The Rules (to be amended at will!)

Since most dining patrons are social misfits I have decided to publish some guidelines to make your dining experience run smoothly. 1 Reserve early. You want to eat out on Saturday night? Well if the place is any good it will be mobbed so plan ahead. Book a table by...